William Le Queux

“ I answered hoarsely. "You know, Ulrica, that I love him!" My voice was choked within me, so deep was my distress. "And he is to marry—to marry that woman!"
"My dear, take my advice and forget him," she said lightly. "There are lots of other men whom you could love quite as well. Poor Reggie, for instance, might have filled his place in your heart. He was charming—poor fellow! Your Ernest treated you as he has done all women. Why make yourself miserable and wear out your heart remembering a past which it is quite unnecessary to recall. ”

“ Ulrica is not at fault this time. No, I must not think. I have promised myself not to think during my work upon this narrative, but to try to forget all past unhappiness. To try! Ah! I would that I could calm my soul—steep it in a draught of such thoughtlessness that oblivion would come! But I fear that can never, never be!
It is terrible to think how a woman can suffer, and yet live. What a blessing it is that the world cannot read a woman's heart! Men may look upon our faces, but they cannot read the truth. Even though our hearts may be breaking, we may wear a smile ”

“ And yet the charge we women bring against Society for its flattery and its falsehood is an old-established one, and we go on year after year complaining in the same strain; those who have expected most, and have been the most deceived, complaining in the bitterest terms.
Having run the whole gamut of Society's follies, I had become heartsick; and never was the bald truth more forcibly impressed upon me than that night when, on descending to my cabin on board the Vispera, I found Ulrica there—the gay, careless Ulrica, whose sang-froid nothing ever ruffled—examining one of my newest gowns. ”

“ On the Sunday afternoon when the first Battle of Confetti was fought, we went out in our satin dominoes of mauve and old gold—the colours of that year—and had glorious fun pelting all and sundry with paper confetti, or whirling serpentines among the crowd in the Avenue de la Gare. Those who have been in Nice during Carnival know the wild gaiety of that Sabbath, the procession of colossal cars and grotesque figures, the ear-splitting bands, the ridiculous costumes of the maskers, the buoyant fun and the good humour of everybody in that huge cosmopolitan crowd. ”

“ Though Nice may be defective from a sanitary point of view, and her authorities churlish towards foreign visitors, nevertheless in early February it is certainly the gayest and most charming spot on the whole Riviera. The very streets, full of life and movement, are sweet with the perfume of roses, violets and mimosa; and at a time when the rest of Europe is held frost-bound, summer costumes and sunshades are the mode, while men wear their straw hats and flannels upon that finest of all sea-walks, the palm-planted Promenade des Anglais. ”

“ They never go up to quiet, grey, old Lucca, a town with walls and gates the same to-day as when Dante wandered there, untouched by the hand of the vandal, unspoilt by modern progress, undisturbed by tourist invaders. Its narrow, old-world streets of decaying palaces, its leafy piazzas, its Lily theatre, its proud, handsome people, all are charming to one who, like myself, loves Italy and the gay-hearted Tuscan.
Little time was there for reflection, however, for on alighting at Pisa I was compelled to conceal myself until the arrival of the express on its way from Rome to Paris. ”

“ No, my dear friend, Julie Fournereau is loyal only to those who are loyal to her, as many have before found out to their cost. I would have saved you had you not led the police here to raid my house, to arrest my friends, and to hurry me away to prison for a crime that I did not commit. But listen! You deny the murder of the young Englishman. Well, shall I relate to them all that occurred?"
"Tell them what untruths you like," he growled fiercely. "You cannot harm me."
"Yes, madame," urged old Mr. Keppel, "tell us all that you know. ”

“ Ulrica tells me, in the privacy of her little blue boudoir in Eaton Square, that she is no longer world-weary, living only for excitement, as in the fevered days gone by, but that her life is full of a peaceful happiness that cannot be surpassed. Nevertheless, I cannot really bring myself to believe that she is any happier than I am with Ernest in our pretty home at Hyde Park Gate, for the estrangement has rendered him all the more dear to me, and we are indeed supremely content in each other's perfect love. ”

“ Could it be that the woman for whom the message was intended lived there? Could it be that this woman for whose love Ernest had forsaken me was named Fournereau? I entertained a lively suspicion that I had at last discovered her name and her abode.
I think at that moment my usual discretion left me utterly. So many and so strange were the mysteries which had surrounded me during the past month or so, that I believe my actions were characterised by a boldness of which no woman in her right senses would have been capable. ”

