Lucy Ellen Guernsey

“ Her words were spoken aside, but not so low as that I did not hear them.
"What do you mean, dame?" said I. "Why should I look otherwise than well, or like one haunted by spectres?"
"For no reason that I know, Mistress," answered the old woman: "only fools will tell tales and other fools believe them. Nay, Meg, thou need not be making signs to me. 'Tis right Mistress Rosamond should know."
"Know what?" I asked. "You are all as mysterious as a miracle play this morning." ”

“ The next day we went across the moor, to see the woman, Magdalen Jewell, of whom Dame Lee had told us. Mistress Anne was not with us, pleading a headache as an excuse, and I was not sorry to miss her company, but we had Master Griffith instead, and a serving man, who led the Queen's donkey. The rest of us walked; and oh, what joy it was to me to feel the springy turf under foot, and smell the fresh odors of the moorland once more! How beautiful the world is! I can't think why God hath made it so fair, and then set it before us as our highest duty to shut ourselves from it between stone walls. ”

“ But oh, Mistress Rosamond, I meant not to harm you—I did not, indeed. 'Twas all for your good, and to scare you into your duty. Oh, Mistress Rosamond, my dear heart, do not you be persuaded into breaking your convent vows! Your mother, your blessed mother, gave you to the Church the very hour you were born, and before. You will pull down destruction on your head, if you draw back—Father Barnabas himself says the same. This new lady is no better than a heretic, and I have it from a sure hand that in London she was well-known as such, and my mistress is just the same. ”

“ Which is right?"
"And you, Mistress Rosamond, that was as good as a veiled nun," pursued the old woman, paying no heed to my words. "She must needs drag you from your convent into the world again, and give you cordials and wind, and what not, while you were ill, as if every one did not know that a fever ought to be starved. Doubtless the next thing you will be fitted with a bridegroom, and flaunting in silks and satins—in the court itself maybe, to catch the eye of the King." ”

“ Many and various were the remarks and comments of pity for me and anger and contempt against Prue, who is no favorite.
"If it had been any common young lady, and so delicate in health as Mistress Rosamond too—it might have scared her to death!" said one.
"I wonder Mrs. Prue didn't see a ghost in good earnest," said another. "I should have expected an evil spirit to come after me if I had played such a trick."
"There is no evil spirit worse than the spirit of lying and cruelty—remember that, maids!" ”

“ We had no time for any more talk just then, but ever since I have been turning over in my mind what Mother Mary Monica said. It does seem dreadful to me—the thought of watching all night and alone in that dreary place without a light. To be sure, the moon is at the full, and would shine directly into the great window, but then those dreadful vaults, and Sister Bridget's story do so run in my head. Every time the wind shook the ivy or whistled in the loopholes of the stones, I should fancy it a rustle among the graves below, or the grating of that heavy door on its hinges. ”

“ Unless I can be a Saint I don't care to be a religious at all. I wish I could go somewhere else—to some of the strict houses which Sister Catherine and Mother Mary Monica tell us of—and then I might have a chance, perhaps."
"And would you leave Mother Gertrude—the only relation you have in the world?" I asked her.
"A religious has naught to do with family affection, Rosamond. Ought I not to disregard every earthly tie, if thereby I can advance toward holiness?" ”

“ He had turned to go, but was back at my side in a moment. "Forgive me, Rosamond!" he whispered; "I am very wrong!"
"That indeed you are!" said I. "Why should my aunt's will make any difference between us, who have been playmates from the time we were little children?"
"But we are not little children now!" he answered me, with a strange break in his voice. "We are not children now, and never can be again: and oh, Rosamond, I have been cherishing such sweet hopes ever since I heard that you had given up being a nun!" ”

