Alice M. Diehl

“ Splendid!” she said to the count, who at once vanished.
“Could anything be better?” she asked Hugh. “You will see her just as she really is when she is talking to her ‘mammy,’ as she calls me. What is the matter?” she said, suddenly, in a changed voice, for she saw her pale friend wince and bite his lip.
“Nothing, I assure you,” he said, earnestly, recovering himself. That word “mammy” had not been heard by him since Lilia had last addressed Mrs. Mervyn by the tender nickname in his presence.
What seeming trifles are the feather-weights that balance human destinies! ”

“ He would not have out his carriage; he took a hansom to the opera house. On entering, he stood amazed! There had been a drawing-room that day, and the ladies who were alighting from their carriages and sailing and sweeping through the entrance-hall and up the staircase were in all the bravery of silk, satin, and velvet, and literally ablaze with jewels. The heated air was scented with the perfumes they used, and with the odour of the Court bouquets they carried. The scene of excessive luxury was foreign to the severe simplicity of Dr. Paull’s hard-working life. ”

“ Mervyn loves her husband. She doesn’t mind much where he is. She is quite contented to stay with me while he is at the Vicarage. But the woman who marries you will weary her heart out all the time you are away from her; or, perhaps, you might find a girl who would not. I can only speak for myself. If you love yourself, and I suppose you do—everyone does, more or less—save yourself from me! I cannot love you unselfishly. ”

“ I never was more delighted to see them in my life; for Lady Forwood preferred the waggonette, and I gave her and the prince and the other men over to Mervyn, and was thus able to drive home opposite her and Lady Boisville.
Lady Boisville, good-natured soul, was pleased with everything.
“What white sand, what purple heather, what very majestic pines, Dr. Paull!” she said, looking at the dear old trees through her eye-glass.
But, my darling, what did she say, or think? Would she recognise? Would some gleam of a soul-memory beyond our knowledge and power of understanding show itself? ”

“ A windy autumn day, when the cloudlets sail joyously across the luminous blue sky, and the red and golden trees are shaken by the fresh breezes, has a liveliness of its own, as if Nature were at play after the hard work of the spring and summer before the night of winter sets in, when she herself falls asleep. And within these four walls? As Hugh alighted at the garden door, and walked in without ringing the bell (all bells had been muffled by the doctors’ orders) , he did not think with any pleasurable anticipation of the possible scene within. ”

“ The old man laughed, or tried to laugh; but it was a curious rattling sound, at which Hugh involuntarily bit his lip.
“That’s a dying laugh. Funny sound, isn’t it?” said Sir Roderick. Speech was evidently becoming more and more difficult. “Ugly sound; nasty feeling; choked feeling, too. I shall soon cast my chrysalis, Hamlet. I sha’n’t come to an end. No. I hope I shall be a poisonous serpent. Don’t look shocked. I want to sting human beings. They are worse than devils, if there were those fables. Yes, worse than devils,” he muttered, his eyes dimming with, Hugh feared, approaching coma. ”

“ He felt overwhelmed by this sudden and unexpected crisis in his life. He pitied himself and each one of them for being, as it were, called to arms without hint or warning of war. And Lilia—he felt almost as if her holiest feelings were to be outraged. Yet, without troubling the dying man, he could do nothing to protect her.
There was a hush in the sick chamber. Roderick stood leaning against a wardrobe; Mr. Pym remained quietly seated as if he were on the magisterial bench, or in his pew in church. Presently the door opened, and Lilia came in, followed by Mr. Mervyn. ”

“ Was this my old bachelor, or rather widower domain, which used to look so grim and forlorn, all echoes and musty odours, where Ralph and I used to stroll about together in an aimless fashion, always, I fancy, feeling a certain amount of relief when we got back to bustling London, which, however noisy and grimy, is life-full? This pleasant, well-lighted house, where, thanks to mammy’s arrangements, bright patches of colour met the eye at every turn; deftly placed bits of china, or banks of plants glowing with bloom. I felt self-reproach. No, I have not lived as I ought to have lived. ”

“ MIZPAH. What was there in that telegram to cause Hugh Paull misgiving?
Ostensibly, but little. Many things could have occurred, simple in themselves, to give Mercedes an excuse to summon him. That she would take advantage of an excuse to shorten their separation, he well knew. As he turned over and re-read the telegram, he chided himself for the chill sense of impending trouble which was unnerving him; but his efforts came to nothing. He started for London at once, in irrepressible perturbation of mind. ”

