C. Z. Barnett

“ My cheek is wet with tears, but they are tears of penitence! (Busies himself in pulling on his coat, throwing off his cap, etc., and speaking all the time.) I don't know what to do—I'm as light as a feather—I'm as happy as an angel—I'm as merry as a school-boy—I'm as giddy as a drunken man! A merry Christmas to every body—a happy new year to all the world! Hallo, there! Whoop! Hallo! there's the jug that my gruel was in—there's the door where the ghost of Jacob Marley entered. ”

“ I am of the past! (The Children exeunt—the Spirit disappears through trap—at the same moment the Ghost of Christmas to Come, shrouded in a deep black garment rises behind medium, which is worked off, discovering——
SCENE II.—A Street. Night.
The Spirit advances slowly. Scrooge kneels on beholding it.
Scr. This Spirit's mysterious presence fills me with a solemn dread! I am in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas yet to come! (The Spirit points onward.) You are about to show me shadows of things that have not happened, but will happen in the time before us? ”

“ He keeps the audience in a gale of merriment with his humorous observances. Grandpa Hardy touches the heart with his absent-mindedness and his reminiscences about Grandma; and the white satin slippers he makes for Marion to be married in, have a great deal to do with straightening out her love affair. Humor is blended with pathos and a deliciously garnished philosophy makes "Skidding" more significant than the average comedy. It is life. ”

“ But why do spirits walk the earth? Why do they come to me?
Ghost. It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow men, and travel far and wide—if not in life, it is condemned to do so after death. It is doomed to wander through the world, oh, woe is me!—and witness what it cannot share, but might have shared on earth, and turned to happiness.
Scr. You are fettered!
[Pg 10]
Ghost. I wear the chain I forged in life—I made it link by link. Is its pattern strange to you? Oh, no space of regret can make amends for one life's opportunities misused. ”

“ Frank. Tiny Tim shall not go without his Christmas dinner notwithstanding your loss—no, nor you either—nor any of your family, Bob Cratchit. At such a time as this, no one should be unhappy—not even my hard-hearted uncle, much less a worthy fellow like you. Here, Bob, here's a sovereign—you can return it when my uncle raises your wages—no thanks, but go and be as happy as you deserve to be—once more, a merry Christmas to you! ”

“ There are many things from which I might have derived good by which I have not profited, I dare say, Christmas among the rest, but I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time—a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time ”

“ I shall soon be home! Won't my Martha be glad to see me—and what a pleasant happy Christmas Day we shall spend. What a dinner we shall have! I've got fifteen shillings—my week's wages—and I'm determined to spend every farthing of it. Won't we have a prime goose, and a magnificent pudding! And then the gin and water—and oranges [Pg 14] —and the—oh, how jolly we shall be! And Tiny Tim, too—he never tasted goose before—how he will lick his dear little chops at the sage and onions! ”

“ And as for Martha—my dear Martha, who is a dress-maker, and can only come to see us once in about four months—she shall have the parson's nose. Let me see—a goose will cost seven shillings—pudding five—that's twelve. Oranges, sage and onions, potatoes, and gin, at least three shillings more. Oh, there will be quite enough money, and some to spare. ”

“ Will you decide what men shall live—what men shall die? To hear the insect on the leaf pronouncing on the too much life among his hungry brothers in the dust.
Bob. My dear, I'll give you, "Mr. Scrooge, the founder of the feast!"
Mrs. C. The founder of the feast indeed! I wish [Pg 22] I had him here—I'd give him a piece of my mind to feast upon!
Bob. My dear—the children—Christmas Day——
Mrs. C. It should be Christmas Day, I'm sure, on which one drinks the health of such an odious, stingy, hard, unfeeling man as Mr. Scrooge. You know what he is, Robert—no one better. ”

“ My dear—Christmas Day——
Mrs. C. I'll drink his health for your sake not for his. Long life to him! A merry Christmas and a happy new year! He'll be very merry and very happy, no doubt! (All drink.)
2nd Spirit. Your name alone has cast a gloom upon them. But they are happy—grateful—pleased with one another.
Scr. And they look happier yet in the bright sprinkling of thy torch, Spirit. (As he speaks the Stage becomes quite dark. A medium descends, which hides the group at table. Scrooge and the Spirit remaining in front.) We have seen much to-night, and visited many homes. ”

“ Cheer. Many can't go there—many would rather die!
Scr. If they'd rather die, they'd better do it, and decrease the surplus population. However, it's not my business, so good evening, gentlemen.
Cheer. I am sorry we disturbed you. (As they are about to exeunt, Bob approaches them—Scrooge retires up.)
Bob. Beg pardon, gentlemen, I've got an odd eighteen-pence here that I was going to buy a new pair of gloves with in honour of Christmas day, but my heart would feel warmer though my hands were colder, if it helped to put a dinner and a garment on a poor creature who might need. There take it. ”

