Ralph D. Paine

“ The stranger laughed so long and loud that Wilkins began to resent the ill-timed levity. Then the young man explained that Boston was immensely proud of Professor R. Xerxes Peabody as its most cultured citizen, and that never in his life had he spoken to a human being without an introduction. The idea of asking him for "the loan of his whiskers" struck the cheerful nephew as such an absolutely incredible event that he fairly begged Wilkins to "fall off at the next station and have a drink" in celebration. ”

“ Wilkins unfolded his bulky bundle of documents and jabbing one sheet with his stubby forefinger exclaimed:
"No offense meant, Pete, but I want your whiskers. There's a reward out for a man that can match these specifications. Tell me first, how long have you worn them?"
He was assured that the O'Dwyer whiskers had sprouted four years back, or just after these two had parted in Shanghai. Wilkins came at once to the point and told him:
"Forty dollars a month and keep you like a prince. A job right out of a fairy story—that's what I offer you. ”

“ My life was bound up in the array of electrical machinery, burnished spheres, rows of tuning forks and other complex apparatus which filled the long room up under the roof of my mansion. Even my loyal assistant, Hank Wilkins, had not been taken into my confidence. ”

“ Mingled with these were incredibly high-pitched and piping notes that soared far above any octaves known to human instruments. There were discords, of course, because I had not progressed as far as trying to tune these experimental whiskers.
I asked Wilkins to move one of the dummies aside and step in its place. I was wild with eagerness to try a living subject. Leaving one set of bellows pumping at full blast, I rushed to snatch up the receivers. The stiff
"Wilkins smothered an amazed oath, while his rugged face was a study of novel emotions." ”

“ But you could hear that music, and my whiskers have been dumb for thirty years."
Then I told him, as simply as possible, how after an exhaustive study of the laws of vibration and sound waves I had evolved the theory that there must be a similitude between the Æolian harp and the Human Whisker. The instrument was but waiting for the player. But further progress had seemed hopeless after I discovered by experiment that the average vibrations of the Human Whisker when stirred by the wind range from ten thousand to forty thousand per second. ”

“ Wilkins first capture, it seems, was made as he was nearing a saloon where, in other days, he had consorted with the sailormen of Boston. Sighting an old shipmate, Peter O'Dwyer by name, my assistant was delighted to note that he had grown a set of whiskers "that would caulk a ship's yawl." Consulting his chart Wilkins saw at once that the whiskers looked very much like "Number Thirteen (Middle Octave) , medium length, square cut, bushy growth." ”

“ I said in parting. "You and I are on the eve of a marvelous revelation."
"All we need is a fair wind, sir," solemnly spoke the faithful fellow from the doorway.
↑ Mr. Wilkins was also engaged in a scientific problem of his own at this time, with the solution of which he hoped to surprise his employer. His secret task was doomed to failure however, and it was withheld from Mr. McKackney's knowledge. Mr. Wilkins hoped to be able to compound a preparation which should make whiskers moth-proof in all climates. (Editor's Note.) ”

“ Colby ahead with his "Octaves" for speedy delivery. He himself would stay behind and endeavor to run down the missing notes. Mr. Colby explained that several of his followers were personal friends of his who had been selected from the club windows of Boston. "They will be missed, because they were distinctly decorative," he added.
From the end of the bar there came the subdued harmony of an impromptu quartet singing:
"There s music in the Hair-r-r." ”

“ McKackney's manuscript several pages of highly technical analysis of the principles of acoustics involved in his discovery. Such discussion more properly belong in the scientific work now in course of preparation. ”

“ Wilkins thought it over and finally wired me the circumstances with a request for my O.K. I was glad to send my approval and next day received a note from Mr. Colby in which he said:
"I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your confidence in me. I have had a very expensive musical education and I realize the importance of your undertaking. I promise on my honor to spare no pains to help Mr. ”