Various

“ Miss P. O, certainly. You will take them unawares; but I flatter myself you will not find them unprepared. (Strikes bell on piano.)
Enter Fanny, dressed as before, but with large, red chignon on her head.
Miss P. This is Miss Fanny Rice. Mrs. Lofty, Fanny. There you see one of my pupils who has an exquisite touch for the piano, a refined, delicate appreciation of the sweetest strains of the great masters. Fanny, my dear, take your place at the piano, and play one of those pieces which you know I most admire. (Fanny sits at piano, plays Yankee Doodle, whistling an accompaniment.) ”

“ Some one sings out to him, "Have a glass of beer, Billy?"
"Don't care about any beer," says Billy, "but, Snyder, you may give me one of your best ciga—Ha-a-a! ha! ha! ha! ho! ho! ho! he! he! he! ah-h-h-ha! ha! ha! ha! Why—why—Snyder—who who—ha-ha! ha! what's the matter with that nose?"
Snyder was absolutely fearful to behold by this time; his face was purple with rage, all except his nose, which glowed like a ball of fire. Leaning his ponderous figure far over the bar, and raising his arm aloft to emphasize his words with it, he fairly roared:
"I peen out fishin' mit ter poys. ”

“ We're off! we're off!" they shout with glee, and down they fell so fast.
"O bless the Lord!" the farmer cried, "the rain has come at last."
The corn it grew and ripened well, and into food was dressed,
Because a little rain-drop said, "I'll try, and do my best."
This little lesson, children dear, you'll not forget I'm sure;
Try, do your best, do what you can—angels can do no more. ”

“ I caught the mouse just as it was clambering over my knee, and by pressing firmly on the outside of the cloth, I kept the animal a prisoner on the inside. I kept jumping around with all my might to confuse it, so that it would not think about biting, and I yelled so that the mice would not hear its squeaks and come to its assistance. A man can't handle many mice at once to advantage.
Maria was white as a sheet when she came into the kitchen and asked what she should do—as though I could hold the mouse and plan a campaign at the same time. ”

“ W. You're about as fit to bring up children as a tadpole is to run a ferry boat, you are! But while I'm alive Mary Jane takes no singing lessons. Do you understand? It's bad enough to have her battering away at that piano like she had some grudge against it, and to have her visitors wriggle around and fidget and look miserable, as if they had cramp colic, while you make her play for them and have them get up and lie, and ask what it was, and say how beautiful it is, and steep their souls in falsehood and hypocrisy all on account of you. ”

“ By my sowl, it's himself was the crabbed ould chap!
In a twinklin' he pulled on his ugly black cap.
Then Shamus' mother in the crowd standin' by,
Called out to the judge with a pitiful cry:
"O, judge! darlin', don't, O, don't say the word!
The crathur is young, have mercy, my lord;
He was foolish, he didn't know what he was doin';
You don't know him, my lord—O, don't give him to ruin!
He's the kindliest crathur, the tendherest-hearted;
Don't part us forever, we that's so long parted. ”

“ Kitty. Has my new bonnet come yet?
Aunt H. Indeed it has! And sich a beauty!
Kitty. O, I'm so glad! But where is it?
Aunt H. Down there behind the table. I hain't teched it; only jest took a peep.
Kitty. I'll let Miss Dora see that some people can dress as well as some other people. Aunt Hopkins, you must manage to draw attention to my new bonnet while the visitors are here, to give me an opportunity to show it. ”

“ Fanny. What was it?
Hetty. O, do tell us!
Lizzie. Four—great—red—
Fanny and Hetty. What? What?
Lizzie. Chignons!
Hetty. Chignons? Why, Miss Precise has forbidden our wearing them.
Fanny. O, it's horrible!
Lizzie. Ain't it? And I did want one so bad!
Hetty. But she cannot wear them.
Lizzie. We shall see! Now comes Miss Precise's trial. She has taken Hannah Jones because her father is rich. She worships money; but if there is anything she hates, it is chignons. If she can stand this test, it will be the best thing in the world for us. Then we'll all have them.
Hetty. Of course we will. ”

“ One shout that the dead of the world might awaken.
The sodgers ran this way, the sheriffs ran that,
An' Father Malone lost his new Sunday hat;
To-night he'll be sleepin' in Aherloe Glin,
An' the divil's in the dice if you catch him ag'in.
Your swords they may glitter, your carbines go bang,
But if you want hangin', it's yourself you must hang. ”

“ One stood, with dauntless words and high, that shook the sere leaves from the wood as if a storm passed by, saying—"We are twins in death, proud Sun! thy face is cold, thy race is run, 'tis mercy bids thee go; for thou ten thousand years hast seen the tide of human tears—that shall no longer flow. ”

“ HOW WE HUNTED A MOUSE. JOSHUA JENKINS.
I WAS dozing comfortably in my easy-chair, and dreaming of the good times which I hope are coming, when there fell upon my ears a most startling scream. It was the voice of my Maria Ann in agony. The voice came from the kitchen and to the [page 39] kitchen I rushed. The idolized form of my Maria was perched on a chair, and she was flourishing an iron spoon in all directions, and shouting "shoo," in a general manner, at everything in the room. ”

