Charles Dickens

“ On the opposite side of the road was a large sign–board on a high post, representing the head and shoulders of a gentleman with an apoplectic countenance, in a red coat with deep blue facings, and a touch of the same blue over his three–cornered hat, for a sky. ”

“ Lord bless their little hearts, they thinks it’s all right, and don’t know no better; but they’re the wictims o’ gammon, Samivel, they’re the wictims o’ gammon.’
‘I s’pose they are,’ said Sam.
‘Nothin’ else,’ said Mr. Weller, shaking his head gravely; ‘and wot aggrawates me, Samivel, is to see ’em a–wastin’ all their time and labour in making clothes for copper–coloured people as don’t want ’em, and taking no notice of flesh–coloured Christians as do. ”

“ Down goes the shepherd to chapel, gives out as he’s a persecuted saint, and says he hopes the heart of the turncock as cut the water off, ‘ll be softened, and turned in the right vay, but he rayther thinks he’s booked for somethin’ uncomfortable. ”

“ And they shook hands heartily.
‘Wery glad to see you, Sammy,’ said the elder Mr. Weller, ‘though how you’ve managed to get over your mother–in–law, is a mystery to me. I only vish you’d write me out the receipt, that’s all.’
‘Hush!’ said Sam, ‘she’s at home, old feller.’ ‘She ain’t vithin hearin’,’ replied Mr. Weller; ‘she always goes and blows up, downstairs, for a couple of hours arter tea; so we’ll just give ourselves a damp, Sammy.’
Saying this, Mr. Weller mixed two glasses of spirits–and–water, and produced a couple of pipes. The father and son sitting down opposite each other ”

“ Weller was a most agreeable female, and also that Mr. Stiggins had a clerical appearance. It made a visible impression at once; and Sam followed up his advantage by kissing his mother–in–law.
‘Get along with you!’ said Mrs. Weller, pushing him away. ‘For shame, young man!’ said the gentleman with the red nose.
‘No offence, sir, no offence,’ replied Sam; ‘you’re wery right, though; it ain’t the right sort o’ thing, ven mothers–in–law is young and good–looking, is it, Sir?’
‘It’s all vanity,’ said Mr. Stiggins. ”