Berthold Auerbach

“ Again Amrie soared, “Look! there fly the birds. No bird in the air goes astray; even the swallows, in their continually crossing flight, are always safe, always free! Oh! could we only fly! How must the world look above where the larks soar. Hurrah! always higher and higher, farther and farther! Oh, could I fly! I would fly into the wide world and to the Landfried, and see what she does, and ask her whether she ever thinks of me.
‘Thinkest thou of me in distant lands?’”
Thus she sang herself suddenly away from all the noise and from all her thoughts. ”

“ It is a sin to rejoice, and a sin not to rejoice. Do you know, John, what I say to myself? when a year is past I shall be so happy—when the year is over, oh! how beautiful it will be! But no! to-day is beautiful, I will be happy to-day—it is just. Now, we will ride into Heaven! Ah, what dreams I have had there upon the Holder Common; that the cuckoo was perhaps an enchanted prince, and now I sit upon your horse, and have become the salt duchess. I know they joke about it in Holdenbrunn, but I am glad you called me salt duchess. ”

“ Then said Mariann,—
“Who knows, that if in later years we should receive again what has made us perfectly happy in childhood, I believe that, like the cuckoo clock, it would have but half its sound. If I could only teach thee, child, what cost me so much till I had learnt it—never to wish for what happened yesterday. That, can no one give. We may try to purchase it, through sweat and tears shaken together! It can be found in no apothecary’s shop. Cling to nothing, Amrie—to no man—to no cause—then canst thou fly alone!” ”

“ Wait for it ever so firmly, when it comes it blinds the human eye. There are lightnings also in the eyes of men, that no one can look upon. Such was the lightning now from Barefoot’s eyes. There are also emotions in the human heart that no one can at the moment understand—they rise far above the earth, and cannot be caught by others. A lightning glance of ecstasy, as though heaven opened upon her, flashed from Amrie’s eyes; then she covered her face with both hands, and the tears gushed forth between her fingers. John still held his hand upon her. ”

“ How can I think I am one—alone—without Dami! I am not alone. Dami belongs to me and I to him. For Dami were it better,—better for him if he were under a father who would tell him, and teach him what is right. But canst thou not care for him thyself, when it is necessary? I see plainly that if he were once at home there, he would remain there his life long, and be nothing but a servant, a dog for strange people to kick. Who knows how the children of the uncle would treat us? As they are poor people themselves, would they not play the master towards us? ”

“ The larks alone kept jubilee, high in the air, above the clouds; and the finches’ little complaining note was heard from the wild pear-tree, against which Amrie leant. Now, in white stripes, rattled down the hail, and the geese pointed their beaks upwards, that the tender brain might not be hurt. There above, behind Endringen, it is already clear, and the sun will soon break through the clouds and the hills; the woods and the fields will look like the human countenance, which has been bathed in the tears of grief, but now shines out with beams of joy. ”

“ Ah, one need not, after all, fret so much, for life will soon have an end. When Rose scolds, I think, ‘Well, scold on, we shall both die soon, and then there will be an end.’ And then comes over me again such fear! I tremble at the thought of death, when I lie and think how it will be when I am dead! I shall hear nothing! I shall see nothing! These eyes, this ear is dead. Every thing that is myself will exist no longer. ”

“ But he who seeks it, must creep beneath others. There is also a secret in this world. But who can understand it? Find it. Take it to thyself. It gives thee neither fortune nor misfortune. If a man knows himself and other men aright, he can make himself any thing he pleases, but only on one condition,—he must remain alone! Alone,—alone! Otherwise, nothing will help him!”
Thus she gave Amrie dark and half-expressed meanings, which the child could not understand,—but who knows how much remains forever engraved in an attentive open soul, through words half understood? ”

“ SECRET TREASURES. AMRIE knew so well how to make herself at home in the house of John’s parents, that, on the second day, it seemed as though from her childhood she had grown up there. The old man clattered after her, and observed how handily and neatly she took hold of every thing, and how she finished her work without haste and without rest.
There are people, who, if they were to do the smallest thing, to fetch a plate or jug, they disturb the thoughts of all who are sitting near; they draw, as it were, all thoughts and glances after them. ”

