Charles Dickens

“ Weller, with grave facetiousness. ‘Ha, ha!’ laughed Mr. Pell. ‘Not bad, not bad. A professional man, too! At this time of the morning, it would be rather too good a—Well, I don’t know, my dear—you may do that again, if you please. Hem!’
This last sound was a solemn and dignified cough, in which Mr. Pell, observing an indecent tendency to mirth in some of his auditors, considered it due to himself to indulge.
‘The late Lord Chancellor, gentlemen, was very fond of me,’ said Mr. Pell.
‘And wery creditable in him, too,’ interposed Mr. Weller. ”

“ The professional establishment of the more opulent of these gentlemen, consists of a blue bag and a boy; generally a youth of the Jewish persuasion. They have no fixed offices, their legal business being transacted in the parlours of public–houses, or the yards of prisons, whither they repair in crowds, and canvass for customers after the manner of omnibus cads. They are of a greasy and mildewed appearance; and if they can be said to have any vices at all, perhaps drinking and cheating are the most conspicuous among them. ”

“ Weller.
‘Never mind who he was,’ retorted Sam; ‘he warn’t a coachman; that’s enough for you.’ ‘I know’d a ostler o’ that name,’ said Mr. Weller, musing.
‘It warn’t him,’ said Sam. ‘This here gen’l’m’n was a prophet.’
‘Wot’s a prophet?’ inquired Mr. Weller, looking sternly on his son.
‘Wy, a man as tells what’s a–goin’ to happen,’ replied Sam.
‘I wish I’d know’d him, Sammy,’ said Mr. Weller. ‘P’raps he might ha’ throw’d a small light on that ‘ere liver complaint as we wos a–speakin’ on, just now. Hows’ever, if he’s dead, and ain’t left the bisness to nobody, there’s an end on it. ”

“ The obvious suggestion was, that the mottled–faced gentleman, being anxious for a song, should sing it himself; but this the mottled–faced gentleman sturdily, and somewhat offensively, declined to do. Upon which, as is not unusual in such cases, a rather angry colloquy ensued.
‘Gentlemen,’ said the coach–horser, ‘rather than disturb the harmony of this delightful occasion, perhaps Mr. Samuel Weller will oblige the company.’
‘Raly, gentlemen,’ said Sam, ‘I’m not wery much in the habit o’ singin’ without the instrument ”

“ Some of them sleep during the greater part of the sitting; others carry small portable dinners wrapped in pocket–handkerchiefs or sticking out of their worn–out pockets, and munch and listen with equal relish; but no one among them was ever known to have the slightest personal interest in any case that was ever brought forward. Whatever they do, there they sit from the first moment to the last. When it is heavy, rainy weather, they all come in, wet through ”

“ It’s a very pleasant trait in a young man’s character, very much so,’ added Mr. Pell, smiling smoothly round, as he buttoned up the money.
‘Wot a game it is!’ said the elder Mr. Weller, with a chuckle. ‘A reg’lar prodigy son!’
‘Prodigal—prodigal son, Sir,’ suggested Mr. Pell, mildly.
‘Never mind, Sir,’ said Mr. Weller, with dignity. ‘I know wot’s o’clock, Sir. Wen I don’t, I’ll ask you, Sir.’
By the time the officer arrived, Sam had made himself so extremely popular, that the congregated gentlemen determined to see him to prison in a body. So off they set ”

“ Weller.
‘Wy, none o’ them unconstitootional ways o’ doin’ it,’ retorted Sam. ‘The have–his–carcass, next to the perpetual motion, is vun of the blessedest things as wos ever made. I’ve read that ‘ere in the newspapers wery of’en.’
‘Well, wot’s that got to do vith it?’ inquired Mr. Weller. ”

“ Pell; and he pursed up his lips, frowned, and shook his head mysteriously.
Now, the place where this discourse occurred was the public–house just opposite to the Insolvent Court; and the person with whom it was held was no other than the elder Mr. Weller, who had come there, to comfort and console a friend, whose petition to be discharged under the act, was to be that day heard, and whose attorney he was at that moment consulting.
‘And vere is George?’ inquired the old gentleman.
Mr. Pell jerked his head in the direction of a back parlour, whither Mr. ”