Mrs. Alexander

“ She was almost of age, and felt old enough to set up for herself. As she pondered on these things she felt bitterly that, rich or poor, a homeless woman is a wretched creature.
At last she went to bed, and lay for a while watching the fire-light as it cast flickering shadows, thinking of the tender, watchful love which had dropped away out of her life; and with the murmured words, "Dear, dear mother!" on her lips she fell asleep.
The next day broke bright and clear, though cold, and having kept Katherine at home all day, Mrs. Ormonde made her appearance in time for afternoon tea. ”

“ Do you know that it makes me half mad to see that look of distress in your eyes, to see the color fading out of your cheeks! Katherine, I can't hold my tongue any longer. I thought I was far gone when I used to count the days between my visits to Sandbourne; I am a good deal worse now that you have let me be a sort of chum! Life without you is something I don't care to face, I don't indeed! Why don't you make up your mind to take me for better for worse? ”

“ Needham! Do you want me very much, Mrs. Needham? because, if not, I should like to go to bed. I have a tiresome headache."
"Go by all means, my dear; you are looking like a ghost; they are all talking and amusing each other now, and don't want you or me." "Good night, then," said Katherine, giving her hand to De Burgh, and she glided away.
"What a lot she takes out of herself!" said De Burgh, looking after her.
"She does indeed," cried Mrs. Needham; "she is so unselfish. I hate to see her worried. ”

“ Katherine felt seized by a feverish desire to shake off dull care, to forget the past, to be as other women were. There was no reason why she should not. So she laughed and talked with unusual animation, and treated her host with kindly courtesy, that set his deep eyes aglow with hope and pleasure.
"It is a great advantage to be rich," said Mrs. Ormonde, reflectively, as she leaned comfortably in the corner of the carriage which conveyed her and her sister-in-law home. She was always a little nettled when she found how completely Katherine had effaced herself from De Burgh's fickle mind. ”

“ I don't like having dinner by ourselves, and yet I don't care to dine with Colonel Ormonde; he is always in a wax."
"He does not mean to be cross," said Katherine, her heart sinking within her. Should she be obliged to hand over the poor little helpless fellows to the reluctant guardianship of their irritable step-father? This would indeed be a pang. Was it for this she had broken the law, and marred the harmony of her own moral nature?
"Well, my own dear, I will do the best I can for you, you may be quite sure. Now you must let me go; I will come again as soon as I can." ”

“ I'll never play the part of a poor relation, and submit to be lectured by you."
Her sister-in-law's stings and passing fits of ill-humor never irritated Katherine unless they worried her mother, nor did this most unwonted outburst of irrepressible indignation, but it distressed her. "Come, Ada, don't be cross," she said. "It was perhaps want of tact in me to suggest anything, though my idea is right enough. It is quite natural that you should be awfully vexed. Perhaps Mr. Newton is wrong; at all events, if the law is unjust, I need not act unjustly, and believe me, I will not." ”

“ Then, when all was taken from you, and I was by my own act deprived of the power to help you, you were so brave and patient that profound esteem mingled with the strange, sweet, wild fire you had kindled! Am I so painfully associated in your mind that you cannot give me something of the wealth of love stored in your heart? [Pg 311] You have taught me what love is, will you not reward so apt a pupil?"
"Mr. Errington," said Katherine, letting him take her cold trembling hand, "is it possible you can love and trust a woman who has acted a lie for years as I have?" ”

“ Mrs. Frederic met them with a heightened color and a curious embarrassed look. The drawing room was lit by a splendid fire, and sweet with the perfume of abundant hot-house flowers; there was something vaguely prophetic in the air.
"Do come to the fire, dear Mrs. Liddell; you must be so cold! I have been quite uneasy about you," she exclaimed, effusively.
"Have you had a visitor, Ada?" asked Katherine, whose suspicions were aroused.
"I have, and I want to tell you all about it. I am far too candid to keep anything from those I love. My visitor was Colonel Ormonde. ”

