Fanny Wheeler Hart

“ O sweet gay words in the days that are old!
And oh, to be clasp'd to that tender heart!
[pg 98]
I am so afraid that you feel remorse
For an end that indeed you could not prevent;
And I am not there to put gentle force
On what you should and should not repent.
I am so afraid that you grieve too much,
With a sorrow that nothing will stop or stay:
O Harry, don't let your sorrow be such;
O darling, you shall be happy some day!
They want to have you; they hunt you to death:
They cannot believe that you meant the deed!
Have they no sense? no perception? no faith? ”

“ I have opened my lips, and words run through,
And they ask 'Is Mr. Clarence at home?'
A man has appear'd from some inner place
(I heard him describ'd 'ere this trance began) —
Is he moving away into empty space?
I must come to life and must stop this man.
A terrible nightmare on throat and brain—
A body and soul in bewilder'd strife—
Shall I never be quite alive again?—
I'll make a desperate struggle for life! ”

“ This letter that Harry had writ to me;
My head turn'd giddy, and so did my heart,
And turn'd my eyes blind that I could not see.
O wicked blind eyes, will you not be clear?
Have I not told you 'tis written by him?
'Tis a piece of Heaven I am holding here,
And my horrible earthly eyes are dim!
The cruel letters run out and run in,
Fluttering, tottering, stammering by,
Mixing together like threads that you spin,
Flying apart, as birds recklessly fly. ”

“ And, without Harry, what was I at all?
I stand on a rock where two rivers meet,
With a life behind and a life before;
And one is ebbing away from my feet,
And the other is rising more and more.
Ah, poor little maiden! ah, dear little wife!
Ah, days that are past and days that will come!
The past is nothing—this only is life;
I am going with him and am going Home.
[pg 31]
And such a sweet pretty home as it is!
What shall I do with my exquisite bliss?
How can I ever be charming enough,
Where rumpling a roseleaf will make the path rough? ”

“ With a smiling face and a heart at ease?
No dream at night, when by wonderful laws
The bodies are dead, the spirits alive;
No little heart—sinking without a cause
When the perfect sunshine made nature thrive;
No omen or signal, little or great,
Not a quicken'd pulse or a flutter'd breath;—
So Harry and I rush'd on to our fate,
And the unseen world was passive as Death. ”

“ Answer my heart—and my heart answers No.
And my heart answers, 'more beautiful yet
Life is for those who leave Home with regret,
And greet it again as the sailor greets shore,
Gaily returning to life gone before.'
Thus from the banquet two lovers depart,
Owning thy truth, lovely voice of my heart;
[pg 45]
Seeking a home that, whatever befall,
Is brighter and sweeter and dearer than all;
Better than all that the world can decree,
For happy young creatures like Harry and me!
Self-ordained critics, we sit at our ease,
Life spread before us to judge as we please ”

“ Harry turn'd in his sleep, and turning sigh'd—
It breaks my heart when he sighs in his sleep.
And while I sat there in the twilight-gloom,
Looking at life with my wide-open eyes,
A ghost slipp'd suddenly into the room,
And that ghost was the ghost of Jack Devize! ”

“ Ere a tear had learn'd to flow
Now it lies upon a grave,
Ah, so very long ago!
[pg 71]
While I sat singing, steps came on the path,
Outside the window—what marvel is this?
Steady and solemn, they make my heart wrath,
Steps come towards me, and they are not his!
Steps in the night time pass up to my door;
Then comes a knocking might waken the dead:
Instead of one Harry there must be four,
Only not one has his light springy tread. ”

“ Earth is good for nothing but prayers and sighs.
We all are made up of follies and faults,
That, if time but serv'd, would lead us to crime;
And for every time my darling halts,
I am sure I have halted fifty times!
I am not blinded or prejudiced here;
I have sought the truth and found what I sought;
I know you were wrong, my Harry, my dear;
You should not have play'd and quarrell'd and fought.
[pg 97]
Had you been here on that evening—a cry
Comes out of my heart as one grace I implore:
Let me not think of our evenings, or I
Shall suddenly die, and see him no more. ”

“ They have only to keep their white lives white;
But men are so tempted, that men must fall—
O wonderful Harry who stands upright!
Again the sweet evenings we had at first:
He reads, and I work; or we play and sing;
And looks and words that, if life were accurs'd,
In memory only, would rapture bring.
Engagements of course will sometimes arise;
But the joy is still in the coming back;
And sometimes he dines with us (Jack Devize) ,
And sometimes my husband dines out with Jack. ”

“ As I kept kissing Harry's tears away.
And must his life be so faint and so dim?
And his heart be rack'd by a useless pain?
While I'm always trying to comfort him,
And always trying to comfort in vain?
Ah no, my beloved, it shall not be so,
I will try so hard—I will pray so much;
Comfort will come to you, Harry, I know,
And grief die out 'neath her delicate touch.
We must both be brave and must play our parts;
We must fight the battle with weapons fit;
Time will take sorrow out of our hearts,
But oh, the pity—the pity of it!
[pg 131]
There are no more secrets 'twixt you and me ”

“ From days that are past with a solemn bliss.
From days that are lit by a heaven-ray,
To kindle our hearts and strengthen our faith;
For Harry and I are changed in a way,
Like people whose eyes have looked upon death.2
My Harry has won such a patient mood,
And has grown so resolute and so wise;
He is always trying to do some good,
And always succeeding in what he tries.
The trials I trembled that he should bear,
His noble heart has accepted as such ”

