author:Michael Drayton

“ Iohn⁠Sirra, what art thou, thou seem'st a gentleman?
⁠King⁠I am no lesse, yet a poore one now, for thou hast all my mony.
⁠sir Iohn⁠From whence cam'st thou?
⁠King⁠From the court at Eltham.
⁠sir Iohn⁠Art thou one of the Kings seruants?
⁠King⁠Yes that I am and one of his chamber.
⁠sir Iohn⁠I am glad thou art no worse, thou maist the better spare thy mony, & thinkst thou thou mightst get a poor thiefe his pardon if he should haue neede.
⁠King.⁠Yes that I can.
⁠sir Iohn⁠Wilt thou do so much for me, when I shall haue occasion?
⁠King⁠Yes faith will I, so it be for no murther. ”

“ Ile speake a prowd word, I haue but one parsonage, Wrootham, tis better than the Bishopprick of Rochester, theres nere a hill, heath, nor downe in all Kent, but tis in my parish, Barrham downe, Chobham downe, Gads hill, Wrootham hill, Blacke heath, Cockes heath, Birchen wood, all pay me tythe, gold quoth a? ye passe not for that.
Suff.Harry ye are out, now parson shake the dice.
sir Iohn.Set, set Ile couer ye at al: A plague on't I am out, the diuell, and dice, and a wench, who will trust them?
Suff.Saist thou so priest? set faire, at all for once. ”

“ Sum.I haue the law to warrant what I do, and though the Lord Cobham be a noble man, that dispenses not with law, I dare serue processe were a fiue noble men, though we Sumners make sometimes a mad slip in a corner with a prettie wench, a Sumner must not goe alwayes by seeing, a manne may be content to hide his eies, where he may feele his profit: well, this is my Lord Cobhams house, if I can deuise to speake with him, if not, Ile clap my citation vpon's doore, so my lord of Rochester bid me, but me thinkes here comes one of his men. ”

“ Well, Ile to Westminster in this disguise,
To heare what newes is stirring in these brawles.
Enter sir Iohn.
⁠Sir Iohn⁠Stand true-man saies a thiefe?
⁠King⁠Stand thiefe, saies a true man, how if a thiefe?
⁠Sir Iohn⁠Stand thiefe too.
⁠King⁠Then thiefe or true-man I see I must stand, I see how soeuer the world wagges, the trade of theeuing yet will neuer downe, what art thou?
⁠sir Iohn⁠A good fellow.
⁠King⁠So am I too, I see thou dost know me.
⁠sir Iohn⁠.If thou be a good fellow, play the good fellowes part, deliuer thy purse without more adoe.
⁠King⁠I haue no mony. ”

“ Harp.O Lord sir, oh oh, he eates.
Feed, feed, wholsome rogue, wholsome.
Cannot you like an honest Sumner walke with the diuell your brother, to fetch in your Bailiffes rents, but you must come to a noble mans house with processe? Sbloud if thy seale were as broad as the lead that couers Rochester church, thou shouldst eate it.
Sum.O I am almost choaked, I am almost choaked.
Harp.Who's within there? wil you shame my Lord, is there no beere in the house? Butler I say. ”

“ It is a shame for you, and Ile stand too't,
Your foolish almes maintaines more vagabonds,
Then all the noblemen in Kent beside.
Out you rogues, you knaues, worke for your liuings,
Alas poore men, O Lord, they may beg their hearts out,
Theres no more charitie amongst men,
Then amongst so many mastiffe dogges,
What make you here, you needy knaues? ”

“ Able to strength our action with your purse,
You are elected for a colonell
Ouer a regiment of fifteene bands.
MurleyFue paltrie paltrie, in and out, to and fro, be it more or lesse, vppon occasion, Lorde haue mercie vppon vs, what a world is this? Sir Roger Acton, I am but a Dunstable man, a plaine brewer, ye know: will lusty Caualiering captaines gentlemen come at my calling, goe at my bidding? Daintie my deere, theile doe a dogge of waxe, a horse of cheese, a pricke and a pudding, no, no, ye must appoint some lord or knight at least to that place. ”

“ Praying your Lordship to accept their gift.
Suf.I thanke them, my Lord Bishop, for their loue,
But will not take their mony, if you please
To giue it to this gentleman, you may.
Bish.Sir, then we craue your furtherance herein.
But.The best I can my Lord of Rochester.
Bish.Nay, pray ye take it, trust me but you shal,
sir IohnWere ye all three vpon New Market heath,
You should not neede straine curtsie who should ha'te,
Sir Iohn would quickely rid ye of that care.
SufThe King is comming, feare ye not my Lord,
The very first thing I will breake with him,
Shal be about your matter. ”