“ He and your father quarrelled about money, and he is implacable. His only child, a son, opposed him, and he drove him away. Poor fellow! he was killed in Australia."
"Why have hard-hearted wretches heaps of money, while kind, generous souls like you never have a farthing?"
"That is a mystery of long standing," said Mrs. Liddell, with a faint smile. "Katie, I cannot think or talk any more. I will go and lie down in my own room. There neither Ada nor the children can disturb me. Oh, my darling, how can I ever die in peace if I leave you to do battle with the bitter, bitter world unprovided for?" ”

“ Where are you staying?"
"Oh, I am always with Miss Payne, in Wilton Street."
"I remember. But I am keeping you standing. May I come and see you?"
"Oh no; I would rather not," cried Katherine, with an irresistible impulse which she regretted the next moment.
"You are always frank," said Errington, with a kind smile, yet in a disappointed tone. "I will not intrude, then. How are your nephews, and Mrs. Ormonde? I seem to have lost sight of every one, for I have become a very busy man."
"Yes, I know," she returned, her color going and coming, her heart beating so fast she could hardly speak. ”

“ She is rather a remarkable woman. Strong, yet not hard. I fancy we are the arbiters of our own fate."
"Oh no! no!" cried Katherine, with emotion. "Just think of the snares and pitfalls which beset us, and how hard it is to keep the narrow road when a heart-beat too much, a sudden rush of sorrow or of joy, and our balance is lost: even steady footsteps slide from the right way. Believe me, some never have a fair chance."
Errington made a slight movement nearer to her, and after a brief pause said, "I should like to hear you argue this with Angela Bradley." ”

“ Do you think people will serve you for nothing, and not pay themselves somehow? The likes of you are born to be robbed—and may your last crust be stole from you, you old skinflint!" With this last defiance, she turned and threw herself hastily into the cab, which crawled away as if horse and driver were equally rheumatic.
"Shut the door," said the old man, hoarsely, as if exhausted.
"Please, sir, there's a lady here," said the little slavey. Katherine, who was as frightened as if she were face to face with a lunatic, had a terrible conviction that this appalling old man was her uncle. ”

“ The announcement that Katherine was invited to live with John Liddell created a tornado of amazement, envy, anticipation—with an undercurrent of exultant pride that they were at last recognized by the only rich man in the family—in the mind of the pretty, impressionable little widow.
"Gracious! What a grand thing for Kate! But she will be moped to death, and he will starve her. Why, Katherine, when it is known that a millionaire has adopted you his den will be besieged by your admirers. You will never be able to stand such a life for long at a time. ”

“ Liddell, it must be an awful life for you, shut up in this stuffy suburban box?"
"Well, it is not cheerful; but I have no choice, so I just make the best of it," she returned, with as bright a smile as she could muster. "No use spoiling one's eyes or one's temper over the inevitable. Then I am really fond of my mother-in-law, poor soul! She would spoil me if she had the means; and Katherine—well, she isn't bad."
"By George! if you make your mother-in-law fond of you, you must be an angel incarnate." ”

“ De Burgh laughed, as if he rather enjoyed the observation. "I know," he said; "a regular melodramatic villain, 'away with him to the lowest dungeon beneath the castle moat' sort of fellow, who would draw a Jew's teeth before breakfast and roast a restive burgher after. I wonder, considering you possess the two strongest attractions for men of this description—money and (may I say it?) beauty—that you trust yourself with me."
"Ah! you concealed your vile opinions successfully; so you see I could not know my danger," returned Katherine, laughing. "You are not at all a modern man." ”

“ From this time for several weeks Katherine was greatly occupied in the benevolent undertakings of her new friend. The endless need, the degradations of extreme poverty, the hopeless condition of such masses of her fellow-creatures, depressed her beyond description. She would gladly have given to her uttermost farthing, but it would be a mere drop in the ocean of misery around.
"Even if we could supply their every want, and give each family a decent home," she said to Bertie one evening as she walked back with him, "they would not know how to keep it or to enjoy it. ”

“ You cannot say that, Katie! You are the most unfortunate girl in the world. You know how penniless women are looked upon in society. I remember when Ormonde thought himself such a weak idiot for being attracted to me, all because I had no money. It makes such a difference! Why, there is Lord De Burgh; I met him yesterday, and asked him to have a cup of tea with me, and he never once mentioned your name."
"Why should he? I never knew Lord De Burgh," said Katherine. ”

