Earl Lind

“ But first, why have I been the victim of blackmail? Because my strongest passion is to get into feminine finery now and then and play the coquette. I also occasionally yield to instinct in the way Nature ordained for me. But in all this I transgress not in the least against God or man. Of course I have offended against laws that are a legacy from the Dark Ages.
No man should cast a stone at me who indulges in marital joys more than once a week. For since my Pug Heaven apprenticeship, I have not myself averaged once a week. True I have changed partners about thirty times. ”

“ In the course of my two decades of adulthood, I have repeatedly fallen victim to the physical charms of some adolescent stalwart menial in my every-day environment. I have lived much abroad. In the United States and Great Britain, three out of four, if of generally good reputation, demonstrate themselves diamonds in the rough. They refuse to take advantage of a step-child of Nature whose secret they happen to unearth. ”

“ Ever since resuming residence in New York, I have taken advantage of all the public masked balls to gratify my instinct to pose as a belle. Even those under the humble auspices of the Draymen's Union, the "Tonsorial Artists," and the "Societe Universelle des Cuisiniers."
A particularly great event has been the annual Masked Ball of the Philhedonic Society. Every pair of trousers may attend which can scrape together $10 for self and "lady." The patrons range from scions of the aristocracy out for a lark, to crooks bent on thievery. ”

“ If we should catch you running around with any other, we'd murder you!"
I coveted to be their slave, Ralph, and did all I could for them without disclosing that I belonged to a wealthy family, because a female-impersonator of a higher social stratum associating incognito with gangsters must conceal his status. At Pug Heaven, I became an expert detective and actor—an accomplishment requisite for every upper-class impersonator destined to sprees in the Underworld.
A thousand times I desiderated female corporeality so that I could have married one of these magic gunmen. ”

“ While I realized he would descend to chantage, I already perceived he possessed innumerable compensating characteristics. Every individual is derelict in some respect. Tony had never been enlightened on the immorality of chantage. So I hardly devoted a second thought to his cupidity. At the time I possessed no "best friend"—no "adopted son", as we older hermaphroditoi designate our sweethearts. I immediately commenced to gloat over Tony as my conquest—my boy! ”

“ The two large orchestras, playing alternately, pour forth continuously into the inebriated ears of the three thousand revellers the thrilling music of the most voluptuous dances, rightly tabooed by all decent society. The revellers are as impious a crowd as ever gathers in America. ”

“ I perceived that I had been born a biological sport—a female with male genitals.
I soon acquired half-a-dozen permanent favorites. These adolescent sluggers and gunmen lost no time in assuring me: "You're only a doll-baby, Eunice, and so need us big, strong fellows to fight your battles. But you must stay with our gang! ”

“ Me name is Tony Neddo. I'm not ashamed to let any one know who I am! But you! Do you know you've done an awful dirty, disgustin' thin' in comin' to the ball in a girl's rig? For this you'll have to pay dear! But if you know on which side your bread is buttered, no guy 'll ever be the wiser on account of what I've just found out.
"But get rid of your tremblin'! You needn't be 'fraid of me. I ain't the mean guy you think. When you meet me in my every-day clothes, you kin see for yourself. You'll see I'm a young feller of strong, pure manhood. ”

“ What I really and truly want is the chance to make your life happy. I want to be your best friend. Just let me see what you would do for a young feller who would give himself to you, body and soul. No one is poorer than me these days. All I got is the suit on me back. I only rented that bear rig for the evenin'."
"Well, Tony, how much would you expect?" ”

“ In English-speaking lands, as already in other civilized countries, even the scum of society should be educated, first by newspaper propaganda whenever the murder of an intermediate is described, and then from mouth to mouth, that the woman-man and the man-woman are irresponsible for their exceptional sexuality and should not be tortured on account of it.
Notwithstanding that I immediately entered into an arrangement by which Jack benefited fifty dollars a month, I soon perceived evidences of whisperings that "Frank White is abnormal!" ”

