H. B. Marriott Watson

“ I replied, as if desperately. "Tis the young lady that I am thinking on."
He laughed harshly.
"You have cast sheep's eyes enough, my good man. I have her jewels."
"Damme, now," says I, "had the jewels been in my keeping I would not have let 'em go so cheaply. Is the young gentleman in his gore?"
"No," says he curtly.
"We have all been taken by surprise and robbed," says the voice of the old gentleman tremulously. "This man—"
"Silence!" said the man in black.
"Are you there, miss?" said I to the darkness. ”

“ With which I called on the ostler for Calypso. By the time I was in the saddle, and standing ready before the tavern in that great open space of the woods, the coach had rolled up and fled past into the night with a huge clamour and the groaning of axles and shrieking of postilions. But in that glimpse of the lights I had seen that the body was of a greenish colour. ”

“ I make no doubt that there be weapons of a kind, and if Mr Jenkins, maybe, will jump on the villain's back when he is down—"
"Faith, that will I," said Jenkins, stoutly, and armed himself forthwith with a warming-pan that hung upon the walls.
And that act setting the note, the company broke away in a commotion, each securing some form of a missile wherewith to assail the miscreant. And with that, as if the affair was already at an end, the old gentleman pulls his wrapper close around him and returns very coolly to his bed. ”

“ HABERDASHER
I have dealt in my time with traps and catchpoles of many colours; I have treated with justices and officers of the law that were mighty difficult; and I have encountered innumerable rough bucks that have pressed me badly. But give me them all rather than a pack of silly, screaming women that know not their own mind for two minutes on end. Many times have I adventured the sex in one way or another, and I can claim to have been esteemed by them, from milkmaids to ladies, even to my Lady Barbara, Duchess of Cleveland. ”

“ You are bold upon your virtues. I have met your kidney before, and if I must hang a knave, I prefer to hang one with an insolent front to him that snivels. I would disembowel t'other in the pillory. There is too much softness in this modern justice."
"My lord," says I, "you speak my feelings like a book. Faith, I would griddle the canting rogue with these two hands."
His lordship smiled very diabolic, and then finished his wine with the air of one that has tired of the play, at the same time nodding to the lackey that stood near by him exceedingly respectful. ”

“ He drank and coughed, but the compound mounting in his blood, fired him presently, so that he began to talk lightly and proffer advice and boast of what he would do and what part he would take.
"Why, yes," says Old Irons, "a pistol clapped at the head, and bang goes the priming, out flows the red blood. Sink me! there you are, as cold as clay, and with no more life in you than in a dead maggot. 'Slife! here's a jolly boy, Dick, that is handy with his barker, I'll vow." ”

“ I was for turning on her, for my blood was up at this silliness, when the vintner got upon his legs unsteadily.
"I will have no murder done in my house," says he, with a hiccough. "I will fight any man that is for doing murder in my house."
But ere I could answer Booby rushed at me. "I'll have your blood," he cried. And when I would have treated him as I had done the grocer, the widow put her arms about me and squealed that I was being killed, while miss clung to Booby behind and strove to pull him off with her hands and nails. ”

“ I said sharply. "Damme, miss will serve me better. She will wear the breeches properly." And I called out to her.
By that time the coachman had his lantern, and cast the light on the miserable sheepish object who scowled at us.
"Here's a pretty tobyman," said I, "a right gallant fellow that sheds lustre on the craft. Why, a child could manage him. See," says I, for miss was come up, looking very handsome and excited, in the snow. "Take ye this pistol, miss, and hold it to him. He will do you no harm—no more than a louse, and never could." ”

“ Why, damme! I will not deny a lady."
She looked at me in doubt for a moment, as if she would count me up, and then it was that I got my first idea of her quality, for her gaze pierced me through, and there was capacity in her very bearing.
"You would rob a poor woman?" said she next, in a softer voice. "I thought 'twas only fat, bloated purses that you gentlemen of the road would steal."
"No," says I, "I take nothing under five hundred guineas, and if there be some jewels to crown the pile I will not refuse them"—for this, I knew from the little fat fool's talk, was what her ladyship carried. ”

