Oscar Fay Adams

“ What gives the lover whereby to gain the hand of his mistress? Why, sack! What gives the young man a merry heart and the old man a sanguine favour? Why, sack! What gives the soldier courage in the day of battle? Why, sack! Marry, then, he that hath his bellyful of sack hath discretion, courage, a ruddy visage, a merry heart and a nimble tongue. ”

“ Falstaff. What be these folk that forswear sack? Why, lean anatomies with not so much blood in their bodies as would suffice for a flea’s breakfast. The skin hangs upon their bones for all the world like a loose garment. You may feel the wind blow through their bodies. ’Twere a simple abuse of terms to call such starvelings men: 24 your poor forked radish would become the name better.
Miranda. This stout knight hath a nimble wit, in sooth,
But yet he doth not please me, for his eye
Bespeaks wanton desires, intemperate loves,
That ill do company his thin grey hairs. ”

“ God defends us, Peter Quince.
Quince. Masters, it ill becomes you as sober citizens of Athens to treat one of yourselves thus unseemly. Am not I a simple workman like the rest of you? Is it not my very own voice that you hear but now? ”

“ Is not love what we poor maids are fool’d with? Thus have they told me, and therefore I’ll not listen to you, for indeed I never saw you before, that I remember, and yet there’s something not so strange lurks within your speech. But go your ways, sweet sir. My Hamlet he is dead, and so I care for none of mankind now. ”

“ Exeunt Duke and train with Antonio and
friends. Lorenzo and Jessica come forward.
Jessica. How now, good father Cristofero; what a pair of Christians are we both. Only there’s this difference betwixt us, good father. I am a Christian for love of a husband and you have turned a Christian for love of your ducats.
Shylock. Ungrateful daughter; Why did’st thou go forth from my house by night and rob thy grey-haired father of his treasure?
Jessica. Why? That’s most easy of answer. ”

“ Falstaff. ’Tis no matter for Hercules, but, God’s pity for ’t, to be unacquainted with sack is to have lived as a dead man liveth. Sack, good Launce, is the prince of roystering blades; the pearl of price; the nonpareil of the world, the—nay, there’s no fit comparison to be made. Ambrosia and nectar together were but ashes i’ the mouth to ’t.
Trinculo [coming forward] You speak nothing aside the matter, sir, as I’m a true man. There’s nought to be named i’ the world before sack, and herein, of all places i’ the world, there’s no inn, no sack, no sack within. ”

“ Nurse. Beshrew my heart. Then were my young mistress (who, to be sure, is no kind of a devil at all, saving your presences) , led straight to a fool’s paradise. She shall know, and presently, what a piece of man he is.
Mercutio [seeing Miranda and Ferdinand.
O Romeo the young; young Romeo,
Forget thy Juliet but a space, for here
A lady is, fairer than Juliet, [pointing to Miranda]
And mine eyes serve me truly.
Romeo.O how rare
One pearl’s esteem’d until another’s found,
While that becomes the chief, till straight a third
Shines forth. So is’t with me. ”

“ Methinks that I could munch a savoury salad of thistles with much stomach to’t.
Quince. Your thistles be a thought too biting for my stomach.
Bottom. ’Tis but likely. I was ever a choice feeder. But, masters, was there not some matter toward, or have you assembled yourselves but to greet me, and, as ’twere, fittingly?
Quince. You speak quite to the matter, good Bottom. That is indeed the true end of our beginning. ”

“ A murrain light on all unsociable folk. They might have bidden us to be of their company, methinks.
Stephano. Why, man, these are but ghosts come from nowhere. By the bones of my dead grandsire, I’ve small mind to turn myself into a ghost even thereby to leave this isle and Caliban’s hard service. But, look you, Prospero’s daughter and her prince are stayed behind; an’ they be not ghosts of the same feather I marvel where they have bestowed themselves on this isle since Prospero forsook it. ”

