David Macbeth Moir

“ Never let us repine, howsomever, but consider that all is ordered for the best. The sons of the patriarch Jacob found out their brother Joseph in a foreign land, and where they least expected it: so it was here—even here where my heart was sickening unto death, from my daily and nightly thoughts being as bitter as gall— that I fell in with the greatest blessing of my life, Nanse Cromie! ”

“ It was sometime in the blasty month of March, the weather being rawish and rainy, wi' sharp frosty nights, that left all the window-soles whitewashed ower with frost-rind in the morning, that, as I was going out in the dark, afore lying doun in my bed, to gie a look into the hen-house door, and lock the coal cellar, so that I might pit the bit key intil my breek pouches, I happened to gie a keek in, and, lo and behold, the awfu' apparition of a man wi' a yellow jaeket, lying sound asleep on a great lump o' parrot-coal in a corner. ”

“ His consternation, on finding it flee half open, may be easier imagined than described, for, expecting the Frenchman to bounce out like a roaring lion, they hurried like mad into the house, couping the creels ower ane anither, Tammie spraining his thumb against the back door, and Benjie's foot going into Tammie's coat pocket, which it carried away with it, like a cloth sandal. ”

“ Are we no descended, faither and son, frae Robert Brace and Sir William Wallace, having the bright bluid of freemen in our veins and the Pentland Hills, as weel as our ain dear hames ami firesides, to fight for? The fief that wadna gie cut-and-thrust for his country, as lang as he had a breath to draw, or a leg to stand on, should be tied neck and heels, without benefit o' clergy, and thrown ower Leith pier, to swim for his life like a mangy dog! ”

“ Every father and head of a family maun hae felt for a man in his situation, thus to be rubbit of his dear bairn, and an only daughter too, as he tell’t us ower and ower again, as the saut saut tears ran gushing down his withered face, and he aye blew his nose on his clean callendered pocket napkin. ”

“ At lang and last a thocht struck me, which was to gie the deluded simple cratur a chance of escape; reckoning that if he fand his way hame, he wad see the shame and folly of feighting against us ony mair; and marrying Maysie Rabble, live a contented and peacefu' life under his ain feg and bey tree. So, wishing him a sound sleep, I cried through the door,— "Mounseer, gooda nighta;" decoying away Benjie and Tammy Bodkin into the house, and dispatching them to their beds like lamp-lighters, bidding them never fash their thumbs, but sleep like taps, as I would keep a sharp look-out till morning. ”

“ I’m killed—I’m speechless!” and ither lamentations to that effect; so that a rush to the door took place, in which everything was overturned—-the door keeper being wheeled away like wildfire—the furins strampit to pieces-—the lights knockit out—and the twa blind fiddlers dung head foremost ower the stage, the bass fiddle cracking like thunder at every bruise. Siccan tearing, and swearing, and tumbling, and squeeling, was never witnessed in the memory of man, sin the building of Babel; legs being likely to be broken, sides staved in, een knocked out, and lives lost ”

“ Tammie and Benjie came behint me, while, pushing the door wide open with the muzzle, as I held my finger at the tricker: I cried, "Stand or be shot" whey young Cursecowl's big ugly mastiff-doug, wi' the bare mutton-bane in its teeth, bolted through between my legs like a fury, and wi' such a force as to wheel me ower on the braid id' my back while I gied a dunt on the causeway that made the gun go off, and riddled Nanse's best washing tub in a manner that laid it on the superannuated list as to the matter of holding in water. ”

“ My first flame was the minister’s lassie, Jess, a buxom and forward queen, two or three years older than myself. I used to sit looking at her in the kirk, and felt a droll confusion when our een met. It dirled through my heart like a dart, and I looked down at my psalm-book sheepish and blushing. Fain would I have spoken to her, but it would not do; my courage aye failed me at the pinch, though she whiles gave me a smile when she passed me. She used to go to the well every night with her twa stoups, to draw water after the manner of the Israelites at gloaming ”

“ And who think ye should this lassie be, but Nanse Cromie, afterwards, in the course of a kind providence, the honoured wife of my bosom, and the mother of bonny Benjie.
In going up and down the stairs,—it being a common entry, ye observe—me maybe going down with my every day hat on to my dinner, and she coming up, carrying a stoup of wa'er, or half a-pound of powdered butter on a plate, with a piece of paper thrown over it,— we frequently met half-way, and, had to stand still to let one another pass. ”

“ Hardly was his back turned, and amaist before ye could cry Jack Robison, in comes the birkie and the very young leddy the auld gentleman described, arm and arm thegether, smoodging and lauching like daft. Dog on it, it was a shameless piece of business. As true as death, before all the crowd of folk, he pat his arm round her waist, and caad her his sweetheart, and love, and dearie, and darling, and every thing that is sweet. If they had been courting in a closs thegether, on a Friday night, they couldna hae said mair to ane anither, or gaen greater lengths. ”

