P. G. Wodehouse

“ Start an album some day.”
“You know,” said Trevor, “this is getting serious.”
“It always does get serious when anything bad happens to one’s self. It always strikes one as rather funny when things happen to other people. When Mill’s study was wrecked, I bet you regarded it as an amusing and original ‘turn’. What do you think of the present effort?”
“Who on earth can have done it?”
“The Pres—­”
“Oh, dry up. Of course it was. But who the blazes is he?”
“Nay, children, you have me there,” quoted Clowes. “I’ll tell you one thing, though. ”

“ They speedily lodged information at the police station. Everything seems to point to party spite as the motive for the outrage. In view of the forth-coming election, such an act is highly significant, and will serve sufficiently to indicate the tactics employed by our opponents. The search for the perpetrator (or perpetrators) of the dastardly act is being vigorously prosecuted, and we learn with satisfaction that the police have already several clues.”
“Clues!” said Clowes, handing back the paper, “that means the bat. That gas about ‘our opponents’ is all a blind to put you off your guard. ”

“ The glass was broken and the photograph itself slashed with a knife till most of the faces were unrecognisable. He picked up another treasure, last year’s first eleven. Smashed glass again. Faces cut about with knife as before. ”