“ I asked. "Surely the King does not favor it, and the Queen abhors it."
"O yes, the Queen abhors it!" said she, catching up my words with a mocking tone. "And doubtless her Grace's influence is all powerful with his Majesty. Nevertheless, it did not prevail to save the convents which yonder proud cardinal put down the other day. But why should I say these things to you? You are but a doll, like all nuns—a puppet that must needs dance as your strings are pulled."
"Then if I am a puppet, I will strive to be an obedient one," said I; "methinks a puppet would do little, setting up for itself." ”

“ There are violets in our convent garden as well, but they are planted in a straight bed, and Mother Gabrielle uses the flowers to make her sirups, and the leaves are gathered for our sallets. There is a spring, too, but not one bit like that in the coombe. That boils up out of a deep and wide cleft in the rock, filling its basin full and running over the stones in twenty little vagrant streams. Great ferns grow over and shade it, and leaves drop into it in the autumn, and birds and wild-wood creatures come to drink of its waters. ”

“ Ethelburga's shrine, is it? So this is our young saint, who watches, and prays, and translates devout books." Then changing her tone—"Ah, Rosamond, Rosamond, beware! You are on the high road to destruction. How dare you profane this holy place with love tokens, aye, and love meetings, for aught I know? Is it not enough to draw down the vengeance of heaven not only on yourself, but on all this house and family?"
By this time, I was quite cool and collected. "You are making a leap in the dark, as usual, Sister Catherine," I said. ”

“ I assured him earnestly, that I had not been ill-treated, but quite the contrary; adding that I did not think Mother Superior had any choice in the matter.
"There is the mischief!" said my father. "Nobody is personally responsible. Every one is a puppet whose strings are pulled by some other puppet, and his again by some one else. 'Tis an utter and miserable slavery from the beginning to the end, and the superiors are perhaps as much to be pitied as any one."
"I cannot but feel that our Rosamond hath had a great escape," said Madam. ”

“ What does my mother care for your fastings, or lying on the floor? Or what boots all these tears, so long as you are proud, and wilful, and disobedient to the friend who has rescued you from misery—perhaps from such a dreadful death as my Lady Carey threatened you with? One simple, honest act of obedience is worth all the tears, and fastings, and penances in the world. ”

“ I answered. "Why not?"
"And suppose you are waked in the night by the touch of a cold hand, and should see your mother's ghost, surrounded by the flames of purgatory or worse, and should hear her voice reproaching you for your breach of your vows! Or suppose you should see the demon which haunts yon woods—which carried off the Lady Elgitha from her lover, and—"
"Or suppose you should shut the door and mind your own business!" said I, all the more vexed because I was a little scared. "In the first place, I have broken no vows, because I have made none. ”

“ But we all know and like Dick, who is good and true as the day, and not so badly portioned either for a younger son; besides that, my Lord will give him the estate of Coombe Ashton, if he weds to his liking. So what say you, daughter, for all rests with you? I will wed no child of mine against her will."
I managed to murmur that I had no wish to oppose the will of my parents and my kinsman; whereat my mother bent down and kissed my brow, saying with a little gentle mischief:
"See you, Sir Stephen, what a dutiful child we have here!" ”

“ My Lady has told me much of the comfort and splendor in which the Dutch merchants live, of their beautiful pictures, presenting flowers and other objects in all the hues of life, of their noble collections of books, and the quantities of fine house linen, garments, and other things which their wives lay up and provide against the marriage of their daughters. I remember Mother Monica telling Amice and me that in her day the merchants of London lived in far more comfort than the nobles and courtiers. ”

“ Sister Catherine is rather prying and meddling, and Sister Bridget is silly, and a good many of them are rather fond of good eating, and of gossip, but they are kindly souls, after all. And where will you find better women than dear Mother Superior, or Mother Gertrude, or a pleasanter companion than Mother Mary Monica, when she is in the mood of telling her old tales? ”