“ Enter Murley and his men, prepared in some filthy order for warre.
⁠Murly.⁠Come my hearts of flint, modestly, decently, soberly, and handsomly, no man afore his Leader, follow your master, your Captaine, your Knight that shal be, for the honor of Meale-men, Millers, and Mault-men dunne is the mowse, Dicke and Tom for the credite of Dunstable, ding downe the enemie to morrow, ye shall not come into the field like beggars, where be Leonard and Laurence my two loaders, Lord haue mercie vpon vs, what a world is this? ”

“ The Irish man falls to rifle his master.
Alas poe mester, S. Rishard Lee, be saint Patricke is rob and cut thy trote, for dee shaine, and dy money, and dee gold ring, be me truly is loue thee wel, but now dow be kil thee, bee shitten kanaue.
⁠sir Iohn⁠Stand sirra, what art thou?
⁠Irishman.⁠Be saint Patricke mester is pore Irisman, is a leufter.
⁠sir Iohn⁠Sirra, sirra, you are a damned rogue, you haue killed a man here, and rifled him of all that he has, sbloud you ”

“ You maister Maior, looke to your citizens,
You maister Sherife vnto your shire, and you
As Iustices in euery ones precinct
There be no meetings. When the vulgar sort
Sit on their Ale-bench, with their cups and kannes,
Matters of state be not their common talke,
Nor pure religion by their lips prophande.
Let vs returne vnto the Bench againe,
And there examine further of this fray.
Enter a Baily and a Serieant
Sher.Sirs, haue ye taken the lord Powesse yet? ”

“ No gentle Lord, your presence would giue ease
To death it selfe, should he now seaze vpon me,
Behold what my foresight hath vndertane heres bread and cheese & a bottle.
For feare we faint, they are but homely cates. ”

“ Harp.Who I driue them hence? if I driue poore men from your doore, Ile be hangd, I know not what I may come to my selfe: yea, God help you poore knaues, ye see the world yfaith, well, you had a mother: well, God be with thee good Lady, thy soule's at rest: she gaue more in shirts and smocks to poore children, then you spend in your house, & yet you liue a beggar too.
CobhamEuen the worst deede that ere my mother did, was in releeuing such a foole as thou. ”

“ Butler, poste you to London with all speede.
Commaund the ⁠Maior⁠, and shrieues, on their alegiance,
The cittie gates be presently shut vp,
And guarded with a strong sufficient watch,
And not a man be suffered to passe,
Without a speciall warrant from our selfe.
Command the Posterne by the Tower be kept,
And proclamation on the paine of death,
That not a citizen stirre from his doores,
Except such as the Maior and Shrieues shall chuse,
For their owne guarde, and safety of their persons,
Butler away, haue care vnto my charge. ”

“ For we haue traueld very far to day,
We must be content with such as you haue.
⁠Hoste⁠But I cannot tell how to doe with your man.
⁠Harpoole⁠What, hast thou neuer an empty roome in thy house for me?
⁠Hoste⁠Not a bedde by my troth: there came a poore Irish man, and I lodgde him in the barne, where he has faire straw, though he haue nothing else.
⁠Harp.⁠Well mine hoste, I pray thee helpe mee to a payre of faire sheetes, and Ile go lodge with him.
⁠Hoste⁠By the masse that thou shalt, a good payre of hem∣pen sheetes, were neuer laine in: Come. exeunt. ”

“ Sum.I am my lord of Rochesters Sumner, I came to do my office, and thou shalt answere it.
Harp.Sirra, no railing, but betake you to your teeth, thou shalt eate no worse then thou bringst with thee, thou bringst it for my lord, and wilt thou bring my lord worse then thou wilt eate thy selfe?
Sum.Sir, I brought it not my lord to eate.
Harp.O do you sir me now, all's one for that, but ile make you eate it, for bringing it.
Sum.I cannot eate it.
Harp.Can you not? sbould ile beate you vntil you haue a stomacke. he beates him. ”

“ I would giue a couple of shillings for a dozen of good fethers for ye, and forty pence for as many skarffes to set ye out withall, frost and snow, a man has no heart to fight till he be braue.
⁠Dicke⁠Master I hope we be no babes, for our manhood, our bucklers, and our towne foote-balls can beare witnesse: and this lite parrell we haue shall off, and wee'l fight naked afore we runne away. ”

“ Booted and spurrd, it seemes he hath beene riding.
⁠Camb.⁠VVell met lord Cobham.
⁠Cobh.⁠My lord of Cambridge?
Your honor is most welcome into Kent,
And all the rest of this faire company.
I am new come from London, gentle Lordes:
But will ye not take Cowling for your host,
And see what entertainement it affordes?
⁠Camb.⁠We were intended to haue beene your guests:
But now this lucky meeting shall suffise
To end our businesse, and deferre that kindnesse.
⁠Cobh.⁠Businesse my lord? what businesse should you haue
But to be mery? ”

