Bellair

“ At this moment a young man emerged from the harbour-front door of the Hatmos office, locking it after him. Bellair came up from his dream. Such realities of the city man are mainly secret. It was the worn surface that Bellair presented to the stranger, a sophisticated and imperturbable surface, and one employed so often that its novelty was gone. ”

“ Bellair never forgot that, or rather what she had meant to say.
“Singing is what drew me to you, Bessie. What I object to is what the world tries to do with its singers, and that so many singers fall for it.”
“The world lets you more or less alone—until you make good. Plenty of time after that to answer back.”
She yawned. It was as near reality as they had gotten, and Bellair, who asked so little, had a glimpse again of the loveliness he had first taken to sea—even to the kiss at the last. ”

“ In the afternoon he passed Bellair brusquely, and drank the night away with Stackhouse. The next day both face and figure had a new burden; the real man was now imprisoned more effectively than even his sobriety could accomplish.... Then the descent day by day—the narrow, woman’s waist and the broad, lean shoulders becoming a hunched unit, face averted, hands thick. Bellair always felt that Stackhouse was in a way responsible—for the old Master had known what would come and lured it on. He had foretold each stage—even to the last of McArliss drinking alone. ”

“ A city man who had long dreamed of a country garden; or indeed, Bellair was a city man who had long dreamed of a full-rigged ship to fulfil in part the romance of his soul. The Jade had a dear inner life for him, satisfied him with her lines, her breathing, settling and repose. A fine [Pg 70] hunger began to animate the length and breadth of the man. ”

“ There was no joyousness and peace in the lower runways, but pain and heavy pressures.... Bellair saw himself moving among those halls again, not a stranger, but with a hand, a smile, a dollar. No one would moan for days without his knowing. [Pg 163] He would find day-work for the little telephone miss, and send orders for hats to the milliner. He would awaken that shadow of all the shadows, the landlady, with kindness and healing. ”

“ Bellair eased his agony by letting him go—the money gripped in his hands, his limbs hastening, eyes darting to the right and left, as he sped through the swinging door.... For several moments, Bellair sat in the sorrow of it—lost in the grimmest of all tragedies—that here we are, a [Pg 257] human family, all designed for lofty and majestic ends, yet having lost the power to articulate to each other. Suddenly Bellair remembered that the old face had looked into his for a swift second, when he was released—shaken, ashen, a murmur of something like “God thank you,” on the trembling lips. ”

“ It had been as if he were out under the stars again,—Fleury talking from the shadows near the woman—the rest, vastness and starlight.
“It’s the too-great light, Bellair. It came when I could stand it. As soon as I could love you enough I could pray. It is the loss of the sense of self that made it wonderful. ”

“ All right, Davy. I’ve told ’em where to find it on the back of the note.... And now Bellair—you were saying——”
2
Bellair watched for the turn on the part of Broadwell that would reveal the character of his message, for he did not believe the matter of the copy for the printer. The chill was thick between them, yet Bellair managed to say:
“I’m not here for reprisal or trouble-making. It’s rather a novelty to be innocent, yet charged with a thing; certainly one sees a look from the world that could come no other way. I want to see you again—soon. I’ve got a story to tell you. ”

“ Bellair was Dr. Bellair, and she had a reverential affection for her.
There was a little silence. The Doctor evidently found it hard to begin. "You love children, don't you, Vivian?"
The girl's eyes kindled, and a heavenly smile broke over her face. "Better than anything in the world," she said. ”

“ His face turned toward Fleury, but did not meet the preacher’s eyes.
“The Jade brought a sweet cargo to Ameriga, and Stackhouse does not bank in New York.... Bellair, I want to drink—so the talk will come——”
So absurd was the sound of cargo and banking that Bellair thought his mind had wandered again, yet he said:
“You are better. You cannot drink each hour. If this is to help you, you must be sane.” ”

“ A religious young man, who always occurred to Bellair’s mind as he had once seen him, crossing the Square a summer evening, a book under his arm, his short steps lifted and queerly rounded, as if treading a low-geared sprocket ”

