Anita Loos

“ So then we asked his son why his papa kept crying. So then his son said his papa kept crying because he was thinking about Lady Francis Beekman. So Dorothy said, “If he cries when he thinks about her, what does he do when he looks at her?” So then his son explained to his papa what Dorothy said. So then Mons. Broussard laughed very very loud, so then he kissed Dorothy’s hand, so he said, after that, we would all really have to have a bottle of champagne. ”

“ So then I saw Robber get her off in a corner and whisper to her quite a lot. So when we got back to the Ritz, Dorothy told me why they whispered to her. So it seems when Louie whispered to Dorothy, Louie told Dorothy that if she would steal the diamond tiara from me and give it to him and not let his papa know, he would give her 1000 franks. Because it seems that Lady Francis Beekman has got her heart set on it and she will pay quite a lot for it because she is quite angry and when she really gets as angry as she is, she is only a woman with one idea. ”

“ Because French gentlemen are really quite deceeving. I mean they take you to quite cute places and they make you feel quite good about yourself and you really seem to have a delightful time but when you get home and come to think it all over, all you have got is a fan that only cost 20 francs and a doll that they gave you away for nothing in a restaurant. ”

“ I mean the French gentlemen always seem to be squealing quite a lot, especially taxi drivers when they only get a small size yellow dime called a ‘fifty santeems’ for a tip. But the good thing about French gentlemen is that every time a French gentleman starts in to squeal, you can always stop him with five francs, no matter who he is. ”

“ So I said “How did a Frenchman get into the Ritz.” So Dorothy said “He came in to get out of the rain and he has not noticed that it is stopped.” So I said “I suppose you have picked up something without taxi fare as usual. Why did you not get an American gentleman who always have money?” So Dorothy said she thought a French gentleman had ought to know Paris better. So I said “He does not even know it is not raining.” But I went down.
So the veecount was really delightful after all. So then we rode around and we saw Paris and we saw how devine it really is. ”

“ So Dorothy and I have quite a lot of delightful hand bags and stockings and handkerchiefs and scarfs and things and some quite cute models of evening gowns that are all covered with imitations of diamonds, only they do not call them “paste” when they are on a dress but they call them “diamonteys” and I really think a girl looks quite cute when she is covered all over with “diamonteys.”
May 5th:
So yesterday morning Dorothy sold the imitation of a diamond tiara to Louie. ”

“ So Dorothy looked at them a little while and she really became quite discouraged and she said, “Well Louie, I think you had better put your spats back on.”
So then Leon, our friend who is the waiter, came in with the bottle of champagne. So while he was opening the bottle of champagne Louie and Robber talked together in French quite a lot and I really think I had ought to find out what they said in French because it might be about the diamond tiara. Because French gentlemen are very very gallant, but I really do not think a girl can trust one of them around a corner. ”

“ So Lady Francis Beekman came in and she is a quite large size lady who seems to resemble Bill Hart quite a lot. I mean Dorothy thinks that Lady Francis Beeckman resembles Bill Hart quite a lot, only she really thinks she looks more like Bill Hart’s horse. So it seems that she said that if I did not give her back the diamond tiara right away, she would make quite a fuss and she would ruin my reputation. ”

“ So then Louie called us up so Dorothy told him that we thought it would be delightful if he and Robber would take us out shopping tomorrow morning. So then Louie asked his papa and his papa said they would. So then they asked us if we would like to go to see a play called The Foley Bergere tonight. So he said that all of the French people who live in Paris are always delighted to have some Americans, so it will give them an excuse to go to the Foley Bergere. ”

“ So I looked around and I picked out a French gentleman who was really in a very gorgeous uniform and he seemed to be a very, very important gentleman and I gave him twenty francs worth of French money and he was very very gallant and he knocked everybody else down and took our bags right through the custom. Because I really think that twenty Francs is quite cheap for a gentleman that has got on at least $100 worth of gold braid on his coat alone, to speak nothing of his trousers. ”

“ So when we stood at the corner of a place called
“If you turn your back on a monument and look up, you can see none other than Coty’s sign!” the Place Vandome, if you turn your back on a monument they have in the middle and look up, you can see none other than Coty’s sign. ”

“ I mean the Eyefull Tower is devine and it is much more educational than the London Tower, because you can not even see the London Tower if you happen to be two blocks away. But when a girl looks at the Eyefull Tower she really knows she is looking at something. ”