Tom Hood

“ LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD. BY the side of a wood A cottage once stood, Where a little girl dwelt, who wore a red hood. Her father of trees in the forest was cutter, And her mother sold poultry, milk, eggs, cream, and butter. The little red hood, It must be understood, Belonged to a mantle—as pretty and proper a cloak As e'er you set eyes on:—in short, a red opera cloak. But operas ne'er, that I am aware, Had been heard of by any one dwelling round there; Whereas every dame had a cloak bright as flame That she wore when out riding (which gave it its name.) ”

“ I 'm the wretchedest mortal that's under the sun. To bed I must creep— But awake I will keep, For what I've to do is to think, not to-sleep," Said Hop o' my Thumb, When his father said, "Mum!"- To his mother, intending that she should be dumb On the subject that late Had formed their debate- "I think you had better get breakfast at eight." The boy stole to bed, To turn o'er in his head The things which his father and mother had said, And discover, if possible, 'cute little chap! As well as he can, Some snug little plan To guard him and brothers against a mishap. ”

“ So he sat up in bed, And there by the red And flickering light that around it was shed, By the glare of the log Saw the cat and the dog- She was poor as a rat;—he'd a waist like a frog, Or a greyhound—but due to the absence of prog, Not the presence of breed,- He resembled, indeed, He saw on her cheek a tear-drop glisten, So he hid himself under her chair to listen The nags that you see in a cab-driver's stud, Whose "points" are all owing to bone, not to blood. ”

“ At last tired out, Of vain attempts by shout, And even shake, to rout From their deep sleep the slumberers about The banquet-table,— Whether he'd be able Ever to wake them, feeling quite in doubt, The Prince made up his mind To leave them all behind, And see if some one waking he could find, And so passed on through halls and quiet cloisters, But everywhere found people mute as oysters And sound as tops. But yet he never stops, Though neither man nor woman, girl nor boy stirs. All is as still as death, And not a breath Stirs the ancestral banners or the arras ”

“ They hustle, And bustle, In rich dresses rustle; The squeeze for good places is almost a tussle; Precedence depends not on birth, but on muscle. But they're none of them able To reach the high table, For the grave Major-Domo, perceiving the Babel, A sufficient space clears With the King's Musqueteers, Because he well knows it will cost him his ears If—when the time comes for the soups and the meats— The twelve fairy godmothers cannot find seats. ”

“ Still on Pussy speeds By pastures and meads, And the coachman still follows wherever he leads. "Your estates are enormous— Pray, Marquis, inform us, If I may inquire, Did they come from your sire? He must really have been a most terrible lord, Acquiring so much by the right of the sword. I'm pleased to perceive, With such riches to leave, He'd a son of such merit The wealth to inherit Of so mighty a conqueror and enemy-killer." "Yes," said the youth, "To tell you the truth, My late father had quite a renown as a miller." ”

“ In the midst of the hop the question to pop He determined—and nought his intention should stop. How sweet are first love's tender words As on the ear they fall! More musical than song of birds- More sweet than whey, more soft than curds, So welcome to us all. And, ah! to Cinderella's ear, Who'd heard so little love, How were the Prince's accents dear, Which her fond heart could plainly hear All other sounds above! Her aunt's directions to her niece Young Cupid makes her shelve; When suddenly her joy must cease- The clock upon the mantelpiece Is on the stroke of twelve. One! ”

“ The Princess smiled sweetly, As if to hint neatly,' Though she counted the father A conqueror rather, She fancied the son Had a victory won— In fact, she was sure—as the smile would infer— About one of his conquests, and that was of her! For she felt he was lord of her bosom completely. And now the fields and meads they leave; To right and left huge mountains rise, And seem—so much their heights deceive— With lofty crests to touch the skies. Pine forests clothe their sombre sides, Where dark ravines and gorges frown, And many a mountain torrent glides, Or bounds from ledge to ledge adown. ”

