Anthony Hope

“ If I asked your wife—”
“I haven’t got a wife,” said Rhadamanthus.
“That’s why you’re so hard-hearted,” said Dolly. “A man who’s got a wife is never hard on other women.”
There was another pause. Then Rhadamanthus, looking straight at the blotting paper, said:
“Oh, well, don’t bother me. Be off with you;” and as he spoke, the door behind him opened.
“Oh, you old dear!” she cried; and, stooping swiftly, she kissed Rhadamanthus. “You’re horribly bristly!” she laughed; and then, before he could move, she ran through the door.
I rose from my seat, taking my hat and stick in my hand. ”

“ Life is Love, the poets tell us, In the little books they sell us; But pray, ma’am—what’s of Life the Use, If Life be Love? For Love’s the Deuce.
Dolly began to laugh gently, digging the pin again into her hat.
“I wonder,” she said, “whether they used to come and sit by this old dial just as we did this morning!”
“I shouldn’t be at all surprised,” said I. “And another point occurs to me, Lady Mickleham.”
“Oh, does it? What’s that, Mr. Carter?” ”

“ Hilary from the writing table.
“Yes, Cousin Mary,” called Miss Phyllis. “Did you meet often, Mr. Carter?”
“Every evening in the French hour,” said I.
“She’ll have got over any nonsense by then,” called Mrs. Hilary. “They are often full of it.”
“She had remarkably pretty hair,” I continued; “very soft it was. Dear me! I was just twenty.”
“How old was she?” asked Miss Phyllis.
“One’s first love,” said I, “is never any age. Everything went very well. Happiness was impossible. I was heartbroken, and the governess was far from happy. Ah, happy, happy times!” ”

“ Hilary grinned covertly. Mrs. Hilary pulled the lamp nearer, and took up her embroidery.
“Do you always work the same pattern?” said I.
Hilary kicked me gently. Mrs. Hilary made no direct reply, but presently she began to talk.
“I was just about Phyllis’s age— (by the way, little Miss Phyllis was there) —when I first saw Hilary. You remember, Hilary? At Bournemouth?”
“Oh—er—was it Bournemouth?” said Hilary, with much carelessness.
“I was on the pier,” pursued Mrs. Hilary. “I had a red frock on, I remember, and one of those big hats they wore that year. ”

“ Archie—’ It’s all about Archie, you see.”
“Naturally,” said I.
“Well, I don’t know. I suppose I count a little, too. Oh, look here. Here’s Cousin Fred’s, but he’s always so silly. I shan’t read you his.”
“O, just a bit of it,” I pleaded.
“Well, here’s one bit. ‘I suppose I can’t murder him, so I must wish him joy. All I can say is, Dolly, that he’s the luckiest (something I can’t read—either fellow or—devil) I ever heard of. I wonder if you’ve forgotten that evening—‘”
“Well, go on.” For she stopped.
“Oh, there’s nothing else.”
“In fact, you have forgotten the evening?” ”

“ Rhadamanthus seemed very uncomfortable.
“Don’t do that,” he said, quite sharply, fidgeting with the blotting paper.
Dolly began to move slowly round the table. Rhadamanthus sat still. When she was standing close by him, she put her hand lightly on his arm and said:
“Please do, Mr. Rhadamanthus.”
“It’s as much as my place is worth,” he grumbled.
Dolly’s eyes shone still, but the faintest little smile began to play about her mouth. ”

“ George became red, and began to stammer an apology.
“Oh, I don’t believe him,” said Dolly kindly; “he always makes people uncomfortable if he can. What were you telling him, Mr. George?”
“It’s no use telling him anything. He can’t understand,” said George.
“Is she very—?” asked Dolly, fixing doubtfully grave eyes on my young cousin.
“Sam’s seen her,” said he, in an excess of shyness.
Dolly turned to me for an opinion, and I gave one:
“She is just,” said I, “as charming as he thinks her.” ”

