Sarah Doudney

“ Never get married, Rhoda; take my advice, and be a single woman. It’s the only way to keep out of misery.”
“I’m not thinking of marrying, Helen,” replied Rhoda, rather sharply; [23] “but every marriage is not such a mistake as yours has been. God knew what He was about, I suppose, when He brought Adam and Eve together. There’s little sense in abusing a good road just because you couldn’t walk upright on it.”
“You would not have found it easy to walk with Robert,” said Helen, mournfully. “And now he has gone off, and has left me sticking in the mire! It’s worse than being a widow.” ”

“ No one who had seen Elsie at that moment would have doubted that she had had lovers. She was very pretty to-day; prettier at twenty-eight than she had been in the days of girlhood. Some new feeling of peace was creeping into her heart and hushing all its turmoil into a sweet rest. Some new interest was beginning to stir in her life; much was quieted within her, and much was wakening. She felt as if she had roused after an uneasy sleep and tasted the first freshness of a fair morning.
She sat a little while in silence, thinking about the unknown writer and her Harold. ”

“ Still in silence, I entered the little room from which I had fled in such wild haste and anguish. All the familiar objects seemed to give me a mute welcome; there were Ronald's tambourines with their bright streamers of ribbon; there were the bulrushes and the old china. On the table was my ancient silver teapot, covered by a satin cosy of my own making, and everything spoke of forethought and expectation. This was my true home; within these two rooms, my husband and I were destined, as I then believed, to spend many an hour together. ”

“ Elsie said in a hushed tone. "Like Hamlet, 'I am very proud, revengeful, ambitious;' I was glad at first when I heard of Bertha's humiliation. And then I read Meta's story in her manuscript, and knew that she had suffered more than I, and had forgiven."
She stood quite still a moment, a graceful figure enfolded in golden light, with an exalted look on her face.
"Elsie," Mrs. Lennard said suddenly, "you are a beautiful woman. You are like some one in a poem, child! There is a certain kind of beauty that only comes through pain." ”

“ We can only learn something of the power of Divine Love by knowing the evil against which it contends. Those who want to see what God’s grace can do must look for its light in dark places.
When February and March had gone by, Rhoda found herself free to go home. She went back to the sweet lights and shadows of April; to the glitter of fresh showers, and the scent of hyacinths and wall-flowers. Her mother’s arms were opened to her. Nelly clung to her neck, half-crying for joy. Her father and Mr. Channell were out in the meadows, they told her; they would come indoors for tea. ”

“ Louie, you must begin a new life. Come with me; let me lay at your feet the heart that has always been your own. Let me devote myself to you until I have made you forget your false husband; let me show you how a man can love when he has won the woman of his choice."
Was I going mad? There arose from the depths of my soul a passionate prayer that I might awake and find that I had been dreaming a strange and evil dream. But no; I was sitting on the old sofa in the familiar little room, and there was William Greystock, a veritable form of flesh and blood. ”

“ James Waring once or twice, and I always distrusted him. Well, as I was saying, Harold Waring's face was beautiful with hope and happiness. 'We shall have a home, Mrs. Beaton,' he said; 'we shall have a home!'"
"That hope was never realised!" sighed Elsie.
Mrs. Beaton's look was very bright.
"Don't you think that it is realised now?" she asked. "I have often fancied that it is the want unanswered here which is most fully satisfied hereafter. It makes the new life all the fresher and sweeter, you see. They wanted a home; but home is not a place, it is a state. ”

“ It seemed to be a new and softer Greystock who was walking by my side, and speaking in this quiet, melancholy voice.
Moreover, the burning pain in my heart, and the ache of my weary head, were fast bewildering my reasoning faculties; and I even began to ask myself whether I had ever known the true Ronald at all? Perhaps he had never loved me; or his love might only have been of that spurious kind which is the outcome of a disappointment.
It is a true saying that nature abhors a void; and many a hasty marriage has been brought about by the dethronement of an old love. ”

“ In dire confusion they hurried along over soft turf and stony ground. It was a day on which all things seemed to be astir. Crows were cawing, and flying from tree to tree; magpies flashed across the road; flocks of small birds assembled on the sear hedges. And far off could be heard the clamour of foxhounds and shouts of the huntsmen.
Rhoda wondered, with a pang, how it would be when she came back. Do we ever leave any beloved place without fearing that a change may fall upon it in our absence? It is at such times as these that the heart loves to rest itself upon the Immutable. ”

