Kris Neville

“ Look at what we've done. Go over our battlefields, look at our cities, interrogate our refugees. You'll find that everything has been done in strict accordance with the rules. We're as ready for war as anyone!"
"I'm sorry, you'll have to stop it," Beliakoff said, and Kelly nodded his agreement.
Jusa gave Nob a beseeching look, but the Prime Minister averted his eyes. The dilemma was there again, enormous, insurmountable, and squarely on Jusa's shoulders. To stop the war now would be Unearthlike; to refuse the Earthmen was unthinkable. ”

“ Beliakoff said, "No."
"No, what?"
"No atom bombs."
"But it's Earthlike to use atomic bombs. Why—"
"This war has to end at once," Kelly said.
"You're joking!" protested Nob, looking intently at the Earthmen. But he saw at once that they were deadly serious. He groaned and sat down.
Nob was faced with a moral dilemma of fearful proportions. On the one hand, war was a typical Terran institution, an extremely important one, an institution clearly worthy of emulation by the people of Mala. But on the other hand, this Terran institution was being refuted, denied, in fact, by two typical Terrans. ”

“ They always are when a primitive race tries to ape the culture of a more advanced people. Look at what happened to the South Sea Islanders. All they picked up was the worst of French, British and American culture. You hardly see any more South Sea Islanders, do you? Same with the American Indians, with the Hottentots, and plenty of others."
"I still think you're making too much of a fuss about it," Kelly said. "All right, I gave them a lot of books on warfare and political organization. So what? What in blazes can they do with them?"
"The Malans," Beliakoff said grimly, "have never had a war." ”

“ Kelly apologized, a broken man.
The brides stepped forward to claim their husbands.
Peace and prosperity came to Mala, under the deft guidance of their Terran leaders. In time, spaceships arrived and departed, but neither man showed any particular desire to board one, for their wives—docile, patient, yet fiery—proved more appealing than the lonely far reaches of space.
Beliakoff sometimes pondered the opportune melting down of their freighter. He was never able to discover who had signed the order. But all Mala knew the saying, "An Earthman is easy to catch, but hard to hold." ”

“ At my orders, the Armies of the Dictatorship move against the Allied Democracies. All the other generals obey me. Me! Correct?"
"He's got a point," one soldier said.
"He'll never get it," the other replied.
"Shut up, you two!" Drak roared. "Nob, aren't I right? It's the Earthly way, Nob. Authority must be recognized!"
"I'm sorry," Nob said. "Extremely sorry. Personally, I sympathize with you. But the Book of Terran Rank Equivalents is quite specific. Seven shoulder stars are the most—the absolute most—that any general can wear. I absolutely cannot allow you to wear eight." ”

“ The whole of Mala took to war with a will. Soon books began to appear on the stalls: War and You for the masses, The Erotic Release of War for the elite, The Inherent Will to Destroy for philosophers, and War and Civilization for scholars. Volumes of personal experiences sold well. Among them was an account of daring sabotage by a former zipper salesman, and the dramatic story of the Martyrdom of Thrang.
War eliminated a thousand old institutions and unburdened the people of the heavy hand of tradition. ”

“ Beliakoff said patiently, "you know that Mala is a semi-restricted planet. Limited trading is allowed under control conditions. No articles are allowed on the planet except those on the approved list."
"Yeah," Kelly said vaguely. "Silly sort of rule."
"Not at all. Mala is a mirror culture. They consider Earth and its ways to be absolute perfection. They copy everything of Earth's they can find." ”

“ Nob and the Earthmen looked at each other, made several helpless gestures, and left.
"What now?" Beliakoff asked, in the corridor. "Do you think she'll stop the war?"
Nob shrugged his shoulders. "Who knows? It's a problem without a solution."
"But she has to make up her mind," Kelly said. "That's one of the duties of authority."
"The Empress is aware of that. And she will make up her mind, though it could take a year or more. Unless she fails completely under the strain."
"Poor kid," Kelly said. "She needs a man to help her out." ”

“ Nob glanced at the paper. "Oh, propaganda. That means giving the people the facts, whether true or false. It's very important in any war."
"I don't see why."
"It's obvious. To have a genuine Earth-style war, you need ideological differences. That's why we chose a dictatorship and the other continent chose a democracy. The job of propaganda is to keep us different."
"I see," she said dubiously. "Well, this other paper is from General Heglm of Security. He asks what you are doing about the spy situation. He says it's very serious." ”

“ Beliakoff answered promptly in the Propendium language. "Let's see 'em unscramble that," he said to Kelly. They continued their descent.
After a while, a voice from the patrol boat said in Propendium, "Attention, freighter! You are entering an interdicted area. Heave to at once and prepare to be boarded."
"I can't understand your vile North Propendium accent," Beliakoff bellowed, in a broad South Propendium dialect. "If you people can't speak a man's language, don't clutter up the ether with your ridiculous chatter. ”

“ Nob began.
"Later," Beliakoff said. "Right now, we'd like to get a few articles from our spaceship." He winked at Kelly, who winked back. "It won't take a moment and then we'll be only too happy to—"
"Oh, dear," said Nob. "You mean you wanted the spaceship?"
"What?"
"Well, I assumed that you'd have no further use for it. Metal is hard to get nowadays and it seemed only proper to erect heroic statues to both of you, the men who brought the institution of peace to Mala. Did I do something wrong?"
"Not at all, not at all," Kelly said. "Oh, not at all. Perfectly delighted. ”

“ Since there are none, his department has lost all morale, which, in turn, affects the other departments."
"Do we really need spies?"
"They serve a vital purpose," Thrang explained. "All the books agree on this. Spies keep a country alert, on its toes, eternally vigilant. Through sabotage, they cut down on arms production, which otherwise would grow absurdly large, since it has priority over everything else. They supply Security with subjects for Interrogation, Confession, Brainwashing and Re-indoctrination. ”

“ We'll straighten out Mala." There was more hope than conviction in Kelly's voice. "Thar she lies, off to starboard."
Mala was a tiny blue and brown sphere, suddenly growing larger in their screens.
Their radio blared on the emergency channel.
Kelly swore. "That's the Galactic patrol boat from Azolith. What's he doing here?"
"Blockade," said Beliakoff. "Standard practice to quarantine a planet at war. We can't touch down legally until the war's declared over."
"Nuts. We're going down." Kelly touched the controls and the freighter began to descend into the interdicted area. ”

“ The answers are so evasive that I can't help thinking—"
"Yes, dear?" she prompted.
"—that civilized people actually kill each other in wars."
She turned a shocked face toward him. "How can you think such a thing? What would be the advantage?" ”

“ Kelly said grimly.
"That's for adolescents."
"Speaking."
"She'll never be able to make up her mind to stop the war unless you marry her. Until the war ends, that interdictory ship is going to sit in orbit, waiting for us. You haven't anything to lose," Beliakoff added.
"I haven't?"
"Not a thing. It's a big galaxy and our freighter is always waiting."
"That's true...." Kelly admitted.
Ten minutes later, Beliakoff dragged him into the corridor. They were joined by Nob, who ushered them back to the Empress's chambers. ”

“ Nob said, opening the volume, "it seems to imply—"
"Wait," Beliakoff broke in. He took the book from Nob's hands and flipped through it rapidly, then turned to Kelly. In a whisper, he said in Propendium, "It looks as though Kyne blotted out all references to killing." ”