“ Needham, noticing her restlessness, observed, with a grave smile,
"I expect you will have some very good news for me this afternoon! I am going out to luncheon."
"No, dear Mrs. Needham, I do not think I shall," returned Katherine. "I fear——"
"Lord de Burgh is in the drawing room," said the parlor-maid.
"Go, Katherine," cried Mrs. Needham; "and don't tell me there is any doubt about your having good news! You deserve bread and water for the rest of your natural life if you don't take the goods the gods provide." ”

“ Rachel, you must put this cruel man out of your mind. He has been the destroyer of your life. Try and cast the idea of the past from you. Life is too abundant to be exhausted by one sorrow. You have years before you in which to build up a new existence and find consolation. I will not listen to another word about your former life; let us only look forward. I have a plan for you—at least Mr. Payne has suggested the idea—in which you can help us and others, and which will need all your time and energy. But I will not even talk of this business. ”

“ Katherine told her. "You are so good, you make me resigned to live."
"Do you care to read?"
"I used to love it; but I have no books, nor could I attend to the sense of a page if I had." [Pg 116]
"If you sit here without book or work, I do not wonder at your being half dead."
"Not nearly half dead yet; dying by inches is a terribly long process. I am dreadfully strong."
"I will not listen to you if you talk like that. Well, I will bring you some books—indeed, I will send you some at once if you will promise to read and divert your thoughts. ”

“ She would have enjoyed life intensely but for the perpetually recurring sense of irritation against herself for having forfeited her own self-respect by her hasty action. It would have been somewhat humiliating to have taken charity from the hands of Errington, but this was as nothing to the crushing abasement of knowing that she had cheated him. Still, no condition of mind is constant—except with monomaniacs—and Katherine was often carried away from herself and her troubles.
She was glad, on the whole, that De Burgh was to be at Lady Barrington's reception. ”

“ Rachel was far too human, too passionate, not to shrink with unutterable pain from the idea of this man's entrancing love being lavished on another, yet her true, devoted affection for her benefactress remained untouched. Katherine stood before everything. Rachel did not wish to injure De Burgh—her heart had simply grown strong, and she would not hesitate for a moment to save Katherine from trouble at any cost to him. ”

“ At the door he turned, and addressing Katherine, said, "Let me know when she is gone;" then he disappeared into the hall.
Little Charlie burst into tears. Cecil cried out, "You are a nasty, cross old man"; while Mrs. Fred grew very red, and exclaimed: "I never saw such a bear in all my life! Why, a crossing-sweeper would have better manners! I am astonished at you, Katie. How can you live with such a creature? But some people would do anything for money." ”

“ Frederic—"quite too awfully in earnest; is always striving painfully to do her duty. She despises frivolities and never dreams of flirtation."
"This is an appalling description," said Ormonde. "Pray is it on principle you renounce flirtation?"
"For a much better reason," replied Katherine, wearily. "Because I have no one to flirt with."
"By Jove! there's a state of destitution! Why, it is a blot on society that you should be left lamenting."
"Yes; is it not melancholy?" replied Katherine, carelessly. "Ada, I am so tired I am sure you will excuse me if I go away to rest?" ”

“ It was a bitter punishment, but even had she been stainless and he a free man, she, Katherine, was not the sort of girl he would like. She was too impulsive, too much at the mercy of her emotions, too quick in forming and expressing opinions. No; the feminine reserve and tranquility of Lady Alice were much more likely to attract his affections and call forth his respect. This was an additional ingredient of bitterness, and Katherine felt herself an outcast, undeserving of tenderness or esteem. ”

“ Why, Katherine, you will marry, and—"
"Well, suppose I do, that need not prevent my having the comfort of my nephews' company until the fatal knot is tied."
"Now, dear Katherine, do tell me—are you engaged to any one? Not a foreigner?—anything but a foreigner!"
"At present," said Katherine, with some solemnity, "I am engaged to two young men."
"My dear! You of all young girls! I am astonished. There is nothing so deep, after all, as a demure young woman. I suppose you are in a scrape, and want Colonel Ormonde to help you out of it?" ”