“ Waiting, waiting, waiting, Harry, for you,
While the dreadful days drag wearily by;
I cannot wait longer—what shall I do?
For till I have kiss'd you I cannot die.
Frighten'd at every movement or sound—
Every thing except one thing forgot—
Always in terror that you have been found—
Would the first moment be rapture or not?
Wandering aimlessly everywhere,
Upstairs and downstairs, from room into room,
Searching for nothing—for nothing is there,
Only the changeless impregnable gloom.
[pg 100]
Stifled within, the cool gardens I seek;—
Like poor human souls the flowers all die ”

“ Am not I born for the glittering throng?
Treading on roses with delicate feet,
Is not a life a perpetual treat?
Can we be more than delighted and blest?
Pleasure is beautiful—is it the best?
Highest and best that our nature can know? ”

“ And the days that follow'd it full of grace.
In the sweet content of finding a home,
There was not leisure for joy to grow dim;
But the cloud was there, and ready to come,
And the cloud was the fear of change in him!
[pg 126]
Harry is changed—he is graver,—I think
Never I'll see the old Harry again:
There's a look in his face that makes my heart sink,
For it is a look of a hopeless pain.
Sometimes I hardly can keep down my cries—
I could wring my hands—I could tear my hair—
When an expression comes into his eyes,
Which is the expression of a despair.
He never alludes to the dreadful past ”

“ O happy school-days that are past and done!
O beautiful friendship, unsoiled by tears!
Restlessly, wearily eager am I—
(Do girls feel thus when about to elope?) —
I leave Harry's home 'neath a star-lit sky,
And my heart beats high with a single hope.
[pg 108]
And my heart beats high with a single hope,
Which has come on a sudden when unsought;
In all the wide world there is only scope
For a single hope and a single thought. ”

“ And Harry is placidly sleeping there.
He is sleeping there, while I work away—
My busy needle has plenty to do;
And my thoughts turn idly to yesterday,
And a world where troubles were very few;
To a world that shines in a distance fair,
Like a fairy dream, impossibly sweet,—
Was life what it seem'd when we liv'd out there? ”

“ Earth sweeter far than impossible skies;
My heart beating light as a bird in air,
When Harry brought home with him Jack Devize.
Did no presentiment touch me that day?
Never a soupçon of evil or ill?
No, the world was bright with Harry away,
And when Harry came back it was brighter still. ”

“ I think when earth can speak
(She will one of these days) ,
That every mountain-peak
Will give a shout of praise.
I did not care for the song that I sang;
I was not thinking of mountains at all;
Tiresome and strange in mine ears the words rang—
'Heaven is infinite, earth is so small'—
[pg 69]
Rang in that eerie monotonous way
Words sometimes will, when we don't will one bit.
Which proves they're alive—It is hard in the day,
But in the night who can battle with it?
And a little sob rose up in my throat—
'Harry, Harry, Harry,' thrill'd through the sob ”

“ Two lovers stood 'neath a star-lighted sky,
Half fearfully touching enchanted ground:
One lover was Harry, and one was I,
And the world went merrily round and round.
[pg 23]
Souls rushing together from distant parts,
Vows utter'd that cannot be ever undone;
A minute ago two lives and two hearts,
Through time and eternity now but one.
O foolish butterflies! chattering birds!
Instinct in vain with humanity strives;
You can't understand the wonderful words
Or magical kisses that changed two lives!
[pg 24]
What is Nature made for? ”

“ Your goodness in letting me be his wife?
We walk 'neath the weight that we have to bear
(I suppose all people walk under weights) ;
They say that a road of trouble and care
Is the straightest road to the Heaven-gates.
I hope we shall find the gates open far,
So that close together we both come in;
I shrink from the thoughts of the gates ajar,
When only the one might an entrance win.
I wonder if Heaven is brighter yet,
Than the home that lies o'er a distant main;
I wonder if there we shall quite forget
That we never saw that dear home again!
[pg 133]
I must not be tired, or think of my load ”

“ That the empty house is killing my heart;
They have done their best to assist before,
And they eagerly help me to depart.
The world is very good-natured, I find
(Why do worldlings often their home condemn?) ”

“ Thoughts turn'd astray by grief's terrible force;
Not even by love is murder excus'd;
She cannot believe that he did it, of course.
She thinks him a hero, and so loves on;
Reason enthron'd would annihilate this;
Love would have nothing to nestle upon,
Did she perceive him the sinner he is.'
* * * * * [pg 94]
Words striking my brain like sunshine on ice,
Bursting the bulwarks that kept the flood in;
Is love only madness? Will reason suffice
To crucify love at the presence of sin? ”

“ Our hearts may reveal their thoughts as they pass;
There is a ripple the less on the sea,
And a purer light flits over the grass.
If shadows are dark, and lights are not clear,
It is only the common lot of man ”

“ Our words were earnest and bright and free;
We twisted it round, we turn'd it about,
And we both agreed that it should not be.
'You are my angel,' he cried, with a kiss;
'I fear lest your wings are spreading to fly,'
And his angel I ought to be, in this,
For 'tis he who is tempted, and not I.
[pg 62]
O, women have no temptations at all ”

“ E-text preparerd by Barbara Tozier, William Flis,
and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
(https://www.pgdp.net)
HARRY. BY Fanny Wheeler Hart THE AUTHOR OF 'MRS. JERNINGHAM'S JOURNAL' FOURTH EDITION.
New York MACMILLAN AND CO. 1877
DEDICATED TO Menella Smedley, AS A TINY TOKEN OF BOUNDLESS LOVE AND ADMIRATION.
[pg 1]
HARRY. PART I.
Love caught his heart in a lovely surprise,
Just the first moment he looked in my eyes:
Poor little eyes! ”