“ Here's all that was yours—rings, guineas and all. Spare him, I implore you, for his kindness and consideration to me."
"He showed me nice consideration," said he, with a sneer, for he was now confident and a-swagger; "we will dispose of him with as gentle a consideration, madam."
And at that he moved to the door, I doubt not to summon the landlord; but I stepped in his way, for I was tired of his mustard looks and arrogance.
"Rot me," said I, "you mistake my kidney. If 'tis a gentleman of the road you have to deal with, you have yet to learn his quality." ”

“ For Old Irons, taken aback at this, and never very particular when on his lay, jumped up sharply and smashed at t'other with his pistol-butt; while, to make confusion worse, the old man in the night-cap let off his blunderbuss. Such a screeching arose as would have astonished a churchyard of ghosts, for the truth was, old Nunky hit George somewhere in his hinderparts, and simultaneously down came Irons's blow on his head. ”

“ I bowed very solemn, and she eyed me with asperity. "I have been rifled of many valuable jewels, which I should now possess had I kept other company than that of chicken-hearts."
"'Tis a fool's trick to carry jewels on the King's highway," says I. "These gentlemen of the road snap their fingers at his Majesty."
"And you a King's officer to say that!" she said scornfully.
"Faith," said I, with a laugh, "I make no such claim to dignity. I am a poor civil gentleman, of no more pretensions than your brave companions." ”

“ I rose, but ere I could get to him young Masters had fallen on him.
"Defend yourself, damn ye!" he said, "you that insult a gentleman that is my friend. Put up your blade, curse you," and he made at him with incredible energy.
Uttering a curse, Grubbe thrust with his point and took the first onrush, swerving it aside; and ere I could intervene they were at it. My young friend was impetuous, and, as I saw at once, none too skilful, and Grubbe kept his temper, as he always did. ”

“ With that, seeming to recognise the folly of resistance, Sir Damon sank back in his seat.
"What is't you want?" he asked in another voice.
"'Tis very simple," says t'other; "merely all that is in your chaise with you, save what clothes you sit in." And now that the man's head no longer blocked the window he pressed closer in, and at the same instant uttered an exclamation of surprise. And so I daresay did Sir Damon also, for he must have recognised by that saying with whom he had to deal; the which must have astonished him who came forth to see the young buck laid by the heels. ”

“ When I pulled up at the foot of the heath, I could hear the creaking of the coach as it lumbered in the distance; then, turning the mare's nose to the common, I put her to an easy canter. 'Twas a design of some humour that possessed me; and what further drove me on was the reflection that I had a bare lining to my pockets, and, if I could not come by a high-toby lay, well, I would juggle with Creech for a venture. I knew Dan's haunts well enough, and that as like as not he was hiding in The Woodman for to celebrate his success. ”

“ I glanced about the coach with a smile—though, to say the truth, the wench's tongue nettled me; and "It seems," says I, "that we are a pack of superfluous cravens. Why is there none to fight us? My stomach, I vow, heaves for a highwayman. How stand yours, sirs?"
"Mine, sir, is sinking," says the old gentleman caustically—"sinking for the meal from which you detain us."
"Pray begone, sir!" added Hoity-toity. "As we may not have your valiant aid, no [205] doubt your comfortable bed will provide you bloodless dreams of battle." ”

“ What is there among us all?"
"Speak for yourself," said I. "I have that which I would not part with willingly."
"And I, sir," said the old gentleman. "But with three such young gentlemen to protect us we need fear nothing."
"Well, I will confess I wouldn't care to be stopped," says the man in black. "But they would not have much of me."
"There is my box of jewels," says miss, looking eagerly at Harringay, who smiled and nodded and clapped his hand to a pocket.
"'Tis safe," said he. "You may trust me for that, sweetheart." At which she smiled on him adoringly. ”

“ At that Old Irons stared at me, for he was never very quarrelsome save in his cups, and he had a respect for me. "Captain," says he, "don't go for to say you're going to commit assault on Old Irons, and shut his pretty peepers for ever. I'll warrant this pretty lady would be affrighted by it, and the gentleman too, rip me! when they see Old Irons a-lying in his gore—"
"Oh," says I, impatiently, "have done and pull up, for I maybe shall want you afore the day comes."
"Now that's like Dick Ryder's own self," said the old fool, and feigned to wipe a tear from his eye and regain his spirits. ”