“ For that dear isle I love because of thee.
But our philosophers declare the spot
Was but enchantment rais’d by wizard spells
And sunk in ocean’s maw when Prospero,
Thy father, will’d it; never yet laid down
Good solid earth and rock on mortal map
And chart. How this may be I know not, yet
Our sailors swear that no such isle there is
And truly they should know their own realm best.
Miranda. I’m sure ’twas no enchantment.
Ferdinand.Save the maid 6
Who dwelt upon ’t, for she did cast a spell
About me when these eyes did first behold
Her there, and naught can take ’t away. ”

“ Methinks, friend Bottom, you are not the sole wight in Athens esteemed worthy translation.
Robin Starveling. How an’ we be not translated either?
Peter Quince. Robin Starveling speaks well and to the centre of the matter. Know then, good bully Bottom, we are translated as yourself, but methinks you have lost more in the translating than have we; is’t not e’en so, masters all?
All. Right, good Peter Quince.
Bottom. I have lost nothing that should cause you envy, good friends all, and so I assure you. [Brays loudly] What say you then to my voice? Is my voice perished?
Tom Snout. No, Nick Bottom. ”

“ No inn within this heathen isle, no sack within the inn! Is this a fit place to bring a good Christian knight? ’Twere enough to make a man of my sanguine and fiery composition turn 23 Muscovite on the instant, for your Muscovite, as I take it, is a most ungodly knave, and an infidel to boot, and without a moderate deal of sack, such as is needful for a man of my kidney, how is Christendom to be kept on its legs? ”

“ Why, the Woman of Samaria would have plucked out her hair in pity of the twain, nay, so would I have done the same in her stead,—yet what say I, for there’s not so much hair on my head as my mother’s brass kettle has of its cover. A vengeance on ’t, now where was I? O, truly, I was e’en at the Woman of Samaria. Now, good sirs, and gentles all, the Woman of Samaria had for ruth plucked out her hair, but did not my dog Crab, who by your leaves is as hairy a dog as goes on one-and-twenty toes, shed even one hair in sorrow for the twain: not e’en the smallest hair on ’s nose. ”

“ Peter. Marry, that do I, and will answer to ’t before any of womankind, and any of mankind too, that be less lusty than I.
Nurse. Peter!
Peter. Anon.
Nurse. Some food, Peter, and presently.
Peter. Here be strange fruits whose use I know not. A serving man of the young county Paris’s did to my knowing eat an apple that was brought from afar in a ship’s stomach, being a lusty youth and tall and much given to victual, and he did swell to bursting and died thereof while one might count thirteen by the clock. He made a fearsome dead body, as the saying is. ”

“ Pray God, gentles all, there be no such hard hearts among any of you, or ’twere ten thousand pities. ’Tis an ill thing to have a sour nature like my dog Crab’s, and no good comes on ’t.
Nurse. Beshrew my heart, and that is so. My Mistress Juliet hath the tenderest and the most pitiful heart that lives in a maid’s body, I do think, for she will weep by the hour together if she but behold a fly caught by the wings in a spider’s web.
Mercutio [to Romeo] No, Juliet, but a Niobe. Eh, man?
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Romeo. ”

“ I will not die till that I have bethought me of some secret, sure revenge upon Antonio, or failing this, upon the taunting, sneering 55 fool they call Gratiano, whom I do loathe e’en as I loathe Antonio. Moreover I would gladly do some deadly hurt unto the accursed Paduan judge, an’ it might be so.
Tubal. Then wilt thou still be Hebrew at the heart, good Shylock?
Shylock. How else while yet I bear remembrance of my wrongs? Have not many of our chosen people done this selfsame thing for ducats or for life? Kissed the cross before men’s eyes, but spurned it behind their backs? ”