“ It was all tremendously satisfying to Bellair. He had reacted on the last reaction, and was healed throughout. Worldliness was lost from his mental pictures of Bessie; daily she became more as he wanted her to be. Lot & Company had lost its upstanding and formidable black—was far-off now and dimly pitiable. He had not cared what was ahead; it had been the Jade and the voyage that had called him, but now the Islands and all that watery universe of the Southern Pacific were in prospect, to explore and make his own. Perhaps men were younger there; trade less old and ramified ”

“ He knew that considerable canvas was still spread between California, Australia and the Islands, but what a well-kept if ancient maiden of the Jade’s species was doing here in New York harbour, A. D. Nineteen hundred and odd, was not disclosed to Bellair until afterward, and not clearly then.
He knew her for a barkentine, and in the intensely personal appeal of the moment he was a bit sorry for the blend. To his eyes the schooner-rig of mizzen and main masts was not to be compared for beauty to the trisected fore. ”

“ They were a full day at sea, before Bellair was called to sit down before the great cane chair. There was a warm land wind; November already forgotten. The Jade had gathered up her skirts and was swinging along with a low music of her own. Stackhouse waddled back to his chair from the land-rail, a remarkable mass of crumpled silks, the canes marked in the general effusion of dampness along his back and legs, the silks caught up behind by a system of wrinkles and imprints, and one hitched pantaloon revealing the familiar muff of fur above the selvage of his fallen sock. ”

“ Bellair had heard repeatedly that some such dweller appeared to each man who makes an abrupt turn from the life of flesh to the life of the spirit. Each of the three had seen something foreign in the eyes of Stackhouse. It is true they had not talked of it; possibly to each it was different in its deadliness; perhaps theirs was not the demon he saw, since Fleury and the woman were much farther on the way than he, but they had been good enough to share responsibility for the visitation. Indeed, the Faraway Woman could not have been acting, since a cry came from her the instant it appeared. ”

“ A man often has to readjust hastily after the night before. It was so with Bellair now. Her eyes were bright with emotions, but a certain hardness was shining there. It was an effort for her to think of him and be kind. He would have seen it all in another’s story.
His glance kept turning to her bare arm, upon which a hideous vaccination-scar was revealed. They had not thought of her singing in those days.... She had never spoken of her house or her people. It was enough that those days were finished. Bellair could understand that. ”

“ Fleury whispered.
The ship’s bell struck twice; the cane-chair [Pg 88] creaked; they turned by habit to note the appearance of the Japanese woman with drink. She did not fail. Stackhouse came to with a prolonged snore, a sound unlike a pair of pit-terriers at work.
“A considerable brute,” muttered the preacher.
“He has been much of a man in his way,” said Bellair.
“He talks much—that is weakness.”
Their eyes met. Bellair began to understand how deeply the other’s experience had bitten him.
“He’s afraid of death,” Fleury added.
“I wonder,” Bellair mused. “He talks always of death. ”

“ Humid heat in the harbour, a day of soft low clouds. The man who pushed Brooklyn from him, had discarded even more thoroughly the clothing of temperate climes. The vivid black of his hairy chest was uncovered, and there was a shining bar of the same, just above the selvage of white sock. Bellair thought he must be hairy as a collie dog.... ”

“ Bellair smoked to the workman; also he smoked to Stackhouse. Something kindly had come over him for the Animal. Lot & Company had helped him to it.... Yes, he thought, the animal part is right enough. It is only when the human adult consciousness turns predatory that the earth is laid waste and the stars are fogged.... These were but back-flips of Bellair’s mind. ”

“ Bellair regarded himself as an average man; and after all perhaps this was the most significant thing about him. He was not average to look at—the face of a student and profoundly kind—and yet, he had moved in binding routine for five years that they knew of at Lot & Company’s. ”

