Bret Harte

“ They make me sick!"
Thus appealed to, Bracy, the express messenger, stepped forward in Yuba Bill's place.
"It's nothing particular, gentlemen," he said, with a laugh, "only it seems that some man called Spindler, who lives about here, sent an invitation to the father of these children to bring his family to a Christmas party. It wasn't a bad sort of thing for Spindler to do, considering they were his poor relations, though they didn't know him from Adam—was it?" He paused; several of the bystanders cleared their throats, but said nothing. ”

“ Price hasn't rigged her out in some fancy duds of her own, and made her look quite decent."
A deep groan here broke from Uncle Jim Starbuck.
"Didn't I tell ye?" he said, turning appealingly to the others. "It's that darned widow that's at the bottom of it all! She first put Spindler up to givin' the party, and now—darn my skin—ef she ain't goin' to fix up these ragamuffins and drill 'em so we can't get any fun outer 'em after all! And it's bein' a woman that's bossin' the job and not Spindler, we've got to draw things mighty fine and not cut up too rough, or some of the boys will kick." ”

“ Price, with her frank laugh, "that's the duty of one of your relations—your niece, for instance—or cousin—if one of them is a woman."
"But," persisted Spindler, "you see, they're strangers to me—I don't know 'em, and I do you. You'd make it easy for 'em—and for me—don't you see? Kinder introduce 'em—don't you know? A woman of your gin'ral experience would smooth down all them little difficulties," continued Spindler, with a vague recollection of the Kansas story, "and put everybody on velvet. ”

“ Price's own, in its courageous frankness, "I am so delighted to come—even if a little late, and so sorry that Mr. McKenna could not come on account of business."
Everybody listened eagerly, but none more eagerly and surprisedly than the host himself. "McKenna! The rich cousin who had never answered the invitation! And Uncle Dick!" This, then, was his divorced niece! ”

“ The Sacramento coach! In an instant every man was expectant, and Starbuck darted outside on the platform. Then there was the usual greeting and bustle, the hurried ingress of thirsty passengers into the saloon, and a pause. Uncle Jim returned, excitedly and pantingly. "Look yer, boys! Ef this ain't the richest thing out! They say there's two more relations o' Spindler's on the coach, come down as express freight, consigned—d'ye hear?—consigned to Spindler!" ”

“ She was a woman of thirty-five, of singular nerve and practical wisdom, who had once smuggled her wounded husband home from a border affray, calmly made coffee for his deceived pursuers while he lay hidden in the loft, walked four miles for that medical assistance which arrived too late to save him, buried him secretly in his own "quarter section," with only one other witness and mourner, and so saved her position and property in that wild community who believed he had fled. ”

“ Price! I'm just kalkilatin' on you."
Sincerity and persistency in a man goes a great way with even the best of women. Mrs. Price, who had at first received Spindler's request as an amusing originality, now began to incline secretly towards it. And, of course, began to suggest objections.
"I'm afraid it won't do," she said thoughtfully, awakening to the fact that it would do and could be done. "You see, I've promised to spend Christmas at Sacramento with my nieces from Baltimore. ”

“ Price didn't live in 'Bleeding Kansas' for nothing."
"Wot's the programme you've settled on, Uncle Jim?" said the bar-keeper lightly, to check what seemed to promise a dangerous discussion.
"Well," said Starbuck, "we kalkilate to gather early Christmas night in Hooper's Hollow and rig ourselves up Injun fashion, and then start for Spindler's with pitch pine torches, and have a 'torch-light dance' around the house; them who does the dancin' and yellin' outside takin' their turn at goin' in and hevin' refreshment. ”

“ It was also evident that there was an uneasy feeling that Spindler's action indicated an unhallowed leaning towards the minority of respectability and exclusiveness, and a desertion—without the excuse of matrimony—of the convivial and independent bachelor majority of Rough and Ready.
"Ef he was stuck after some gal and was kinder looking ahead, I'd hev understood it," argued another critic.
"Don't ye he too sure he ain't," said Uncle Jim Starbuck gloomily. "Ye'll find that some blamed woman is at the bottom of this yer 'family' gathering. That and trouble ez almost all they're made for!" ”

“ Price, apparently addressing herself to the stocking.
Spindler gave a weak laugh. "Well, you see, ef it comes to that, I've never seen 'em!"
Mrs. Price put the stocking in her lap and opened her direct eyes on Spindler. "Never seen 'em?" she repeated. "Then they're not near relations?"
"There are three cousins," said Spindler, checking them off on his fingers, "a half-uncle, a kind of brother-in-law—that is, the brother of my sister-in-law's second husband—and a niece. That's six."
"But if you've not seen them, I suppose they've corresponded with you?" said Mrs. Price. ”

“ Price hez bin feedin' him up. And ye know the old woman—that fifty-fifth cousin by marriage—whom Joe Chandler swears he remembers ez an old cook for a Chinese restaurant in Stockton—darn my skin ef that Mrs. ”