“ Well, well, 'kissing goes by favor,' is an old saying, as true here as anywhere else!"
"You ought to be thankful, Sister, that you have such humiliations put upon you," answered Sister Catherine. "You know nothing is so precious as humility. Come, let us go to our duty, dear Sister, and be thankful that we dwell in the dust and are trampled on by the foot of pride. 'Tis a far safer and more blessed place, and we ought to rejoice to be despised." ”

“ Amice had her lap full of rosemary, and she sat down and began pulling it into little bits.
"Rosamond," said she, presently, looking about her, and speaking in a low tone, "do you really like the notion of being a nun?"
"To tell you the truth, I never ask myself whether I like it or not," I answered her. "What is the use? I had no choice in the matter myself. Here I am, and I must needs make the best of it. There would be little profit in my asking myself whether I really liked to be a woman instead of a man. ”

“ Anne Bullen has been kind to me, though in a way which I like worse than the other. I see clearly that there is no love lost between herself and the bower-woman, Mistress Patience, and it seems as if she wished to enlist me as a partisan on her side, casting mocking glances at me, behind her mistress's back, whenever Mrs. Patience makes any of the little set moral speeches to which she is given, and specially when she utters any devout sentiment. ”

“ I had a long talk with Joyce yesterday, telling her how she must strive to be docile and cheerful, so as to take my place as a daughter at home, and make them all happy.
"I will do my best," said she, "but I can never make your place good, Rosamond."
"Nobody can ever exactly fill another's place perhaps," said I; "but we can all do our best to adorn our own. You have a great deal to learn, 'tis true, but your capacity is good, and in my mother and Master Ellenwood you have the kindest of teachers. ”

“ Oh, Mistress Rosamond, think before it is too late!"
The woman was fairly convulsed with sobs.
"Nay, Prue, why should I bring woe on my head by obeying my father?" said I. "I never was professed, so I break no vows, and why cannot I serve God as well in the married state, which was that of Saint Peter himself, as in a convent? St Peter was married, and so was St. James, and what was good enough for them should be for me, surely."
"And St. Paul says, marriage is honorable in all—remember that, Prudence!" says Dick. ”

“ The Queen does indeed look like a most gracious lady. I should say she must have been very well-favored in her youth, but she is faded and worn, and looks I can't but think as if she had some settled sorrow, which was wearing away her health and life. Mistress Patience, her bower-woman, is a dignified, somewhat austere looking lady, and yet I like her. She seems like one who might be very kind and faithful if one were in any trouble. Mistress Anne Bullen is of another sort. At the first glance I fell in love with her beauty and grace, but somehow, as I see her more, I do not like her as well. ”

“ There are only two things to make me at all uncomfortable. One is that I have had a most sad and reproachful letter from dear Mother Superior. She regards my marriage as nothing less than sacrilege, and implores me to cast off my betrothed husband and return to the arms of my Heavenly Spouse who will receive me even now; and if I am faithful in penance and prayer, may make me all the brighter saint for this sacrifice.
But that is not the worst of it. She says she has heard that both my step-dame and Lady Stanton are infected with the new doctrine. ”

“ And I came away without another word, and went down to the sacristy, where Mother Gertrude and the Sacristine had all the vestments spread out in great array. There was one old cambric cope done in cut-work so fine as to resemble lace, but so worn and decayed that it fairly broke with its own weight.
"What a pity!" said the Sacristine. "Do you think you could mend it, Rosamond? There is not such another—no, not at Glastonbury itself, Father Fabian says."
"I don't believe it can be mended!" said I, considering it. "You see the fabric is so old there is nothing to hold the darning thread. ”

“ Frances!"
"Did you ever hear of any one who had not?" said I, laughing. "But to return your question upon yourself, Amice, how do you like the notion of being a nun?"
"Not one bit!" said Amice, with emphasis.
I never was more surprised in my life, for I had always thought that if any one ever had a vocation it was Amice Crocker.
"The life is so narrow!" she continued, with vehemence, pulling so impatiently at her rosemary that she scratched her fingers. "Just look at the most of our sisters." ”