Hector Malot

“ On one side, Caffie;
On the other side, humanity and science;
An old rascal who deserved twenty deaths, and who would, anyhow, die naturally in a short time;
And humanity, science, which would profit by a discovery of which he would be the author.
He saw that the perspiration stood out on his hands, and he felt it run down his neck.
Why this weakness? From horror of the crime, the possibility of which he admitted? Or from fear of seeing his experiments destroyed? ”

“ While Caffie seated himself, Saniel continued in a vibrating voice:
“You see I give good for evil.”
“How is that, my dear sir?”
“You refuse me a service that would save me, and I give you a consultation. It is true, it is the last.”
“And why the last, my dear sir?”
“Because death is between us.”
“Death!”
“Do you not see it?”
“No.”
“I see it.”
“You must not think of such a thing, my dear sir. One does not die because one cannot pay three thousand francs.” ”

“ The sound of the doorbell made Saniel jump as if he had received an electric shock.
“You will not open the door?” Phillis said. “Do not let any one take our evening from us.”
But soon another ring, more decided, brought him to his feet.
“It is better to know,” he said, and he went to open the door, leaving Phillis in his office.
A maid handed him a letter.
“From Madame Dammauville,” she said; “there is an answer.”
He left her in the vestibule, and returned to his office to read the letter. The dream had not lasted long; reality seized him with its pitiless hands. ”

“ And Florentin was one of these.
“Why did I not stay in America?” he said.
“Because you were too unhappy, my poor boy!” Madame Cormier said, whose maternal heart was moved by this cry.
“Am I happier here, or shall I be to-morrow? What does this to-morrow, full of uncertainty and dangers, hold for us?”
“Why do you insist that it has only dangers?” Phillis asked, in a conciliating and caressing tone.
“You always expect the good.”
“At least I hope for it, and do not admit deliberately that it is impossible. I do not say that life is always rose-colored, but neither is it always black. ”

“ You know I am ambitious without having ever compassed the scope of this ambition, and of the hopes, dreams if you like, on which it rests. Understand that these dreams are on the eve of being realized; two months more, and in December or January I pass the ‘concours’ for the central bureau, which will make me a physician of the hospitals, and at the same time the one for the admission, which opens the Faculty of Medicine to me. Without pride, I believe myself in a position to succeed—what sportsmen call ‘in condition.’ And just when I have only a few days to wait, behold me ruined forever. ”

“ What is the matter? It is impossible that I, by my stupidity, through my fault, could put you in such a state of mad exasperation. What is the matter, my beloved?”
These few words did more than Phillis’s despair of her expressions of love. She was right, he lost his head. And however guilty she might be towards him, it was evident that she could not admit that the fault she committed threw him into this access of furious folly. It was not natural; and in his words and actions all must be natural, all must be capable of explanation. ”

“ Then, after she had looked at him a moment, with uneasy surprise at first, she began to smile.
“It is Doctor Saniel!” she cried. “Mon Dieu! How stupid of me not to recognize you; it changes you so much to be shaved! Pardon me.”
“It is because I am shaved that I come to ask a favor.”
“Of us, my dear sir? Ah! Speak quickly; we should be so happy to prove our gratitude.”
“I would ask Mademoiselle Phillis to give me, if she has it, a photograph that I gave her about a year ago.” ”

“ Life is so fragile and so ephemeral a thing, that it is beautiful to be able to concentrate it, to sum it up by remembrance, in one hour that marks it and gives it its scope. Such an hour is this one, which passes while I speak to you with deep sincerity.”
Phillis was not accustomed to these ‘elanas’, for, in the rare effusions to which he sometimes abandoned himself, Saniel always observed a certain reserve, as if he feared to commit himself, and to let her read his whole nature. ”

“ To tell the truth, for those who knew how to look and to see, the pale face of Nougarede, his thin lips, restless eyes, and an austerity of dress and manners which clashed with his twenty-six years, gave him more the appearance of a man of ambition than of an apostle. And when one knew that Glady was the owner of a beautiful house in Paris, and of real estate in the country that brought him a hundred thousand francs a year, it was difficult to imagine that he would long follow Father Brigard. ”