“ Keppel had gone alone to the telegraph office in a cab.
The soft, balmy Italian night had fallen, and the white streets and piazzas of Leghorn were filled, as they always are at evening, with the light-hearted crowds of idlers; men with their hats stuck jauntily askew, smoking, laughing, gossiping; and women, dark-haired, black-eyed, the most handsome in all Italy, each with a mantilla of black lace or some light-coloured silk as head-covering, promenading and enjoying the bel fresco after the toil and burden of the day. ”

“ When Ulrica had left me, I stood before the small mirror of my tiny, white-enamelled cabin, gazing blankly at my own reflection. Why had Ernest forsaken me in favour of that tow-haired, doll-like person, whose parentage no one knew, and whose manners, as far as I had been able to observe them, savoured more of Kennington than Kensington? I was good-looking, still young, still attractive, still sufficiently alluring to cause men to turn and glance after me. ”

“ One evening, about ten days later, we dined at old Benjamin Keppel's invitation at the Villa Fabron.
Visitors to Nice know the great white mansion well. High up above the sea, beyond the Magnan, it stands in the midst of extensive grounds, shaded by date palms, olives and oranges, approached by a fine eucalyptus avenue, and rendered light with flowers, its dazzlingly white walls relieved by the green persiennes, a residence magnificent even for Nice—the town of princes. ”

“ How beautiful it was outside in that gay little place, with the Red Hungarian Band playing on the terrace of the Café de Paris, and half the grand monde of Europe lounging about and chattering! How enchanting was the grim Dog's Head as a fitting background in dark purple against the winter sunset, the brown Grimaldi rock rising sheer from the sea to the castellated walls of the Palace; to the right, Villefranche and San Juan dark upon the horizon,—the serrated Esterels dark and mysterious afar; while to the left, Bordighera was sparkling white in the sunshine. ”

“ Yachting is delightful, and I love it. But the enthusiasm of one's friends when they get ashore is always apt to become tiresome. No, my dear Carmela, we're in for a day of self-sacrifice to-morrow."
I sighed. For myself, I would have preferred to remain in Leghorn, for to me Pisa always seems like a marble-built city of the dead. A single visit there in the course of a life-time is sufficient for most people, and the modern tourist, en route for Rome, generally "does" the sights in a couple of hours, and is glad to get away to the Eternal City. ”

“ Yet you are only acting the part of the free woman. At heart you love as intensely and hate as fiercely as all the others. Is not that so?"
"You speak remarkably plainly, as though you were well acquainted with my private affairs," I remarked resentfully.
"I only say what I know to be the truth," he replied. "You, Carmela Rosselli, are not heartless like that emotionless woman who is your friend. The truth is that you love—you still love Ernest Cameron." ”

“ But many women at Monte Carlo play merely because it is the correct thing so to do, and very often are careless of either loss or gain.
The usual characters were there; the wizened old man with his capacious purse; the old hag in black cashmere, with her rouged face, playing and winning; and alas! the foolish young man who staked always in the wrong place, until he had flung away his last louis. In all the world there is no stranger panorama of life than that presented at ten o'clock at night at the tables of Monte Carlo. ”

“ It is, therefore, refreshing to find an albergo like the "Giappone," where not a soul speaks either English or French, which still retains its old-fashioned character, and is noted throughout the whole kingdom for its marvellous cooking and absurdly low charges. It is perhaps fortunate that the Cookite has never discovered that long, white-painted salle-à-manger where, upon each small table, stands the great flask of Tuscan wine, and where one can dine as a millionaire for the Italian equivalent of two shillings. ”

“ Every type, indeed, is represented in that long, single street at night—the dark-haired Jewess, the classic Greek, the thick-lipped Tunisian, the pale-cheeked Armenian, and the beautiful Tuscan, the purest type of beauty in all the world.
Once again, after several years, I heard, as I walked onward, the soft sibilations of the Tuscan tongue about me, the gay chatter of that city of sun and sea, where, although half the population is in a state of semi-starvation, hearts are still as light as in the days when "cara Livorno" was still prosperous. ”