“ The voices and laughter in the meadow grew fainter and fainter; they were going away from the turmoil into a world of peace.
Jamie sat still, resting one dimpled hand on Elsie's knee, enjoying it all in silence. It was a calm, full river, running still and smooth even out in the middle current, but the sun shone down, and the oars struck out diamonds.
Giles pulled close to the island, where there was a landing-place, rotten and green with slippery water-weeds. Jamie asked to land and search for the eggs of water-fowl; but Elsie reminded him that other people would be wanting the boat. ”

“ But the flickering flames revealed the lines on his face, and lit up the melancholy eyes that sought mine with a troubled gaze.
"I have been very lonely, Louie."
Is there any woman who can hear this confession from a man, and refrain from pitying him? Women are themselves accustomed to loneliness, and to many of them it is only another word for peace. We are not, as a rule, so sociably inclined as men; we can be content with a soft chair, a book, and the unfailing cup of tea, when a man will pine for companionship, and go out of doors, in rain or wind, to seek the face of a friend. ”

“ As Rhoda lingered that evening in the dewy twilight, she began to charge herself with cowardice. It would have been hard to have held out against Helen’s desires. And yet—for Helen’s own sake—ought she not to have been firm? Most of us suffer if we stifle our instincts; and hers had told her that this feast was no place for her cousin.
“It shall be the last time that I am weak,” she thought, hoping to atone for the present by the future. “I will let her have her way this once, and then I will set myself to guide her in a better path.” ”

“ They were together—Harold and Meta—in the home of souls, where love finds its full satisfaction and rest.
Perhaps Elsie's vision of the pair was not as unreal as it might have been supposed to be. The thought came to her, as she sat musing in the twilight, that wherever there was a home there must surely be homeliness. The hope of a home, denied to them on earth, was realised in the eternal life—that life which has no need of marriage because the spiritual union is complete without the earthly tie. ”

“ How heavily they weigh on the heart after the opportunity of uttering them has gone by!
Still in sullen silence we lay down side by side. I know not whether he slept; I only know that I lay wide awake all through the weary hours of that memorable night. Ah me, I thought of other nights when I had watched beside his pillow, praying that he might be spared to me! I recalled those long midnight hours when he had wakened from fevered dreams to find me near, and many a broken word of love and gratitude yet haunted my memory. Had he loved Ida Lorimer then? ”

“ Nelly, with her pinafore full of kittens, still chattered by her side. Just in front of the door was the old cherry-tree, covered with silvery blossoms and spangled with rain-drops. It looked like a bridal bouquet hung with diamonds. Men were sowing barley in the acres beyond the fence. Rhoda was watching the blossoms and the sowers, and yet she saw those two figures.
The first glance told her that Mr. Channell was a strong man. In his younger days he might have been almost handsome, but he was one of those men who had lost youth early in life. ”

“ I had dreamed it when I dozed over my darning by Ronald's bedside. And once more in fancy, I saw the flash of the glittering jewels on my neck, and believed that very soon I should see them with my bodily sight.
That dream had come to me while I was sitting by the bedroom fire, and wondering, with a perturbed heart, how my husband and I were to face the coming days. If it was to be realised to-night, I was thankful that its fulfilment had been delayed. The time of our tribulation is needed to prepare us for the time of our wealth ”

“ Elsie woke on Sunday morning with her thoughts full of the charms of Wayne's Court.
She pictured the place to herself in the silence of the early hours, the cool depths of shadow in the green aisles, the trimly-kept gardens, the first sunshine stealing along the grey terrace. Did Arnold Wayne care for her well enough to ask her to come and reign over his old home?
He liked her, she was sure of that. And his cousins detested her, of that she was sure also. No woman can ever endure the thought that she is disliked or despised by the relatives of the man she loves. ”

“ She tarried with them until the breaking of another day. The sun came up. Shadows of jessamine sprays were drawn sharply on the white blind; a glory of golden light fell on the chamber wall. Towards that light the dying face was turned. To Rhoda, at that moment, came a sudden impulse. Clearly and firmly she repeated the familiar lines that she and Helen had learnt years ago,—
“The wide arms of Mercy are spread to enfold thee,
And sinners may hope, for the Sinless has died.”
For answer, there was a quick, bright smile, and then the half-breathed word—
“Forgiven.” ”