“ What a beautiful bloom has the whortleberry, and what a powerful perfume it has! The little pears are quite formed, and glow with a faint red; and the poisonous night-shade already looks dark. Soon will come those clear, sharp-cut, harvest days, when the atmosphere is of so clear and cloudless a blue, that during the whole day the half-moon can be seen in the sky; then we mark how it fills itself, and how it wanes, till only a finely-cut side, like a little cloud, stands in the horizon. In nature, and in the human soul, there is a pause before the goal is reached. ”

“ A full-blown pink falls from Amrie’s hand over the window-sill, and strikes upon the mantle-sack of his horse, but he does not see it—it fell upon the street, and Barefoot hastened down to recover the treacherous signal. And now the fearful thought struck her, that he is Rose’s suitor—that he it is whom she meant last evening. She did not mention his name, but it can be no other! None! He is the person to be deceived! In the stable, upon the green clover which she had gathered for the cows, she knelt down and prayed fervently to God, to save him from becoming the husband of Rose. ”

“ Time is never so sadly destroyed as by expectation. At no hour, at no minute, can one feel secure. No ground is firm beneath one; one foot must be always in the air.”
“Oh, child, say not so,” cried Mariann, sorrowfully. “How can you speak of waiting? Think of me, how I have waited patiently, and shall wait till my last hour, and never give it over!”
In the recognition of another’s grief, the complaint of Barefoot was extinguished in tears; and she said, “My heart is so heavy, that I think only of dying. ”

“ Old Manz, who was employed to break stones on the road, never spoke a word to Amrie. He went sadly from one heap of stones to another, and the sound of his pick was incessant as the tapping of the woodpecker, or the shrill chirp of the grasshoppers in the meadows and clover-field.
Notwithstanding all these human influences, Amrie was often borne into the kingdom of dreams. Freely soared her childish soul upwards and cradled itself in unlimited ether. ”

“ The child looked earnestly at the woman as though she would say, “Does not my mother then know it?”
“Ah, that is the worst of it,” she said, answering the thought of the child, “that you can never know what good and honest people your parents were; that must elder people tell you. Think of it, Amrie, that it will make your parents happy in heaven when they hear people say, ‘There are the Josenhans children, they are a proof of all goodness. There they see plainly the blessing of good and honest parents.’”
At these last words big tears ran down the cheeks of the farmer’s wife. ”

“ Over the first stubble-field sing a new brood of larks.
When the spring breaks in a human soul,—when the whole world opens before it and within it,—thou canst not understand the thousand voices that make themselves heard. Thou canst [66] not seize nor hold the thousand buds and blossoms that perpetually unfold and extend themselves; thou only knowest that there it sings, and that it expands.
How quietly spring appeared again in the firmly rooted plant. There, by the meadow-hedge and the pear-tree, the sloe blossomed early, and was only rarely ripe. ”

“ The horseman upon the white horse had ridden back, and the horse was pressing with both fore feet upon her breast.
It was only a dream. Amrie looked around as though she had suddenly fallen from heaven. She scarcely knew where she was, but the sound of the music quickly aroused all her faculties, and she went with new strength back to the village where increased gayety inspired every one. ”

“ Amrie felt for the first time in her life, that blessed emotion of giving away a thing which she valued herself. She never thought how much she had done for Mariann, but [241] that she had given her shoes, appeared to her the first benevolence of her heart. She was more pleased than the woman who had received the shoes; she smiled at herself, as though she had a secret in her soul that made her heart leap for joy, and when John asked, “What is the matter? why do you smile like a child in its sleep?” she said, “Ah! it is all like a dream. ”

“ Soon the grown people nodded to each other around the door, and a circle of men and women formed themselves about Amrie, applauding her; especially Farmer Rodel, who, feeling at this time doubly excited, clapped his hands, and whistled the waltz, while the music within played louder and louder, and Amrie contrived to dance, and appeared to be insensible to weariness. At length, the music ceased, the farmer taking her by the hand said,—
“Thou flash of lightning, who then taught thee to dance?”
“No one.”
“Why do you dance with no one?”
“It is better to dance alone. ”

