Arthur Sullivant Hoffman

“ It ain't right, sor, and I'm goin' to give ye your liberty and let ye go without chargin' ye annything.'
"'Why,' says he, 'I don't want to git away!' he says, his voice growin' sorrowful.
"'That ain't got ahnything to do with it, sor, askin' your pardon,' I says; 'it's me conscience, and they ain't anny use arguin' with a man's conscience whin its dander is up. I've got to let ye go, sor,' I says, 'and ye can do it now. ”

“ Divil the lie I'm tellin' ye, no sooner was thim words in me mind than he ups and walks off from me like he'd heard me thinkin' and begins talkin' to a stranger man lookin' over the edge of the boat! Faith, the hair was crawlin' round on top me head. ”

“ Faith, for a minute I was thinkin' he was a ghost, but he hadn't no more than landed whin he begun draggin' up after him a long board with slats nailed to it what some boys must 'a' left there for a ladder. Me hand just missed the ind of it, me foot slippin' on top a pile of bricks and rollin' me down over the sharp corners of thim.
"I wint all round that second-story room, mostly crawlin'—och, me poor feet, it was perishin' with the pain of thim I was!—but niver a way of gittin' up to him, and him likely to drop down on the off side and run like a rabbit if I took me attention off him. ”

“ I would kidnap me little gintleman and hold him for wan of thim ransoms! 'Sure,' I says to mesilf, 'they're kidnappin' boys all the time, and it's the tidy sum a grown man would be bringin' me, though it's the little wan he is and part wore out.'
"'I say, sor,' I calls up to him, polite, from behind me wall, and droppin' a whole brick closer to him than common, 'wouldn't it be after bein' more pleasant for ye to come down willin',' I says, 'than to have wan of thim bricks search the head of ye for brains and turn the corpse over to me? To say nothin' of the mosquities,' I says. ”

“ Whin we come to our station, I endivored to lose him wanct more, whin we was walkin' crosstown I tried it ag'in, and in Central Park I tried it twict. I might as well tried to dodge a ghost what was hauntin' me. And him cheerfuller than iver and not seemin' to notice annything!
"'Look here, sor,' I says, whin he was pretty well into the East Side, feelin' I could stand no more of it, 'I've been thinkin' it over, and me conscience is hurtin' me. Ye niver did me no wrong, and here I am kidnappin' ye. ”

“ A tough-looking waiter entered through the swinging door, approached the table where the two were sitting, and tossed a dainty envelope in front of Patsy, with the announcement that a messenger had brought it. It was addressed to "Patsy Moran, Esq., Care of Devinsky's Place." Patsy opened it with nervous fingers, and a newspaper clipping fell out upon the table, displaying the unprepossessing features of a young man over the words: "Courtney Schwartz, son of multi-Millionaire Chas. ”

“ But where do ye take me?'
"Now I'd been thinkin' of a old warehouse near Mike O'Hara's dock with a fine cellar in it and no wan nosin' round, but it's mesilf is too knowledgeable to be tellin' ivrything that's in me head, even if they was time for it. 'We'll be gittin' me shoes first,' I says, 'and thin we'll be climbin' down to me boat and cross the river,' I says, 'where they ain't room for so manny mosquities.'
"'All right,' says he, cheerful, 'though I don't mind thim anny, as I told ye a bit gone. ”

“ I knowed immediate it was no lunytic he was after bein'. 'Thin what are ye?' I says, weak-like.
"'Ah, me frind,' says he, 'who's doin' this kidnappin'—you or me? Come on, now; thim cars runs half a hour apart.'
"Arrah, the anger rose in me at the owdaciousness of him, and I took me oath to git him to the East Side even if he become twins. But, bein' a thinkin' man, the unsettlement of me mind was ten times worse over him showin' signs of brains in him. If he could grow thim manny brains in half a hour, they was no tellin' how much sinse he might have by mornin'. ”

“ Faith, it's you is bein' kidnapped, not mesilf.'
"'Yis,' says he, 'I raymimber that.'
"'Oh, ye do?' says I. 'Ye'd better be usin' your brains to walk with instid of strainin' thim like that. Here! That ain't the way!' I yells at him as we come to where a side path turned off. And with that me poor feet slipped on some loose stones, and I would 'a' jerked the head off him but for the suspinders stretchin'.
"'Guh!' says he. which was about what ye'd expect from him whin he talked without stoppin' to think it up aforehand. And thin says he: 'Here, me good man, ye'd better be fixin' this. ”

“ But he niver paid thim others anny attention whativer, and pretty soon I begun wishin' he would. Sure, if he was thinkin' of worse than bein' rescued and havin' me handed over to the polayce, thin thim cold chills runnin' up and down me back wasn't doin' it for nothin'. 'Nonsinse.' I says to mesilf, summonin' back me manhood, 'I misdoubt if he knows what he is doin'. And annyways, he seems to be comin' along with me all right, bad cess to him, and it's me will be showin' him what it is to be dealin' with a strong man and a brainy wan. ”

“ Kidnappin' is easy whin ye have a place to kidnap thim to, but they ain't no money in settin' down with a man annywheres ye find him and tellin' him ye've got his tab and will his frinds give ye all their money.
"'Let's climb up the Palisades ag'in and take the trolley to the ferry,' says he. ”

“ If iver I go annywheres ag'in without a gun, may the divil fly away with me! So I wint behind a bit of wall mesilf. And there he was.
"Of course, I was ragin', and I begun tossin' bricks back at him. Hiven knows they was enough of thim! Whin he'd throwed about twinty, doin' no harm with thim, thim little arms of his wore out, and I kept just enough of thim goin' to make him nervous-like without hurtin' him. wonderin' in between would it be safe to go after me poor shoes and could I git thim on if I did, me feet bein' swelled surprisin'. ”

“ Och, did ye iver hear the like of that? Think of him warnin' me from his chanct to yell for help! It left me feelin' fair uneasy, even whin the wagon had gone on down the road. 'Sure,' I thinks, 'if they is anny humans as foolish as that, they wouldn't be let run loose. And annyways, he ain't got enough brains to be a real lunytic, God help him. ”

“ It was most unsettlin'.
"'We'll be goin' down the cliff now,' says I, takin' off me suspinders and tyin' wan ind of thim in a hard knot around the scrawny little neck of him to hold him by.
"'Do ye always tie thim up that way?' says he.
"'Yis, sor,' I says; 'thim suspinders has kidnapped nine men, divil a wan less,' I says. ”