“ One might know Doctor Warstone for years without finding out one quarter of the good that he did every day. Often and often I have heard clergymen extolled to the skies for doing splendid things which a doctor does naturally and simply, never getting a word of praise. They are great men, these doctors who toil in our large towns—cheerful in the midst of sorrow, quick to help, prompt to save. And to this day, when any one talks about an ideal hero, the face of Doctor Warstone rises up in my memory, and I think of all the noble deeds, known and unknown, that this quiet worker has done. ”

“ Years of letting lodgings had developed all the suspicious instincts of her nature; the domestic servant, she argued, was the same all the world over, and always to be regarded with unmitigated distrust. To the last day of her life, Mrs. Tryon would look upon the maid-of-all-work as her natural foe.
The fire was bright; scarlet geraniums made a red glow in flower-pots on the window-sill; a gay china mug, filled with daffodils, stood in the middle of the table; it was no wonder that Elsie received an impression of warmth and gaudy colours when she entered the room. ”

“ Farren had always been a little afraid of her daughter; but now that she had got a glimpse into Rhoda’s inner self the reserve vanished.
“We had always felt sure that Robert was no practised sinner,” she began; “but we did not know what it was that had driven him to a crime—we only guessed something like the truth. O Rhoda, it’s an awful thing when vanity gets the upper hand with a woman! Poor Helen made a sad confession to me when she lay dying in this very room. It’s hard to speak of the faults of the dead; but there’s justice to be done to the living.” ”

“ When I wrote the foregoing little song, it was early in an April morning; the only sunbeams that I could see were shining on brick walls, blackened with smoke; and the only sky that I could see was a patch of pale blue above the chimney-tops. But, as I lifted my head from my pillow, a feeling of unutterable gratitude thrilled me through and through: it was the last night that we should ever spend in that dreary London room, and Ronald had been sleeping soundly and long. Weeping may endure for a night (and with me it had endured for many nights) , but joy cometh in the morning. ”

“ It was a sultry morning; but the odour of the grass, fresh with half-hidden streams, was in the air. The meadow was dotted with yellow-rayed flowers, and in the moist places the tall bulrush lifted its dark brown head.
"Yes," Elsie answered, with a sigh of satisfaction; "it makes it hard to think of going back to a 'long, unlovely street.'"
"You are not going back yet," he said quickly. And the earnest look which accompanied the words brought the colour into her face.
"Not yet," she responded; "but one's bright days always fly." ”

“ Now that Helen was gone, Rhoda was harassed by a new fear. She dreaded lest Robert should take away the child.
It was more than probable that he would marry again one day. A hard-natured, selfish man—such as she believed him to be—would need a wife to slave for him. Then he would send for Rhoda’s ewe lamb, and there would be an end to her dream of future happiness. She did not realize that God seldom makes us happy in our own way. Blessings, like crosses, nearly always come from unexpected quarters. We search for honey in an empty hive, and find it at last in the carcase of a dead lion. ”

“ It was the very hour for music, and as he touched the strings of the guitar, that sweet, gay melody sounded in my ears again.
It is not given to all of us to know the meaning of the melodies that blend with our lives; and some may have to wait till such strains are repeated by "the harpers harping with their harps" before the throne. But to every one there comes the old music of Hope; the promise (however faintly chanted) of that voice which heaven has lent to earth. And, although the turmoil of the great crowd may often drown its notes, the song is always the same ”

“ Mrs. Tell, too, was a rich widow, tall, and of imposing aspect, but easy-tempered and rather lazy. She was past sixty, and looked a majestic matron, with her white hair and lace cap. Katherine's whims did not annoy her in the least, and she had taken quite kindly to Jamie. In her inmost heart she did not want her sister-in-law to marry again, and the boy, she thought, would fill up the void in her life, and help to make her contented with her lot.
Mrs. Verdon had a good deal of pleasure in her large house. She found her pictures, chairs, tables, plaques, and hangings quite absorbing sometimes. ”

“ Perhaps Mr. Drury might be disposed to think less harshly of my marriage if he really knew Ronald. Perhaps this illness of mine, and this enforced stay at the old rectory, might be the means of reviving a dead friendship. I thought that it would; I could not believe that the rector's kind heart could be completely hardened against me.
How blue the sky looked between the twisted boughs of the tall pear tree! Marian and I had often sat under that tree when we were children, reading a fairy tale together; and kind Miss Drury would come to look for us, and fill our hands with cakes. ”