“ Dami was quite happy in the solitude of the forest. It suited him exactly, not to be obliged to dress or undress. It was with the utmost difficulty that Barefoot could make him wash and dress himself on Sunday afternoons, when she would sit with him and Mathew. Little was said by either of them. She could not prevent her thoughts from wandering about the world, in search of him who had once, for a whole long day, made her so happy; indeed, had lifted her into heaven. “Did he, then, never think of that, or of her? Can a man forget another, one with whom he has been so happy?” ”

“ Mariann answered, “Look, an animal can keep nothing back to reflect upon and resolve it in himself. But in man something is always speaking; it does not cease, although it is never loud. There are thoughts that sing, weep, and speak, but quietly; we scarcely hear them ourselves. Not so the bird—when he ceases singing, he is ready to eat or sleep.”
As Mariann turned and went forth with her bundle of wood, Amrie looked smiling after her. ”

“ Then as Brown Mariann wept aloud, Amrie wept with her.
They went home, and as Dami said, “Good-night,” she whispered softly in his ear, “Now I know that we shall never see our parents again in this world!” Yet in this communication there mixed a certain childish joy, a child’s pride in knowing something, a consciousness that the parents’ lips are closed forever. When death closes the lips of one who must call thee child, a living [28] breath has vanished which can never again return. ”

“ In the morning, when Barefoot looked early from her window, she started back as though she had suddenly received a blow. “Oh, heavens, what is that?” She rubbed hastily her eyes, and looked again—then asked herself whether she were not dreaming? “Ah, no! there is the horseman who was at the Endringen wedding. He is coming to the village! He is coming for me! No, he does not know me! But he shall know. Ah! no! no! What am I thinking of? He comes nearer and nearer! He is here! But he does not look up!” ”

“ Now came Brown Mariann nearer and said, “Oh, it is well that I have found thee. The whole village is, as it were, gone mad! One said, ‘I have seen her in the woods;’ another, ‘I met her in the field;’ and to me it seemed as though thou hadst thrown thyself into the fish-pond. Thou needst not fear, dear child! thou needst not fly! No one can force thee to go with thy uncle!”
“Who has said that I will not go?” Suddenly a quick wind breathed through the tree, so that the branches rustled powerfully. “But certainly I will not,” said Amrie, and laid her hand upon the tree. ”

“ Amrie was too old to look for support in the outward world, and it was long since she had asked the service-tree for advice. She now tried to turn her thoughts from all surrounding objects; and yet she must look at the fields that would soon be her own, and she could not help thinking of what was to come; of her entrance and reception, question and answer; the confusion of a thousand possibilities whirled around, and the Silver-trot waltz played itself in her head. She said at last, half aloud, “What is the use of all this thinking? When the music plays I must dance, be it hop or waltz. ”

“ Barefoot shuddered at the undying hope of poor Mariann, and the tenacity with which she forever clung to it. Henceforth, she never mentioned the stranger, but when from any cause she spoke of hope or of return, she instantly named Dami, although, secretly, she thought of the stranger. “He was not beyond the sea, and could come again or write to her—but alas, he had not even asked where she dwelt. How many thousand cities and villages, and solitary farms there are in the world! Perhaps he is now seeking thee, and can never find thee. But no—he could ask in Endringen. ”

“ She always dressed herself in poor materials, but neatly and gracefully, for taste is the ornament of poverty, that costs nothing, and that cannot be purchased. But as Farmer Rodel held it for the honor of his family, he insisted, on Sundays, that she should put on a better dress to be seen by the village. After church, Amrie quickly changed it again, and went to sit with Mariann in her every-day working-dress, or she stood over her flowers, which she cherished in pots at her garret-window, where pinks and the Rose Mariè flourished admirably. ”

“ Yes, Mariann said so herself; always quicker, and more out of a pound of wool than any other; and all so even, there was not a single knot in it; and see there is the ring there upon the wall. [44] That was beautiful when she had finished a skein. If I, at that time, had been old enough, I would never have consented that they should sell my mother’s distaff; it was my inheritance. But there was nobody to care for us. Oh, dear mother! oh, dear father! if you only knew how we are thrust about, it would make you sorry even in your blessedness!”
Amrie began to weep aloud, and Dami wept with her. ”