“ After luncheon, Sir Roderick sent me out into the grounds with his daughter. From first to last he purposely threw us together. What his motive was I cannot imagine. Motive he has: I have seen enough to know that he never acts without one.
Lilia told me so much as we wandered, first about the Italian garden just outside the dining-room windows, then across the lawns into the pinewoods. It was so difficult to check her childish confidences, which she poured out as a little creature just finding the use of its tongue will babble as it trots along holding one’s hand. ”

“ As Dr. Paull noticed the likeness he shuddered. As soon as he could, he made an excuse to be alone.
“I have work to do—can you amuse yourself without me?” he said.
Ralph’s affectionate glance recalled Lilia still more. Was it his fancy that to-night, of all nights, the lad bore a startling resemblance to his mother that Hugh had not observed before?
“It is not,” he thought, as he lowered the lamp in the library, and opening the window, drew an easy-chair near it and lighting his pipe, settled himself to think. “He is growing like her.” ”

“ But as the dogcart jogged down the steep incline leading to the garden entrance of the house, Hugh rallied himself, and determined to put aside all personal feeling, all emotions and passions, to follow no impulse, and to bear in mind that he was here on duty, as a species of death-bed sentinel—silent, motionless, except to salute the passing soul. ”

“ Poor “mammy!”
Meanwhile, she enjoyed herself that evening, as she, Dr. Paull, and Ralph sat together in a box to see a new piece, a serious comedy with both humorous and pathetic interest which was having a steady “run” at one of the principal theatres. Hugh exerted himself to be amusing, or, at least, to pay the undivided attention to Lilia’s dearest friend which he considered her due; and Mrs. Mervyn thought, more than once during the performance, “If there really is some love affair, it is going on favorably.” ”

“ Lady Forwood began a brisk lecture:
“My child, you are not fit to be out in the world at all,” she said. “You ought to have come to me for a year’s instruction before you were married, instead of going straight to the altar from the convent. You know absolutely nothing about men. Men’s ways are not women’s ways. The world allows them their liberty; and if their wives don’t allow it them also, they will neglect their wives for the world, and the wives will be to blame.” ”

“ If you don’t know that every woman who sees and talks to you must think you a god among men, it is time you did know it; for it is much better for women you should not be with them. You make them dissatisfied with their people. Don’t misunderstand me! You did not make me dissatisfied with my father: he, too, was perfect. But after seeing you that time you came and stayed, everyone else seemed coarse and common; and Roderick—oh, poor Roderick!—I was very unkind to him. ”

“ Paull herself had lived cheerfully; and as she had lived, so she died—with a smile of encouragement to those around her on her lips. To her, life was merely one scene in the eternal drama of the human soul. ”

“ He was thankful to her when she spoke, although she reproached him.
“You were not only my docteur,” she said, and her sweet, reproachful voice seemed dearer, more familiar, than before. “You said—you promised to be my friend.”
“Friendship cannot be all on one side,” said Hugh bitterly, relinquishing the pretence of doctor speaking to patient. “You told me you did not want me. You wrote as cruelly as ever woman wrote to man. ”

“ Open gates to the grounds, open doors to the house! It was positively inviting burglars to do their worst!
I thought of this as I walked along the white path, which crackled under my feet. I wanted to get out of sight and out of the hearing of any wakeful member of the household, so I went on and on, disregarding the tempting odour of the orange-blossoms in the Italian garden, the tempting sight of the terrace, with its white marble urns, benches, straight cypresses, and picturesque aloes, and was soon in the pinewood, among the gloomy trees. ”

“ For some moments he hardly knew what to do or say; then he felt he must fight Sir Roderick’s eccentricity for her sake.
“What would your daughter say?” he asked, gently. “You must not dispose of her. No one has a right to dispose of another. Of course, I would ask her to marry me, if I thought she wished it.”
“Of course she wishes it!” gasped Sir Roderick.
His eyes shone with excitement; cold beads were on his pale forehead.
“How can you tell?” suggested Hugh, in desperation.
The sick man had a fit of gasping. Hugh supported him, fearing that the end was come. ”

“ Hugh’s impulse to resent was suddenly and strongly quelled by a strange, almost occult, sensation. He seemed, as it were, suddenly to feel, personally, the emotions that old Mr. Pym was enduring. These were goodwill towards the brother who had persistently misunderstood and quarrelled with him; an almost despair at that death-bed insult; an irritable questioning of the motives and intentions of himself and Mr. Mervyn, strangers except by hearsay; a yearning tenderness towards his orphaned niece.
“Mr. Pym!” ”

