Marietta Holley

“ I felt bad, and says I:
“Then he is gone, Delila Ann, I feel to sympathize with you, though I never seen him. I am sorry for you as I can be sorry.”
“Yes!” says she, pretty near choked up with emotion; “He is gone; we have lost him. You don’t know how we loved him. It seems as if our hearts will break.”
I sithed; I thought of my Josiah; and I says, in tremblin’ tones: “When love is lost out of a heart that has held it, oh, what a soreness there must be in that heart; what an emptiness; what a lonesomeness. But,” says I, tryin’ to comfort her, “He who made our hearts, knows all about ’em. ”

“ Not a mite of disgrace in it. Poverty is the dark mine, where diamonds are found lots of times; by their glittering so bright against the blackness. The darkness of poverty can’t put out the light of a pure diamond. It will shine anywhere, as bright in the dark dirt as on a queen’s finger, for its light comes from within. ”

“ Doodle!” says she. “What if you had lived to hear your relict laughed at about marryin’ to another man. Oh! what agony it would have brought to your dear linements. Oh! I can’t bear it, I can’t. Oh! when I think of that dear man, how he worshipped the ground I walked on, and the neighbors said he did, they said he thought more of the ground, than he did of me; but he didn’t, he worshipped us both; and what his feelings be, if he had lived, to hear his widder laughed at about another man?” ”

“ If love comes to her to brighten her pathway, so much the better. She will be ready to receive him royally, and keep him when she gets him. Some folks don’t know how to use love worth a cent. But no matter whether she be single or double, I am not afraid of her future.”
“Oh, my!” says Delila Ann, again, “I wouldn’t have my girls miss of marryin’ for nothin.’ Nothin’ in the world looks so lonesome as a woman that haint married.” ”

“ No matter how well he loves her, no matter how fond she is of him, and how blessed they are in each other’s love, the haunting fear must always rack his soul, the horrible fear be there, of seeing her slip away from him altogether. ”

“ That in place of her warm, beating heart, whose every throb is full of love for him, will be only her vacant place, and instead of the tender sweetness of her voice, the everlasting silence of Eternity. ”

“ We smile at the robin, with our wise, amused pity, who builds her tiny nest, with such laborious care, high up, out on the waving tree-top, only to be blown away by the chilly autumn winds. But are not our homes, the sweetest homes of our tenderest love, built upon just as insecure foundations, hanging over more mysterious depths? ”

“ The little ones that cling to our knees, that pray beside us at bed-time, and the patter of whose feet is such music to us—they go, too, and we no more feel their kisses, or hear their tiny voices. Every day, every hour, we are losing something, that we called our own. ”

“ You see, the real change—the real rest would have to be on the inside, and not on the outside. Nobody, no matter what their weight may be by the steelyards, can carry ’round such grand, hefty principles as I carry ’round, without gettin’ tired, or enjoy the lofty hopes, and desires, and aspirations that I enjoy, and meditate on all the sad, and mysterious, and puzzlin’ conundrums of the old world, as I meditate on ’em, without gettin’ fairly tuckered out. ”

“ Josiah is a man.
And I say it, and I say it plain that men hain’t no such creeters as he tries to make out they be. Men are first-rate creeters in lots of things, and as good as wimmen any day of the week.
Of course, I agree with Betsy that husbands are tryin’ in lots of things; they need a firm hand to the hellum to guide ’em along through the tempestuous wave of married life, and get along with ’em. They are loss of trouble, and then I think they pay all. Why, I wouldn’t swap my Josiah for the best house and lot in Janesville, or the crown of the Widder Albert. I love Josiah Allen. ”

“ I s’pose my meun apauled ’em, for Delila Ann says to me, in tremblin’ tones:
“All genteel wimmen dote on dogs.” And she added, in still more tremblin’ tones, as she see me meun keep a growin’ awfuller and awfuller every minute. “Nothin’ gives a woman such a genteel air as to lead ’em round with a ribbon.” And, she added, still a’keepin’ her eye on my meun: “I always know a woman is genteel, the minute I see her a-leadin’ ’em round, and I never have been mistaken once. And the more genteel a woman is, the more poodle dogs they have to dote on.” ”

“ I didn’t say a word to Delila Ann, nor the hull set on ’em. But my emotion riz up so that I spoke up loud to myself, unbeknown to me. I episoded to myself, almost mechanically, in a low, deep voice:
“Father’s bein’ killed with labor, and a world layin’ in wickedness, and wimmens dotin’ on dogs. Hundreds of thousands of houseless and homeless children—little fair souls bein’ blackened by vice and ignorance, with a black that can’t never be rubbed off this side of heaven, and immortal [111] wimmen spending their hull energies in keepin’ a pup’s hair white. ”

