Various

“ She's got to be reckoned with, dearest. In threatening the single lives of people's eldest sons she's leaving even the eternal chorus-girl down the course, and in releasing one man for the Front she's quite likely to capture another who counts considerably more!
The Ramsgates thought they'd got a perfect jewel of a chauffeuse—smart, businesslike, knew town well, knew when she might exceed the speed limit and when she mightn't, thoroughly understood her car and so on. And then one day Pegwell came back from the Front on sick leave. As soon as he was well enough he went for a drive every day. ”

“ Yesterday President Wilson addressed a monster gathering of business men at Ponkapog. He said that it was a cruel misconception to hold that Americans were without ideals. As a matter of fact they cherished their ideals far beyond any question of making money and would die rather than submit to acts which were an outrage on our common humanity. ”

“ If you were the hero of a novel, the only possible mate for the heroine, and, in short, taking you all round, an important sort of person, would you not consider yourself hardly treated if you were not allowed to make the girl's acquaintance till page 311, when you knew there were to be only three hundred and thirty-two pages in the book? ”

“ The American Government insist that Germany should admit the illegality of the torpedoing of the Lusitania, but for this Germany is not yet prepared, though she is willing to make a formal expression of regret at the death of American citizens, whom, she is ready to declare, she did not intend to destroy. ”

“ In real life all might have happened just as it is set down, but real life is sloppily constructed. A novel must obey more rigid rules. Miss Kelston writes extremely well, if a trifle too gloomily for my personal taste, but she cannot afford to ignore the laws of construction and hurl her big situation at the reader with an abrupt "Take it or leave it!" ”

“ Procedure in the Commons has been revolutionised, with the result not only of accelerating ordinary business and leading to final issue controversies futilely raging for years, but radically altering personal tone and manner of Mother of Parliaments. ”

“ A chauffeuse is a novelty, and when you've said that you've said everything."
Your Blanche is enormously busy just now editing a book that's going to be the sensation of the Spring crop of volumes. You're aware, of course, m'amie, that if a book's even to be looked at now it must be either Somebody's Memories of Everybody Else or Somebody's Experiences in an Enemy Country. ”

“ She realises (oh, venerable gag of the cynics!) that the fetters which would unite their bodies would put a barrier between their souls. The engagement is by mutual consent declared off.
Realising, however, in Chapter III., that she needs Robert's devotion more than anything else, she conceives a plot. Dr. Cornish makes an opportune call, not this time as a doctor, but as a whole-hearted admirer. With just such an one for my husband, thinks Caroline, Robert could again assume his accustomed part of loyal friend and incense-bearer. She accordingly proposes. ”

“ It is a privilege to be shown, through the medium of an imaginative temperament, the fine comradeship of the trenches, the heroism that shines through the haunting fear of death, mostly conquered with a laugh, but sometimes frankly expressed in the pathetic desire for a "blighty" wound—a wound just serious enough to send the envied hero home. ”

“ He said no touch of infancy or feebleness had been omitted by the present Administration in their conduct of negotiations with Germany. They had performed the miracle of causing every true American to blush for his country. ”

“ I shouldn't like my friends to see that I know anyone from the gallery."
One of the literally burning questions of the moment has been how to dispose of the little lanterns one's obliged to carry after dark now that so many people have given their motors to the country and stump it or bus it everywhere. Your Blanche has solved the difficulty and at the same time set a fashion. My evening boots (what a different meaning that phrase has from what it once had, my Daphne!) have darling little teeny-weeny lamps fixed to their toes, so that one can see exactly where one's stepping. ”

“ This was the American attitude, and he therefore advocated national preparedness which might possibly imply such an increase in America's naval and military forces as few people except himself had yet dreamt of. At this point the audience rose en masse and cheered for ten minutes. Nothing could show more clearly than this speech how intensely critical are the relations between America and Germany over the Lusitania case. There has been a wild panic on the New York Stock Exchange. ”

“ If 'tis love that makes the world go round, it is certainly the same force that maintains the circulation of the libraries. So it is safe to assume that such a title as The Little Blind God (Melrose) is itself enough to preserve the volume that bears it from any wallflower existence on the less frequented shelves. ”

“ Customary for the Chief Party Whip to move for writ to fill casual vacancies in his ranks. Would the Ministerial Whip or the Opposition Whip come forward to take preliminary step for elections consequent on retirement of the Member for Barks and the Member for Sark?
The closest observer of Parliamentary procedure or comment is not sure whether in Party politics they are Liberals or Conservatives. Cannot indeed say on which side of the House they sit. ”

