Charles E. Wheeler

“ When Bob got down to the Porter hill with the Smith calves—and remember, gentlemen, that the Smith calves were dark colored, all of them dark— (you know the identity of a calf makes more trouble than the question of whether the soul is immortal or not) —and so, when Bob got down there to the Porter hill where Potter was with his herd of calves, he found a man by the name of Pete Onstott there with Potter. ”

“ And I told him it was fifteen hundred dollars. He said, "Who is on it?" And I told him old George Fall, Bob's father-in-law. "Well," he says, "now, Charley, of course Bob is innocent, but I guess you better tell him that he better jump his bond and leave the country." It was a terrible shock to me. I was filled with vinegar in place of knowledge, and I believed just as religiously then as I believe now that Bob was innocent, and for a great lawyer like Colonel Preston to tell me I better tell Bob to jump his bond, was somewhat of a shock to me. ”

“ Gentlemen, it is said that the minds of old people dwell in the past. Mine does. And after forty-six years I want to describe Bob Johnson to you as he looked to me when I first saw him. He was as tall and straight as a lance. He had long tawny hair. (People wore their hair long in those days.) He had a full tawny beard. He had smiling grey eyes. His hair and his beard made Bob look like a lion, and that is what he was. ”

“ One of the defendants, by the name of Potter, lived then in Greene County. He had lived in Jones County. They are all dead, gentlemen. I used to think, of course, that the defendants were the most wicked men that ever lived; that they were scoundrels and outlaws and that they ought to be hung. And I believed it so thoroughly, it was so soaked into me, that I believed it until after they were all dead. Looking backward, I know now that, with perhaps just one single exception, the defendants were all reputable men, and probably believed Bob Johnson had stolen the calves. ”

“ Bob was an old man. He was a middle aged man before John Foreman lost his four calves—light colored calves—and when we were through the weight of a quarter of a century had bowed him. He was so many times bankrupt that I lost count. By the time we got through his indebtedness was barred by the statute of limitations. He came home to Jones County, where he was first indicted, where his enemies—the defendants—lived, and went to work and paid every dollar that he owed. He would go to a man that he owed, and say, "I came to pay you." ”

“ The judge ordinarily turns his back. He sits in a swivel chair and pretends to read a newspaper, but goes to sleep, and when he is suddenly and rudely awakened he pretends he has not been asleep at all. ”

“ You are all lawyers. There is some mystery connected with the Jones County Calf Case. Let me ask you some questions, and you chew it over when you are at leisure. Who was the man, Smith? The other side always claimed there wasn't any Smith; that he was a mythical Smith, and that Bob lied when he said he bought the four dark colored calves of Smith. They claimed that Lane never had any such son-in-law, and that it was a put-up job by Bob after he got into trouble to claim that he got the calves of Smith, and they always referred to him as "the shadowy Smith". ”

“ The first indictment I should say had been quashed, but the court had ordered the case resubmitted to another grand jury, and there had been a second indictment returned against Bob. To make a long story short, because it is a long story, gentlemen, and the mists of forty years have obscured it largely from my memory, we tried Bob, Colonel Preston defending him with consummate ability, and Bob and I hustling the testimony and doing chore work only. We tried it down there, and the jury stood eleven to one for acquittal, and hung. ”

“ They were most agreeable men. Honorable M. P. Smith. We call him on account of his initials, Member of Parliament Smith—M. P. I saw him the night before last. He is either eighty-five years old, or a hundred and eighty-five, I don't know which it is, but I am here to tell you, gentlemen, that when that old critter gets onto the bench and pulls that lock of hair down so that he looks like an infuriated buffalo, he can do a great deal of hooking. O. C. Miller, of the Waterloo bar, once a leading lawyer up there. Judge Crouch, of the Waterloo bar, once a leading lawyer up there also. ”

“ I want him to tell you the story of "The Jones County Calf Case".
THE JONES COUNTY CALF CASE
Mr. Toastmaster, Ladies and Gentlemen, and Members of the Iowa Bar: When I divided it up in that way I did not mean to be invidious. For nearly half a century I have been addressing audiences that were sworn to remain until I got through,—I am a little nervous about you gentlemen. There is the judge that must remain. Whatever sufferings he goes through, he must remain. Generally he is a large man with a protruding front, and a bald head, and speaks in a deep sepulchral voice. ”

“ Then Bob began the third case of the series; it is entitled Robert Johnson vs. E. V. Miller et al., in which Bob was the plaintiff and seven of his neighbors were defendants who had been most active in his prosecution. Bob sued them for damages. Now that is the case, that malicious prosecution damage case is the case you hear referred to ordinarily as the Jones County Calf Case. That case lasted, together with the other two cases, approximately a quarter of a century. It was tried wall over eastern Iowa pretty nearly. ”

“ Bob said, and he and Newt went out and got on their horses, and Smith got on his horse there in front of Coppes & Derr's store, and they started down to see Smith's calves. They got down into the neighborhood on the river where the Smith calves were supposed to be running out on the common. In those days we all let our cows run out and even the lawyers wore boots. They hunted them up and they found three of the calves that Smith said were his, but they could not find the fourth one. ”