“ I don’t believe in lettin’ things get all run down and nasty, and then, once a year, tear everything to pieces, and do up all the hull cleanin’ of a year to once, and then let everything go agin for another year. No! I believe in keepin’ things slick and comfortable day by day, and year by year. In business, have a daily mixture of cleanin’ and comfort—in health, have a daily mixture of laber, recreation and rest.” Says I, takin’ breath:
“I mean for folks like you and Whitfield, who can do so. ”

“ Josiah makes me sights of trouble, but I cling to him closely.
I admit that men are curious creeters and tegus creeters, a good deal of the time. But then agin, so be wimmen, just as tegus, and I don’t know but teguser! I believe my soul, if I had got to be born again, I had almost as lives be born a man as a woman. ”

“ Honest hard-working poverty is respectable as anything can be respectable, and should be honored, if for no other reason, for the sake of Him, who, eighteen hundred years ago, made it illustrious forever. But poverty tryin’ to hide itself behind the aperiences; poverty concealin’ itself under a sham gentility, pretentious, deceitful poverty, trying to cover an empty stomach with a tinsel breastpin, is a sight sad enough to make angels weep and sinners too. Let your girls learn some honest trade, Delila Ann. ”

“ I might jest as well talk to the wind! if that man should get to be as old as Mr. Methusler, and be a goin’ a thousand years old, he would prick up his ears if he should hear of an exertion. All summer long that man has beset me to go to ’em, for he wouldn’t go without me. Old Bunker Hill himself, haint any sounder in principle than Josiah Allen, and I have had to work head-work to make excuses, and quell him down. But last week the old folks was goin’ to have one out on the lake, on an island, and that man sot his foot down that go he would. ”

“ Solemen takes her death hard. He sithed two or three times right along; and the widder sithed too. It was dretful affectin’ to hear ’em go on; and if I hadn’t been so busy, I don’t know but it would have drawed tears from me. But I was jest puttin’ in my sweetnin’ into my cherry pies, and I felt it my duty to be calm. So I composed myself, and kep’ on with my work, and heard ’em a talkin’ and a sympathizin’ with each other.
“Oh!” Solemen, in a mournful voice, “I can tell you, widder Doodle, there are tender memories in my heart for that wemen. ”

“ You see we don’t own much of anything in this world. It’s curious, but so it is. And what we call our own, don’t belong to us; not at all. That is one of the things that makes such an extremely curious world to live in. ”

“ When anybody is a-bakin’ up alive in crowded cities, when the hot sun is shinin’ back on ’em from brick walls and stony roads, when all the air that comes to them hot and suffocatin’, like a simon blowin’ over a desert—to such, a change of body is sweet, and is truly healthy. ”

“ Mandagood knew well how I felt on the subject. He knew well I was principled against it, and sot. I don’t like Mandagood. He misuses his wife, in the wurst way. Works her down almost to skin and bone. They don’t live happy together at all. He is always envious of anybody that lives pleasant and agreeable with their pardners, and loves to break it up. And I shall always believe that it wus one great reason why he twitted Josiah so. And, for Mandagood to keep at him all the time, and throw them dozen boarders in his face, it hain’t no wonder to me that Josiah felt hurt. ”

“ I told Tirzah Ann I thought it wus foolish in her to go off and rest, when they both, she and Whitfield, too, looked so awful rested now, and as bright as dollars. And that babe—well, it always wus the most beautiful child in the hull world, and the smartest child; but it does seem more as if it was smarter than ever, and beautifuler.
You see, their yard is large and shady, and the little thing havin’ got so it could run alone, would be out in the yard, a-playin’ round, most all the time. It was dretful good for her, and she enjoyed it, and Tirzah Ann enjoyed it, too ”

“ Every week a most they would go off on a exertion after pleasure, and Josiah was all up in end to go too.
That man is a well principled man, as I ever see, but if he had his head he would be worse than any young man I ever see to foller up picnics, and 4th of Julys, and camp meetings, and all pleasure exertions. But I don’t encourage him in it. I have said to him time and agin, “There is a time for everything, Josiah Allen, and afer any body has lost all their teeth, and every might of hair, on the top of their head, it is time for ’em to stop goin’ to pleasure exertions.” ”

