D. Dalziel

“ The only woman I love is denied me while all others that I do not love are showered at my head. Perhaps some of you may envy my condition. If you do, follow this little bit of advice and you may soon find yourself as burdened with love as I am. (Sings.)
If you're anxious for to shine in the highest railroad line as a man of genius rare,
You must get up all the germs of the grandest railroad terms and plant them everywhere;
You must smile at all the ladies, and be good to all the babies in a manner that is most kind ”

“ The cuisine is quite on a par with the finish of the cars, and all that may minister to the nourishment of the body, or tickle the palate of the most discriminating epicures, will be found therein.
Other great features of the Michigan Central Railroad are that its through trains for New York and Boston run out of Chicago along the Michigan Lake front within a stone's throw of the city's costliest mansions, through South Park and the magic city of Pullman, affording an extensive survey of this marvel of a marvelous age, and later passing in full view of Niagara Falls. ”

“ An every-day young man.
PATIENCE—What is this I see, Grosvenor—Archibald with his hair cut! Oh, Archibald, is it you? Can it be that you are indeed a common person once more?
GROSVENOR—It is. I am still connected with the Chicago & Alton Railroad, it is true, but I am once more a commonplace young man. ”

“ Railroad conductors!
SAPHIR—I am told they are men of very full habits.
ELLA—We care nothing for railroad conductors.
(Exit the ladies in sorrowful procession. Enter the railroad conductors. They march around to chorus.)
The conductors of our land are linked in friendly tether,
Upon the railroad train they make their friends together;
There every mother's son prepared to make a friend is.
The comrade of one, The comrade of all is,
The comrade of one, The comrade of all is.
(Enter the Grand Commander of the Order of Conductors, Colonel Blue, of the Chicago & Alton Railroad.) ”

“ Ever since you joined our band, things have gone wrong. Before you came the women loved me—yes, sir, me, and they followed me about everywhere, and now you have come and everything is changed. It is you they run after, but I tell you it must cease.
GROSVENOR—Is it my fault if they all fall in love with me? You, of course, who are not endowed with all the disadvantages of beauty, cannot know what I have to put up with. ”

“ PATIENCE—But the truly happy seem to have so much on their mind. The truly happy never seem quite well. But I have some news for you. The Railroad Conductors' Annual Picnic will be held here to-day, and the young men in their gorgeous uniforms are now on their way to this spot. ”

“ However, as I said before, the Deacon came back very quickly and helped get things in the carriage.
"By the way, Deacon," said Mr. Trevellyan, "what time do we start and which way do we go? You know I have left everything of that kind to you."
"Four-thirty," said the Deacon, in a cheerful sort of way, "and by the Michigan Central Railroad. It is the only way to go. But never mind about the advantages to be gained by going over this remarkable route. I will tell you all about it when we get on the train." ”

“ PATIENCE—Do you write scurrilous anonymous letters about your female relatives in the newspapers? Do you malign your friends, act the part of a professional witness in divorce cases, and systematically breed trouble in happy domestic circles? ”

“ In addition to the above the Atlantic Express will leave Chicago at 8.30 p.m., having through Pullman Cars to Detroit, Saginaw Valley, New York and Montreal without change.
Passengers going east on an excursion or business trip can find no better, quicker or more picturesque route than this for pleasure, taking in as it does the famous Niagara Falls, River St. Lawrence, Lachine Rapids, Thousand Islands, Victoria Bridge, and the Mountain Scenery and Pleasure Resorts of the New England States,—the Grand Trunk, running as it does at the base of Mount Washington. ”

“ The Michigan Central Railroad has always held a foremost place amongst the lines between Chicago and the Atlantic sea-board, and the latest addition to their accommodations in the shape of four new Dining Cars will greatly strengthen its position. ”

“ The traffic passing between these two cities daily is very large when one considers that they are within a fraction of 1,000 miles apart. Boston also has a large traffic with Chicago, and to give an idea of the accommodations necessary to provide for the passenger business alone between the three cities, we may state that the
Michigan Central Railroad,
which is the principal thoroughfare between the cities named, runs five express trains daily—three on Sundays—made up of fine new day coaches, smoking cars, drawing-room cars, palatial sleeping cars. ”

“ The reputation this theater has made for itself, and the fact that it is known as the pioneer Opera House in the West, render it unnecessary to offer any extended description. While theaters have been erected, calculated to surpass in beauty and costliness Tootle's Opera House, few, to-day, can legitimately claim equality, and none can surpass it in all that pertains to the arrangement of a first-class place of amusement. ”

