Harold Brighouse

“ It's a poor sort of woman who'll stay lazy when she sees her best chance slipping from her. A Salford life's too near the bone to lose things through the fear of speaking out.
WILLIE. I'm your best chance?
MAGGIE. You are that, Will.
WILLIE. Well, by gum! (Rises.) I never thought of this.
MAGGIE. Think of it now.
WILLIE. I am doing. Only the blow's a bit too sudden to think very clear. I've a great respect for you, Miss Maggie. You're a shapely body, and you're a masterpiece at selling in the shop, but when it comes to marrying, I'm bound to tell you that I'm none in love with you. ”

“ HOBSON. Aye, a publican. As honest a man as God Almighty ever set behind a bar, my ladies. My friend, Sam Minns, asked me who you were. And well he might. You were going down Chapel Street with a hump added to nature behind you.
VICKEY (scandalized) . Father!
HOBSON. The hump was wagging, and you put your feet on pavement as if you'd got chilblains—aye, stiff neck above and weak knees below. It's immodest!
ALICE. It is not immodest, father. It's the fashion to wear bustles.
HOBSON. Then to hell with the fashion.
MAGGIE. Father, you are not in the "Moonraker's" now. ”

“ MAGGIE. Don't be vicious, father.
HOBSON. Will Mossop, I'm sorry for you. (Over banisters.) Take you for all in all, you're the best of the bunch. You're a backward lad, but you know your trade and it's an honest one.
(HOBSON is going up the stairs.)
ALICE. So does my Albert know his trade. (Goes R. C.)
HOBSON (half-way up-stairs) . I'll grant you that. He knows his trade. He's good at robbery. (ALICE shows great indignation.) And I've to have it on my conscience that my daughter's wed a lawyer and an employer of lawyers. ”

“ There'd be no bride cakes made at all if we thought first about our heads. I'm quite aware it's foolishness, but I've a wish to see my father sitting at my table eating my wedding cake on my wedding-day.
HOBSON. It's a very serious thing I came about, Maggie.
MAGGIE. It's not more serious than knowing that you wish us well.
HOBSON. Well, Maggie, you know my way. When a thing's done it's done. You've had your way and done what you wanted. I'm none proud of the choice you made and I'll not lie and say I am, but I've shaken your husband's hand, and that's a sign for you. ”

“ MAGGIE. Do you know what keeps this business on its legs? Two things: one's the good boots you make that sell themselves, the other's the bad boots other people make and I sell. We're a pair, Will Mossop.
WILLIE. You're a wonder in the shop, Miss Maggie.
MAGGIE. And you're a marvel in the workshop. Well?
WILLIE. Well, what?
MAGGIE. It seems to me to point one way.
WILLIE. What way is that?
MAGGIE. You're leaving me to do the work, my lad.
WILLIE. I'll be getting back to my stool, Miss Maggie. (Moves to trap.)
MAGGIE (stopping him) . You'll go back when I've done with you. ”

“ ALICE. I expect you'd put a collar on in any case, father.
HOBSON (rising) . Of course I should. I'm going to put a collar on. But understand me, Maggie, it's not for the sake of Will Mossop. It's because my neck is cold.
(Exit HOBSON R.)
MAGGIE (coming down) . Now, then, which of us is it to be?
VICKEY. It's no use looking at me like that, Maggie. I've told you I'm expecting.
MAGGIE. I don't see that that rules you out. It might happen to any of us.
ALICE. Maggie!
MAGGIE. What's the matter? Children do happen to married women, and we're all married. ”

“ You forget the majesty of trade and the unparalleled virtues of the British Constitution which are all based on the sanity of the middle classes, combined with the diligence of the working-classes. You're losing balance, and you're putting the things which don't matter in front of the things which do, and if you mean to be a factor in the world in Lancashire or a factor in the house of Hobson, you'll become sane. ”

“ MAGGIE. You'll soon be made of less than you are if you let Willie go. And if Willie goes, I go. That's what you've got to face.
HOBSON. I might face it, Maggie. Shop hands are cheap.
MAGGIE. Cheap ones are cheap. The sort you'd have to watch all day, and you'd feel happy helping them to tie up parcels and sell laces with Tudsbury and Heeler and Minns supping their ale without you. I'm value to you, so's my man; and you can boast it at the "Moonraker's" that your daughter Maggie's made the strangest, finest match a woman's made this fifty year. ”