“ It was a long time since he had worked with so much serenity as on this day; and when in the evening he went to bed, uneasy as usual about the night, he slept as calmly as if Phillis were resting her charming head on his shoulder and he breathed the perfume of it.
Decidedly, to make others happy was the best thing in the world, and as long as one could have this satisfaction there was no fear of being unhappy. To create an atmosphere of happiness for others is to profit by it at the same time. ”

“ On hearing the decree that condemned Florentin to twenty years of forced labor, Phillis, half suffocated, clung to Saniel’s arm; but he could not give her the attention he wished, for Brigard, who came to the trial to assist at the triumph of his disciple, accosted him.
“Receive my felicitations for your deposition, my dear friend; it is an act of courage that does you honor. If this poor boy could have been saved, it would have been by you; you may well say you are the man of conscience.” ”

“ There are moments when a shipwrecked man, tired of swimming, not knowing to which side to direct his course, without light, without guide, at the end of strength and hope, floats on his back and lets himself be tossed by the waves, to rest and wait for light. This was his case; he could do nothing but wait.
He would not commit the insane folly of wishing to see and know, as in Caffie’s case; he would know the result soon enough, too soon.
Rising, he lighted a candle, and paced up and down his apartment like a caged animal. ”

“ Phillis without strength, without confidence, without interior peace, such as she was now, could not give him what she no longer had herself, and he returned to the distracted condition that preceded his marriage, and felt the same anguish, the same agitation, the same madness. The beautiful relations, worldly consideration, success, decorations, honors, were good for others; but for his happiness he required the tranquillity and serenity of his wife, and her good moral health which passed into him when she slept on his shoulder. ”

“ Saniel had not waited until this day to acknowledge the salutary influence that Phillis’s presence exercised over him, yet the idea of making her his wife never occurred to him. He thought himself ill-adapted to marriage, and but little desirous of being a husband. Until lately he had had no desire for a home.
This idea came to him suddenly and took strong hold of him; at least as much on account of the calmness he felt in her presence, as by the charm of her manner, her health, happiness, and gayety. ”

“ Relieved from his creditors with the money won at Monaco, he returned to his usual calm, working harder than ever, passing his ‘concours’, and when it seemed excusable that he might be nervous, violent, unjust, he remained the man that he had been ever since she knew him. Then, all at once, a short time before Florlentin went to the assizes, occurred these strange explosions of temper, spasms of anger, and restlessness that she could not explain, manifesting themselves exactly at the time when, by Madame Dammauville’s intervention, she hoped Florentin would be saved. ”

“ In the street he could think of Phillis, be he hungry or sleepy; at his desk he had no thought of Phillis, neither of hunger nor of sleep, no cares, no memories; his work occupied him entirely.
It was his strength, and also his pride, the only superiority of which he boasted; for although he knew that he had others, he never spoke of them, while he often said to his comrades:
“I work when I will and as much as I wish. My will never weakens when I am at work.”
This evening he worked for about an hour, in his usual condition of mind; neither sheriffs, nor Jardine, nor Caffie troubled him. ”

“ Saniel asked, after a moment, as Caffie seemed disinclined to open the conversation.
“Yes, my dear sir. I have been running about all the morning for you. I never neglect my clients; their affairs are mine.”
He paused.
“Well?” Saniel said.
Caffie put on an expression of despair.
“What did I tell you, my dear sir? Do you remember? Do me the honor to believe that a man of my experience does not speak lightly. What I foresaw has come to pass. Everywhere I received the same reply. The risk is too great; no one would take it.” ”

“ After she was gone he had a moment of repentance in which he regretted this weakness; for it was a weakness, a stupid sentimentalism, unworthy of a sensible man, who should not permit himself to be thus touched and involved. Why should he go and invite danger when he could be quiet, without any one giving him a thought? Was it not folly? The law wanted a criminal. Public curiosity demanded one. Why take away the one that they had? If he succeeded, would they not look for another? It was imprudence, and, to use the true word, madness. ”

“ Saniel said, with the tone of a physician who questions a patient.
“All my teeth trouble me. To tell the truth, they are all going to pieces.”
“Have you consulted a doctor?”
“Neither a doctor nor a dentist. I have faith in medicine, of course; but when I consult doctors, which seldom happens, I notice that they think much more of their own affairs than of what I am saying, and that keeps me away from them. But, my dear sir, when a client consults me, I put myself in his place.” ”