“ These new cars are incomparable for beauty of design and selectness of adornments, all the elegancies of art having been exhausted to produce the most desirable effect. That the end has been gained, goes without saying, and they stand to-day as far in advance of other Dining Cars as the first Dining Cars were in advance of the lunch counters at wayside stations. ”

“ After that 'tis surely you I love.
SHE.
When the engine sounds its puff, puff, puff, puff, puff, puff.
HE.
When the whistle sounds its "WHEW!"
⁂
SHE.
When I look on that braid and buttons a strange awe overcomes me.
HE.
Ah, Patience, 'tis not strange this uniform becomes me.
SHE.
Since I find you are an Alton man, I'll marry now instead of later.
HE.
If Patience did not love that road, I'm sure that I should hate her.
SHE.
That more than other roads I love.
HE.
After that 'tis surely you I love.
SHE.
When the agent sweetly murmurs, Tickets, tickets, tickets. ”

“ Commencing Monday, June 25, a Fast Limited Express will be placed on this line, running between Chicago and New York and Boston, leaving Chicago daily at 3.30 p.m., arriving in New York at 9 o'clock p.m. next day, and Boston the second morning. Pullman Cars will be run through without change between Chicago and New York, and Chicago and Boston; also Dining Cars will be run on this train, thus affording passengers the pleasure of "Dining on the Rail," at the customary charge of 75 cents. ”

“ For painting car roofs, the upper face and outside of car sills, the mortise and tenon when building or repairing cars, the outside of locomotive boilers before the lag is put on, the inside of locomotive tanks to protect the iron from rust, the inside of pits of tenders to protect the iron from the injurious effects of the coal, trucks, wheels, bridge timbers, turn tables, the inside of station water tanks, roofs of buildings, etc., etc. ”

“ The number of people actually in Chicago at any one time would doubtless range far above these figures, as its floating or transient population is enormous, running up into figures that can hardly be credited. ”

“ Nearly every street-car line in the city passes its doors, either on Fifth or Walnut streets. It is therefore evident that the Gillis has a decided advantage of location for the resident as well as the transient population. ”

“ This train, leaving Chicago one hour later than heretofore, makes a much surer connection with Western lines.
The Smoking Car, Day Coach and one Sleeping Car run through to Buffalo via M. C.; one Sleeping Car runs through to Toronto via M. C. and Credit Valley Railways; one Sleeping Car runs through to New York via M. C. and N. Y. C. The Dining Car serves dinner out of Chicago at 5 o'clock; train arrives in Buffalo in good season for breakfast.
This train has attached at Detroit a Through Sleeping Car from St. Louis to New York, via W., St. ”

“ CHORUS:
These most æsthetic, peripatetic
Runners skipped and ran;
For by no means ever can agent ever
Corrupt that queer old man.
[Pg 41]
A highly colored young man.
A Pullman Car young man.
[Pg 42]
A funny, rough old man, a tough and bluff old man, who swears like an injun and runs the engine, a chicago and alton man. ”

“ Transcriber's Notes
•A♦Trip♦to♦Niagara♦Falls•
"Come, May, come, Nellie; hurry up. Deacon Fitney will be here directly and the train starts directly."
The voice was that of Mr. Trevellyan, a thoroughly well-known and highly respected stock broker of the City of Chicago. Mr. Trevellyan was a hard-working man, and his various affairs did not give him much opportunity of absenting himself from his business. But to-day had been laid out as a holiday for the babies, and papa Trevellyan had made up his mind to take part in it. ”

“ Ellithorpe Fire-Proof Warehouse,
46, 48, 50 & 52 N. Morgan Street, Chicago.
Largest and Most Complete Warehouse in the West.
STORAGE FOR ALL KINDS OF MERCHANDISE.
F. T. ELLITHORPE, Proprietor and Manager.
[Pg 82]
THE BAKER HEATER
IS UNIVERSALLY ACKNOWLEDGED TO BE THE
Best Apparatus for Warming Railroad Cars.
It warms the floor of the car, and the feet of each passenger. It permits thorough ventilation. The temperature can be easily regulated. It does not freeze up, and is always ready for use. It uses less fuel than any other heater. ”

“ It penetrates wood, forming a body in the same, which no other paint does. Is impervious to water, and the best preserver known.
The foundation of this paint is creosote, which in its nature, is very penetrating and the best known preserver. It is mixed ready for use, and one gallon of this paint will cover twice the surface of any other paint in use. This paint is very extensively used for painting vessel hulls.
Books with full particulars will be sent to parties, by addressing
E.S. ALEXANDER & CO., Chicago, Ills.
[Pg 69]
Marshall Field & Co. ”

