Marcel Berger

“ So many beings who moved and loved, struck off the rolls, so many lights put out! De Valpic, [Pg 516] the great-hearted, and Henriot and little Frémont; my excellent Bouillon, Prunelle, Icard; Descroix and Playoust, too, all or almost all, without discrimination—a crowd of friends and companions, now grimacing underground. And the anonymous multitude, those foul masses of corpses whose odour had pursued us all through our fighting from end to end. All that, oh! merely a prologue! As if it was enough that a million young men should be sacrificed. ”

“ They were no longer firing on our left. Hand-to-hand fighting must be going on—a cacophony. Noises which had nothing human left about them. No doubt the enemy was giving ground. I stumbled near a long ditch, a first-line trench, which they had already abandoned.
I felt sure that I was going to be killed, but oddly enough I cared very little. To-day or to-morrow, what did it matter! A thousand thoughts thronged each other in my mind. The dominant one, simple and sublime, was that Victory was leaning towards us. ”

“ We were the only ones who, drawn into the struggle against our will, in bearing the heaviest burden, were fighting for our very existence. I asked them to think what the French mind meant to the world, what would be missing in the progress of humanity in the future if we let ourselves be overcome. We were not only defending our immediate interests, but a certain smiling Reason, a certain completed and definite genius whose secret to-day we alone possessed. It was a decisive conflict. Fortin was right about that. If we were conquered again this time, we should always be. ”

“ SPINCOURT
Heaven knows whether we expected to have to charge from the beginning to the end of that interminable day. The captain and the subaltern had warned us. The cannonade raged in front of us and all round us. The German fire was concentrated against a village below us, on our right. If we were occupying it, what losses it would mean to us! To begin with we could see each explosion and the resultant crumbling of the buildings. Towards midday a thick pall of smoke rose and shrouded everything.
The fusillade and the machine-guns joined in the concert. ”

“ Loriot and Lamalou ended by grumbling because they were so stingy with the wine.
The night fell, and with it what was left of cheerfulness. Judsi was the last to give in. He picked out well-known airs and set new words to them, ineffable drivel, beyond all description, and probably of his own composition. The coarsest sallies still raised a few laughs. These echoes of an inane merriment were becoming quite unbearable.
I thought of shutting the men up altogether. Guillaumin dissuaded me from doing so:
"Take care you don't get yourself disliked!" ”

“ A revival of the dry mistrust which was dissipated at a word from Jeannine!
This miracle of her persistent affection seemed to me the simplest and most natural reality. Since the milk of human kindness was not an empty saying! And then one might have mistrusted another, but she, like myself, had deliberately raised herself above the common sphere in which men's feelings move. How little the scruples and hesitations of average souls could count for in comparison with the mute vow which bound us. ”

“ I have always had a taste for riding headlong through these preserves of metaphysics or ethics. Philosophers only venture there too gingerly, unravelling the thread of a theory. The most delightful recreation is to disport oneself there as if in conquered territory, to breast at a gallop some hilltop or other, where one breathes in draughts of pure air, whence one may cast a bold eye on life.
Jeannine was not at all apprehensive of these giddy escapades. It was an intellectual gymnastic, satisfying apparently the same taste for action and expansion which she showed in the physical sphere. ”

“ Little by little the horizon had withdrawn to the boundaries of the world. The pure line of snowy Alps stood out against the rosy streak of dawn.... A few minutes of waiting, and Phœbus rose resplendent and expanded, assuming many a bizarre shape, until, full-blown and triumphant, he deigned to reflect his disk in the waters of Neufchâtel.
The picture held me captive. As Jeannine repeated, "In a week's time ... that's agreed, isn't it?" I acquiesced; and then said whimsically:
"Who knows what may have happened in a week's time! We may be in the midst of war!" ”

“ If our neighbours were really so passionately anxious for the expansion of their "Kultur" as Fortin had said they were, did he, Guillaumin, know what remained to be done? Simply fold our arms and wait for them. They would not devour us, or at least not all of us! We should be invaded? And then? Annexed? What a misfortune that would be to be sure! There would be no more France? Well, if she had to disappear, why not to-morrow, just as well as in a hundred years!... All these tales of separate races, and of native lands were simply the patter of disastrous phrase-makers.... ”

“ To death, to death with their elders, the fellows from thirty to forty. The trench fighting instituted, which would last how long, O God! The sons of the hostile races, face to face in their burrows, spitting murder and hatred at each other, tracing with their blood the baleful line of fire. Frenzy gaining the two fronts little by little, the zones of slaughter being displaced and stretched out, others being made. ”