“ I had heard that the Rialto is New York's stamping-ground for amateur female-impersonators. Accordingly I commenced devoting one or two evenings a week to its resorts. As. soon as I learned that "the Hall" is the home of cultured female-impersonation, I made it my own headquarters.
IV. The Masked Ball.
You inquire, Ralph-Jennie, if I have been blackmailed during my business career. I confess I have been more negligent than most cultured women-men, and as a punishment, have suffered more blackmail. ”

“ I reflected: "In this lowest of dives, they may accept me as a puella, although superficially a boy." Because all early influences, Ralph, had made me opine that taking the part of a girl was the very lowest thing a boy could descend to. I further pondered: "Between the luxurious mansion of pater familias and this dingy dive, give me the latter! For here alone I might be able to pass as a puella. In my own cultured, Christian circle, femaleimpersonation is castigated. But would not the attitude of the offscouring of our mundane sphere—the Pugilists' Haven gunmen—be different?" ”

“ If the world could only realize that nearly all their anxieties and horrors are as groundless as this abhorrence of myself in the university!
Because no busybody engaged a detective to ferret out my secrets, I was privileged to graduate. But commencement day was like that of my own funeral. For I realized I was bidding alma mater a farewell forever. First, on account of Jack's treacherous character, who had remained with the university because of his advantages with me ”

“ They entreated me to bring around other female-impersonators. They were merely anxious for the money it would bring them. When I apologized for my queer penchant, they said: "It is nothing. It is Nature."
Ralph, those adolescent Pug Heaven sluggers knew more about the psychology of instinctive female-impersonators than all the M. D.'s in America combined! ”

“ And the average preacher, while meaning well, is so bigoted! Only recently I heard one declaim about the deluge: "God then drowned humanity as rats with the exception of Noah's family because MONSTERS were being born in considerable numbers." He claimed that "monsters" is the correct translation for "giants" of King James' version. And he made evident that he understood by "monsters" us bisexuals. Must we poor sexual cripples bear the blame not alone for the decline and fall of nations, but also for the Noachian deluge? ”

“ For conditions at the Philhedonic Ball are ideal for the light-fingered fraternity, particularly because every patron is in disguise, with a mask covering at least the upper third of the face, and the millionaire and the thief dance and flirt together. ”

“ You inquire about the element of suffering during my incarceration. The first week in the Tombs jail, I lay awake half of every night in mental anguish, for I realized I was a martyr. Every one was accusing me of deepdyed depravity when my life was actually on a high ethical plane. All the journals announced in big headlines that I had been surprised in a double life—intimating wilful immorality. "Immorality"! ”

“ There a correct knowledge of sexual intermediates is widely disseminated and the courts deal out justice to the woman-man. Even the Paris apache realizes that these bisexuals are worthy of commiseration and not responsible for their idiosyncrasies. But English-speaking countries give carte blanche to every prude actuated to pillage and even murder us women-men. We are outlaws ”

“ On my second appearance at Pug Heaven, the heroic gunmen entertained me with episodes about other female-impersonators they had encountered. I particularly remember stories about the "Duchess of Austria," from whom, they recounted, "some lucky guys had pumped" hundreds of dollars. One narrated anecdotes of a physician located south of Fourteenth Street. Young fellows would visit his office to be medicated and he would reveal his own bisexuality. ”

“ They inquired point-blank over and over again in the common indecent expressions whether I had not with such and such persons (particularly Tony) been guilty of what jurists denominate ridiculously, though solemnly and with bated breath, "the crime against Nature," when in fact nothing is more natural than the conduct in question. It is exclusively Nature's feat. ”

“ After arrival there, we associate, without waiting for an introduction, with whatever pair of trousers—that is, presumably—appears fair to look upon. We hermaphroditoi do our best to converse like real belles. An accidentel gruff note does sometimes betray us. But usually the gallant comprehends, sympathizes, and merely laughs at a good joke on himself. ”

“ Our families have, of course, no suspicion that we hermaphroditoi are only pseudo-men. While marvelling because we have never courted a girl, they have not been so far enlightened as to discern what that signifies. ”