Richard Marsh

“ It’s no use your endeavouring to palliate Norah’s conduct, Audrey—I won’t have it!—I have had too much of it already!—I don’t like the attitude you have taken up in the matter!—it doesn’t become you! Norah’s behaviour is beyond my comprehension—look at the scene last night! And now here are these men—strange men!—at this unseemly hour of the morning, demanding to see her as if they were presenting a pistol at my head. I will not keep silent and allow scandal to be brought upon my house. ”

“ Ignoring Audrey’s evident earnestness I tried to seem as indifferent as I could.
“I don’t like him as much as I do Jack Purchase.”
“Don’t you, indeed!” retorted Doris, still with her face upturned. “What an altogether delightful person you seem to have suddenly become—such a storehouse of all the sisterly virtues. You have my permission to like Mr Purchase as much as you please; and he is at liberty to like you—if he is that sort of person.”
“It’s ridiculous!” cried Lilian, in that vicious way of hers. “Norah is nothing but a great, ungainly, awkward gawk. ”

“ The instant she spoke, it was plain that she had heard what Audrey had said:
“They won’t go,” she began. “I can’t think what people are coming to nowadays—never saw such manners in my life—if those men were crossing-sweepers they could not behave worse!—and I’m not sure that some of them are much better! One of them has the assurance to call himself the Duke of Chelmsford. Quite apart from anything else, the fact of his being so extremely good-looking proclaims him an impostor. All dukes are notoriously ugly. Norah, I insist upon your telling me what is the meaning of these proceedings.” ”

“ I don’t know, Norah O’Brady, if you are aware how excellent an opportunity you are about to have to show how badly you can behave. One girl—five men, each of them wishing the others were in Heaven. What a chance you’ll have of trampling on what they flatter themselves are their tenderest feelings. If you’re a sister of mine, trample on them, Norah, an you love me.”
“I’ll try.”
“At least, do try. Let me whisper in your ear. Above all, trample—with your heaviest tramp—on Basil Carter—not only on his feelings, but, if opportunity offers, on his very self. ”

“ You know, mamma, that Major Tibbet can be trusted to order a dinner; and though I mayn’t do it such justice as you would, I’ll do my best. And I should like to see any of you try to stop me. How would you propose to do it? Physically, I’m a match for all of you together. In a muscular sense, I’m a splendid animal. Compared to me you’re like dolls, soft as putty—you pride yourselves on it!—while I’m comparatively as hard as iron. I could drop you out of the window, one after the other, or all together, with the greatest ease.”
Audrey touched my arm.
“Norah, don’t talk like that.” ”

“ In an instant every male creature there came rushing to pick it up, guests and attendants. It was so odd; and not the least odd part of it was the faces of the women. I doubt if some of them had ever been more astonished in their lives before, or angrier. For every one of them to be deserted, without a moment’s warning, for a dowdily-dressed girl’s fan—and, oh dear! I did not need their critical glances to tell me I was dowdy—was a trifle marked. There was quite a scramble to pick up Audrey’s fan. ”

“ Whenever I’m in I’m there to win. That’s me, Miss Norah, straight. I’m no mole—always do what I do do out in the open—no burrowing for me. When I go for a mark, I aim for all I’m worth. Same with a girl. Mayn’t seem like a marrying man—have been told I’m like a cock, hard to bag. As girls go, small wonder they only bag crocks. But when I’m in for marriage, I mean getting there—there’s no stopping me—foul riding couldn’t do it—and there’s no fear of foul riding from you, because you’re different from any girl I ever met. Miss Norah, I love you! ”

“ The idea that I should allow him to make a public spectacle of me, and furnish Lena with a first-rate tale for Lilian, was unendurable. I became all at once so angry—so stupidly angry!—that I forgot my manners altogether, not to speak of any fragments of common decency which I may suppose myself to possess, and behaved myself like the absolute little wretch which at heart I am.
“Thank you. I am obliged to you for your offer, Mr Morgan. But I do not care to marry just at present; and, when I do marry, I intend to marry a man.” ”