“ Nothing was to go out of the platoon!
The battalion sergeant-major came and hung about.
"Halloa. Some looting been going on!"
"No," said Bouillon, "the sergeant paid, and a good price too."
Ravelli stood in the mud near by, and sniffed the good smell. But a remnant of dignity forbade him to beg. We ended by taking pity on him, and offering him a fine fleshy bone, which he set to work to gnaw like a dog.
I was tormented for quite a long time—poor wretches that we are—by the paltry fear that the men might not realise to the full to whom they owed the windfall. ”

“ For a long time I had thought myself rallied to the quizzical scepticism of Laquarrière and his like. How many ties still bound me to the unsophisticated child that I had been. I would have the sons that Jeannine gave me brought up in the lap of Catholicism, too. Neither their mother nor I would take any steps to convert them to pitiless reason too soon. Like us they might, later on, be led away by the trend of modern thought and forsake religion, but their stay in its realm would leave them like me with respect for the Illusion reflected in certain eyes. ”

“ Not a house was left standing, not a strip of wall spared. Some of the inhabitants, some women, came out of the smoking remains. They had taken refuge in the cellars during the devastating cyclone,—many of them had been killed there. Mad with rancour, among the ruins, they hurled taunts at us:
"Ah. It's you! It's your work, is it! Even the Bosches are better than you!"
That evening, we retired again after severe fighting. A night march, in zigzag formation, and in the morning bewilderment. We had retired too quickly, it seemed, leaving all our artillery unsupported, and in the greatest danger. ”

“ De Valpic retorted joyously.
The passers-by smiled at us, or gave us a friendly wave of the hand. The City greeted us, not as her saviours—Paris did not admit that she was in any danger,—but simply as good children who had suffered for her sake.
The rare trams which were running, began to turn out numbers of Sunday excursionists. A great many had come with their families either on foot, or bicycling, to enjoy the air of their beloved suburb. Not one of them showed the least trace of terror. They were marvellously light-hearted. ”

“ There could be nothing more impressive than this sustained and irresistible advance, under shell fire, of thousands and thousands of men who never fired a single shot.
By a miracle, our casualties, on the whole, were not very severe. What unflagging inspiration was shown by our leaders of all ranks! Imperceptible, serpentine movements protected each unit in turn from the mortal line of fire. How many times did we see a broadside of four "coal-boxes" fall just where we had been hardly thirty seconds before, or else where we would have been but for a fortunate zigzag! ”

“ A neighbouring company fired a volley at them. They continued to flutter above us turning and twisting insolently. The men shook their fists at them. And the same thought occurred to us all: What were our aeroplanes doing? A third Taube arrived and dropped a rocket.
"The devil!"
"Look out!" shouted Henriot. "We've been marked right enough! We shall catch it hot!"
The alarm was given. We scattered at the double and threw ourselves down, and shivered in the icy dawn. The expected shells did not come. The captain sent for the subaltern.
"To give him a wigging," said Descroix.
Playoust jeered. ”

“ Guillaumin!
"Yes—I think so!" I stammered.
"Hurts a bit, what?"
I tried to lift up my head and spit some soil out. Everything grew dim again. I caught sight of a clown's face—Judsi, leaning over me, too.
"Carry on! Carry on!" I murmured.
They disappeared from my field of vision. I saw another line of men pass in skirmishing order, then another. Was my brain affected? Why did I think I was back in camp at Mailly and once more taking part in the parade before the Bey of Tunis?
By some strange instinct, I dreaded being helped. I preferred to die in peace. ”

“ Taciturn and reserved, but upright, frank, and sound all through, the hero of an exclusive faith, of a single hate and a single love, he treated with scorn all human contingencies in the exaltation of his passion. It is true that he loved my brother as much as if he had been his only son. And yet if he were to go and get killed in one of the first engagements, I could foresee that the old man would weep, gnawing at his grey moustache, but in this sorrow he would taste the joy of sacrifice. If France were victorious he would consider success cheap at the price. ”

“ Bouillon was looking at her too, and Guillaumin also. His big red nose was quivering. The blood rushed to my head, and desire took possession of me. We all three exchanged a look of feverish bestiality. Plunder the old man, violate the girl. Nothing could be easier—some strange madness urged us on—the beast in us was raising its head.
A vision of Jeannine passed through my mind, but it held no power to restrain me, for was it not purely a physical impulse? ”

