Booth Tarkington

“ Armistice Day, as celebrated by Uncle Charley, was the day when, owing to some cheerful preoccupation on the part of doctors and attendants, he stole nine aprons, three overcoats, a waistcoat and seventeen pillow-slips.
“But no, madam!” the valet explained. “He has his clothes on. He is dressed entirely. If you will stoop and look—”
Rip Van Winkle beat Uncle Charley by four years. ”

“ The nations split up and began to fight one another; and as soon they'd all got so crippled and in debt that they couldn't fight any more, the other splits began. Everybody had to be on the side of the women or the side of the men, and the women won. Now everybody has to be either a capitalist or a laborer, it seems, no matter what else he is; and even if he doesn't know which he is, he'll to fight, because somebody's sure to hit him. And besides that, the people have gone and split themselves into those that drink and the others that wont let 'em. ”

“ Troup by the porter, and after reading it, she glanced rather apprehensively toward her brother, who, in the opposite seat, was so deeply attentive to a book that he had not noticed the delivery of the telegram; in fact, he did not observe it, still in her hand, when he looked up vaguely, after a time, to speak a thought suggested by his reading.
“So many of these books about the war and the after-effects of the war say that there is to be a 'new world.' All the young people have made up their minds that the old world was a failure and they're going to have something different. ”

“ Dance-music is rather loudish, nowadays.”
“I was thinking,” he said slowly, “—I was thinking maybe I'd dress and look on for a while; I do want to see those new young people. It might be a good thing for me to begin to get accustomed—”
“So it might,” she agreed, brightening. “I was only bothered on your account, and if you take it that way, it will be all right.” She laughed. “The truth is, I enjoy Jeannette's dances myself. I like to enter into things with her and be more like a sisterly companion than a mother in the old-fashioned strict sense. That's the modern spirit, Charles ”

“ In the course Of some long and sympathetic talks with his patient, Dr. Morphy slightly emphasized a suggestion that of late tin had come to be considered the most desirable clothing material: the stiffness and glitter of tin, as well as the sound of it, enabled a person to be pretty sure he had something over him, so long as he wore one of the new tin suits, the Doctor explained. Then he took an engraving of Don Quixote in armor to a tinsmith, had him make a suit of armor in tin, and left it in Uncle Charley's corridor to be stolen. ”

“ No sensitive gentleman, under such circumstances, has attention to spare from his effort to clothe himself; and all information not bearing upon that effort will fail of important effect upon his mind. You may bring him the news that the Brooklyn Bridge has fallen with a great splash, but the gravity of the event will be lost upon him until he has obtained trousers.
Thus, year after year, while Uncle Charley Blake became more and more dextrous at stealing aprons, history paced on outside the high iron fence inclosing the grounds of the sanitarium ”

“ I don't know just what they mean by this 'new world' the writers talk so much about, because they never go into the details of the great change. It's clear, though, that the young people intend the new world to be much more spiritual than the old one. ”

“ This was not a new form of his disease, but a natural by-product and outgrowth of it, which within a year or two had developed to the point of fine legerdemain; and at the end of ten years Doctor Cowrie, the chief at the sanitarium, declared that his patient, Uncle Charley Blake, could “steal the trousers off a man's legs with the man himself being aware of it.” The alienist may have exaggerated: but it is certain that “Uncle Charley” could steal the most carefully fastened and safety-pinned apron from a nurse, without the nurse's being aware of it. ”

“ Mrs. Troup protested, laughing. “Only to dances at girls' lunches.” And, observing her brother's expression, she added: “Of course, she never takes too much; you mustn't get a wrong idea of Jeannette. She and all the girls of her set don't believe in that, at all—I'm positive none of them has ever been intoxicated. They have the very highest principles.”
“They have?”
“Yes; you see, Jeannette has read Wells and Shaw since she was twelve. When we go home and you meet Jeannette, you must try to understand that she belongs to a different generation, Charles. ”

“ They would have misunderstood Jeannette, and they would not have been shocked.
“I just wanted you to see her,” Mrs. Troup shouted. “I must run back to my partner and finish this. Come down when this number is over and meet some people.”
He did not attempt to reply, but stared at her blankly. As she turned away more of her was seen than when she stood beside him; and a sculptor would have been interested. “Don't forget to come down,” she called back, as she descended the stairway.
BUT he did not appear at the end of the dance; nor could she find him in the gallery or in his room ”

“ From first to last he was generally regarded as a “strange case;” yet his state of mind may easily be realized by anybody who dreams; for in dreams, everybody has undergone, however briefly, experiences similar to those in which Mr. Blake fancied himself so continuously involved.
He was taken from the hotel to a private asylum near Paris where he remained until the following year, when Mrs. Troup had him quietly brought home to a suburban sanitarium convenient for her to visit at intervals ”

“ Troup suggested the theater—since her brother's unfamiliarity with the French language rapidly spoken, might give him a dull evening at a comedy. So, taking their leisure, they went to the Marigny, where they saw part of a potpourri called a “revue,” which Mrs. Troup declared at once too feeble and too bold to detain them as spectators; and they left the Marigny tor the Folies Bergères, where she had seen a fine pantomime ”

“ After that, the silver was secretly tarnished, yet the patient remained satisfied. Next a woolen suit of vivid green and red plaid was substituted; and others followed, each milder than its predecessor, until at last Uncle Charley grew accustomed to the daily thought that he was clothed, and, relieved of his long anxiety, began to play solitaire in his room. His delusion had been gradually worn away, but not to make room for another ”

“ In 1904 no more commonplace young man could have been ever found in any of the great towns of our Eastern and near-Eastern levels. “Well brought up,” as we used to say, he had inherited the quiet manner, the good health and the moderate wealth of his parents ”

“ Fingers tapped on his door. “Do hurry, Charles dear,” Mrs. Troup said. “Jeannette's arguing with the musicians, but she might have a moment or two to see you now. People are just beginning to come.”
“With whom?” ”