“ TUBBY. Will you sit on the arm-chair by the fire or at the table?
HOBSON. The table? Breakfast? Bacon? Bacon, and I'm like this.
(JIM assists him to arm-chair.)
JIM. When a man's like this he wants a woman about the house, Henry.
HOBSON (sitting) . I'll want then.
TUBBY. Shall I go for Miss Maggie, sir?—Mrs. Mossop, I mean.
JIM. I think your daughters should be here.
HOBSON. They should. Only they're not. They're married, and I'm deserted by them all and I'll die deserted, then perhaps they'll be sorry for the way they've treated me. Tubby, have you got no work to do in the shop? ”

“ HOBSON. Cretonne! It's pampering folk.
(MAGGIE comes down stage R.)
WILLIE. Cretonne for a cellar, and morocco for this shop. Folk like to be pampered. Pampering pays. (He takes the chair out and returns immediately.) There'll be a carpet on that floor, too.
HOBSON. Carpet! Morocco! Young man, do you think this shop is in Saint Ann's Square, Manchester?
WILLIE. Not yet. But it is going to be.
HOBSON. What does he mean? (Appealing to heaven.)
WILLIE. It's no farther from Chapel Street to Saint Ann's Square than it is from Oldfield Road to Chapel Street. ”

“ WILLIE. Do you think it will get into the paper, Maggie?
MAGGIE. Yes, for sure. You'll see your name in the Salford Reporter, father.
HOBSON. Salford Reporter! Yes, and more. When there is ruin and disaster, and outrageous fortune overwhelms a man of my importance to the world, it isn't only the Salford Reporter that takes note of it. This awful cross that's come to me will be recorded in the Manchester Guardian for the whole of Lancashire to read. ”

“ MAGGIE. Matter of form! (Rises and moves R.) My husband a matter of form! He's the—
HOBSON. I dare say, but he is not the man that wears the breeches at your house.
MAGGIE. My husband's my husband, father, so whatever else he is. And my home's my home, and all and what you said of it now to Doctor MacFarlane's a thing you'll pay for. It's no gift to a married woman to come back to the home she's shut of. ”

“ Ada's the helpless sort. (Turns L.)
WILLIE. She needs protecting.
MAGGIE. That's how she got you, was it? (Turns C.) Yes, I can see her clinging round your neck until you fancied you were strong. But I'll tell you this, my lad, it's a desperate poor kind of a woman that'll look for protection to the likes of you.
WILLIE. Ada does.
MAGGIE. And that gives me the weight of her. She's born to meekness, Ada is. You wed her, and you'll be an eighteen shilling a week bootmaker all the days of your life. You'll be a slave, and a contented slave. ”

“ HOBSON. What! So it's libel now. Isn't trespass and... and spying on trade secrets enough for you, you blood-sucking— (To ALBERT.)
ALBERT. One moment, Mr. Hobson. You can call me what you like—
HOBSON. And I shall. You—
ALBERT. But I wish to remind you, in your own interests, that abuse of a lawyer is remembered in the costs. Now, my client tells me he is prepared to settle this matter out of court. Personally, I don't advise him to, because we should probably get higher damages in court. But Mr. Beenstock has no desire to be vindictive. ”

“ WILLIE. I can keep my mouth shut if you'd rather.
HOBSON. Don't strain yourself, Will Mossop. When a man's mind is full of thoughts like yours, they're better out than in. You let them come, my lad. They'll leave a cleaner place behind.
WILLIE. I'm not much good at talking, and I always seem to say wrong things when I do talk. I'm sorry if my well-meant words don't suit your taste, but I thought you came here for advice.
HOBSON. I didn't come to you, you jumped-up cock-a-hooping— (Rising.)
MAGGIE. That 'ull do, father. (Pushes him down.) My husband's trying to help you. ”

“ ALICE. I don't know what to tell you. Nobody seems to want any boots made.
TUBBY. The high-class trade has dropped like a stone this last month. Of course we can go on making clogs for stock if you like.
ALICE. Then you'd better.
TUBBY. You know what's got by selling clogs won't pay the rent, let alone wages, but if clogs are your orders, Miss Alice— (He moves towards trap.)
ALICE. You suggested it.
TUBBY. I made the remark. (Starts going down.) But I'm not a rash man, and I'm not going to be responsible to the master with his temper so nowty and all since Miss Maggie went. ”

“ Look at us now. Men assistants in the shop.
JIM. Cost more than women.
TUBBY. Cost? They'd be dear at any price. Look here, Mr. Heeler, take yourself. When you go to buy a pair of boots do you like to be tried on by a man or a nice soft young woman?
JIM. Well—
TUBBY. There you are. Stands to reason. It's human nature.
JIM. But there are two sides to that, Tubby. Look at the other.
TUBBY. Ladies?
JIM. Yes.
TUBBY. Ladies that are ladies wants trying on by their own sex, and them that aren't buys clogs. It's the good-class trade that pays, and Hobson's have lost it. ”