“ One shaky scrawl was from the hand of poor Donnadieu, hit by a splinter in the abdomen, and who, so my friend told me, had succumbed during the night.
Who would believe that I put off answering him. And, for that matter, my sister-in-law, too, who had sent me several affectionate missives. Sometimes it was enervation which tortured me, as I lay there, sometimes a gloomy atony.
Margaret, Cadieu's friend, had arrived, a pretty, fair-haired girl of the soubrette and ingénue type. Her presence exhilarated my neighbour to such an extent that our corner was one long roar of laughter. ”

“ Jeannine might have suffered, might be suffering still. Yes, she must regret that what was not, might not be. It was possible that she might carry away a picture of me which would illuminate a chaste corner of her memory: an idol that she had not been able to bring herself to destroy by seeing me again. It was Reason. I bowed to the sovereign I always recognised. Does one not usually end by repenting of a sacrifice? ”

“ De Valpic playfully made us admire the trees, the play of the sunlight and the breeze, the immense vista on the right, over a sea of waving corn, and down below those wooded islets, outposts of the deep forests which, we knew, dominated the surrounding country. The sweetly named Île de France, the land of plenty and of poetry—the most pleasant climate in the world. Senlis and Compiègne, a few miles away—Jean Jacques' Ermenonville gracious legends spring from this soil. ”

“ What would have been my father's and my brother's exaltation! To think that I was not a whit moved by it. I stripped the exploits to come of their prestige. What awaited us was simply new fatigues and torturing privations.
And I was terrified above all else, far above all else, by the spectre of the future battles. Could one risk one's life twice with impunity! I had escaped the first time by a miracle. Let me profit by it! I had been wrested from repose and security. Had I not already drawn from this campaign more than the benefit anticipated! ”

“ It was the stupidity of a young intellectual inclined to consider everything which did not show off the superior play of thought as a vulgar task. Who would dream how far I carried this detachment? The farthest I ever got, towards the end of my term of service, was to do up the buckles of my pack,—Guillaumin always had to help me. I had begun to realise during the last few days what grandeur may lie in the fulfilment of humble duties. A leader of men, especially in the modest sphere in which I gravitated owing to my lowly rank, has no right to shirk any subjection. ”

“ This is the sun which warms her, these are the waves whose murmur lulls her to sleep, the air which quickens her. I cannot breath here!
My people, who enjoy being at Cannes, give way to my express wish: we are to leave again.
To-morrow will be our last day here. I am seated on the promenade. Where are the luxurious cars with their insolent footmen? Where are the dandies in white flannel, the fair pedestrians in toilettes fit for a queen? The patrons of the Riviera, this year, are those poor soldiers in faded uniforms. ”

“ Poor human race!
We started off. The night was cool and clear. A good one to march on.
Guillaumin came to keep me company. He announced that he was in "the pink" and joked below his breath with his men and mine, whom he already knew better than I did. He forced me to share his good humour. It may be imagined that I did not rise much, though I avoided looking too anxious. I dreaded a direct question and intended to withdraw into myself alone with my sorrow.
He ended by getting tired of it and left me, but then it was the subaltern's turn to hang on to me. It was difficult to escape him. ”

“ Ah, my friends, what an hour it was to strain our faculties, to prove ourselves worthy of our humbler brothers who were showing such self-sacrifice and instinctive heroism! We others ought to be strengthened by our education. I dared to plead the memories of the soil which bore us. I evoked the rolling uplands of Champagne where we had lingered yesterday and where we might return again, summoned by the melancholy accents of the guns. ”

“ The march lasted for three hours. Only a small number of us discerned the tragic element floating about us. The men complained of the absence of halts. The strictest silence had been imposed upon us, we even had to hold the sheaths of our bayonets in our hands. At the most dangerous point some palavering in undertones, and obstreperous horse-play went on, a practical joke. The Bosches no doubt were tired out; their sentries dead tired! ”

“ Our halt lasts an eternity. The firing is drawing nearer. A moonless night. We hate the feeling of passing on to the front, without having heard ourselves shout to any one, to get out of the way—one of the rare occasions when one wishes instinctively to retire. Not far behind us, we felt, was the Meuse. ”

“ The Bosches manœuvred skilfully. Some of them crouched down and facilitated their comrades' advance by firing. Then they took their turn at advancing while the others protected them.
There was nothing for us to do but to fire. Fire without ceasing for an instant, even under a hail of bullets. The men had realised this sanguinary obligation. There was no need for leadership. It was splendid to see them, taking aim without hurrying themselves over it, under the deadly torrent. The casualties began immediately. Trichet was the first to fall with a hole through his neck. ”