“ MurleySay Amen, and say no more, but say, and hold ma∣ster Beuerley, friday next, and Ficket field, and William Murley, and his merry men shalbe al one, I haue halfe a score iades that draw my beere cartes, and euery iade shall beare a knaue, and euery knaue shall weare a iacke, and euery iacke shal haue a scull, and euery scull shal shew a speare, and euery speare shal kill a foe at Ficket field, at Ficket field, Iohn and Tom, and Dicke and Hodge, and Rafe and Robin, William & George, and all my knaues shall fight like men, at Ficket field on friday next. ”

“ Well, a Gods name be it, what's their number? say,
Or who's the chiefe commander of this rowt?
Hunt.Their number is not knowne, as yet (my Lord)
But tis reported Sir Iohn Old-castle
Is the chiefe man, on whom they do depend.
Har.How, the Lord Cobham?
Hunt.Yes my gracious Lord.
Bish.I could haue told your maiestie as much
Before he went, but that I saw your Grace
Was too much blinded by his flaterie.
Suf.Send poast my Lord to fetch him backe againe.
But.Traitor vnto his country, how he smooth'de,
And seemde as innocent as Truth it selfe? ”

“ Playne heretikes, Ile stand toote to their teeth,
Should haue to colour, their vile practises,
A title of such worth, as Protestant? enter one wyth a letter.
Suf.O but you must not sweare, it ill becomes
One of your coate, to rappe out bloudy oathes.
Bish.Pardon him good my Lord, it is his zeale,
An honest country prelate, who laments
To see such foule disorder in the church. ”

“ Priest robs him.
⁠sir Iohn⁠Auant you rascal, go sirra, be walking, come Doll the diuel laughes, when one theefe robs another, come madde wench, weele to saint Albons, and reuel in our bower, hey my braue girle.
⁠Doll⁠O thou art old sir Iohn, when all's done yfaith.
Enter the hoste of the Bell with the Irish man.
⁠Irishman⁠Be me tro mester is pore Irisman, is want ludging, is haue no mony, is starue and cold, good mester giue her some meate, is famise and tie. ”

“ Wel I heare there is a company of rebelles vp against the King, got together in Ficket field neere Holborne, and as it is thought here in Kent, the King will be there to night in's owne person, well ile to the Kings camp, and it shall go hard, but if there be any doings, Ile make some good boote amongst them. ”

“ A noyse againe heard about the house, a pretty while, then enter the Constable meeting Harpoole in the Irish mans apparrell.
⁠Con.⁠Stand close, heere comes the Irish man that didde the murther, by all tokens, this is he.
⁠Maior⁠And perceiuing the house beset, would get away: stand sirra.
⁠Harp.⁠What art thou that bidst me stand?
⁠Con.⁠I am the Officer, and am come to search for an Irish man, such a villaine as thy selfe, that hast murthered a man this last night by the hie way.
⁠Harp.⁠Sbloud Constable, art thou madde? am I an Irish man? ”

“ Is freely hapned? sleepe with gentle hand,
Hath shut his eie-liddes, oh victorious labour,
How soone thy power can charme the bodies sense?
And now thou likewise climbst vnto my braine,
Making my heauy temples stoupe to thee,
Great God of heauen from danger keepe vs free. both sleepes.
Enter sir Richard Lee, and his men
⁠Lee.⁠A murder closely done and in my ground? ”

“ Harp.Thou art the madst priest that euer I met with.
Wroth.Giue me thy hand, thou art as good a fellow, I am a singer, a drinker, a bencher, a wencher, I can say a masse, and kisse a lasse: faith I haue a parsonage, and bicause I would not be at too much charges, this wench serues me for a sexton.
Harp.Well said mad priest, weele in and be friends. Exeunt.
Enter sir Roger Acton, master Bourne, master Beuerley, and William Murley the brewer of Dunstable.
ActonNow maister Murley, I am well assurde
You know our arrant, and do like the cause,
Being a man affected as we are? ”

“ But.Didst thou not rob me?
sir IohnI must confesse I saw some of your gold, but my dread Lord, I am in no humor for death, therfore saue my life, God will that sinners liue; do not you cause me die, once in their liues the best may goe astray, and if the world say true, your selfe (my liege) haue bin a thiefe. ”

“ Harp.What should I giue them? you are growne so beggarly, you haue scarce a bitte of breade to giue at your doore: you talke of your religion so long, that you haue banished charitie from amongst you, a man may make a flaxe shop in your kitchin chimnies, for any fire there is stirring. ”

“ DollOh you are an od boie, you haue a wanton eie of your owne: ah you sweet sugar lipt wanton, you will winne as ma∣ny womens hearts as come in your company. Enter Priest.
Wroth.Doll, come hither.
Harp.Priest, she shal not.
DollIle come anone, sweete loue.
Wroth.Hand off, old fornicator.
Harp.Vicar, Ile sit here in spight of thee, is this fitte stuffe for a priest to carry vp and downe with him?
WrothamAh sirra, dost thou not know, that a good fellow parson may haue a chappel of ease, where his parish Church is farre off?
Harp.You whooreson ston'd Vicar. ”