“ There is a sting in that tongue of hers which is always ready to strike at someone the instant she even imagines that something unpleasant is going to happen to her. He drew himself up with that superior air which I have noticed that some men do cultivate when they know that they are about to behave badly.
“I trust, Miss Doris, that an erroneous interpretation will not be placed upon my words; but you must permit me to point out that I have already asked Miss Norah to share my box.” ”

“ She had not only in her hands a pair of scarlet shoes, but her arms were heaped up with what I had an intuitive perception were assorted specimens of her wardrobe. Did she propose to array me in her splendours? Was I to sally forth with five gentlemen to dinner in Jane’s attire? Were her clothes to flit from seat to seat in the Gaiety Theatre? Did she suppose that any of them would fit me; I was a head taller than she was? Her figure was what I should have described as weedy; I daresay she considered it elegant. My chest was as broad as a grenadier’s—horribly broad! ”

“ The fan was returned to me by a man who was really better-looking than that manager of the private rooms—at least, in my opinion. And he had as fine a moustache, though there was not such an ostentatious quantity of it, and it stood out straight at either end in the daintiest way. He was what I should call a brown man, with a pair of eyes which positively laughed at you. He had on a white waistcoat, which fitted him like a glove, and was both a dandy and a man.
He stood in front of me, with Audrey’s fan in his hand, and something in his eyes which sent a thrill all over. ”

“ Mr Carter has a box, and Mr Purchase hopes to have one. I wonder what will happen if he finds that there isn’t one to be had? Will they come to blows? or will they behave like sensible beings, and agree to share a box—and me? That would certainly be the more reasonable course to pursue. Though I quite understand that when a man has a box all to himself, and a girl alone in it, there are things which he can say with greater ease. I wonder where Mr Hammond’s stall is, and Mr Rumford’s. It is devoutly to be hoped that they are outside stalls, and that each is not the centre of a different row. ”

“ These gentlemen, with that generosity which we know is one of their most charming characteristics, have acted on those hints—up to a certain point. They have all, with one accord, provided themselves with seats. Are we to take it, Norah, that you propose to occupy them all?”
Mr Hammond snapped his fingers, making a noise like the report of a pop gun.
“You’ve hit it on the head, Miss Eveleen; prevented bloodshed, and solved the problem. Miss Norah, we’ll act upon your sister’s hint. Tibbet, we all of us will dine with you.” ”

“ And the story of that interposition would be scored up against me, in the family debtor and creditor account, to be used as another missile, when the tale of Norah’s clumsiness, bearishness, multitudinous stupidities, was once more the well-worn domestic theme. How amusing it would be to recall the day when the five men took her out to dine. How incredible it seemed, and, indeed, was. One must have dreamed it. By degrees, quite possibly, a legend would grow up that it was an elaborate practical joke which those five gentlemen had planned among themselves. ”

“ Audrey interposed, deftly:
“There does seem to be a good deal of rubbish about, doesn’t there? Supposing we take its existence for granted. My dear Norah, you must let me congratulate you on the flattering eagerness with which these gentlemen desire your presence in their two boxes. It is rather an unusual experience for you, is it not? And all the pleasanter on that account. What pretty roses these are; they are just like some which Mr Carter has occasionally given me.” ”

“ Something told me that all three of them had been in the drawing-room to try to bring those men to a consciousness of shame. There was that in their bearing which hinted that they had not succeeded. Eveleen suggested a desire to shake me; Lilian an inclination to bite my nose off; and as for mamma, she received me in a state of fluster which spoke volumes.
“You understand, Norah, that I have forbidden you to disgrace me, and I forbid you again!” ”

“ So Jane has been giving you the benefit of her assistance.”
There was a smile on her face which made me feel for Jane.
“It’s very good of her. She doesn’t seem to have much idea. She doesn’t pretend to be a lady’s maid; but she’s done her best.”
In a comprehensive sort of way, Audrey looked me up and down. I felt as if every one of my weak points was hitting her in the face.
“Candidly, Norah, you are a difficult child to dress. The mode and you will ever be at variance. You must have a mode of your own. You are like Michael Angelo’s statues—on the grand lines.” ”