“ I wish to be left alone. I don't make merry myself at Christmas, and I can't afford to make idle people merry—I help to support the establishments I have named—they cost enough—those who are badly off must go there. ”

“ All men on this day have a kinder word for one another—on such a day—but come—on—on! (As he speaks the Scene changes.)
SCENE V.—Drawing-room in Frank Freeheart's house.
Frank, Caroline his wife, Mr. Cheerly, and male and female Guests discovered—some are seated on a sofa on one side, others surround a table on the other side. Scrooge and the Spirit remain on one side. (At opening of Scene all laugh.)
Frank. Yes, friends, my uncle said that Christmas was a humbug, as I live! He believed it, too! ”

“ Folks say I'm tight- [Pg 4] fisted—that I'm a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, clutching miser. What of that? It saves me from being annoyed by needy men and beggars. So, this is Christmas eve—and cold, bleak, biting weather it is, and folks are preparing to be merry. Bah! what's Christmas eve to me? what should it be to them?
Enter Frank and Bob, 2 e. l. h.
Bob. There's your uncle, sir. (Aside.) Old covetous! He's worse than the rain and snow. They often come down, and handsomely too, but Scrooge never does! ”

“ At this festive season of the year, it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the poor and destitute—many thousands are in want of common necessaries—hundreds of thousands are in want of common comfort, sir. ”

“ Laying aside her horn-rimmed spectacles, she pretends indifference and affects a mysterious interest in other men. Nancy baits her rival with a bogus diamond ring, makes love to her former husband's best friend, and finally tricks the dastardly rival into a marriage with someone else. ”

“ A neighbor, who is an author of detective stories, attempts to solve the murder, meantime calling in a prominent New York detective who is vacationing in the town. As they proceed, everyone in the action becomes involved. ”

“ Christmas comes but once a year.
Scr. A poor excuse for picking a man's pockets every twenty-fifth of December! Well, I suppose you must have the whole day. Be here all the earlier next morning. Here's your week's money, fifteen shillings—I ought to stop half-a-crown—never mind!
Bob. Thank you, sir! I'll be here before daylight, sir, you may depend upon it. Good night, sir. Oh, what a glorious dinner Mrs. C. shall provide. Good night, sir. A merry Christmas and a happy new year, sir. ”

“ He said he'd get Peter a better situation—and, mark me, whenever we part from one another, I am sure we shall none of us forget poor Tiny Tim, shall we, or this first parting that was among us?
Omnes. Never! never! (The Children crowd around their Parents, who kiss them tenderly. A medium descends and hides the group.)
Scr. Spectre, something informs me that our parting moment is at hand—tell me, ere you quit me, what man that was whom we saw lying dead? (The Spirit points onward slowly traverses the stage.) ”

“ Consequently the forces of the law get busy, the Coast Guard sends out a fleet of airplanes to rescue the lost film star, with the result that the front pages of the papers are loaded with stories of the frantic search for the actress, and the world at large is on its ear. ”

“ Mother Hardy is so upset at the modern tendencies of her daughters, that she goes on strike in order to straighten out her family. Young Andy Hardy is an adorable adolescent lad with his first "case"—a typical Booth Tarkington part. ”

“ The bride leaves the room for a few moments and when she returns, her husband is talking very confidentially to a young woman, who he claims has had trouble with her automobile down the road, and he goes out to assist her. ”

“ Bob. He's a regular trump! I wanted to thank him, and couldn't find the words! I should like to laugh, and I feel as if I could cry. If Tiny Tim don't bless you for this my name's not Bob Cratchit! I've lost fifteen shillings, and I've found a sovereign! (Dances.) Tol lol li do! Oh, Mrs. Cratchit! Oh, my little Cratchit! what a happy Christmas Day we shall spend, surely! What a pity Christmas don't last all the year round! (Exit l. h.)
SCENE III.—Scrooge's chamber, as before.
Scrooge discovered, sleeping in a chair. ”

“ Not coming upon Christmas Day!
Martha. (Running towards him.) Yes, dear father, yes. (They embrace.)
Children. Come, Tiny Tim, into the washhouse, to hear the pudding singing in the copper! (They carry Tim out—Peter exits l. h.)
Mrs. C. And how did little Tim behave?
Bob. As good as gold. Somehow he gets thoughtful sitting by himself so much, and thinks the sweetest things you ever heard! (The Children re-enter with Tim.)
Children. The goose! the goose! (Peter re-enters carrying the goose—it is placed on the table, etc. All seat themselves at table.) ”

“ Produced originally at the Vanderbilt Theatre, New York. 4 males, 5 females., 2 interior scenes. Modern costumes.
Nothing is really private any more—not even pajamas and bedtime stories. No one will object to Nancy's private affair being made public, and it would be impossible to interest the theatre public in a more ingenious plot. Nancy is one of those smart, sophisticated society women who wants to win back her husband from a baby vamp. ”