Bernardine

“ All the long nights through Bernardine would weep and moan and wring her little white hands. When Miss Rogers attempted to expostulate with her, declaring no one could compel her to marry Jasper Wilde against her will, she would only shake her head and cry the more bitterly, moaning out that she did not understand.
"I confess, Bernardine, I do not understand you," she declared, anxiously. "You will not try to help yourself, but are going willingly, like a lamb to the slaughter, as it were." ”

“ This is one of them."
"Is love, the sweetest boon e'er given to women, and yet the bitterest woe to many, the rock on which you wrecked your life, child? Tell me that much."
"Yes," sobbed Bernardine. "I loved, and was—cruelly—deceived!"
"Oh, do not tell me that!" cried Miss Rogers. "I can not bear it. Oh, Heaven! that you, so sweet, and pure, and innocent, should fall a victim to a man's wiles! Oh, tell me, Bernardine, that I have not heard aright!" ”

“ With these strong, active people, to be ill and useless is a reproach. And Bernardine felt it as such. But she had changed, and she herself perceived it in many ways. It was not that she was necessarily better, but that she was different; probably more human, and probably less self- confident. She had lived in a world of books, and she had burst through that bondage and come out into a wider and a freer land.
New sorts of interests came into her life. What she had lost in strength, she had gained in tenderness. ”

“ As soon as she was able to leave her bed, Bernardine sent for the matron.
"You have all been very kind to me," she said, tears shining in her dark eyes. "You have saved my life; but perhaps it would have been better if you had let me die."
"No, no, my dear; you must not say that," responded the good woman, quickly. "The Lord intends you to do much good on earth yet. When you are a little stronger, we will talk about your future."
"I am strong enough to talk about it now," replied Bernardine. "You know I am poor, and the only way by which a poor girl can live is by working." ”

“ To sit quietly by and hear mother and daughter discuss the man she loved, was as hard for Bernardine to endure as the pangs of death.
"He is sure to be a worshipful husband," said Miss Margaret. "I always said love would be a grand passion with Jay. He will love once, and that will be forever, and to his wife he will be always true."
[Pg 192] Poor, hapless Bernardine could have cried aloud as she listened. What would that proud lady-mother and that haughty sister say if they but knew how he had tricked her into a sham marriage, and abandoned her then and there? ”

“ CHAPTER VII. BERNARDINE. THE crisp mountain air and the warm sunshine began slowly to have their effect on Bernardine, in spite of the Disagreeable Man's verdict. She still looked singularly lifeless, and appeared to drag herself about with painful effort; but the place suited her, and she enjoyed sitting in the sun listening to the music which was played by a scratchy string band. Some of the Kurhaus guests, seeing that she was alone and ailing, made some attempts to be kindly to her. She always seemed astonished that people should concern themselves about her ”

“ The old basket-maker's lips moved, but no sound came from them; the terror in his eyes became more apparent with each moment.
"I will never change my decision," said Bernardine.
Jasper Wilde drew his chair up nearer to the girl.
"Listen to me, Bernardine," he said. "You shall marry me, by all the gods above and all the demons below! I have never been thwarted in any wish or desire of my life. I shall not be thwarted in this!"
"You would not wish me to marry you against my will?" said the girl. ”

“ Then came the awakening. He received a letter from Sally Pendleton, in which she upbraided him for not writing. That letter reminded him that he was not free; that before he had met Bernardine, he had bound himself in honor to another.
He was perplexed, agitated. He loved Bernardine with his whole heart, and yet, upon another girl's hand shone his betrothal-ring.
When the knowledge of his love for sweet Bernardine came to him, he told himself that he ought to fly from her; go where the witchery of her face, the charm of her presence, would never set his heart on fire ”

“ And I have enjoyed myself, and will still."
"How can you go about with that little danseuse?" the Disagreeable Man said to Bernardine one day. "Do you know who she is?"
"Yes," said Bernardine; "she is the lady who thinks you must be a very ill-bred person because you stalk into meals, with your hands in your pockets. She wondered how I could bring myself to speak to you."
"I dare say many people wonder at that," said Robert Allitsen rather peevishly.
"Oh no," replied Bernardine; "they wonder that you talk to me. They think I must either be very clever or else very disagreeable." ”

