Booth Tarkington

“ When he heard “Here Comes the Bride,” he was far less articulate than the melody, but uttered sounds.
“Quit that gulping and come on!” the Best Man said in a harsh, low voice. “You've got to!”
“Oh, murder!” Renfrew gasped, his last vocal exclamation as a bachelor; and by the imperious direction of his subconsciousness he took his place at his Best Man's side. Charley gently opened the door, and the two walked slowly out into full view of five hundred decorous people. To Renfrew, the faces of the five hundred seemed to beat upon him like a suffocating wave ”

“ Renfrew repeated huskily. “At my father-in-law's?”
“Yes,” said Charley. “Name of Elliott. Nice old man, but got an eccentric daughter.”
“You charge Muriel with being eccentric?”
“Well, look who she's marrying!”
Renfrew bent upon him a searching though haggard stare. “Charley,” he said piteously, “I believe you're joking.”
BUT Charley had turned again to the crack in the door, and he made a warning gesture. “Steady now!” he whispered. “Brace up! Try to be a man! Get ready!” ”

“ Renfrew did further damage to his hair. “Let me think. She said—she said something was sure to go wrong at the wedding, but she wouldn't say what. And she said it was because she had to march up the aisle with little Robert. What do you think she meant, Mother?”
But at that, in spite of his visibly intense anxiety, Mrs. Mears burst into outright laughter. “Nothing!” she cried. “Daisy meant exactly nothing at all.”
“But people always mean something,” he protested
“Not at the age of nine, my dear. Daisy was only airing herself. She was pretending to be important.” ”

“ Mrs. Mears looked at him with some commiseration. “I think it must be your waistcoat, dear.”
“What!” he cried, and his amazed stare at her took on wildness of his sudden fear that she was delirious. “You say you're keeping my waistcoat from me? Mother, aren't you well?” ”

“ Mears. “They're just about getting her dressed now, I imagine.”
“She's able to be dressed?” he demanded. “You think—”
“I think you'd better try to calm down a little, Renfrew. You're getting yourself all upset over nothing.”
“Over nothing!'” he repeated. “You call it 'nothing' to be going to be married in a few minutes and then have your own family keep something from you about the bride!”
“Renfrew!” his mother exclaimed. “Don't be so absurd. Muriel's perfectly all right.” ”

“ For Renfrew was of a natively modest habit, and inclined to the apologetic attitude of mind; he was, as people say, a young man of a painfully shy and retiring disposition. Yet brides and brides' mothers, year in and year out, do take even such a young man into their own hands, and turn a dismaying multitudinous attention upon him, as a Leading Man of the supporting company while the Star comes down the aisle. ”

“ Tarkington invites you to attend the wedding of Muriel and Renfrew, the two most delightful young people in his whole gallery of youth. This story reveals the great novelist at his literary best—a best that has twice won for him the famous Pulitzer Prize and put him on every list of the ten greatest living Americans, and in all lists of the country's most distinguished citizens. ”

“ Aren't you invited?” Daisy asked, in what she believed to be her mother's most fashionable manner.
“Of course I am,” Elsie replied, and her lovely, placid eyes showed her astonishment. (In the matter of personal beauty, if not of the present moment's high adornment, she had greatly the advantage of Daisy.) “Why, I told you yesterday Mamma said I could go to the wedding!”
“But my dear! Not like that?” the airy Daisy exclaimed. “Isn't that the very frock you wore to Lawrence Coy's party munce an' munce an' munce ago?” ”

“ Half a minute later he returned to his mother with the question: “Now will you tell me why Daisy is in such an excited state?”
“I think it must be the wedding, Renfrew. People who are going to be in a wedding do sometimes get a little excited.” ”

“ Renfrew looked distressed and in his nervousness disarranged his smoothed hair with a hand already tremulous in stage-fright. “We can't change anything now,” he said. “It can't be done. Everything's all settled, and such matters can't be altered at the last moment.”
“It isn't the last moment,” she said. “There's over more'n an hour yet, and if I haf to walk up the church aisle with that ole thing, the whole wedding'll be spoiled.” ”

“ In fact, the consciousness was growing stronger and more demoralizing with the passing of every second of the approach. Briefly, he was not quite himself, not entirely in command of his usual faculties. Few bridegrooms are.
“Spoiled?'” he repeated apprehensively 'Spoiled?' What do you mean, 'the whole wedding'll be spoiled,' Daisy?”
“It will,” she said with conviction. “The whole biznuss'll just be ruined if I haf to march up the aisle with that awful ole thing!”
“But why?” he asked. “Why, Daisy?”
“Because it just certainly will, Renfrew!” ”

“ I'll run after it till I get right alongside of it, and then if it tries to get into somebody's pew, I'll jump way up in the air like a tiger and I'll come down on it and absolutely crush it under me. ”

“ Then miraculously appeared the Best Man at the open window of the car, offering Renfrew's hat.
“Your hat,” he said, as Renfrew gave him a stare containing only a wan relief and no human comprehension at all. “Take it!”
Renfrew feebly took it.
“And look here,” the Best Man added hurriedly, in a lowered voice; “—there's something we forgot. I'm supposed to fee the Bishop for you, and I ought to do it now, I guess, while he's taking off his vestments in that little room back there, because I leave town at three myself. ”

“ The idea was evidently a new one to the mind of the bridegroom's sister, and after a momentary pause of incredulity, she made plain her conviction of its preposterousness. “Why, my goodness, Elsie Threamer, what would anybody look at Robert Elliott for, unless they wanted to get sick or somep'm?”
“They'll haf to, Daisy. On his side the aisle they'll haf to look at him, and on your side they'll haf to look at you. They can't help it.”
“My goodness! People can look where they want to, can't they?” ”