P. G. Wodehouse

“ If he were to go to the headmaster and state baldly that Sheen had been in the habit for the last half-term of visiting an up-river public-house, the headmaster would get an entirely wrong idea of the matter, and suspect all sorts of things which had no existence in fact. When a boy is accused of frequenting a public-house, the head-magisterial mind leaps naturally to Stale Fumes and the Drunken Stagger. ”

“ I used to take him in my motor."
"Your—! What did you say, Bruce?"
"My motor-car, sir. That's to say, my father's. We used to go together every day."
"I am glad to hear it. I am glad. Then I need say nothing to Sheen after all. I am glad.... But—er—Bruce," proceeded the headmaster after a pause.
"Yes, sir?"
"Do you—are you in the habit of driving a motor-car frequently?"
"Every day, sir. You see, I am going to take up motors when I leave school, so it's all education."
The headmaster was silent. To him the word "Education" meant Classics. ”

“ Then he brought himself back from his mental plunge into the future.
"Well, well, Bruce," he said, "we need not discuss the merits and demerits of driving motor-cars, need we? What did you wish to see me about?"
"I came to ask if I might get off morning school tomorrow, sir. Those voters who got to the poll just in time and settled the election—I brought them down in the car. And the policeman—he's a Radical, and voted for Pedder—Mr Pedder—has sworn—says I was exceeding the speed-limit."
The headmaster pressed a hand to his forehead, and his mind swam into the future.
"Well, Bruce?" ”