Amy Le Feuvre

“ Sidney was no modern young woman with an assurance and independence of thought which made a single life appear so attractive. She had grown-up amongst men who still held chivalrous ideas of women. She was accustomed to little attentions from them, and perhaps queened it over them rather more than was good for her.
"Oh," she moaned, as she pulled in her oars and let herself drift for a little with the tide, bowing her head in her hands in abject misery, "if it had been anyone but Archie! He must have tired of me. ”

“ I know all the good that ever came to me was through my mother. I remember her teaching; it has stuck to me through life—at least, some of it has; I don't remember anything learnt from my father. He was indifferent to me, and died when I was ten. A woman lays a better foundation than a man."
Monica sighed. Sidney's words came to her: "Duty is a good foundation; but it is not the right one."
"I shall get Sidney to help me with him," she said. "She happens to have that happy knack of teaching without any effort. I get ponderous when I talk to him for his good. ”

“ Sidney made some vague response. As she glanced out of the window opposite her, she saw a flock of finches and thrushes breakfasting off the green lawn. The lilac and laburnums were coming into full flower, a cherry tree was white with blossom, and the beds round the house were full of narcissus and daffodils. Beyond the sloping lawns was the river, edged with young larches and copper beech. What a sweet house to leave, she thought; and then she rose from her seat, feeling as if her food would choke her.
"Excuse me," she said to Mrs. Urquhart; "I must go and bring father in. ”

“ Life has hardly touched you yet. You are only on the threshold."
"You talk as if you were Methuselah!" said Austin. "How can you be so absurd?"
"Am I absurd!"
Mrs. Norman lowered her voice and turned her head away from Sidney and her daughter. "My dear boy, Gavine makes me feel a frivolous doll; she is the essence of lead. Her heaviness and stolid matter-of-fact sense have a most depressing effect upon me. I feel bound with chains when she is in the room. And when we go about together, I have the awful desire to shock her. ”

“ Sidney replied. "But, oh, Monica, I never quite imagined it would be as bad as it is. You see, Ethel never loses her temper, and I think I keep mine in pretty tight control; but my feelings and my bottled-up anger inside are terrible! She knows how to cut, and she seems to delight in picking out the weak points in one's armour. Dad and I have not a corner in the house now where we can retire and be undisturbed. Her energy is ceaseless; so is her passion for altering furniture and every habit of our quiet household." ”

“ Her hair was grey, and her face lined like an old woman; for this upheaval in her life had met and conquered all her fighting strength, and her agonising and futile efforts to get the better of it had left scars behind which would not ever be effaced.
Sidney's sweetness and patience with her, her unfailing cheerfulness, and unswerving trust in One Who is Lord of circumstances, did much to soften her lot; but though Monica had accepted her fate, she was not resigned to it. ”

“ Hate a fellow who won't stand chaff! He treated me like a fly upon the wall."
"You're very young," said Sidney; then, meeting a glare from the corner of Austin's eye, she added quietly: "and impudent."
"A de Cressiers is never snubbed in these parts," said Austin laughing. "That's my mother's creed, you know, and Neville gave her the biggest snub she has received for a long while, so she and I both bear him a grudge. Why is he so superior?"
"He never strikes me to be anything different from ourselves," said Sidney. "He is a reserved man, and not a very happy one. ”

“ I know what you believe in, Sidney, and I want you to impart your faith to him."
Sidney was silent. Sudden tears sprang into her eyes.
"I would love to have him, Monica dear, but you ought to teach him, not I."
Monica looked before her with set lips.
"You know what my religion is. I never want to appear other than I am. I go to church once on Sunday. I practise honesty and live straight. I have a strong belief in leaving the world better than I find it. I believe in our Creator. That is the sum and substance of my faith. I get along very well. ”

“ She was sitting on the arm of a chair, whistling; her hands were in the pockets of a short tweed coat; her hair was done up rather untidily, with a broad plait encircling her head, but her face was bewitching in its fresh beauty and sparkling animation, and her eyes seemed alive with mischief.
She jumped off the chair and looked up at Sidney with a mixture of bashfulness and assurance.
Sidney held out her hand at once.
"We have been left to introduce ourselves. I am Sidney Urquhart, a close neighbour of your—your cousin's. And he has asked me to come and have a chat with you." ”

“ I cannot see it without your light active figure flitting along the roads, climbing the beacon, gathering flowers in your quaint old garden by the sea.
"Will you write me a letter in answer to this and tell me all about yourself, and your feelings and outlook, and about no one else at all? I am greedy for news of you. I cannot see you at Thanning Towers. You ought to be in a setting of your own. Don't, I beseech you, go away and try to forget your troubles in the seething turmoil of city life. I have been too long without a real home of my own to wish you a similar fate. ”

“ No such good company as oneself arter all, but one hasn't a chance commonly o' finding it out.'"
Monica laughed, but Randolph took the bantering speech quite gravely.
"I don't think I bore myself quite as much as other people bore me," he said.
"No," said Sidney quickly; "but there's one disadvantage one has to reckon with, and that is, that we can run away from other people, but never from ourselves."
"And self is a big tyrant sometimes," said Monica gravely.
"Now we're moralising," cried Sidney gaily; "let us come down to the lower lawn, it is so lovely close to the water." ”

“ She looked up as they entered, and Sidney was struck at once by her face. She was dressed in a dark red gown. The colour suited her. She had a very white skin; her soft, dusky black hair was parted in the middle, it fell away in ripples over her ears, and a thick plait encircled her head. Her eyes were dark blue, and a steady, rather sombre light seemed to glow in their depths, whilst thick eyebrows and very long curved lashes lent a touch of heaviness to her otherwise fragile and delicate oval face. ”