“ Bernardine saw that the man she had to deal with was no ordinary person. He meant every word that he said. She tried to cry out to Heaven to help her in this, her hour of need, but her white lips could form no word. ”

“ Like one fairly dazed, Bernardine flew along the corridor toward the blue and gold room which she knew had been set apart for Jay Gardiner's use.
She could hear the murmur of excited voices as she reached the door.
She saw that it was ajar. A draught of wind blew it open as she approached.
As she reached the threshold, Bernardine stood rooted to the spot at the spectacle that met her gaze.
Young Mrs. Gardiner was bending over her hapless husband with a face so transformed by hate—yes, hate [Pg 252] —there was no mistaking the expression—that it nearly took Bernardine's breath away. ”

“ She listened and said nothing.
"I'm a chap that wants very little," he said once. "Those who want little, get nothing."
That was all he said, but Bernardine knew to whom he referred.
To-day, as Bernardine was on her way back to the Kurhaus, she was thinking constantly of Mrs. Reffold, and wondering whether she ought to be made to realize that her husband was becoming rapidly worse. Whilst engrossed with this thought, a long train of sledges and toboggans passed her. The sound of the bells and the noisy merriment made her look up, and she saw beautiful Mrs. Reffold amongst the pleasure-seekers. ”

“ It was scarcely an hour from the time the matron had left her until she returned; but when she did so, she cried out in alarm, for Bernardine's face was of an ashen pallor, her dark eyes were like coals of fire, and her hands were cold as death. The matron went up to her in great alarm, and gently touched the bowed head.
[Pg 181] "Bernardine," she murmured, gently—"Bernardine, my poor child, are you ill? What has happened?"
After some little correspondence back and forth, Bernardine was accepted by the lady, and in a fortnight more she was able to make the journey. ”

“ Bernardine said. "I never meant to presume; but her indifference had exasperated me."
"Why should you be exasperated about other people's affairs?" he said.
"And why interfere at all?"
"Being interested is not the same as being interfering," she replied quickly.
"It is difficult to be the one without being the other," he said. "It requires a genius. There is a genius for being sympathetic as well as a genius for being good. And geniuses are few."
"But I knew one," Bernardine said. "There was a friend to whom in the first days of my trouble I turned for sympathy. ”

“ Bernardine of Sienna, the fame of whose sanctity was spread throughout Italy, and desirous of following more strictly the rule of St. Francis, he passed over to the Friars Minor and became one of the devout disciples and faithful companions of the great Apostle of the Holy Name. Under the masterful guidance of St. Bernardine his fame as an orator became so renowned that he was commonly known as the "King of Preachers" (Rex Prædicatorum) ”

“ Reffold, wishing to screen her inquisitiveness, plunged into a description of Petershof life, speaking enthusiastically about everything, except the scenery, which she did not mention. After a time she ventured to begin once more taking soundings. But some how or other, those bright eyes of Bernardine, which looked at her so searchingly, made her a little nervous, and, perhaps, a little indiscreet.
"Your father will miss you," she said tentatively.
"I should think probably not," answered Bernardine. "One is not easily missed, you know." ”

“ Bernardine complied, though the desire was strong upon her to fly precipitately from the house, and out into the darkness of the night—-anywhere—anywhere, so that she might escape meeting Jay Gardiner and his bride.
Up several flights of carpeted polished stairs, through draughty passages, along a broad corridor, down another passage, then into a huge, gloomy room, Bernardine fol [Pg 189] lowed her, a war of conflicting emotions surging through her heart at every step.
"You have plenty of room, you see," said the housekeeper, lighting the one gas-jet the apartment contained. ”

“ In the afternoon of that same day Bernardine went to the City. She was not unhappy: she had been making plans for herself. She would work hard, and fill her life as full as possible. There should be no room for unhealthy thought. She would go and spend her holidays in Petershof. ”

