Arthur Sullivant Hoffman

“ Insides is outsides, outsides is insides.' and I wint on, ramblin', till I wint off me nut or ilse I wint to sleep. Whin I come to, it was after tin and they wasn't annything left for me but that fool plan of Muttons and me havin' forgot me part in it entirely.
"I was settin' on the idge of me box with me elbows on me knees, disconsolate, whin the door come open sudden and there was a young man standin' regardin' me calm-like! Mind ye, I as tired beyond what anny man had been afore, but me brains was still with me and I begun usin' thim immediate. ”

“ Pettenby's nephew ain't in no trouble,' he says.
"'That's nice of ye, sor,' says I, polite.
"'But Mr. Pettenby' nephew does need money,' says he. thinkin' to himsilf.
"Ye can't pick a man out of a crowd be that,' I says. And right thin it come to me I'd seen me Sassenach frind afore, but I couldn't quite be placin' him.
"'Mr. Pettenby don't like his nephew much.' says he, ruminatin' some more.
"'He don't?' says I.
"'Mr. Pettenby wouldn't standin' by his nephew in this,' he says, lookin' thoughtful at the outside of me arr-more. ”

“ Ye might almost as well 'a' tried to find a hidin'-place on the outside of a pool-hall, and be the time we reached the third floor I was feelin' a bit nervous, though the family was all wan flight down on the sicond floor, drissin' thimsilves. We wint into the libr'y room, and starin' at me as we come in the door was the most outrageous and bediviled human image I iver seen, with the light glintin' off it scarey.
"'Name o' heaven, Slippy!' says I, husky, and grabbin' him. 'What's that?'
"'Bah,' says he, 'it's a suit of arr-more, ye fool,' says he, like as if he'd growed up with thim things. ”

“ Bein' disp'rit, howiver, I wint at it all over ag'in with thim big iron pipes on each of me fingers and the whole of that ballygasted arr-more workin' in till it was a inch under the skin of me and me gittin' hotter iv'rv minute. Thim kings Slippv mintioned must 'a' had a wonderful excitin' time. Right in the middle of me football game I raymimbered Slippy had run off with me coat and trousies! I'd been feelin' like all the clothes in the world was on me, and the thought of thim trousies took from me what life they was left. ”

“ Divil a English lord I'd iver hugged afore, and the sinsation was new to me and disconcertin'. 'Well,' says I, me breath comin' back in me, 'me apologies to Finny Myers, annyways. Finny ain't annything but a thief, and Mr. Adolphus will explain to ye what this gintleman's after bein', miss,' I says to the young lady. And thin I told her enough of it in two words mesilf, though wan look at Muttons would have been convincin' the whole of Missouri. It done the work. ”

“ Pettenby, and here I am,' I says, 'waitin' to nab me man.'
"'Ye'd do better,' says he, judicial, 'to stick to thim twenty-four rounds at Adgincourt, sirrah. Me uncle employ a detective? He wouldn't be knowin' wan from a divinity student. Guess ag'in,' he says. ”

“ The longest-living author of this work died in 1966, so this work is in the public domain in countries and areas where the copyright term is the author's life plus 57 years or less. This work may be in the public domain in countries and areas with longer native copyright terms that apply the rule of the shorter term to foreign works. ”

“ Oh,' I says, seein' he meant me arr-more, 'I'm a detective. It all come of me noticin' the mud on the shoes of a man I'd been watchin',' I says, seein' no reason to give him the old lie. 'They ain't anny place but the Drive turns out mud like that, and it was easy to see from the way it was on thim shoes that he'd been sneakin' around on the tiptoes of him. I set wan of me men on him, not ginerally botherin' with the details of a case mesilf, and found this was the house he was goin' to rob, so I wint straight to your uncle, Mr. ”

“ They ain't no use dwellin' on it, but what come of his lookin' was another of thim plans of his. It was for one of us to go on up in the attic, which was safe but far off, and the other wan of us to git inside that tin suit of hand-me-downs, and stand up there on its box listenin' till the guests come and the fam'ly wint down to dinner, an' then to give the signal, the point bein' that even if they come into the libr'y room they couldn't notice nothin'. ”

“ Suit of arr-more,' he says. 'They used to wear thim afore ye was born, whin they was no guns or fool sons of them,' says he insultin', and wint over and comminced lookin' at it. Thin I raymimbered how wanct they used to wear thim iron clothes so ye couldn't be shootin' thim, because they wasn't annythtng to do it with, had to crack a man open with a axe like he was a nut afore ye could attract his attintion. ”