“ I consider I have shaped my own life since I left school. I have firm ground under my feet—duty is my foundation; a good straight life springs up from it. This sounds conceited. It is only what I aim at. I sometimes fail in the practice, and I seem to fail with Chuckles. Duty is always shirked by him, and oh, Sidney! My hopes are centred in him. I want him to grow up a success, not a failure. I hope to hand him over a thriving, prosperous farm—his heritage ”

“ I don't get sick longings for an active independent life. I'm too pleased with myself and my surroundings. Don't you think I'm a very self-satisfied creature? Aunt Dannie says I am."
"I think you would be contented with very little," said Randolph gravely. "I wish I could be. Hand your secret on to me. I can't be content with my circumstances."
"Ah," said Sidney, drawing a long breath, "content or discontent is a matter of long or short sight, isn't it? I have learnt that it is."
Randolph began to think it out.
"How?" he questioned. "Even a sandbank in a deluge doesn't affect your spirits." ”

“ You looked as if you were brimming over with happiness, and I felt as if I was outside a house in the cold and rain, looking into a cosy firelit room. Do help me."
Quick tears had sprung into Sidney's eyes. She exclaimed impulsively:
"You shall not go to London till you know how you can be happy, dear. You will want the deep fountains of content inside you to tide you over all the sin and misery that you will see in London's slums. I wish you could come back to dinner with me this evening. Do you think you could? We will send you home."
Gavine's eyes looked very wistful. ”

“ Talk to me as you would in the old days. Try to feel that my individuality is as strong and unimpaired as ever. It is only my outer shell that is the crock."
"It is strange that such trouble should come upon you both in the same year," said Randolph musingly.
"Yes," said Monica, with a little dry smile. "I tell Sidney we are the two builders who built their houses side by side, one on the rock, the other on the sand. The storms have come and beaten upon us; hers still stands firm, but mine has gone under. And I tell you honestly that I would give anything sometimes to have Sidney's faith. ”

“ But one afternoon, as Sidney and her father were sitting together in the garden, Major Urquhart came limping out to them in some excitement.
"It's what I always say," he declared, sitting down heavily in a garden chair; "brain and knack are better servants than strength. Six men—brawny fellows, too—all perspiring and cursing and shouting, and with no more notion than a child how to get a bit of furniture in at a door!" ”

“ If he has it, he has it all."
"You have me," said Sidney, trying to laugh, but a lump rose in her throat, and a choke was in her voice.
Her father caressed her hair gently with his hand.
"Yes, my little Sid. You will never fail me. What is that verse? 'A man's life consisteth not in what he hath.' Is that how it goes?"
"'A man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth,'" quoted Sidney. "But, father dear, there are quantities of things in the house which are really yours, and which we can take. We won't worry about it to-night. You are looking so tired. ”

“ Mrs. de Cressiers sighed.
"I wish you and Austin would make a match of it. He is really fond of you, Sidney."
Sidney laughed gaily.
"As a sister, nothing more. I am much too old for him. He is a mere boy. I couldn't marry anyone younger than myself."
"Isn't this woman older than you?"
"I don't think it will come to anything. Uncle Ted is as often there as Austin. It's most amusing. But I'm afraid they're beginning to dislike each other heartily." ”

“ Oh, Sidney, sweetest, will you let me tell you how I long to take care of you for the rest of your life? You have been spending your life in looking after others, will you let me look after you? I want to love you, to guard you, to make it my one business in life to make you happy. ”

“ Sidney's lips curled a little, then mischief stole into her eyes.
"Let us hope Monnie will take him in hand, dad. I long that some inferior man should come along and capture her proud heart. It would be glorious to see her knuckle under and have to defer to her lord and master. And he looks as if he would manage the woman he cared for."
"I think he has more grit than his father," said Admiral Urquhart, puffing out a thin column of smoke and watching it ascend in the still air.
"I'm waiting for your news," said Sidney. "We won't dissect Mr. Neville too thoroughly." ”

“ Randolph pointed to his bags, then went through the tiny booking-office to the white dusty road. There, in a high dogcart, was seated his cousin Monica. She was clad in brown holland coat and skirt and a large shady hat. She looked cool and fresh, and every inch a lady. When she turned her face to him and smiled her welcome, her skin might be tanned by outdoor life, but her bright blue eyes and wealth of soft golden hair rolled back from a broad, intellectual forehead, and her frank smile proclaimed her a good-looking attractive woman. ”

“ Austin had been rather grave and silent, and Jockie was fond of relapsing into dreams when she was upon the water. She looked up at him presently, and her eyes began to twinkle.
"A penny for your thoughts, old sobersides."
"We'll exchange them; give me yours."
"I was thinking of dear Sidney. I do wish someone would come along and marry her, so as to prevent her shutting herself up in some poky house. But there isn't anyone near here good enough for her. Of course, women don't marry nowadays as they used to do; but Sidney is so enchanting that she ought not to be wasted." ”

“ I am only too delighted to have a holiday from housekeeping, and my father is thoroughly enjoying himself."
"But you will never be able to stand it when you go back. I have been through a little of it, so I know."
Sidney smiled bravely as she kissed her.
"I feel I can stand anything as long as dad and I are together. A house, after all, is not the chief happiness in one's life. And if we were to move into another place, it would still be home to me."
Gavine said no more, and never referred to the subject again. ”

“ I can't start things, but when once started I'm all right. Jockie is a very good starter."
Sidney was interested in the girl; not so much in what she said, but in the smouldering fires which shone in her deep blue eyes, and in the changing expression of her face. She said to her:
"You take life earnestly, Miss Norman."
"Who wouldn't? Oh, Miss Urquhart, it is a tremendous thing, isn't it? There is so much to gain, and so much to lose." ”