“ HOHOKUS, ERIE RAILWAY.
The scenery along the entire line of the New York, Lake Erie and Western R.R. (formerly Erie Railway) has a world-wide reputation for beauty. The line itself possesses unequaled facilities for transit of through passengers over its steel rail double track, in Pullman Hotel, Sleeping and Drawing-room Coaches, equipped with Miller Platform Buffer and Westinghouse Automatic Air Brake. It is a booming route for New York and other eastern cities. Try it.
JNO. N. ABBOTT, W. H. HURLBURT,
General Passenger Agent, New York. Gen'l Western Passenger Agent, Chicago. ”

“ CHICAGO.
3/16 POLISHED PLATE FOR CAR USE.
[Pg 76]
VERGHO, RUHLING & CO.
PROPRIETORS OF THE
Finest and Most Complete
FANCY GOODS AND TOY STORE IN THE WEST.
We have at all times an immense assortment of Bicycles, Velocipedes, Express Wagons, Hammocks, Croquet, Lawn Tennis, etc., and the largest line of RICH FANCY GOODS IN THE WEST. We have only new, fresh, and desirable goods. ”

“ Steam Excavators.—RAILROAD CAR PILE DRIVERS—Steam Derricks.
FITTED UP WITH
SKINNER'S PATENT STEAM HAMMERS,
A very effective machine,—simple, automatic and durable,—with recent improvements.
Chicago & Alton Railroad Company,
Office of General Roadmaster,
Bloomington, Ill., Oct. 30, 1882.
W. H. Warrington, Esq., President Vulcan Iron Works.—Dear Sir:
The Skinner Pile Driver Hammer, built by your Company, has been in use on our Pile Driver Car since last April, and we are much pleased with its work. It has always given entire satisfaction, doing the work effectively and economically. ”

“ THE GREAT EXCURSION ROUTE BETWEEN THE NORTH AND SOUTH
—AND TO AND FROM—
KANSAS LANDS, AND COLORADO, NEW MEXICO AND CALIFORNIA HEALTH AND PLEASURE RESORTS AND THE MINING DISTRICTS OF THE GREAT WEST.
For Tickets and information apply at any Coupon Ticket Office in the United States and Canada, or to
JAMES CHARLTON, General Passenger and Ticket Agent, 210 Dearborn Street, near corner Adams Street, Chicago.
J. C. McMULLIN, Vice-President, Chicago. C. H. CHAPPELL, General Manager, Chicago. ”

“ MORTIMER McROBERTS, Agent. CHICAGO, ILL.
Manufacture all kinds of
RAILROAD AND CONDUCTOR LANTERNS,
Head Lights, Tail Lights and Bridge Lights.
Owners of Patents on Numbers and Signals in Head Lights.
STATION LAMPS, SWITCH LAMPS, INSPECTORS' LAMPS.
EXTENSION LAMPS FOR TELEGRAPH OPERATORS' TABLES.
Sole Owners of the TUBULAR LAMP and LANTERN Patents and BUFFALO STEAM GAUGES.
Correspondence with Railroads Solicited. ”

“ ST. LOUIS, CHICAGO AND BOSTON
WITHOUT CHANGE.
TICKETS ON SALE AT ALL DEPOT AND CITY TICKET OFFICES.
BE SURE AND ASK FOR TICKETS VIA TROY & BOSTON HOOSAC TUNNEL ROUTE.
D. ROBINSON, W. B. STEARNS, Pres't and Gen'l Manager Troy & Boston R.R. President Fitchburg R.R.
C. E. LAMBERT, Gen'l Passenger Agent Troy & Boston R.R. AND East Bound Traffic Hoosac Tunnel Route.
Office, 135 Randolph St., CHICAGO, ILL.
[Pg 85]
The Steam Gauge and Lantern Co. ”

“ CHICAGO AND ALTON R.R.
Dearborn Street, Chicago.
[Pg 75]
Cherrie & Co.
RAILS AND RAILWAY FASTENINGS, PIG IRON,
Lake Superior Charcoal, Pennsylvania Anthracite,
MALLEABLE AND CAR WHEEL IRONS,
OFFICE,
90 and 92 DEARBORN STREET,
Chicago.
E. J. LEHMANN. CHAS. KINSMAN.
"The Fair."
LEHMANN & KINSMAN.
192 & 194 State Street,
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS.
Importers and Wholesale Dealers in
Fancy Goods, Jewelry, Watches, Clocks, Silver Plated Ware, Optical Goods, Cutlery, Musical Instruments, Stationery, Druggists' Sundries, Baskets, Bird Cages, Picture Frames, Albums, Dolls, Toys. ”