Alice Duer Miller and Henry Wise Miller

“ Her share in that ridiculous evening at Cannes rose hot within me, and I determined that I would do nothing to relieve the awkwardness of her position.
"Felicitate myself," I continued blandly, seating myself, and making the inevitable futile effort to insinuate my hat into the rack presumably provided for that purpose, "on being the first to assure you that your husband is no longer in any danger, either from the arm of the law, or that of his late antagonist."
"Oh, has he been fighting again!" Mrs. Hexham burst out. "Sometimes I can stop him," and she rose to her feet. ”

“ But even as she opened her mouth to speak, he fixed his eyes on hers and proceeded:
"Now, I must admit, Edna, that I had rather looked forward with alarm to this period, especially to-day. You're tired—" she looked furtively in the glass—"and I'm pretty well beat. Traveling is fussy work at the best of times, and though I know you are too sensible to be over-sensitive, still I can imagine that I might easily have done something that would have got on your nerves. But now I feel quite easy." And having attained so enviable a state of mind, Mr. Waters's attention shifted to the galantine. ”

“ Hexham, there surely hasn't been any doubt in your mind about that?"
"You might have told me that you were bound here when I saw you just now at the club," said Uncle Gamaliel, bringing us out of this chaos of ejaculation, and then, as his eye fell upon the table, he added: "I hope you were not thinking of eating a cold rarebit." He produced a match and applied it to the wick. "With your permission," he said.
Hexham shook himself. "More beer, Leila," he cried. "Shimmelpinneck, cut some more bread," murmuring, as he handed me the knife: "Well, I must say you're a good man to keep a secret." ”

“ A few minutes of the rhythm of the train, while the first irregular lights of the suburbs of Washington came flashing by, and then she heard herself beginning: "Adam, you must help me. Something is wrong. I know I exaggerate, but I am very tired—perhaps you will think over-sensitive—but—" she was doing her best to be just—"we must both make allowances. I—" She looked up.
Adam was asleep.
She rose and pushed open the door of the compartment. The train was almost at a standstill.
"Washington!" cried the porter. ”

“ Waters's next remark was: "It's high time you had something to eat; you look tired."
Every woman knows that the difference between Mr. Waters's last remark and being told she looks plain is a difference not of fact but of courteous intent.
He touched the bell, and his man and the porter appeared, carrying a hamper between them. It was impossible that even Mrs. Waters's languid interest in life should not revive at the ingenious complexity of its internal arrangement. ”

“ He was wondering why it had been ordained that before entering the holy state of matrimony a man should be deprived of sleep by the necessity of entertaining his intemperate and riotous friends.
It was beginning to rain. Mrs. Waters thought that there had never been a flatter or more uninteresting country than that through which they were passing. She turned sharply from the window and looked at her husband expectantly. ”

“ But for Mrs. Hexham no such superficial elucidation would suffice. Having procured the beer, she sank into a chair a little apart, where the breeze from the open window seemed to refresh her. Her eyes followed me with a certain childlike wonder, and when I sought her out with a plate of the fresh rarebit, she had a question ready for me. As one who has at last found the key to the situation, she whispered:
"And what is your real name?"
"Shimmelpinneck," said I.
This work is in the public domain in the United States because it was published before January 1, 1929. ”

“ By this time Mr. Hexham's clamor for our presence had reached such a point that we could not disregard it longer. Together we began to move toward the conservatory.
"The worst of it is," she continued, hurriedly, "he asked me about where we first met, and I had to tell him something—I said it was at Uncle Gamaliel's—of a Sunday——"
I had not been quite prepared for this, and for the first time it occurred to me that perhaps she was right in doubting my wisdom in remaining under Hexham's roof. ”