“ Red-hats may not always know much about life in the trenches, but they can tell you at first hand what strafing was like when there were no trenches to live in. You will perhaps care to hear of an adventure of the good old days, when men wandered about Flanders on their own, sometimes attaching themselves to English units, sometimes to French, and sometimes marching inadvertently with the Central Powers. ”

“ The boots are for one's own guidance; the toque illuminante is to show other gropers in the darkness that one's coming. Some people add a chic little hooter, which clears the way quite nicely and is simply precious in crossing roads.
Speaking of those who've given all their motors to the State and those who haven't, a new social danger has bobbed up for the latter—the chauffeuse. ”

“ You don't depend on the Neutralians for any supplies. So you can afford to tell them you did it—and be quick about it." "But you can't expect even the Neutralians to swallow that!" "Why, you fool, they'd swallow anything! That's the meaning of their phrase 'rubber-neck.'" There's a photo of the Queen of Rowdydaria coming up at this point, snatching the broom away, and beating the up-and-down girl with it, and calling her "Spying English Pig." ”

“ Cornish (Mr. Dion Boucicault) , who pleasantly diagnoses middle-age and prescribes a young adorer, than which no advice could be more nicely calculated to restore her lost feeling of queenly complacency. She sends for young Rex Cunningham (Mr. Martin Lewis) , a morbid egoist, who nourishes a hopeless passion for her (and others) , being well aware of the paramount claims of Robert. She contrives to let him know that she is free, and the youth, whose pet hobby is hopeless passion, at once sheers off in alarm. Caroline is learning—is beginning to understand the dark philosophy of Mr. ”

“ We've grown too wise to trust a Bosch's word.
O. S.
THE BILLETING CAPTAIN.
My job is to ride on ahead of the regiment, whenever we leave the trenches, and secure accommodation for men and horses in the place allotted to us. For billeting purposes there are four kinds of villages behind our front: the good, the indifferent, the positively bad, and the village of R——. It was to R—— that I was ordered on my first errand of this kind. On the road I met a friend who holds the same pest in his regiment as I do in mine. ”

“ The "popular parts" of the Natural History Museum are to remain open, though it is still felt by the Government that, at a time when the practice of frugality is incumbent upon everybody, the spectacle of stuffed animals may tend to have a demoralising effect upon the young. ”

“ I am still speculating when a second figure, moving with the easy gait of one whose feet have trodden many decks, climbs the companion-way and comes forward in leisurely fashion. The fellow is no stranger ”

“ Mr. Lansing has in a polite note expressed himself unable to accept Count Bernstorff's offer as a full satisfaction of America's demands. The sands are evidently running out, and there is serious danger of the negotiations proving abortive. In the meantime a sharp Note has been addressed to England in regard to her interference with American commerce. Six munition works were yesterday blown up. The outrage is attributed to Germans. President Wilson is carefully considering his action.
THE ARMLET IN BORRIBODABOO. The Old Man. "This hot spell makes me glad that I'm too old to attest." ”

“ I'd prefer to leave it at that, but you are one of those detestable people who insist on going on after the climax. So I may as well tell you that at this point our friend's legs took to action on their own, no doubt remarking to themselves as they did so that this was but another instance of damned bad Staff work. I sometimes wonder whether possibly it isn't easier to be a limb than a brain.
Yours ever,
Henry.
[Pg. 119]
MR. PUNCH'S POTTED FILMS. THE PASSIONATE DRAMA. THE DEMON OF JEALOUSY.
"Wretched woman! Who is this? ”

“ Morning Paper.
"An attack on the compulsory vice bill now before the House of Lords was made by the president of the conference, William C. Anderson."—New York Globe.
Our American contemporary is misinformed. The measure in question seeks to make virtue compulsory—the virtue of patriotism. ”

“ Huntsman. "Give us a bit o' room! You was nearly in my pocket that time."
Flat-race Jockey. "Room? Why, I was nearly half a length behind you."
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. (By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerics.)
The evolution of the long novel appears to be following that of the human race. Instead of the individual, the family now threatens to become the central unit. I confess that this prospect, as evidenced by Three Pretty Men (Methuen) , fills me with some just apprehension. Mr. ”