“ Lofty, how can I find words to express my indignation at the conduct of my pupils? I assure you, this is something out of the common course.
Enter Lizzie, L., with red chignon.
Here is one of my smartest pupils, Miss Bond. Mrs. Lofty, Miss Bond. She particularly excels in reading. Miss Bond, take a book from the piano and read, something sweet and pathetic! something that you think would suit me.
Lizzie takes a position, L., opens book, and reads, in imitation of Hannah's voice.
Lizzie.
What is it that salutes the light,
Making the heads of mortals bright,
And proves attractive to the sight? ”

“ We cannot afford to be so extravagant. The income derived from the property your dear father left will only allow us to dress in the most economical manner.
Kitty. But this bonnet is not extravagant. Dora Fastone wears a bonnet which cost twenty-five-dollars, and her father has failed five or six times. I don't see why I can't have a new bonnet as well as that proud, stuck-up—
Mrs. C. Hush, my child! never speak ill of our neighbors because they dress better than we do. If they spend money foolishly, we should endeavor to use ours to better purpose. ”

“ A LL worldly shapes shall melt in gloom, the sun himself must die, before this mortal shall assume its immortality! I saw a vision in my sleep that gave my spirit strength to sweep adown the gulf of Time! I saw the last of human mould that shall Creation's death behold, as Adam saw her prime! The Sun's eye had a sickly glare, the earth with age was wan ”

“ Don't you ever go prowling around any Quaker meeting, or you'll break it up in a plug muss. You? Why you'd put any other man's back up until he broke his spine. Oh! you're too annoying to live; I don't want to bother with you. Go to sleep.
Mrs. Wilkins. But, Wilkins dear, just listen a minute. We must have that piano, and—
Mr. W. Oh! don't "dear" me; I won't have it. You're the only dear thing around here—you're dear at any price. I tell you once for all that I don't get any new piano, and Mary Jane don't take singing lessons as long as I'm her father. ”

“ I felt my face burn, and a general discomfort seized me, as a man sometimes feels when he has done a wrong or a foolish act; though I couldn't think the act I was about to perform was wrong, and no one could say it was foolish in one to try to get a quarter of a dollar in this day of postal currency. At length I stooped down as if to adjust something about my boot, and slipped the object of my solicitude into my hand, unseen, as I believed. ”

“ It is a lonely spot; tall mountains, crowned with verdure, rise in awful sublimity around; a river runs through, and bright flowers grow to the waters' edge. There is a thick, warm mist that the sun seeks vainly to pierce; trees, lofty and beautiful, wave to the airy motion of the birds ”

“ Bessie. O, dear, what will become of me?
Jenny. O, this dreadful parching in the throat!
Mrs. G. O, I know it, I know it. I told my husband that something dreadful was a goin' to happen when he sold that colt yesterday.
Miss P. Sadie, what is the meaning of this. Your pulse is regular, your head cool, and your tongue clear.
Sadie. O, Miss Pease, it's those dreadful pickles.
Mrs. G. Yes, indeed, it is a drefful pickle—and so sudden, jest for all the world like poor Mr. Brown's sudden took, and these always seem to end fatally at some time or other—Dear me, dear me, and my wash—
Miss P. Pickles! ”

“ Dora. Nothing, mamma.
Aunt H. Nothing to wear! Yes, there's bunnets.
Kitty. Aunt Hopkins!—Mrs. Fastone, you are quite correct.
Mrs. F. Mrs. Hopkins spoke of bonnets. I have been so disappointed! Thompson had a perfect love of a bonnet that I had quite set my heart upon for Dora; but it is gone, and the poor child is almost broken-hearted—ain't you, Dora?
Dora. Quite, mamma.
Kitty. I am very sorry, for bonnets are so hard to find. I have been very much perplexed about them myself. They are so very commonplace; no air of refinement about them.
Mrs. F. None, whatever—is there, Dora? ”

“ Just, however, as he was about to commence for his own amusement, the coach stopped to change horses. In less than two minutes they started again, and Valentine, who then felt ready for anything, began to think seriously of the exercise of his power as a ventriloquist.
"Whit, whit!" said Tooler, the coachman, between a whisper and a whistle, as the fresh horses galloped up the hill.
"Stop! hoa!" cried Valentine, assuming a voice, [page 78] the sound of which appeared to have travelled some distance.
"You have left some one behind," observed a gentleman in black, who had secured the box seat. ”

“ Who will give two dollars? one dollar? half a dollar? Why, ye long-bearded, dirty-faced reprobates, with not room on your phizzes for a Chinese woman to kiss, I'm offering you a bargain at half a dollar! Well, I'll throw in this strop at half a dollar! razor and strop! a recent patent; two rubs upon it will sharpen the city attorney; all for four bits; and a piece of soap, sweeter than roses, lathers better than a school-master, and strong enough to wash all the stains from a California politician's countenance, all for four bits. ”