“ That shop's a cellar, and as you say, it's wretched, but they come to us in it, and they don't come to you. Your trade's gone down till all you sell is clogs. You've got no trade, and me and Maggie's got it all and now you're on your bended knees to her to come and live with you, and all you think to offer me is my old job at eighteen shillings a week. Me that's the owner of a business that is starving yours to death.
HOBSON. But—but—you're Will Mossop, you're my old shoe hand.
WILLIE. Aye. I were, but I've moved on a bit since then. Your daughter married me and set about my education. ”

“ MAGGIE. It's time you had a new pair. These uppers are disgraceful for a professional man to wear. Number eights from the third rack, Vickey, please.
ALICE (moving down a little) . Mr. Prosser didn't come in to buy boots, Maggie.
(VICKEY comes down to MAGGIE with box which she opens.)
MAGGIE. I wonder what does bring him in here so often!
(ALICE moves back to behind counter.)
ALBERT. I'm terrible hard on bootlaces, Miss Hobson.
(MAGGIE puts a new boot on him and laces it.)
MAGGIE. Do you get through a pair a day? You must be strong. ”

“ HOBSON. Yes, you are. You're pretty, but you're bumptious, and I hate bumptiousness like I hate a lawyer.
ALICE. If we take trouble to feed you it's not bumptious to ask you not to be late for your food.
VICKEY. Give and take, father.
HOBSON. I give and you take, and it's going to end.
MAGGIE. How much a week do you give us?
HOBSON. That's neither here nor there. (Rises and moves to doors L.) At moment I'm on uppishness, and I'm warning you your conduct towards your parent's got to change. (Turns to the counter.) But that's not all. ”

“ TUBBY (cutting bread) . Every way you look at it. Mr. Hobson's not his own old self, and the shop's not its own old self, and look at me. Now I ask you, Mr. Heeler, man to man, is this work for a foreman shoe hand? Cooking and laying tables and—
JIM. By all accounts there's not much else for you to do.
TUBBY. There's better things than being a housemaid, if it's only making clogs. (Crosses to fire to toast.)
JIM. They tell me clogs are a cut line.
TUBBY. Well, what are you to do? There's nothing else wanted. (Turns.) Hobson's in a bad way, and I'm telling no secret when I say it. ”

“ MAGGIE. You have approved. You've kissed the bridegroom and you'll go along with us. Father's safe where he is. (Rises and crosses L.)
ALICE. And the shop?
MAGGIE. Tubby can see to the shop. And that reminds me. You can sell me something. There are some rings in that drawer there, Vickey.
VICKEY. Brass rings?
MAGGIE. Yes. I want one. That's the size. (She holds up her wedding-ring finger and moves to the counter.)
VICKEY. That! But you're not taking it for—
(VICKEY puts box of rings on counter.)
MAGGIE. Yes, I am. Will and me aren't throwing money round, but we can pay our way. ”

“ Philip's or am I not? Am I Hobson of Hobson's Boot Shop on Chapel Street, Salford? Am I a respectable ratepayer and the father of a family or—
MAGGIE (who has been reading over WILL'S shoulder) . It's an action for damages for trespass, I see.
HOBSON. It's a stab in the back, it's an unfair, un-English, cowardly way of taking a mean advantage of a casual accident.
MAGGIE. Did you trespass?
HOBSON. Maggie, I say it solemnly, it is all your fault. I had an accident. I don't deny it. I'd been in the "Moonraker's" and I'd stayed too long. And why? Why did I stay too long? ”

“ It'll be many a year before there's another wedding in this family, I give you my word. (Turns to MAGGIE.) One daughter defying me is quite enough.
ALBERT. Hadn't we better get to business, sir?
HOBSON (turning on him) . Young man, don't abuse a noble word. You're a lawyer. By your own admission you're a lawyer. Honest men live by business and lawyers live by law.
ALBERT. In this matter, sir, I am following the instructions of my client, Mr. Beenstock, and the remark you have just let fall, before witnesses, appears to me to bear a libellous reflection on the action of my client. ”

“ ALICE. Yes. I'm Mrs. Albert Prosser now.
WILLIE. So you are, to outsiders. And you'd be surprised the number of people that call me Mr. Mossop now. We do get on in the world, don't we? (ALICE moves up stage.)
VICKEY. Some folks get on too fast.
WILLIE. It's a matter of opinion. (Coming C.) I know Maggie and me gave both of you a big leg up when we arranged your marriage portions, but I dunno that we're grudging you the sudden lift you got.
(Enter HOBSON and MAGGIE.)
WILLIE. Good morning, father. I'm sorry to hear you're not so well.
HOBSON. I'm a changed man, Will. ”