“ And immediately the thought of a pretty whimsy flared in my head; but ere ever I had taken it, up springs the merchant crying, "Mine too—mine also, sir; I pray you, young gentleman, my bag of guineas!"
"The devil!" says I, very calm, and as if I had made my resolve long since. "How would those same young gentlemen of blood [207] entreat you, I wonder? 'Slife, I have a notion that they would despatch you all to hell, for your common quality, it being of untoward audacity for to seat you next her ladyship." ”

“ Bah! this love turns men dizzy; it steals their wits more wildly than wine. Let be! 'Tis well enough in a way, but, rip me, if I would be so rankly stirred. The old cock had the advantage and knew it. He gazed out at the silly pair from his window with hard eyes and expressionless face, and shouted a command to his man, at which the chaise turned and began to move slowly towards London again.
At that instant, seeing how awkward a face things wore, and being of a mind to see the stir through to the end, a notion flashed in my head and I came forward to the couple. ”

“ THE MAN IN BLACK
It was after the affair of the King's treasure that there was maybe the hottest hue and cry raised on me which has ever fallen to my lot in the course of many adventurous years. The pursuit opened in a little tavern in Southwark, where I was foolish enough to spend a night and some guineas in entertaining a pack of rude huffs that did not know a gentleman from a dung-fork. I had took too much of liquor, and I suppose that I had spoke too much also. At least, at three of the morning comes me up the landlord, a decent fellow, with the news that the traps were on me. ”

“ Why, yonder stands the fellow that was in the assault on your carriage, and 'twas me, Dick Ryder, that thrust him through the elbow as he fell on you."
Sir Philip's eyes went from one to t'other of us, under his bent black brows, but York's eyebrows were lifted in a feint of amazement.
"Why, Sir Philip," said he, "you will see from this how an excess of impudence may move a man. It may be that he is drunk that he plays so wildly. ”

“ When the postilion was come out by Streatham and was for making across the heath, the moon, that was half and bright, struck into the lowering clouds, and the open waste glowed of a sudden swiftness. The window of the chaise was open and the air streamed in, but I could make out little with my peepers because of the blackness. And here there was a savage rocking of the body of the chaise, and a cracking as of a wheel against something. So popped I forth my head and roared to the postilion, cursing him for his clumsiness, and he cursing back at the horses ”

“ At this point the coachman broke in with a gruff voice. "We must be going," says he, "or maybe we shall have further trouble ere Belbury."
"Heavens! would they flay us?" asked the old gentleman, lifting his eyebrows. "I assure you, I have nothing beyond my skin and two very incompetent legs."
That set me laughing, for the old cock tickled me.
"Faith," says I, "here is a philosopher."
Whereupon, like a pistol-shot, madam turns upon me in a fury. "And who are you, sir, that dares mock at our misfortunes?" she cried angrily. ”

“ Why, a gallows and the topsman would serve his turn."
He heaved a little sigh, fidgeting with his fingers. "Who the devil are you?" he asked. "You are taken for a padsman."
"My lord," said I, "'tis strange company a man may keep for a purpose. I will not deny that I know your suspicions, and whence they spring. Indeed, it was the gentleman's natural conclusion. I was pressed to carry my mission. Sure I have been worse accompanied than by a tobyman. But as for my name, your lordship has given me no answer. ”

“ I had meant the wars of the road, which indeed are as perilous and as venturesome as the high quarrels of ravening nations.
"I served in Flanders," said I.
"My father fought for his gracious Majesty, Charles I.," says he, quickly, "and took a deep [286] wound at Marston Moor. There was never a braver man than Squire Masters of Rockham."
"I'll warrant his son is his spit," said I.
He bowed, as if he were at court. "Your servant, sir," says he, smiling well-pleased, and eyed me. "You have seen much service, sir?" he asked.
"Why, as much as will serve, Mr Masters," said I.
He looked at me shyly. ”

“ This set me in feather, but miss in the sulks, as I thought, which maddened me the more that the hussy should [128] prove so ungrateful, particularly at a time when she should be showing concern at her adventure or, at least, grief for her guardian. Yet as I watched her, perish me but she charmed me with her petulant prettiness the more. Such a dainty head and a mouth so pert and alluring I had never yet clapped eyes on, which I say for all that followed.
There, then, were we set, awaiting Sir Philip, in the big chamber, she yawning without disguise, and me racking my wits to attract her. ”