“ It is hardly possible to overrate the value of hunting as a National sport. Steeplechasing is a Grand-National sport, but it is the sport of the rich, whereas hunting is not. By judiciously dodging the Hunt Secretary, you can, in fact, hunt for nothing. Of course, people will come at me open-mouthed for this assertion, and say, "How about the keep of your horses?" To which I reply, "If you keep a carriage, hunt the carriage horse; if you don't, borrow a friend's horse for a long ride in the country, and accidentally meet the hounds." ”

“ Take care of the hounds, but the fence may take care of itself.
Too many brooks spoil the sport.
One pair of spurs may bring a horse to the water, but twenty will not make him jump.
It is the howl that shows the funk.
Fools break rails for wise men to go over. ”

“ Host (to Perks, an indifferent horseman, who has come down for the hunting) . "Now, look here, Perks, old chap, as you're a light weight, I'll get you to ride this young mare of mine. You see, I want to get her qualified for our Hunt Cup, and she's not up to my weight, or I'd ride her myself. Perhaps I'd better tell you she hasn't been ridden to hounds before, so she's sure to be a bit nervous at first; and mind you steady her at the jumps, as she's apt to rush them; and I wouldn't take her too near other people, as she has a nasty temper, and knows how to use her heels ”

“ I said, taking out my pocket-book and struggling to my knees in six inches of mud, "but when you rather abruptly started away from covertside, I was just about to remark that I did not think you were a subscriber, and that I should have much pleasure in taking the customary 'cap'—thank you." And he paid up quite meekly. We agreed, as we rode back together, in the direction in which we imagined hounds to be, that even if they had got away with a good fox, the field would not be likely to have had so smart a gallop as he and I had already enjoyed. Lost my day's hunting, of course. ”

“ Briggs goes out with the Brighton Harriers. He has a capital day. The only drawback is, that he is obliged to lead his horse up hill to ease him—
[Pg 61]
and down hill because he is afraid of going over his head—so that he doesn't get quite so much horse exercise as he could wish!
[Pg 62]
AT THE HUNT BALL
(The Sad Complaint of a Man in Black)
o Molly, dear, my head, I fear, is going round and round,
Your cousin isn't in the hunt, when hunting men abound;
A waltz for me no more you'll keep, the girls appear to think
There's a law been made in favour of the wearing of the pink. ”

“ Irate M.F.H. (who has had half an hour in the big gorse trying to get a faint-hearted fox away, galloping to "holloa" on the far side of covert.) "Confound you and your pony, sir! Get out of my way!"
Little Binks, who has been trying to keep out of people's way all day, thinks he can quite understand the feelings of the hunted fox. ”

“ If the thong of your whip gets under your horse's tail, just try to pull it out!
[Pg 104]
(3) Don't buy a horse because he is described as being "Well known with the—— Hounds." It might be true.
[Pg 105]
(4) If at a meet your horse should get a bit out of hand, just run him up against some one.
[Pg 106]
(5) If opening a gate for the huntsman, don't fall into the middle of the pack!
[Pg 107]
(6) Sit well back at your fences! ”

“ Sir Hercules [Pg 165] Blizzard was the speaker, an awful man with an awful temper. "So you shall. My idiot of a jockey broke his collar-bone trying to jump one of the fences on this confounded course of yours to-day, so, as I am without a rider, you shall ride my mare Dinah."
Swallowed lump in my throat as I thanked him for his offer, but thought I had better decline, as I didn't know the mare, and besides that, I——
"Oh! all right, I know what you are going to say: that you're not much good on a horse"— (nothing of the sort! I was not going to say any such thing, confound the man!) ”

“ This is Jones, who thought to slip down by the rail early in the morning, and have a gallop with the fox hounds. On looking out of window, he finds it is a clear frosty morning. He sees a small boy sliding—actually sliding on the pavement opposite!! ”

“ THE LANGUAGE OF SPORT.
"Where the——! What the——!! Who the——!!! Why the——!!!!"
[Pg 30]
COMFORTING, VERY!
Sportsman (who has mounted friend on bolting mare) shouts. "You're all right, old chap! She's never been known to refuse water, and swims like a fish!"
[Pg 31]
Old Stubbles (having pounded the swells.) "Aw—haw——! laugh away, but who be the roight side o' the fence, masters?"
[Pg 32]
CUB HUNTING
1. ”

“ Of course, the horses of the present [Pg 85] day have deteriorated as line hunters: they possess not the keen sense of smell which their grandsires had. But despite this the sport goes gaily on. There are plenty of foxes—but we cannot agree with the popular idea of feeding them on poultry. And yet, in every hunt, we see hunters subscribing to poultry funds. ”

“ Owner of let-out hunters (to customer just returned from day's sport.) "Are you aware, sir, that ain't my 'orse?"
Sportsman. "Not yours! Then, by Jove, I did collar the wrong gee during that scrimmage at the brook!"
At our Opening Meet
Stranger from over the water. "I guess you've a mighty smart bunch of dogs there, m'lord!"
Noble but crusty M.F.H. "Then you guess wrong, sir. This is a pack of hounds!"
Must be Hungry
"Wish you'd feed your horse before he comes out."
"Eh—why—hang it!—what do you mean?"
"He's always trying to eat my boots. ”

“ IN A SHOOTING COUNTRY
Railway Porter (who has been helping lady to mount) . "I hope you'll 'ave a good day, ma'am."
Lady Diana. "I just hope we'll find a fox."
Porter (innocently) . "Oh, that's all right, ma'am. The fox came down by the last train!"
[Pg 69]
INSULT TO INJURY
Fitz-Noodle's Harriers, after a capital run, have killed—a fox!
Incensed local M.F.H. "Confound it, sir, you have killed one of my foxes!"
F. N. "It's all right, old chap! You may kill one of my hares!"
[Pg 70]
HUNTING SONG
(To be sung when the Hounds meet at Colney Hatch or Hanwell)
Tantivy! ”