“ I rose also, to check her evident intention of seeking her husband, and as we stood in earnest conversation, Hexham, entering from the other aisle, exclaimed at her elbow:
"I do wish you could manage not always to make yourself so conspicuous," and he sat down.
I sat down.
"I don't think you need talk about making one's self conspicuous—in the lobby of a theatre, too!" Mrs. Hexham retorted.
Hexham turned to me, and I thought he vaguely remembered Cannes.
"I noticed you saw that cad's behaviour. (Oh, do sit down!) "—this to his wife.
"I never saw a man fall quicker," I responded. ”

“ A moment later the porter closed the door of the compartment, and they were alone.
"I have a letter from your mother," said Mr. Waters, drawing it from his waistcoat pocket. "She says, strangely enough, that a honeymoon generally serves to show two people whether it is possible they can see too much of each other, or whether, under ideal conditions, they can really be happy together. At least, Edna, we have avoided the former danger. ”

“ Hexham," I said.
"Get in, Peter," she exclaimed, quickly. "Yes, Mr. Shimmelpinneck knows the house. All right. Simpson, drive fast."
The horses wheeled, and I saw my prey rapidly disappearing before my eyes.
She should not live to triumph thus! I stepped out among the vehicles, and succeeded in finding a cab. By this time the brougham had disappeared, and I told the man to drive to my club. Here I obtained a social directory, and, by its aid, drew up before Hexham's door not five minutes later than they themselves. ”

“ But the period during which this knowledge is being turned into the practical coinage of everyday life, while the inspiration of sentiment is becoming the habit of intimacy, is a time indeed fraught with danger. And, as we were saying, it is the man who finds it the most dangerous. The pitfalls for his feet are legion. In the first place, the public nature of the institution of matrimony forces him to acquire a manner for the public. ”

“ Waters, cordially adopting a thought so thoroughly in harmony with his own; "whereas, a man, with the best intentions in the world, may hurt a woman considerably, without ever guessing it."
Mrs. Waters prepared herself to point out to him that he would not have far to go for a practical example, but his eloquence swept on. (Mr. Waters was a lawyer.) ”

“ The victim on that occasion had been a young attaché, who, before a delighted coffee-room, had perpetrated an imitation of an American lady who found young men on the Continent "so flighty." The culprit had protested that no one in particular had been intended, but in matters where his wife's lack of common-sense was concerned Hexham seldom allowed himself the luxury of a doubt, and he had dealt with the attaché with a carafe. ”

“ That mortal man could be no dense staggered her intellect almost as much as it bruised her affection, but showed her that unless her own magnanimity should intervene nothing could now save the situation. ”

“ Waters, with a brave effort to imitate his detached manner; "and if a successful honeymoon is one that shows people they cannot be happy apart—oh, Adam, I don't know anything about ideal conditions and being together, but I have found out how wretched I can be without you, and—" The rest of a sentence that bade fair to be interesting she found herself forced to confide to the lapel of her husband's coat. ”

“ Waters's table at the hotel increase.
On the nineteenth of the month she received the final letter of the series, the last few lines of which read:
You remember we decided to be back in New York on the 20th. I leave, therefore, to-morrow. My train arrives in Washington at 1.03.
Mrs. Waters looked at her watch. It was already twelve o'clock, She sprang to the bell and rang it with such vigor that not one but three bellboys appeared, whom she severally despatched for the correct time, a porter, a cab and a time-table. ”

“ A little later she hailed an open carriage driven by an antiquated darkey, and visited that depository of American taste, good and otherwise, the Congressional Library; then lunched in the Library restaurant, finishing in time to catch the Mount Vernon trolley. ”

“ They seem to have "made things hum." It was so nice in Adam to manage to have your pair sent down in time to meet you. Get him to write often until you are better. I have always said a satisfactory honeymoon, a satisfactory marriage. ”

“ The longest-living author of this work died in 1942, so this work is in the public domain in countries and areas where the copyright term is the author's life plus 81 years or less. This work may be in the public domain in countries and areas with longer native copyright terms that apply the rule of the shorter term to foreign works. ”