“ Elsie had a rich heart, but its outpourings seemed to be thrown back upon herself, and she had sometimes longed to hide her disappointment in seclusion. But the picture spoke to her, as pictures can do. True art can often succeed where divinity fails; the painter preaches more effectually than the parson.
She gazed at the nuns, quite unconscious that she herself made a picture, and that some one was gazing intently at her. Then, slowly realising that Mr. Lennard had found another acquaintance, she turned, and met the earnest look of a pair of deep-blue eyes. ”

“ How sorrow came upon us in those dreary lodgings I have already told. Six months of mingled bliss and anxiety, and then my husband was stricken down. I sought for no help or sympathy from Lady Waterville in my trouble. Quite alone I watched by Ronald's sick-bed; and nurse was the only friend who visited us in our time of calamity.
Yet not the only friend. There was one face that came like sunshine into the sickroom, one voice that never failed to bid me be of good cheer. ”

“ Under the shade of her black lace hat the face glowed like a rich flower.
"Is that quite true, Miss Kilner?" asked Francis, looking down at her with undisguised admiration. "I think you must know that any word of yours—even the lightest—is of value to me."
"I'm afraid I say a great many foolish words," she replied lightly. "And they are best forgotten. What a glorious day we are having! This is Jamie's first picnic, and he will look back on it in years to come as a joy for ever. Rushbrook is certainly a charming place." ”

“ For the first time in my life, I shrank from sitting down to a tête-à-tête meal with my husband.
Any one who is intimately acquainted with the ways of men must know that they are never more unpleasant than when they are acting from a sense of duty. I could fancy the lofty moral air with which Ronald would seat himself at our humble board. I pictured the virtuous resignation in his manner when he ate his roast mutton, knowing all the while that William Greystock would have given him salmon a la maître d' hotêl and beef olives. ”

“ Verdon. The match would be approved by everybody, and Elsie's judgment just then was not clear enough to see that the matches approved by everybody are precisely those which seldom take place.
It was jealousy—ugly, plain, unconquerable jealousy—which was tormenting Elsie now. It is a dreadful moment when a woman looks deep into her innermost self and catches the gleam of a fierce fire burning there.
She looked out again at the shining water, and drew in deep breaths of pure air. The freshness of the streams was in the atmosphere; all around was the intense greenness of water-fed grass. ”

“ I had learnt from Ronald's letters that he had missed me, but when we came face to face again, I knew, for the first time, that his yearning had become an absolute pain.
I could not find words to say to him at that moment; but involuntarily my hand touched his, and was seized and held in a close clasp. My eyes were fixed upon the fire; but they saw visions of an Eden, sunlit and glorious, full of granted desires and realised dreams. Perhaps he, too, saw the same vision, and rebelled all the more fiercely against his cramped and fettered life.
"Are we never to be happy together?" ”

“ Again she thought of Jamie, picturing the rosy face and golden curls, like those which Meta had described. If she could find the boy, she felt, with a sudden heart-throb, that she must hold him fast. No woman's life is complete without a child's presence in it. There are a hundred ways of filling up the void, but only one natural way. Elsie Kilner was nearly nine-and-twenty, and she was hungering, half unconsciously, after a child's love. ”

“ A true love is never blind; it is keener-sighted even than hate, it makes itself acquainted with all the weak places in the loved one's nature that it may mount guard over the undefended spots. And my insight into Ronald's inner self revealed to me a wealth of unsuspected good.
Knowing that I understood him far better than she did, I permitted Lady Waterville to say what she liked; but she could not delude me into the belief that I was a heroine. Nor could she even persuade me to alter my opinion of Mr. Greystock. ”

“ The horses began to plunge violently, and then, as the drowsy coachman woke with a start, they set off at a mad pace in spite of all his efforts to control them. Down the lane they went at a wild gallop, their thundering hoofs raising a cloud of dust, and the three horror-stricken women caught a swift glimpse of the lady and the child clinging to each other in a despairing embrace.
Scarcely knowing what she was doing, Elsie began to run after the flying carriage at the top of her speed; Mrs. Penn followed her at a slower pace, and poor Mrs. Beaton came panting behind. ”