“ I wouldn’t let ’em lose their chance of bein’ married for nothin’ in the world.”
“Good land!” says I, “is marryin’ the only theme [114] that anybody can lay holt of?” Says I, “it seems to me it would be the best way to lay holt of duty now, and then, if a bo come, lay holt on him. If they ketch a bo with such a hook as they are a-fishing with now, what kind of a bo will it be? Nobody but a fool would lay holt of a hook baited with dime novels and pups. Learn your girls to be industrious, and to respect themselves. They can’t now, Delila Ann, I know they can’t. ”

“ And it won’t do to expect too much in this world anyway. If you can only bring your lives down to it, it is a sight better to expect nothing, and then you won’t be disappointed if you get it, as you most probably will. ”

“ But when a woman lays holt of life in a noble, earnest way, when she is dutiful, and cheerful, and industrious, God-fearin’, and self-respectin’, through the world sinks, there is a rock under her feet that won’t let her down far enough to hurt her any. ”

“ Thinks I, we are makin’ fools of ourselves, by goin’ at all, and if he wants to make a little bigger fool of himself by wearin’ them white pantaloons, I won’t stand in his light. And then I had got some machine oil onto ’em, so I felt that I had got to wash ’em any way, before Thomas J. took ’em to school. So he put ’em on.
I had good vittles, and a sight of ’em. The basket wouldn’t hold ’em. So Josiah had to put a bottle of raspberry jell into the pocket of his dress coat, and lots of other little things, such as spoons, and knives, and forks, in his pantaloons, and breast pockets. ”

“ I always mistrust folks that are 2 good; there is a mejum course that I rather see folks pursue. I always love to see folks begin as they can hold out, and folks that are 2 good hardly ever hold out. When I see such folks, I always think of the poor sick woman that lay sufferin’ in total darkness for a week, vainly urgin’ her husband to buy some candles, till finally he went, one night, when she was asleep, and bought 12 candles, and lit ’em all and sot ’em in a row in front of her bed. ”

“ When they all want a gold butterfly to wear in their hair, are fairly sufferin’ for ’em and then pa won’t get ’em, in [113] such dark hours, they find the dear dogs such a comfort to ’em.
“Why don’t they go to work and earn their own butterflies, if they have got to have ’em?” says I, very coldly.
“Because they won’t never marry if they work,” says Delila Ann.
Says I, “It haint no such thing. Any man worth marryin’ would think as much again of a girl who had independence and common sense enough to earn her living, when her father was a poor man. Good land! ”

“ Of course, some have to work beyond their strength—let them take their rest and comfort when they can git it. Better take it once a year, like a box of pills, than not at all. But as for you and Whitfield, I say agin, in the words of the poet, ‘Better let well enough alone.’”
But says she:
“I want to do as other folks do. I am bound to not let Mrs. Skidmore get the upper hand of me. I want to be genteel.”
“Wall,” says I, “if you are determined to foller them paths, Tirzah Ann, you mustn’t come to your ma for advice. She knows nothin’ about them pathways; she never walked in ’em.” ”

“ I must speak my mind, though I hate to like a dog. And I say unto you, Delila Ann, and the hull eight of you, premiscues, that if you would take off some of your bebinet lace, [112] empty your laps of pups and dime novels, and go to work and lift some of the burden from the breakin’ back of Melankton Spicer, you would rise from twenty-five to fifty cents to my estimation, and I don’t know but more.”
“Oh!” says Delila Ann; “I want my girls to marry. It hain’t genteel for wimmen to work; they won’t never ketch a bo if they work.” ”

“ As I have remarked and said, I wus principled against takin’ in summer boarders. I had seen ’em took in, time and agin’ and seen the effects of it. And I had said, and said it calmly, that boarders was a moth. I had said, and [36] I have weighed my words, (as it were,) as I said it, that when a woman done her own housework, it wus all she ort to do, to take care of her own menfolks, and her house, and housen-stuff. And hired girls, I wus immovably sot against from my birth.
Home seemed to me to be a peaceful haven, jest large enough for two barks; my bark, and Josiah’s bark. ”

“ Whitfield says now, night after night, she will jump right up inside of the bed, and ketch holt of him, and yell the most uneerthly yells he ever, ever heard; and night after night, in the dead of night, she will jump right over him, onto the floor, thinkin’ she is drowndin’ agin; it makes it hard for ’em both, dretful.
The mineral water, they say, told awfully, and it went against Tirzah Ann’s stomach so, that she couldn’t hardly get down a tumblerful a day; she wus always dretful dainty and sort o’ delicate-like. But Mrs. Skidmore bein’ so tough, could drink seven tumblersful right down. ”