H. B. Marriott Watson

“ Old Irons was fair set in wine, and must needs come at last to bragging at the pitch of his voice; swearing his was a smarter blade, and calling upon me in loud oaths to try his mettle; and then, as if this were too little, falling upon me and beslobbering me with affection, styling me his brother-in-arms, and vowing in the next breath that all upon the High Toby save himself were dirty devils, and fit for nothing but to pimp about a boiling-house. ”

“ He is no lover of thine, child, but mine own unlawful husband. Fie, what is come to your cheeks, you jealous minx?” and pushed her with a laughing contempt.
But Miss was looking askew, though I had no eyes for her at the time; and then again the noise of the traps was repeated, and there was the sound of footsteps in the house.
“Go, go,” says Mrs Cynthia.
“Yes, go,” says her ladyship, taking me by the arm and pushing me to the door. “An’ you be my husband, ’tis in my chamber you must stay, not Cynthia’s.” And laughing she put me forth and pulled the door upon me. ”

“ But I ran him to the door and filluped him out into the hall, and then, returning, found her ladyship fair rolling on the couch with laughter.
“O Ryder, dear!” she cried, “you are an uncommon entertainment. Faith, you capture my heart.”
But here again there was an interposition upon us; for Miss came hastily into the room with a billet for her ladyship.
“O Gemini!” cries her ladyship. “Foh, what is this? You interrupt us. I want not your bills. Lord, you should ha’ seen my Sir Paul with Sir Charles here. Troth, there’s comedy left in life.” ”

“ Lard, give me a pretty lie, and I’ll forgive you.”
“This gentleman is a rebel,” says Miss eagerly.
“A rebel!” cried she sharply, and looks me up and down.
“And being beset of the King’s officers has took refuge here by an inadvertence,” I put in, bowing.
She surveyed me with deliberation, and then smiled. “Foy!” she said, “’tis a likely sort of rebel. And you would make my house your covert. Why, the times is topsy-turvy when we have rebels in a bed-chamber. Well, Mr Rebel,” she said, “sure, you have a fine way with you. And a good tall fellow for the crows!” ”

“ But presently, peering forth of the casement, I thought I discerned a man upon the further side of the alley, watching me, and with that I dropped quiet and drew back a bit. And thus it was that falling into oblivion of my delicate position, and the bargain with Miss, I was suddenly startled by the opening of a door behind me, and a new voice upon the silence; and jumping round I put my hand to my sword. ”

“ Thank God that I didn’t divorce ye sooner.”
“Go, sir!” pleaded Miss, at my ears; and she was right enough, for there was the traps at the door, as I could hear.
“Yes, go, my highwayman,” says t’other, indifferently.
“Well,” says I grimly, “an’ I be a highwayman, the which I will not deny, damme, I will not go empty-handed. One or t’other,” says I, looking at ’em, “make your choice, or I’ll have both.”
Her ladyship laughed, and Miss turned red. “O, you may have sis,” says her ladyship. “Only leave me my jewels.” ”

“ I says bluntly, “what has fallen ’twixt me and her ladyship is not for your interference, whoever you may be. But, an’ you fuss yourself into a heat about it, and maybe with private grounds of your own, understand that if a lady shall do a poor gentleman great service, ’tis to the credit of her heart, as should be acknowledged the first by one of your years.” ”

“ His Majesty has no manners. I’ll warrant we find a way to pass you off. ’Tis a pity to peril the blood of so handsome a rogue.”
“He must be hid,” cries Miss.
“Nay,” said I, “I will serve myself best at large, and not pent within some closet, where a man’s iron were as much use as a toothpick.”
Her ladyship looks at me. “Sure, we’ll swear to you,” she says boldly.
“Well,” says I slyly, “an’ I might without undue trespass be established for Mrs Cynthia’s brother, why——”
“Yes, yes,” said the girl eagerly.
Her ladyship looked at me, and next at Miss, and her eyebrows fell an instant. ”

“ But instead, “Faith,” said I promptly, “but the character will fit me with all my heart; and a handsomer wife ’twere hard to find the length of Town,” says I.
“Why, for that matter, and the husband, too, is uncommon,” she retorted, smiling at me roundly.
There was that in her eyes that drew me, and in a manner they seemed to communicate with me. But that passed on the instant, and she was laughing lightly the next second.
“Lard!” she cried, “’tis a pretty plot. O my Sol!” and turns to her sister. “Sis, sis, I’ll warrant to save him, the pretty rogue. ”

“ But at that her ladyship, who had been feigning a rare flutter, now stepped in, putting up a pretty arm afore me.
“Stay, Sir Paul,” says she, and then very imperiously to Wilkins, “You have dared doubt a gentleman’s own word of what he is, and the word of his wife, that he is her husband. Well, as you be King’s officers, you shall have witness, as is in your right to ask. Cynthia!” she calls, and Miss comes up, looking very white and frightened. ”

“ Now, for all my experience of women, and I have encountered them of all qualities, I am better with ’em upon the road, or elsewhere, than thus, in a kind of obligation, and as it were under a bond of gratitude. ”

“ I asked.
“Whatever you be,” she says, “you have enemies, who will be brought upon you very soon. And you had best escape while there is time.”
“Oh!” said I, for now I understood. “You mean old Mawkin? ’Tis a treacherous old hunks, and I will prick him into a few holes with his own bodkin.”
“I name no names,” she says quickly, “but you will go?” she urged.
“Damme, no,” says I, being now angered at this general opposition; “but I will have it out with her ladyship first, and Hunks too.” ”