“ Trinculo. Since the day when the old gentleman they call Prospero took it into his bald pate to disappear into air along with a most goodly company beside, there’s not a bottle to be found i’ this isle, as I am a good Christian, and, what is more, a good Christian man’s son.
Stephano. Bottle me no bottles, Trinculo. Had we ne’er shared a bottle betwixt us we had not been left to bide by ourselves in this whoreson isle in the hard service of the man-monster, Caliban, but might be in fair Naples at this very hour. ”

“ Hamlet. The fair Ophelia. Sweet maid, do you not know me?
Ophelia. No, forsooth; I did never see you before, and yet methinks your eye hath a trick of Prince Hamlet’s in it. But that’s all one, for the Lord Hamlet is dead, and they say his soul is in hell for cozening us poor maids. [Sings]
He is dead that wronged the maid;
He is dead, perdy.
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Miranda. ”

“ Shylock [slowly] Ay, what matters it? We are now Christians all, as thou sayest, and, I remember me that I have heard it said it is a Christian’s duty to forgive all who have wronged him. Therefore I forgive you, Jessica—for robbing your old father; and you, Lorenzo, I forgive—for stealing my daughter. You are each well 61 mated. But I would be alone a while. Go, good Jessica. Go, son Lorenzo.
[Exeunt Lorenzo and Jessica.
Shylock [alone] A curse pursue the twain where’er they go. ”

“ I thank you, good Tom Snout, and to show you that I am the same Nick Bottom, however my visage may appear altered, for travel 34 doth greatly age a man, as they say, you shall hear me wake the echoes once again. ”

“ To behold your winsome visage in this unwonted place is great joy to us simple mechanicals, yet we be nevertheless bold to proclaim to you that to shave were not amiss to one of your condition. For but bethink you, and you were 36 to come amongst ladies thus grievously beset with hair would shame us all. ”

“ Caliban. Will you be ever talking, fool? [beats him] take that,
And make your tongue a prisoner to your teeth.
25
Stephano runs away, crying out loudly the while.
[Enter the Fool and Lear.
Fool. Good nuncle, here be Christian folk; let’s bide. The night cometh when a rotten thatch, even, is a more comfortable blanket than a skyful of little stars.
Lear [pointing to Miranda] What, in Goneril’s palace? Did she not with her own hands push her old father out of door? [To Miranda] Nay, mistress daughter; I’ll not bide with you. A million murrains light upon thy unnatural head ”

“ Caliban [alarmed] Methinks like music have I heard before
When Prospero I did serve. And it should bode
Damn’d Prospero’s return then were I slave
Again, doing his will in everything.
Stephano. What is this same that sings i’ the air without lips or body?
Trinculo [returning with food which he places before Caliban] Master Nobody is at his ancient tricks. An’ he be a devil, he hath an angel’s voice.
Caliban. Retire ye both, for I would be alone. ”

“ Many things there be of which there’s no telling, such as the number of times a maid will say no, when her mind is to say yes; how many days the wind will sit i’ the east when one would desire fair weather; and how many years the toothless grandsire will wither out a young man’s revenue. ”

“ Trinculo and Stephano approach.
Trinculo. Behold us, gentles, two as unhappy wights as ever ’scaped a hanging, or death by attorney.
Stephano. He speaks very true, as ’t were, now and then, and we two honest men from Naples be now in most wretched case—slaves to the man-monster, Caliban.
Thunder heard. Caliban, Stephano and Trinculo disperse by several ways and Ferdinand and Miranda retire to a cave near by.
9 Scene IV.
Another part of the same. ”

“ And since, moreover, as the maid very truly says, there’s no living i’ the world without the means to live, because of this did we make shift to take with us from your house such means, as well advised you would not have your daughter lack for food and suitable apparel, and since we are now Christians all, what matters it? ”

“ It was originally written for an evening entertainment of the “Old Cambridge Shakespeare Association.” No one in that cultivated company misunderstood the author’s aim, and all heartily enjoyed it. I believe that it will give no less pleasure to the larger audience to whom it is now presented in print. ”