“ If I could only find myself in a different environment, in some place where people were not principally concerned with each other’s appearance, where one could dress as one pleased, and do as one chose, and be comfortable, and yet not be the subject of perpetual comment; where one could have liberty to be a woman, a girl, in one’s own way, which would not be such a dreadful way after all, where one could be even huge and plain and not despised, what a place that would be. ”

“ But Lilian was not to be persuaded.
“Mamma,” she exclaimed, “why do you allow Audrey to back up those wretched men in their attempts to turn poor Norah’s naturally silly head? Do you consider that their behaviour this afternoon has been creditable either to themselves, or to us, or to you? We are your daughters. Can you not insist on our being treated, at any rate while we are in your house, with at least the elements of common respect?” ”

“ THE BROUGHAM I am afraid that, in my nature somewhere, there must be a touch of the original savage. It is a painful thing to have to admit, but when one is so full of faults, as I confessedly am, I fancy that one or two, more or less, can hardly make much difference. I only know that, when I saw that person go flying over the back of his own stall, I was obliged to Mr Hammond for having sent him there. ”

“ Frightfully sorry to seem to rush you, Miss Norah. Fact is, when judge’s box is within a furlong, if you don’t want to get left behind, you’re bound to bustle. I’ve got it all on this time—every copper—must bar taking chances—a certainty is what I’m after. A certainty it is, if you’ll consent. Let’s put our piles together—come in with me on the same horse—Matrimony, out of True Love, by Unbounded Admiration. She’s the mare to carry two as if they were one; and if you ride her with a gentle hand, she keeps on winning all the time. ”

“ The little woman did not catch him in the act; goodness only knows what would have happened if she had. What he meant by it, or what he took me for, I have not the faintest notion. I was beginning to wonder what everyone took me for. Although I know my face became as red as fire, I went cold all over. Just then the singing on the stage ceased, people broke into applause. In the midst of their clapping I became aware that Walter Hammond was addressing me in a strain which as nearly as possible deprived me of the small remainder of my breath. ”

“ He is passionately in love with Audrey. I know it as a fact, because once he as good as told me so. But Audrey is a most difficult girl. She is imaginative if you like. I believe that she spends her time imagining herself the wife of a clever man, though what is her idea of cleverness is more than I can say. Several men, who are allowed to be not only clever in their own estimation, have asked her to marry, but she has invariably said no. Physically, she is disgracefully lazy, and loves to languish, but, mentally, she is sharp as a razor. ”

“ There can be no doubt that my person is a striking one, after a fashion; but it is not precisely in the fashion. I am an extra large size all over. My legs are prodigious. I stride along in a style which some persons have said reminds them of the gentleman with the seven-league boots. Mr Morgan was once rude enough to tell me that it always seemed to him that it was the chief ambition of my life to cross Regent Street in a step and a-half. When I am walking with the others I suffer agonies, and I am thankful to think that they are not altogether comfortable. ”

“ No man has ever seen anything in you except two eyes and a nose, and now what they think they see in you all of a sudden is beyond me altogether. What you say about her having changed, Audrey, is just nonsense, except it’s changed for the worse—unless you wish to insinuate that my eyesight’s failing me. She’s always been a plain girl—the only one of my family!—and she’s a plain woman—without even that kind of plainness which is interesting. ”

“ That afternoon everybody seemed to be incapable of shame—particularly those who ought to have been most keenly alive to it. It is a disagreeable world. Talk about brazen-faced, impudent deceitfulness! I believe that all men are capable of anything; I am convinced they are.
That Hammond creature went blundering on as calmly and easily as if I had not said what ought to have made him writhe. ”

“ ON THE SINGULAR EFFECTS OF SUNLIGHT When I regained my bedroom, which, in spite of its manifold and ostentatious deficiencies, I had long regarded as a harbour of refuge in which I might find shelter when the storms of life pressed too hardly, I took out of my dress pocket—I always insisted on having a pocket in my dress, whatever the fashion was, it was the one point on which I would have my way—that scrap of paper. ”