“ But Bernardine did not hear him; she was thinking of her friend. She was thinking, as we all think, that those to whom in our suffering we turn for sympathy, become hallowed beings. Saints they may not be; but for want of a better name, saints they are to us, gracious and lovely presences. The great time Eternity, the great space Death, could not rob them of their saintship; for they were canonized by our bitterest tears.
She was roused from her reverie by the Disagreeable Man, who got up, and pushed his chair noisily under the table.
"Will you come and help me to develop some photographs?" ”

“ She thought about the dead man; and about the living woman. She had pitied him; but when she looked at the stricken face of his wife, Bernardine's whole heart rose up in pity for her. Remorse would come, although it might not remain long. The soul would see itself face to face for one brief moment; and then forget its own likeness.
But for the moment—what a weight of suffering, what a whole century of agony!
Bernardine grew very tender for Mrs. Reffold: she bent over the sofa, and fondled the beautiful face.
"Mrs. Reffold" . . . ”

“ Twice he stood near his old camera, and turned round to Bernardine intending to make some remark. Then he chanced his mind, and walked abruptly to the other end of the room as though to seek advice from his chemical bottles. Bernardine meanwhile had risen from her chair, and was looking out of the window.
"You have a lovely view," she said. "It must be nice to look at that when you are tired of dissecting cheese-mites. All the same, I think the white scenery gives one a great sense of sadness and loneliness."
"Why do you speak always of loneliness?" he asked. ”

“ Bernardine shook her head, sobbing piteously.
"I lived in the tenement house on Canal Street that has just been burned down. My father perished in it, leaving me alone in the world—homeless, shelterless—and—and this man asked me to marry him, and—and I—did."
The policeman was convinced more than ever by her story that some roué had taken advantage of the girl's pitiful situation to lead her astray.
"That's bad. But surely you have friends somewhere?"
Again Bernardine shook her head, replying, forlornly:
"Not one on earth. Papa and I lived only for each other." ”

“ She had been an inmate of Bernardine's home for a week before she learned that the girl was soon to be wedded. Bernardine's father told her, hinting triumphantly that that event would mean the dawn of a [Pg 81] more prosperous future for the family, as her intended husband was very rich—had money to burn.
"Don't say much about him to Bernardine," he added, quickly; "for she's not in love with him by any means."
"Then why is she going to marry him?" asked Miss Rogers, amazedly.
"He has money," replied David Moore, nodding his head wisely; "and that's what sharp girls are looking for nowadays." ”

“ She grew up and filled her life with many interests and ambitions. She was at least a worker, if nothing else; she had always been a diligent scholar, and now she took her place as an able teacher. She was self-reliant, and, perhaps, somewhat conceited. But, at least, Bernardine the young woman had learnt something which Bernardine the young child had not been able to learn: she learnt how to smile. It took her, about six and twenty years to learn; still, some people take longer than that; in fact, many never learn. This is a brief summary of Bernardine Holme's past. ”

“ Reffold's defeat. Mrs. Reffold herself rather avoided her, having always a vague suspicion that Bernardine tried to make fun of her. But whether out of perversity or not, Bernardine never would be avoided by her, never let her pass by without a few words of conversation, and always went to her for information, much to the amusement of Mrs. Reffold's faithful attendants. There was always a twinkle in Bernardine's eye when she spoke with Mrs. Reffold. She never fastened herself on to any one ”

“ She went on knitting. And that was all she said of herself.
Then after a pause she said:
"Fräulein is betrothed?"
Bernardine smiled, and shook her head, and Catharina made no further inquiries. But she looked up from her work from time to time, and seemed pleased that Bernardine still stayed with her. At last the old mother came to say that the coffee was ready, and Bernardine followed her into the parlour.
She watched Bernardine drinking the coffee, and finally poured herself out a cup too.
"This is the first time Herr Allitsen has ever brought a friend," she said. "He has always been alone. ”