Michel de Montaigne

“ As soone as it creepeth into the termes of friendship, that is to say, in the agreement of wits, it languisheth and vanisheth away: enjoying doth lose it, as having a corporall end, and subject to satietie. On the other side, friendship is enioyed according as it is desired, it is neither bred, nor nourished, nor increaseth but in jovissance, as being spirituall, and the minde being refined by use custome. Under this chiefe amitie, these fading affections have cometimes found place in me, lest I should speake of him, who in his verses speakes but too much of it. ”

“ And Aristotle saith that perfect Law-givers have had more regardful care of friendship than of justice. And the utmost drift of its perfection is this. For generally, all those amities nourished by voluptuousnesse or profit, publike or private need, are thereby so much the lesse faire and and so much the lesse true amities, in that they intermeddle other causes, scope, and fruit with friendship, than it selfe alone: Nor doe those foure ancient kindes of friendships, Naturall, sociall, hospitable, and venerian, either particularly or conjointly beseeme the same. ”

“ This precept, so abhominable in this soveraigne and mistris Amitie, is necessarie and wholesome in the use of vulgar and customarie friendships: toward which a man must employ the saying Aristotle was wont so often repeat, 'Oh ye friends, there is no perfect friend.'
In this noble commerce, offices and benefits (nurses of other amities) deserve not so much as to bee accounted of: this confusion so full of our wills is cause of it: for even as the friendship I beare unto my selfe, admits no accrease, by any succour I give my selfe in any time of need, whatsoever the Stoickes allege ”

“ A singular and principall friendship disolveth all other duties, and freeth all othet obligations. The secret I have sworne not to reveale to another, I may without perjurie impart it unto him, who is no other but my selfe. It is a great and strange wonder for a man to double himselfe; and those that talke of tripling know not, nor cannot reach into the height of it. ”

“ A thousand strange knots are therein commonly to be unknit, able to break the web, and trouble the whole course of a lively affection; whereas in friendship there is no commerce or busines depending on the same, but it selfe. Seeing (to speake truly) that the ordinary sufficiency of women cannot answer this conference and communication the nurse of this sacred bond: nor seeme their mindes strong enough to endure the pulling of a knot so hard so fast, and durable. ”

“ If in the friendship whereof I speake, one might give unto another, the receiver of the benefit should binde his fellow. Fore each seeking more than any other thing to doe each other good, he who yeelds both matter and occasion, is the man sheweth himselfe liberall, giving his friend that contentment, to effect towards him what he desireth most. ”

“ If a man urge me to tell wherfore I loved him, I feele it cannot be expressed, but by answering; Because it was he, because it was myself. ”

“ If two at one instant should require helpe, to which would you run? Should they crave contrary offices of you, what order would you follow? Should one commit a matter to your silence, which if the other knew would greatly profit him, what course would you take? ”

“ In these other strict friendships a man must march with the bridle of wisdome and precaution in his hand: the bond is not so strictly tied but a man may in some sort distrust the same. Love him (said Chilon) as if you should one day hate him againe. Hate him as if you should love him againe. ”

“ For, this perfect amity I speake of, is indivisible: each man doth so wholly give himself unto his friend, that he hath nothing left him to divide else-where: moreover he is grieved that he is [not] double, triple, or quadruple, and hath not many soules or sundry wils, that he might conferre them all upon this subject. ”

“ But he had another maxime deepely imprinted in his minde, which was, carefully to obey, and religiously to submit himselfe to the lawes, under which he was borne. There was never a better citizen, nor more affected to the welfare and quietnesse of his countrie, nor a sharper enemie of the changes, innovations, newfangles, and hurly-burlies of his time: He would more willingly have imployed the utmost of his endevours to extinguish and suppresse, than to favour or further them: His minde was modelled to the patterne of other best ages. ”

“ Doe thou as needfull is for thee. Concerning familiar table-talke, I rather acquaint my selfe with and follow a merry conceited humour, than a wise man: And in bed I rather prefer beauty than goodnesse ”

“ And therefore doe they preferre the beloved, and verifie that the gods likewise preferre the same: and greatly blame the Poet Æschylus, who in the love betweene Achilles and Patroclus ascribeth the lovers part unto Achilles, who was in the first and beardlesse youth of his adolescency and the fairest of the Græcians. ”

“ There have nations beene found, where, by custome, children killed their parents, and others where parents slew their children, thereby to avoid the hindrance of enterbearing one another in after times: for naturally one dependeth from the ruine of another. ”

“ Common friend-ships may bee divided; a man may love beauty in one, facility of behaviour in another and wisdome in another, paternity in this, fraternitie in that man, and so forth: but this amitie that possesseth the soule, and swaies it in all soveraigntie, it is impossible it should be double. ”

“ Omnino amicitiæ, corroboratis jam confirmatisque, ingeniis et ætatibus, judicandæ sunt (Cic. Amic.) : 'Clearely friendships are to be judged by wits, and ages already strengthened and confirmed.' As for the rest, those we ordinarily call friendes and amities, are but æquaintances and familiarities, tied together by some occasion or commodities, by meanes whereof our mindes are entertained. In the amitie I speake of, they entermixe and confound themselves one in the other, with so universall a commixture, that they weare out and can no more finde the seame that hath conjoined them together. ”

“ If brothers should conduct the progresse of their advancement and thrift in one same path and course, they must necessarily oftentimes hinder and crosse one another. Moreover, the correspondencie and relation that begetteth these true and mutually perfect amities, why shall it be found in these? ”

“ A woman faire for parts superior, Ends in a fish for parts inferior. Touching this second point I goe as farre as my Painter, but for the other and better part I am farre behinde: for my sufficiency reacheth not so farre as that I dare undertake a rich, a polished, and, according to true skill, an art-like table. I have advised myselfe to borr ow one of Steven de la Boetic, who with this kinde of worke shall honour all the world. ”