“ Miss Dolly indulged in a slight grimace, and took up another letter.
“This,” she said, “is from my sister-in-law, Mrs. Algernon Foster.”
“A daughter of Lord Doldrums, wasn’t she?”
“Yes. ‘My dear Dorothea,—I have heard your news. I do hope it will turn out happily. I believe that any woman who conscientiously does her duty can find happiness in married life. Her husband and children occupy all her time and all her thoughts, and if she can look for few of the lighter pleasures of life, she has at least the knowledge that she is of use in the world. ”

“ Lady Mickleham wore blue. The dog swallowed the pate with greediness.
“It’s so bad for him,” sighed she; “but the dear likes it so much.”
“How human the creatures are,” said I.
“Do you know,” pursued Lady Mickleham, “that the Dowager says I’m extravagant. She thinks dogs ought not to be fed on pate de foie gras.”
“Your extravagance,” I observed, “is probably due to your having been brought up on a moderate income. I have felt the effect myself.”
“Of course,” said Dolly, “we are hit by the agricultural depression.” ”

“ Carter?”
“Certainly I do, Lady Mickleham. You are thinking that you would like to meet me for the first time.”
“Not at all. I was thinking that it would be amusing if you met me for the first time.”
I said nothing. Dolly rose and walked to the window. She swung the tassel of the blind and it bumped against the window. The failing sun caught her ruddy brown hair. There were curls on her forehead, too.
“It’s a grand world,” said I. “And, after all, one can grow old very gradually.”
“You’re not really old,” said Dolly, with the fleetest glance at me. A glance should not be over-long. ”

“ Hilary.
“You can’t do it,” said I in easy confidence. I had no fear of little Miss Phyllis being done out of her recreations. “Meanwhile,” I pursued, “the important thing is this: my parallel is obvious and complete.”
“There’s not the least likeness,” said Mrs. Hilary sharply.
“As a hundred pounds are to a shilling, so is the Grand Prix to the young man opposite,” I observed, taking my hat, and holding out my hand to Mrs. Hilary. ”

“ Give him Saturday evening lectures, or what?”
“Oh, every-evening lectures, and most-morning walks. And I taught him to dance, and broke his wretched fiddle with my own hands!”
“What very arbitrary distinctions you draw!”
“I don’t know that you mean. I do like a man to be smart, anyhow. Don’t you, Mr. Carter? You’re not so smart as you might be. Now, shall I take you in hand?” And she smiled upon me.
“Let’s hear your method. What did you do to him?”
“To Phil Meadows? Oh, nothing. ”

“ I held out a half-sovereign, three half-crowns, and a shilling.
“Oh, well, you may come, since Hilary can’t,” said Mrs. Hilary.
“You mean he won’t,” I observed.
“He has always been prevented hitherto,” said she, with dignity.
So I went, and it proved a most agreeable expedition. There were 200 girls in blue frocks and white aprons (the girl three from the end of the fifth row was decidedly pretty) —a nice lot of prize books—the Micklehams (Dolly in demure black) , ourselves, and the matron. All went well. Dolly gave away the prizes; Mrs. Hilary and Archie made little speeches. ”

“ Dolly leant over to my cousin, and whispered, “Tell me her name.” And he whispered something back to Dolly.
“It’s awfully kind of you, Lady Mickleham,” he said.
“I am a kind old thing,” said Dolly, all over dimples. “I can easily get to know them.”
“Oh, you really are awfully kind, Lady Mickleham.”
Dolly smiled upon him, waved her hand to me, and drove off, crying—
“Do try to make Mr. Carter understand!”
We were left along. George wore a meditative smile. Presently he roused himself to say:
“She’s really a very kind woman. She’s so sympathetic. She’s not like you. ”

“ Carter,” said Dolly in an authoritative tone.
“As for the other motto, Archie,” said I, “it merely means that a woman considers all hours wasted which she does not spend in the society of her husband.”
“Oh, come, you don’t gammon me,” said Archie. “It means that the sun don’t shine unless it’s fine, you know.” ”