“ Just at the time that the twa blind fiddlers were playing the Downfall of Paris, a hand-bell rang and up goes the green curtain, being hauled to the ceiling, as I observed wi' the tail o' my ee, by a birkie at the side, that had haud o' a rope. So, on the music stopping and all becoming as still as that you might have heard a pin fall, in comes a decent old gentleman, at his leasure, weil powdered, wi' au auld-fashioned coat, and waistcoat wi' flap pockets, brown breeches, with buckles at the knees, and silk stockings, with red gushets on a blue ground. I never saw a man in sic distress ”

“ Being a volunteer, and so ane of his majesty's confidential servants, I swithered tremendously between my duty as a man and a soldier; but, dae what you like, nature will aye be uppermost. The scale weighed down to the side of peety. I hearkened to the scripture that promises a blessing to the merciful in heart and determined, come o't what would, to let the Frenchy tak his chance of falling into ither hands. ”

“ Folks shouldna at a’ times be ower scrupulous.
After paying our money at the door, never, while I live and breathe, will I forget, what we saw and heard that night; it just looks to me, by a’ the world, when I think on’t, like a fairy dream. The place was crowded to the ee, Maister Glen and me having nearly got our ribs dung in, before we fand a seat, and them behint were obliged to mount the back benches to get a sight. ”

“ The auld faither came bouncing in, and seeing the fellow as sound as a tap, be ran forrit and gaed him sich a shake, as if he wad hae shooken him a’ sundry, which sune made him open his een as fast as he had steekit them. After blackguarding the chield at no allowanee, eursing him up hill and down dale, and caaing him every name but a gentleman, he haddit his staff ower his crown, and gripping him by the cuff o’ the neck, askit him what he had made o’ his daughter. ”

“ At the dawn o' daw, by cock-craw, Benjie and Tammy Bodkin, keen o' the ploy, were up and astir as anxious as if their life depended on it, to see that all was safe and snug, and that the prisoner hadna shot the lock. They agreed to march sentry over him, half an hour the piece, time about, the ane stretching himsell out on a stool beside the kitchen fire, by way of a bench in the guard-house, while the other gaed to and fro like the ticker of a clock.
The back window being up a jink, I heard the twa confabbing. "We'll draw cuts," said Benjie, "which is to walk sentry first ”

“ First one came in for his measure, and then another; a wife came in for a pair of red worsted boots for her bairn, but would not take them for they had not blue fringes. A bareheaded lassie, hoping to be hansel, threw down twopence, and asked tape at three yards a halfpenny. The minister sent an old black coat beneath his maid's arm, prinned up in a towel, to get docked in the tails down into a jacket: which I trust I did to his entire satisfaction, making it fit to a hair. ”

“ So Maister Glen, being as fu' of nonsense, and as fain to have his curiosity gratified, we took upon us the stout resolution to gang out thegither, he offering to treat me, and I determined to run the risk of Maister Wiggie, our minister's rebuke, for the transgression, hoping it would make na lasting impression on his mind, being for the first and only time. Folks shouldna at a' times be ower scrupulous. ”

“ The faither lookit to be a rich auld bool, haith from his manner of speaking and the rewards he seemed to offer for the apprehension of his daughter; but, to be sure, when so many of us were present that had an equall right to the spulzie, it wad na be a great deal a thousand pounds when divided, still it was worth the looking after; so we just bidit a wee. ”

“ The haill house was sae glad that the scoundrel had been exposed, that they set up siccan a roar o’ lauchter, and thumpit away at siccan a rate at the boards wi’ their feet, that at lang and last, wi’ pushing, and fidgetting, and hadding their sides, down fell the place they ca’ the gallery, a’ the folk in’t being hurled tapsy-turvy, head foremost amang the saw-dust on the floor below; their guffawing sune being turned to howling, ilka ane crying louder than anither at the tap of their voices, “Murder! murder! ”

“ He hadna the politeness to stop and mak answer, but just gaed on wi' his string of havers, without either rhyme or reason, which we could mak neither tap, tail, nor main o'.
It was a sair trial to us a', putting us to our wits end, and hoo to come on was past all visible comprehension; when Tammy Bodkin gieing his elbow a claw said, "Odd maister, I wager something that he's broken loose frae Pennycuick. We have him like a rotten in a fa." ”

“ We have him like a rotten in a fa.” On Pennycuick being mentioned we heard the foreign crature in the coal house groaning out, ‘och’ and ‘ohone,’ and ‘parbleu,’ and ‘Mysie Rabbie,'—that I fancy was his sweetheart at hame, sum bit French queen that wondered he was never like to come frae the wars and marry her. ”

“ In turning round the key, the lock being in want of a feather o’ oil, made a noise, and waukened the puir wrctch, who jumping to the soles of his feet in despair, ericd out in a voice that was like to break my heart, though I coudna make out ae word of his paraphernally. ”