“ Bitter tears sprang to my eyes, but I managed to preserve my self-control and enter the station-lift, making an inward vow that never again, in my whole life, would I set foot in that hated hell within a paradise called Monte Carlo.
True, I was a woman who, abandoned by the man she loved, amused herself wherever amusement could be procured; but I still remained an honest woman, as I had always been ever since those sweet and well-remembered days spent in the grey old convent outside Florence. At Monte Carlo the scum of the earth enjoy the flowers of the earth. ”

“ That same evening, as the winter sun was sinking behind the Esterels, we followed the dead man's remains to their resting-place in the English cemetery, high up in the olive groves of Caucade—perhaps one of the most beautiful and picturesque burial-places in the world. Winter and summer it is always a blaze of bright flowers, and the view over the olive-clad slope and the calm Mediterranean beyond is one of the most charming in all the Riviera. ”

“ How would Ernest act if he were aware of the actual truth? I wondered. Would he still have confidence in his pink-and-white doll?
Perhaps. Men are incomprehensible creatures where their love is concerned. When fascinated by a woman's smile, they will lick the hand that cuffs them; they will allow Aspasia to drench them with vin mousseux, to smother them with chiffons, to stifle them with mots, and to sell them for rouleaux, and yet make no audible complaint. ”

“ I must confess that, tutored by Ulrica, I had long ago listened to Society's reasonings, and had thus become a worldly woman. Now a worldly woman is necessarily a woman possessing tact, and able at the same time to tell untruths with grace, and successfully to act a part whenever necessary.
Woman is gifted by nature with a remarkable quickness of perception, by means of which she is able to detect the earliest approach of aught tending to destroy that high-toned purity of character for which, even in the days of chivalry, she was more reverenced and adored than for her beauty itself. ”

“ The disadvantages of marriage to a woman with a profession are more obvious than to a man, and it is just the question of maternity, with all its duties and responsibilities, which is occasionally the cause of many women forswearing the privileges of the married state."
"Well, Ulrica," I said, "speaking candidly, would you marry if you had a really good offer?"
"Marry? Certainly not," she answered, with a laugh, as though the idea were perfectly preposterous. "Why should I marry? I've had a host of offers, just as every woman with a little money always has. ”

“ At Monte Carlo the conversation is always of play. If you meet an acquaintance, you do not ask after her health, but of her luck and her latest successes.
The two bejewelled worlds, the monde and the demi-monde, ate, drank, and chattered in that restaurant of wide renown. The company was cosmopolitan, the conversation polyglot, the dishes marvellous. At the table next us there sat the Grand-Duke Michael of Russia, with the Countess Torby, and beyond a British earl with a couple of smart military men. ”

“ Why, it's the most snobbish place on the whole Riviera. The persons who have villas there are mostly those whom we taboo in society at home. One interesting person has had the audacity to name his villa after a royal palace. It's like a fellow putting up 'Buckingham Palace' upon his ten-roomed house at Streatham Hill. No, Miss Rosselli, save me from San Remo! The hotels there are ruinous, and mostly of the fourth class, while the tradespeople are as rapacious a set of sharks as can be found outside Genoa. ”

“ I stood bewildered, watching the revolving red and black roulette-wheel, and the eager crowd of faces around it.
"Vingt! Rouge, pair et passe!" the croupier cried, and a couple of louis which Ulrica had placed on the last dozen were swept away with the silver, notes and gold, to swell the bank.
I thought of my secret grief. I thought of Ernest Cameron, and pursed my lips. The old Tuscan proverb which the nuns in Firenze had taught me so long ago was very true: "Amore non é senza amaro." ”

“ I knew Doris Ansell well—a snub-nosed, under-sized little gossip, and had always believed that she entertained towards me some ill-will—for what reason I never could ascertain.
"And why should you fly into such a rage?" she inquired, with affected coolness. "If you were to change into Mrs. Ben Keppel you would at least possess a very substantial income, even if your husband was a rough diamond. You would exact the envy of half the women we know, and surely that's quite sufficient success to have obtained. One can't have everything in this world. ”