“ She loiters on her way, nor recks How rapidly time now slips. She enters now a glade, Dappled with light and shade, Through which the path is to her grandam's made; And as she strolls along, Singing her careless song, She meets a grim grey wolf. She's not afraid, Because close by She hears her father ply His axe, and knows he'd to the rescue fly If Master Wolf should any treason try. ”

“ The King has taken the highest place, Beside him the Queen in her diamonds and lace. Each fairy godmother Sits down by another, And my lord the Archbishop is just saying grace, When in comes a cook, with a very white face, Who cries, as he straight up the hall rushes nimbly, "Please your Majesty, somebody's fell down the chimbley! There's silence in the hall For half a minute, And not a word doth fall From those within it; When, lo!—No!—And yet it is so! The sound of a foot comes heavy and slow Up the staircase from down below ”

“ What busy times for people of all stations! What scouring out of rooms With mops and brooms! What scouring to and fro of hurried grooms! No leisure, not the least, For man or beast, Because His Majesty had fixed a feast— Acres of eatables and seas of ale, A banquet that should make all others pale, E'en those of Heliogabalus, deceased— To celebrate the day his child was quite Beyond the malice of old Fairy Spite! ”

“ They endeavour to save Themselves in a cave: The Ogre approaches, and even the brave Little Hop o' my Thumb feels a tremor of dread When the giant, who suffers most frightful fatigues From striding across at each step seven leagues, Sits down on the rock that is over their head ”

“ And bowed very low that fair lady before, While retainers and guards crowded round by the score, Tantara-tantara-ta! And even the solemn old porter said, "Lor!" Tantara-tantara-ta! The Prince, when he heard all the hubbub and din, Tantara-tantara-ta! Came down the grand staircase, and held out his fin To the fair Cinderella, and welcomed her in, Tantara-tantara-ta! And a very sweet smile was so blest as to win. Tantara-tantara-ta! He leads her to the ball-room. As they enter, At once all eyes on Cinderella centre. Each noble of the land, well-born or grand, Desires the honour of her tiny hand. ”

“ In the midst of a snore The old lady woke up with a start, and said, "Lor! Red Riding Hood ne'er knocked so loudly before. Oh, deary me, it cannot be she; I 'll pretend I 'm still sleeping, and then we shall see." Rap, tap! once more She heard at the door: The wolf rapped so hard that his knuckles were sore. "The old woman sleeps like a top—what a bore! If she doesn't make haste, My time I shall waste— I shall miss that tit-bit who's so much to my taste." Rap, tap! Tap, rap! "She must wake from her nap, Or the child will be here Before I can clear Her foolish old grandmother up, every scrap." ”

“ Half-way to the top Puss in Boots made a stop Not because he was tired and quite ready to drop, But because he encountered a dame and her goodman And child—by profession the man was a woodman— And wished to inquire Ere he went any higher If this past all doubt was the castle and dwelling Of the wizard of whom I have elsewhere been telling. ”

“ At last said the grandam, "I rather a hand am At sleeping, I know, Very soundly, and so Perhaps she has waited and knocked there so long That, in order to wake me, her tap becomes strong. Who 's there?" then she cried; Said the wolf from outside, Disguising his voice the deception to hide, And whispering low with his mouth to a cranny, "It's no one but Little Red Riding Hood, granny! I've brought you some butter, some eggs, and a cake That mother got up in the morning to make, And she sends you besides some nice cream in a cup" "If you pull at the bobbin the latch will fly up!" ”

“ For joy they with decency scarce can bemean them When they find that their dad Every thing that he had Has left them, the eldest, to own all between them, Save one thing—and that Is only the cat, Which he leaves to the youngest, described as "that brat." The youngest, poor lad! didn't care what he had, By the loss of a father, not fortune, made sad. But as silent he sat, nursing his cat, And quite at a loss what he next should be at, Each brother, addressing him sternly as Nemesis, (Who, the Greeks say, less just and more cruel than Themis is,) Said, "Now then, young Lazybones! ”

