Marcus Clarke

“ With bewildered brain, I returned the bundle to Barnstarke, and begged him to settle it anyhow. He replied that the only thing to do was to at once return the breeches to the Government Store keeper "for," said he, "if this is not done, we must move the Treasurer to put a sum of 5s. 4d. on the Supplementary Estimates, and such a course will naturally cause great inconvenience to this Department."
I sent him down a blank cheque, begged him to fill it up for any sum he pleased, and settle the matter at once. Alas! Little did I know the wisdom by which the world is governed. ”

“ The Treasurer trembled when he submitted the fatal item to the House, and an ominous silence reigned. "I would ask the Hon. The Treasurer," said Mr. Wiggintop rising, "if this piece of wanton extravagance is to be paid for out of the Imperial or the Colonial Funds.
"The Colonial funds of course," says a rash member from the Government benches. Wiggintop sat down quietly, and those who knew his antipathy to Downing Street, trembled for the fate of the Ministry.
The next morning the Daily Bellower, a paper that went in for economic democracy, laughed bitterly. ”

“ At it again went the protectionist paper, and proved entirely to its own satisfaction that the only way to make mankind happy, was to encourage the growth of breeches industry by severe protective duties. "It is rumoured" said the protectionist paper "that an effort will be made by the soft goods faction to import the 200,000 pairs of breeches required for our aboriginal population. ”

“ He formed a Ministry in twenty-four hours, and went to the country with the breeches metaphorically nailed to the mast-head of his future policy. "It shall be my business," said he at an enthusiastic meeting of his constituents, "to see that every half-penny of that 5s. 4d. paid is out of the Royal Exchequer." When Parliament met, Wiggintop called for "all the correspondence connected with this gross case of Imperial tyranny" (the report of the Blackfellows' Breeches Committee, came in as an appendix this time) , "in order that he might lay it on the table of this wronged and outraged House." ”

“ Sir, I have the honour, by the direction of the Board for the Protection of Aboriginies, to acknowledge the correspondence cited in the margin, and to inform you in reply that the Board have given your application their fullest and most complete attention. The practice, however, of supplying breeches to black fellows is one which has not hitherto obtained in this department, authorised, under Act Vic. ”

“ The Ministerial journal (the Peacock was always in opposition) hinted that "it was the intention of the liberal and intelligent Government, to further Protect the Native Industry of the Colony by placing a tax of 41⁄2d. a leg on every pair of imported moleskins--a proceeding which cannot fail to redound to the credit of that Government, whose fiscal policy we have always upheld through the medium of our advising columns." ”

“ I sent a bullock-dray for it, and it proved to be a bundle of papers from the "Audit Commissioners," accompanied by a note from Barnstarke.
[Private.]
Dear Tallowfat,--I knew that we should get into a mess about those confounded breeches. It appears that they had been reseated by the Government contractor, and that no requisition had been sent into this office. The result is that the Commissioners of Audits (among other queries) desire to be "informed" about this "gross irregularity." The whole of the accounts of this Department are in arrear in consequence. ”

“ The controversy was highly interesting, but in the meantime King Billy wore out four more pairs--leathers. I wrote to Barnstarke informing him that while the great question of Freetrade or Protection yet remained unsettled, my wardrobe was becoming absorbed into the surrounding forest, and that unless something was speedily done, I would send the monarch breechesless to Melbourne, marked "This side up with care," and let his country deal with him. ”

“ The Board liberally supplied the few blacks who yet survived the gin bottle with a blanket per year (by the way, the storekeepers who gave rum in exchange vowed the quality was most inferior) ; by some accident the blanket intended for the monarch had been captured by some inferior aboriginal, and had never been replaced. William indignantly demanded to be clothed, and to quiet his outcries I gave him a pair of pantaloons. ”

“ O'Dowd, the Comptroller of Gunnybags informed the House that the Report of the Blackfellows' Breeches Commission had been referred to the Board for the Protection of Aborigines, who would give the recommendation of the Commission their best attention. ”

“ The representative of Downing Street, not contented with gloating over the Victorian artisan from Toorak, must needs clothe his footmen out of the proceeds of the hardy miner's toil. The rogue wants his breeches re-seated, does he! ”