Meredith Nicholson

“ Gurley in the train-shed. A rough-and-tumble scrap right there before the Illyrians would be undignified, and give 'em a quaint notion of the social habits of the corn-belt. But gently and firmly to guide the Illyrian commissioners to our humble home, throw 'em a luncheon, show 'em the family album and after the shouting at the State-house give 'em a whirl to the Art Institute, and walk 'em through the Illyrian Relief rooms, where a pretty little Illyrian girl dressed in her native costume would hand 'em flowers—that's the ticket."
"Oh, Web, you are always so helpful when you want to be! ”

“ You know I wired Senator Saybrook to extend an invitation to the countess to come to our house, and he wrote me that he had called on her at the Italian Embassy and she had accepted; and then, when the countess came and I went to the station to meet her, Mrs. Gurley was there all dressed up and carried her off to her house. For sheer impudence, Web, that beat anything I ever heard of. Every one knows our home is always open and it had been in the papers that we were to entertain the Countess Paretti. ”

“ His broad democracy made him a familiar visitor in cigar-stands, billiard-parlors, sporting-goods emporiums, soft-drink bars, and cheap hotels where one encounters horsemen, expert trap-shooters, pugilists, bookmakers, and other agreeable characters never met in fashionable clubs. ”

“ Actors are not more superstitious than horsemen, and from the time he became a volunteer assistant to the stablemen on a big horse-farm the superstition gained ground among the cognoscenti that the wings of the Angel of Good Luck had brushed his tow head and that he was a mascot of superior endowment. ”

“ That's the most beautiful idea about the flowers. And perhaps a group of Illyrian children would do some folk-dances! I'm sure the visitors would be deeply touched by that."
"It would certainly make a hit," said Webster, feeling that he was once more rehabilitated in his wife's affections and confidence. "You say the Gurleys' publicity agent has already gazetted their hospitable designs? Excellent. The more advance-work they do on the job the better. We'll give a jar to the pickles—that's the game. ”

“ Gurley's wardrobe had not been healed bv a kiss and two thousand dollars. Gertrude Worthington Burgess was a past mistress of the art of extracting from any such situation its fullest potentialities of compensation. And Webster knew as he fumbled the evening newspaper that before he departed for the meeting of the War Chest Committee that demanded his presence down-town at eight o'clock he must make it easy for her to pour out her latest grievances against Mrs. Gurley. He is a poor husband who hasn't learned the value of the casual approach. ”

“ Band. Bensaris. Mayor. Five touring-cars.
"The honor, it is too much!" pleaded Bensaris when Wrong Number and Peterson had told him all it was necessary for him to know, at a little table in the rear of his shop. "But in the day's paper my daughter read me their Excellencies be met at the Union Station; the arrange' have been change'?"
"The papers are never right," declared Wrong Number. "And you don't need to tell 'em anything." ”

“ It's strictly a social event."
Wrong Number betrayed no perturbation as the president stated the case. Matters of delicacy had been confided to him before by his patron—the study of certain horses he thought of buying and wished an honest report on; the cautious sherlocking of a country-town customer who was flying higher than his credit; the disposal of the stock of an automobile manufacturer whose business had jumped ahead of his capital—such tasks as these Wrong Number had performed to the entire satisfaction of his employer. ”

“ After much thought he chose as his co-conspirator, Peterson, a big Swede, to whom he had advanced money with which to open a Turkish bath. As the bath was flourishing, the Swede welcomed an opportunity to express his gratitude to one he so greatly admired; and besides, he still owed Wrong Number two hundred dollars.
"I want a coupla guys that will look right in tall hats," said Wrong Number. "You'll do for one; you'll make up fine for the Illyrian Minister of Foreign Affairs—he's a tall chap ”

“ You needn't worry about that part of it. The whole business will be taken care of; dead or alive, you shall have the Illyrians."
II
Wrong Number, locked up in the directors' room of the White River National, studied time-tables and maps, and newspaper clippings bearing upon the Western pilgrimage of the Illyrian Commission. In fifty words Webster G. Burgess had transferred to his shoulders full responsibility for producing the Illyrians in the Burgess home, warning him it must be done with all dignity and circumspection. ”

“ Bensaris," said Wrong Number. "Pete, you look after that." He pressed cash upon Mr. Bensaris and noted the amount in his book. "We'll call it a heat," he said, and went up-town to pilot Mr. Webster G. Burgess to a ten-round match for points, between two local amateurs, that was being pulled off behind closed doors in an abandoned skating-rink.
III
The Illyrian Commission had just breakfasted when their train reached Farrington on the State-line, where the mayor of the capital city, Mr. ”