“ On the table is laid The cake that was made Ere Red Riding Hood opened her eyes, I'm afraid, And beside it a pot Whose equal could not At Fortnum and Mason's be easily got; For, as every one tells me, fine fragrant fresh honey Is not always obtainable, even for money. There are very few treats in the matter of sweets, Like the honey one fresh from the honeycomb eats. ”

“ Past grooms as unawakened as sad sinners, Past screws of hunters sound as Derby winners, Past hounds as fast—no less— As the express, Through Bedfordshire into the land of Nod, The young Prince trod, And on through corridors and long arcades, Halls wrapt in sombre shades, And anterooms wherein had Echo slept So long, it scarce awakened as he stept Lightly and swiftly o'er The dusty floor, That sadly stood in need of being swept. ”

“ PUSS IN BOOTS. 'THERE once was a miller, who lived till he died— It's been done by a good many people beside; But this miller, you see, In particular—he, On the brink of the grave—"on the banks of the dee," As a Scotchman would say (vide song "Annie Laurie;" It North-country short is For articula mortis) — Made a will, whence arises the whole of my story. ”

“ One huntsman would have an ugly fall If he were not upheld by the palace wall, Whence a stray branch of woodbine, in pitying scorn for him, Has thrown out a trailer that's winding his horn for him. Another one, dropt Off soundly, is propt By a buttress that stands where his steed by chance stopt. ”

“ Their load the mystery reveals,— This region is a place of mines! As soon as Puss got to this desolate spot, Addressing the miners, he kept up the plot. "See your master approach In the King's grand state-coach; He has sent me before him, his orders to broach. "'Then haste to your stations And make him the lowest of low salutations'" If you don't wish the gnomes and the kobolds to seize you, When asked whom you obey, Be certain to say, 'The Marquis of Carabas, sire, an it please you!' When His Majesty's Grace Appears on the place, You must bow till each one touches earth with his face!" ”

“ So, though he was a boy, And we do not employ- Says the grammar that Eton lads always enjoy- For the masculine omne quod exit in um, They christened the little one Hop o' my Thumb. The father regarded the child with surprise; And his mother, poor woman, shed tears for his size, For she felt as she looked at her babe the misgiving That so little a boy could but make a small living. And as he grew older Still every beholder That he didn't grow bigger at all always told her ”

“ Pshaw! why waste time In spinning rhyme, When one can easily contrive To picture it with words just five?- The usual "English labourer's cottage." There dwelt a goodwife, and her goodman, Who by profession was a woodman, But was so poor and so prolific (A family of seven's terrific To one whose trade is not first chop) , That oft when trees he'd limb and lop He wished—his lot did him appal so- That he could cut his own stick also. ”

“ But one can't but suppose That such giants as those Which in nursery legends and stories one knows, By defaming the race must inflict quite a pang On the large hearts of giants like Anak and Chang, "While this way or that way each rapidly shoots off Hop o' my Thumb takes the Seven League Boots off (Though, their size for their suffering some remedy gives, Since one learns the more patience the longer one lives) . ”

“ Little he dreams that path has ne'er been trod By foot returning. Heedless he views the dark nooks in the glades, Passing to spots that shafts of sunlight brighten— Nor knows that human bones within those shades Are laid to whiten. ”

“ While the visitors all Are crowded to death, though the place is not small, But from wall unto wall Crammed with short folks and tall, Who, as chances befall, And in various degrees They suffer the squeeze, bawl, brawl, haul, maul, squall, call, fall, crawl, and sprawl The King's looking pleasant, Expecting a present— Say knives, forks, and spoons that cost many a bezant— For his daughter and heiress From each of the fairies ”

“ Through every tiny crevice, nook, and cranny, Heaven knows how many Of every kind of creeping plant had sprouted And grown and wandered since, Till the young Prince If he were in—or out—of doors half doubted. ”

“ The women all are on the hooks styled tenter To learn who she can be, Though "really they can't see"- Like female jealousy there's no fermenter For turning tempers naturally placid Into a bitterly corrosive acid- "What all the men could find in her to praise- They'd ne'er met one more plain in all their days. ”