Phil May

“ Mrs. Snobson (who is doing a little slumming for the first time and wishes to appear affable, but is at a loss to know how to commence conversation) . “Town very Empty!”
{55}
OVERHEARD AT A COUNTRY FAIR.
“’Ere y’are! All the Jolly Fun! Lidies’ Tormentors two a Penny!”
{56}
CONVINCING.
{57}
OVERHEARD ON THE STEPS OF THE ARMY AND NAVY STORES.
Commissionaire. “Uniforms? Top Floor, Sir!”
{58}
EUREKA!
Portrait of a Calculating Gentleman (not at all a bad-looking Chap) who has solved the Problem as to whether we are in the Nineteenth or Twentieth Century. ”

“ FROM ERIN’S ISLE.
“Sure, Terence, if yez go to the Front, kape at the Back, or ye’ll be kilt. Oi know ut!”
“Faith, an’ isn’t that the way oi get my livin’?”
{65}
MAFEKING NIGHT.
(Or rather 3 A.M. the following morning.)
Voice (from above) . “Good gracious, William! Why don’t you come to Bed?”
William (huskily) . “My dear Maria, you know it’s been the rule of my life to go to Bed shober—and I can’t posh’bly come to Bed yet!” ”

“ Donald. “Yes, I know; but I thought you’d ’beat me down’ a bit!”
{49}
AN UNEXPECTED REPLY.
Father O’Flynn. “And now, Pat Murphy, in this season of Lent, what is it ye’ll do by way of Penance?”
Pat Murphy. “Sure, then, I’ll—I’ll come an’ hear your Riverance prayche!”
{50}
“THE GREY MARE.”
Scrumble. “Been to see the Old Masters?”
Stippleton (who has married money) . “No. Fact is“— (sotto voce) —”I’ve got quite enough on my hands with the old Missus!” ”