“ Stop ze fox!!!" (see page 141) . To-day, of course, it is Mr. G. D. Armour whose pencil is devoted chiefly to illustrating the humorous side of hunting; but now, as formerly, most of the eminent artists whose work lies usually in other fields, delight at times to find a subject associated with the hunt. Thus we are able to present examples of Mr. Cecil Aldin and Mr. Raven-Hill in sportive mood, while such celebrities of the past as Randolph Caldecott and Phil May are here drawn upon for the enriching of this, the first book of hunting humour compiled from the abundant chronicles of Mr. ”

“ Second Horseman No. 2. "Perkisites. Guv'nor's just been over 'ere. 'E jumps so much 'igher than 'is 'orse, there's always some small change or summat to be picked up!"
[Pg 28]
THE NEW NIMROD
[Mr. Pat O'Brien, M.P., was first in at the death on one occasion with the Meath Hounds on his bicycle, and was presented with the brush.]
Air—"The Hunting Day"
"What a fine hunting day"—
'Tis an old-fashioned lay
That I'll change to an up-to-date pome;
Old stagers may swear
That the pace isn't fair,
But they're left far behind us at home! ”

“ At Luncheon
A flask in the hand is worth a cask in the vault.
Cut your sandwiches according to your stomach.
Coming Home
The nearer the home, the harder the seat.
Bed-time
It's a heavy sleep that has no turning. ”

“ Sixteen-stone Sportsman (who has been nearly put down from a "rotten" landing, to little Bricks, 9st. 2lb.) : "Do you mind putting me back in the saddle, sir?"
[Pg 149]
THE TROUBLES OF AN M.F.H.
M.F.H. (to stranger, who is violently gesticulating to hounds.) "When you have done feeding your chickens, sir, perhaps you will allow me to hunt my hounds!"
[Pg 150]
Nobody was near hounds in the big wood when they pulled down the cub except Mr. ”

“ Don't ride her on the curb!"
"Hang your curb and snaffle! I've enough to do to ride her on the saddle!"
[Pg 176]
A Suggestion: No more trouble from wire, damage to fences, etc.
[Pg 177]
THE TRIALS OF AN M.F.H.
M.F.H. (to misguided enthusiast who has been cheering hounds on a bad scent.) "Now then! Am I going to hunt the hounds or are you?"
Enthusiast (sweetly.) "Just as you please, m'lord, just as you please."
[Pg 178]
OFF HIS GUARD
Farmer (just coming up.) "Young gentleman riding your brown horse, my lord, had nasty accident a field or two back. Barbed wire—very ugly cuts!" ”

“ Labour omnia vincit. (Labour overcomes everything.)
(2) Ars est celare artem. "Après vous, mademoiselle!"
[Pg 17]
(3) Exeunt Omnes. (They all go off.) ]
A Genuine Sportswoman
Mrs. Shodditon (to Captain Forrard, on a cub-hunting morning.) "I do hope you'll have good sport, and find plenty of foxes."
Captain Forrard. "Hope so. By the way, how is that beautiful collie of yours that I admired so much?"
Mrs. Shodditon. "Oh! Fanny! poor dear! Our keeper shot it by mistake for a fox!" ”

“ Farmer (to Sportsman, returning from the chase.) "Beg pardon, sir, but ain't you the gent that broke down that there gate of mine this morning?"
Mr. Noodel (who never by any chance jumps anything—frightfully pleased.) "Er—did I? Well, how much is the damage?"
[Pg 158]
THE WATER TEST
Whip (bringing on tail hounds, in the rear of the field.) "Hulloah! Who've you got there?"
Runner (who has just assisted sportsman out of a muddy ditch.) "Dunno. ”

“ Second Hunting Man. "Well, he isn't really. I only wear the "K" to make people give me more room!"
[Pg 166]
TRUE COURAGE
Whip. "Hi, sir! Keep back! The fox may break covert there!"
Foreigner. "Bah! I fear him not—your fox."
[Pg 167]
THE FORCE OF HABIT
Spanner (a great cyclist, whose horse has been startled by man on covert hack.) "Hi! confound you! Why the deuce don't you sound your bell!!"
[Pg 169]
"THE CART WITHOUT THE HORSE"
Scene—Cub-hunting. Time—About one o'clock.
Lady. "Well, Count, what have you lost? Your lunch?" ”

“ Seasonable Dish for a Sportsman.—A plate o' fox-tail soup.
The Rule of the Hunting-Field.—Lex Tally-ho-nis.
Fashionable Food for Horses.—Hay à la mowed.
[Pg 189]
QUOTATIONS GONE WRONG
"Life has passed
With me but roughly since I heard thee last."
Cowper.
[Pg 190]
ALL HER PLAY
Country Gentleman (to nervous man, whom he has mounted) . "By Jove, old chap, never saw the mare so fresh! Take care you ain't off!"
Nervous Man (heartily) . "W—w—wish to goodness I were!" ”

“ Mr. Hardhit. "Don't you think, Miss Highflier, that men look much better in pink—less like waiters?"
Miss Highflier. "Yes, but more like ringmasters—eh?"
[Hardhit isn't a bit offended, but seizes the opportunity.
[Pg 125]
HINTS TO BEGINNERS
In mounting your horse, always stand facing his tail.
[Pg 126]
The patent pneumatic tennis-ball hunting costume. ”