“ He fell to dreaming again and again of the Jade—the last misty glimpse of her at the Narrows, and the huge brown hands pushing Brooklyn away.... There is pathos in the city man’s love and need for fresh air. Bellair pulled his bed to the window at last, surveying the room without regard. Long afterward he dreamed that he was out on the heaving floor of the sea, and that a man-monster came down from the deck in pajamas, and pressing his hands against the walls of the cabin, made respiration next to impossible for the inmate. ”

“ Here she was in Brandt’s already, and singing as if for the angels.
Bellair was four-fifths undiscovered country, as are all men but the very few, who dare to be themselves. Already the world was calling to him sharply for this first step aside from the worn highways of the crowd. He had not been normal to-night, even in his room; and his present adventure had already summoned forth all the hateful reserves of his training, as Prentidd’s departure had started the lies through the floors and halls of Lot & Company. ”

“ Sproxley’s eyes.
There was much mental roving on Bellair’s part that week; moments in which the Monday morning abandon returned, and his self-amazement of the Tuesday luncheon, upon discovering how deeply his thoughts were imbedded in the prevailing lie. New York and the salary clutched him hard at intervals; so that he saw something of what was meant to give it up; also he saw that dreams are dreams.... Thousands of other young men would be glad to do his work, even his dirty work. ”

“ Bessie had not thought of it; she was not sure.
Nor was Bellair. “The fact is, it doesn’t greatly matter what women think of women, and what men think of men—compared to what men [Pg 315] and women think of each other,” he observed.
“You say you didn’t know that other man at first—that preacher,” she remarked.
“That’s true. There had to be danger—I had to hear his voice in danger.”
Bellair was lifted to his life-theme. He had never really told it in one piece. He did not mean to now, but Fleury came clearly to mind. ”

“ Bellair surveyed his world as the dawn came up.... Thirst and fasting; possibly, the end.... The peculiar part of his open boat contemplations, no two were alike. Physical denial hurried him from one plane to another from which he regarded his world—his two worlds, for Stackhouse behind was one, and his friends forward, another; the one drawing his love, courage [Pg 116] and finest ideals; the other, repression of self, lest he wear himself out in hatred. They were not talkers in front. He had not seen quite the entire fulfilment of Fleury’s meaning about talking until late moments. ”

“ It appeared a useless recounting of obvious things. Bellair had thought this out bit by bit several times without finding the least substance [Pg 118] to tie to. Fleury’s addition merely accentuated the bleakness of their position.
“Still,” the preacher added, “if there is nothing for us to do in the way of struggle—the rest is simplified. We may be thoroughly tested, but I feel a strange confidence of our ultimate delivery. I thought of it before we had parted from the Jade. It came to me again in the night. I believe it now. We do not belong to the deep—not all of us.” ”

“ The president of a great manufacturing plant, content to be known as a tradesman—an excellent, a Quaker simplicity about that.
Bellair’s particular friend in the establishment was Broadwell of the advertising-desk, a young man of his own age who was improving himself evenings and who aspired to be a publisher. But even closer to his heart was Davy Acton, one of the office-boys, who had been tested out and was not a liar. A sincere sad-faced lad of fifteen, who lived with his mother somewhere away down town. He looked up to Bellair as to a man among men, one who had achieved. ”

“ Fleury said:
“He is having his adventures. He will be a great man. He will have the world at his finger-tips, when he is as old as we are—and then his real work will begin. For when we know enough of the world, we turn to God.”
The note of the preacher in this did not embarrass [Pg 109] Bellair, as it would have done before the Jade’s sinking.
“He will be a great power,” Fleury went on, for the heart of the mother. “These things which for him pass unconsciously, will form him nevertheless. They will do their work within; and when he is grown he will know what to do and say.” ”

“ It was the fear [Pg 111] of the fear; the same that causes men to leap from high places through the very horror of the thought of leaping. The water lapped the clinkered sides of the small boat. He touched it. His flesh took from the coolness something that numbed the pervading alarm; a message which the wet hand sensed, but the brain could not interpret. The presence of the others forward sustained him; Stackhouse in the stern was the downpull; thus Bellair was in the balance.
It was yet far from dawn; certainly no lighter, but Bellair could see better. The woman was looking away. ”