“ Look here, Sam, don’t go and talk about—”
“Talk about what?”
“Anything, you old idiot,” said George, with a pleased smile, and he dug me in the ribs with his cane, and departed.
I sat on, admiring the simple elements which constitute the happiness of the young. Alas! With advancing years, Wrong loses half its flavor! To be improper ceases, by itself, to satisfy.
Immersed in these reflections, I failed to notice that a barouche had stopped opposite to me; and suddenly I found a footman addressing me. ”

“ To obtain the love of an honest man is a great prize. I hope you will prove worthy of it. Marriage is a trial and an opportunity—‘”
“Hear, hear!” said I. “A trial for the husband and—”
“Be quiet, Mr. Carter. ‘A trial and an opportunity. It searches the heart and affords a sphere of usefulness which—’ So she goes on, you know. I don’t see why I need be lectured just because I’m going to be married, do you, Mr. Carter?”
“Let’s try another,” said I. “Who’s that on pink paper?”
“Oh, that’s Georgy Vane. She’s awful fun. ‘Dear old Dolly,—So you’ve brought it off. Hearty congrats. ”

“ By the way, I might as well state what he—that is, my young cousin George—had done. Unless one is a genius, it is best to aim at being intelligible.
Well, he was in love; and with a view of providing him with another house at which he might be likely to meet the adored object, I presented him to my friend Lady Mickleham. ”

“ Carter.”
I stood for a moment considering this proposal.
“I don’t think,” said I, “that it would be proper.”
“Why, Archie suggested it! You’re making an excuse. You know you are!” and Lady Mickleham looked very indignant. “As if,” she added scornfully, “you cared about what was proper!”
I dropped into a chair, and said, in a confidential tone, “I don’t care a pin. It was a mere excuse. I don’t want to come.”
“You’re very rude, indeed. Many women would never speak to you again.”
“They would,” said I, “all do just as you will.”
“And what’s that, Mr. Carter.” ”

“ I got up, put on my straw hat, took off my coat, walked out into the sun, and began to move flower pots across the broad terrace. I heard a laugh from Archie, a little cry from Dolly, and from Nellie Phaeton, “Goodness, what’s he doing that for?” I was not turned from my purpose. The luncheon bell rang. Miss Phaeton, whip and twine in hand, walked into the house. Archie followed her, saying as he passed that he hoped I shouldn’t find it warm. I went on shifting the flower pots. They were very heavy. ”

“ She held them out to me.
“Lunch!” said I.
“Pots!” said Dolly, with infinite firmness.
The window of the dining room opened and Archie put his head out.
“Come along, you two,” he called. “Everything’s getting cold.”
Dolly turned an appealing glance on me.
“How obstinate you are!” she said. “You know perfectly well—”
I began to walk towards the house.
“I’m going in to lunch,” said I.
“Ask them to keep some for me,” said Dolly, and she turned up the sleeves of her gown, till her wrists were free.
“It’s most unfair,” said I indignantly. ”

“ Hilary,” I began, “is an exceedingly attractive—”
Dolly rose with a sigh.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“More pots,” said Dolly, standing opposite me. “I must go on, you see.”
“Till when, Lady Mickleham?”
“Till you tell the truth,” said Dolly, and she suddenly burst into a little laugh.
“Woman—woman—woman!” said I again. “Let’s go in to lunch.”
“I’m going to carry the pots,” said Dolly. “It’s awfully hot, Mr. Carter—and look at my poor hands!” ”

“ When you’re old—because you are not really old now—you will say, ‘I’m glad I didn’t send poor Dolly Mickleham away crying.’”
Rhadamanthus uttered an inarticulate sound—half impatience, half, I fancy, something else.
“We are none of us perfect, I dare say. ”

“ Carter,” said Miss Nellie Phaeton, touching up Rhino with her whip, “love in a cottage is—”
“Lord forgive us, cinders, ashes, dust,” I quoted.
We were spanking round the Park behind Ready and Rhino. Miss Phaeton’s horses are very large; her groom is very small, and her courage is indomitable. I am no great hand at driving myself, and I am not always quite comfortable. Moreover, the stricter part of my acquaintance consider, I believe, that Miss Phaeton’s attentions to me are somewhat pronounced, and that I ought not to drive with her in the Park. ”