“ There is no beginning, no will; events decide for us climate, temperament, environment.”
“Then,” replied Saniel, “there is no responsibility, and this instrument conscience, that should decide everything, is good for nothing. You need not consider consequences. Success or defeat may yet be immaterial, for the accomplishment of an act that you have believed condemnable may serve the race, while another that you have believed beneficent may prove injurious; from which it follows that intentions only should be judged, and that no one but God can sound human hearts to their depths.” ”

“ I believe Mademoiselle Phillis can do it. She is a brave woman, whom nothing dejects or disconcerts, which is the living proof that we are only valued according to the force and versatility of the inner consciousness. For the rest, I need not sound her praises, since you know her better than I; and what I say has no other object but to explain the confidence that I place in her. As I cannot interfere myself, I think there is no better person than she to act on Madame Dammauville, without disturbing or wounding her, and to bring about the result that we desire. ”

“ Why should I wear gowns that ruin us? Why do you accept decorations that are valueless in your eyes? Why do you seek the society of men who have no merit but what they derive from their official position or from their fortune? Why do we take upon ourselves social duties that weary both of us, instead of remaining together in a tender and intelligent intimacy that is sweet to us both? she could not ask herself.
They all appertained to this order of ideas, that she, without doubt, found explained them: disposition of character; the exactions of an ambition in haste to realize its desires ”

“ Ordinarily he was tender and affectionate to his mother-in-law, with attention and deference which in some ways seemed affected, as if he were so by will rather than by natural sentiment; but at these times he forgot this tenderness, and treated her with hardness so unjust, that more than once Madame Cormier spoke of it to her daughter.
“How can your husband, who is so good to me, be so merciless regarding Florentin? One would say that our sadness produces on him the effect of a reproach that we would address to him.” ”

“ Is it not better for the world to be rid of such people, who obstruct the advancement of others?”
“At least the idea is bizarre coming from a doctor,” interrupted Crozat, “since it would put an end to hospitals.”
“Not at all; I would preserve them for the study of monsters.”
“In placing society on this antagonistic footing,” said Brigard, “you destroy society itself, which is founded on reciprocity, on good fellowship; and in doing so you can create for the strong a state of suspicion that paralyzes them. Carthage and Venice practised the selection by force, and destroyed themselves.” ”

“ Against Caffie’s death he saw nothing.
For, on the contrary, everything combined.
If he had had Phillis’s scruples, or Brigard’s beliefs, he would have stopped.
But, not having them, would he not be silly to draw back?
Before what should he shrink? Why should he stop?
Remorse? But he was convinced that intelligent men had no remorse when they came to a decision on good grounds. It was before that they felt remorse, not after; and he was exactly in this period of before.
Fear of being arrested? But intelligent men do not let themselves be arrested. ”

“ Nothing can ever reunite us; nothing shall reunite us, no consideration, no necessity. I reject the past, this guilty past, the responsibility of which weighs so heavily on my conscience, and I should like to lose the memory of the detested time. It would be impossible for me to accept the struggle, or supplications, if you think it expedient to make any. ”

“ The man you have loved, whom you love, has never shown himself to you as he really is. In spite of the trials and sorrows of his life he has been able to answer your smile with a smile, because, cruel as his life was, he was sustained by hope and confidence; in Auvergne there will be no more hope or confidence, but the madness of a broken life, and the dejection of impotence. What sort of man should I be? ”

“ When you come home fatigued you will find me with a smile; when you stay at home you will tell me your thoughts, and explain your work, and I will try to understand. I have no fear of poverty, you know, and neither do I fear solitude. Wherever we are together I shall be happy. All that I ask of you is to take my mother with us, because you know I cannot leave her alone. In attending her, you have learned to know her well enough to know that she is not disagreeable or difficult to please. As for Florentin, he will remain in Paris and work. ”

“ Phillis, Nougarede, Madame Cormier. Now, whence would come a new attack?
For several months he had enjoyed a complete security, which convinced him that all danger was over forever. But all at once this danger burst forth under such conditions that he must recognize that there could never more be any security for him. To-day Madame Dammauville menaced him; tomorrow it would be some one else. Who? He did not know. Every one. And it was the anguish of his position to be condemned to live hereafter in fear, and on the defensive, without repose, without forgetfulness. ”