“ My dear boy, do you know about Lilia?”
“Know?” I repeated, slightly nettled by Mr. Herbert’s Jack-in-office-ship. “Of course I know everything my wife says and does. I almost flatter myself she tells me her secret thoughts.”
“That is just it,” said my sister, who seemed quite unlike her usual bright self. “We cannot help seeing, Hugh, that if this sort of thing goes on, Lilia will ruin your life.”
“And pray why do we think so?” I asked.
“If you were to see her when you are away! She does what she sets herself to do. But in such a way! As soon as you are gone, she changes. ”

“ She was pale with a waxen pallor; her black hair was dressed high, and studded with pearls. She wore a white velvet gown, a shade whiter than her beautifully moulded bust and arms, and this appeared to be sewn with pearls. So youthful was her slender form that, had Hugh not recognized the Prince Andriocchi and his friend the count hovering in the background, he would hardly have believed this could be the new patient about whom so much fuss had been made.
“She is quite a girl!” he said, in surprise, turning to Lady Forwood. ”

“ That darling girl! How good she was to me, how patient!
In spite of my inward anxiety, I shall always remember that Sunday with pleasure. The little whitewashed church, with the honest rustics singing hearty hymns to the quavering organ, while sunbeams came and went upon the walls, and the quivering foliage of an elm in the churchyard cast green lights upon my open prayer-book. ”

“ Mr. Pym reddened. At that moment Lilia entered. Mr. Pym rose and offered her his chair. She was declining it, and going to the bedside, when her father querulously said, “No, no; take it!” and she accordingly seated herself.
“I wanted you together,” began Sir Roderick, “to tell you a few truths. I once believed in honest men.” He looked from one to the other; then gave a chuckle, and choked. When he recovered, he added, meaningly: “You, William, put an end to that. You made me wiser, much wiser.”
Lilia’s pale face flushed. Hugh met her glance of appeal, and turned away. What could he do? ”

“ At a tap from Lilia, a nurse opened the door.
“Mr. Paull,” whispered Lilia, gliding away.
“I am thankful you have come,” said the nurse, who looked worn and harassed. “There are two of us, but he has been dreadful. You are a doctor. You will not let him over-excite himself? We are to leave you alone.”
Hugh satisfied the nurse, as they stood by the door behind the screen. They whispered, but the hearing of the dying man was sharpened. ”

“ And at this hour!”
“Why did you not come—to me?” she gasped, rising in her chair. “My husband sent for you—and you would not come!”
“You wrote me my dismissal,” said Hugh, bitterly. “You felt a whim, a fancy, not to see me any more. You gratified it. You did not think what suffering it would cause me. You only pleased your vanity. It pleased your vanity to think you could hurt a man who has not been hurt by a woman before.”
He stopped short, for a sudden light came upon her face.
“What?” she whispered, leaning forward, her features losing their contraction, her pallor lessening. ”

“ Like the rest, you adore a petticoat—eh?”
“No,” said Hugh. “But I can’t say I am with you in the extermination idea; I have not known any domineering women. My mother was soft, gentle—more a helpmeet than a companion to my father, who is a very studious man. She was his right hand. His is not a mind to require a second self. My sisters are like her.”
“I understand,” said Sir Roderick, in a depreciatory tone. “Good specimens of the domestic genus. But what about the lady-love, the ideal realised, the creature apart—eh?”
“I have so many, you see, Sir Roderick,” said Hugh. ”

“ Going into the dining-room to luncheon, Hugh was startled to see Mrs. Mervyn, without her bonnet and shawl.
“Good heavens!” he said, startled. What brings you to town?”
“You, of course,” said Mrs. Mervyn, amused. “How do you think the Pinewood is to be restored, and all that, without some one working pretty hard? Ralph and I have our work cut out for us this next week, I can tell you. Ralph arranged for my staying here. I won’t be in your way, I promise you.”
“As if that were possible,” said Hugh, affectionately. He was always glad to see poor Lilia’s “mammy.” ”

“ Roderick Pym and the count in league! Without absolute confirmation I would swear those two are our enemies.
Our enemies? How natural it has been to class myself with my twin soul; but to what will it lead? How will our spiritual union end? ”

“ Do you think there could be two souls in one body, and one soul could be awake when the other was asleep?”
“Is such a wild, horrible idea allowed by your Catholic religion?” asked Hugh, somewhat brusquely. “Do you know, princess, that allowing yourself to think of such things probably causes you these bad dreams?”
She looked at him with a sad smile, and shook her head slowly.
“Ah! you do not know!” she said. He had heard that plaintive tone of voice before from patients suffering acute anguish from deadly disease. “But you are right, monsieur le docteur, I am wrong to say such a thing. ”