Ralph Henry Barbour

“ And sometimes Jack and I would go for a run together. It wasn’t much fun for him, though, because my legs were so short that he had to wait for me to catch up to him every little while. So very often I went alone. I didn’t mind. There is so much to see if you use your eyes and so much to smell if you use your nose. And there are lots of nice things to listen to, besides. Like the songs that the birds sing and the whispers the breezes make in the trees and the chattering of the squirrels and chipmunks and so many, many other sounds. ”

“ He got more ribbons than Mother. I didn’t think that was fair, but Mother didn’t seem to mind. After each show Father would be very lazy and just lie around and look proud and Mother would fetch him bones. But after a day or two Father would forget to be proud and find his own bones. It wasn’t much fun for Freya and I when Father was being proud, because he slept a lot and if we made the least noise Mother would say “Hush, children! Your father is taking a nap and you mustn’t waken him. Go somewhere else and play.” So we were glad when the dog shows stopped for a while. ”

“ I was a year and a half old that Autumn, which, for a dog, is quite grown-up, you know. When I did anything silly Mother would say: “Remember, Fritz, you are no longer a puppy.” It was hard to do that, though, and I was just as fond of play as ever. But, of [147] course, I had grown much more sensible and wise. Experience is a great teacher. I heard Father say that once, and I guess it must be so. I didn’t get into scrapes any more; at least, not many. I did dig a hole under the stable one day and then couldn’t get out again until William had taken some of the stones out of the wall. ”

“ Delia [67] shouted “’Tis a burglar, mum! We’ll all be murdered, sir!” But the Master told her to be quiet.
“I dare say it is only the cat,” he said, and then he knelt down and looked under the bed and I thumped my tail harder than ever and the Master sat right down on the floor and laughed and laughed! Then the Mistress said:
“What is it, George? Do stop that silly laughing! Is it Ju-ju?”
So the Master reached in and pulled me out by the scruff of my neck and held me up. “Here’s your burglar,” he said. And then they all laughed; all except the Old Lady Who Didn’t Like Dogs. ”

“ But when, after a long, long time, William thought he could not get any more dirt off me and so put me out on the floor, and when I had shaken myself half a dozen times, felt so good that I forgot all about the way Freya [59] had behaved and ran circles and barked until I was almost dry. Then I found a nice warm spot against the side of the stable and went to sleep.
But even if I did forgive Freya that time you can see that she behaved very badly and is not at all brave. Still, I suppose that being a girl dog has a lot to do with it. You mustn’t expect a girl-dog to be as brave as a boy-dog. ”

“ If they see William with their dinner they say “quack” and if they see a chicken-hawk sailing about they say “quack” and if I so much as look at them—from a distance—they say “quack” just the same. I don’t believe “quack” means a thing. They just want you to think it does.
Well, one day I was trotting around by myself looking for something to do when I caught sight of a duck sitting in the grass on the side of the brook quite a ways beyond the pond. ”

“ For my part I think cities are rather stupid places, anyway. Of course, on bright days, there’s the Park and the Avenue, and I like those very much. But it’s a bother always having to be on a leash. When I see a dog on the other side of the street whom I am quite sure I should like to know, all I can do is just say “Hello!” ”

“ I said. “Want to help?”
[40]
“Oh, yes, indeed!” cried Freya. “Is there really a badger down there?”
“Never you mind,” I said. “You don’t suppose I’d be digging a hole as deep as this one if there wasn’t something there, do you?” So I crawled out and Freya got in and went to work. I looked on a minute and then I said:
“You don’t dig very well, do you? I suppose your feet aren’t big enough.”
“They’re as big as yours,” said Freya, stopping to rest.
“Then you don’t know how to use them,” I said. “Digging is an art, and not every dachshund knows how.”
“Humph!” said Freya. ”

“ Alfred laughed. “Fits! That’s a funny name, isn’t it? Does he have them often?”
“She means Fritz, dear,” said his mother. “Here, Fritz, come and see me.”
So I went, but I wouldn’t let Alfred touch me, and he didn’t like it a bit. He fed candy to Freya and she fairly licked his shoes! Girl-dogs have no pride. It so disgusted me that I turned right around and went down to the stable and crawled behind the flower-pots. ”

“ Freya liked to stay around the back door and look hungry and coax Delia or Cook to give her things to eat. When she wasn’t doing that she was most always asleep somewhere. She got very fat and lazy and it was all I could do to get her to go hunting with me. She wasn’t much good at hunting, anyway. She always got tired just when the fun began.
We used to go down to the pond and the brook and hunt frogs. Frogs aren’t good to eat, but it is a lot of fun chasing them. You creep up on them very quietly along the edge of the pond and try to get them before they can jump back into the water. ”

“ I am quite a nervous dog. All highly-bred dogs are nervous, you know. And when you can trace your family back for dozens of years, the way I can, you have every right to dislike thunder. Perhaps you didn’t know I had such a long pedigree? Mother told us all about it once. We are descended from Hansel von Konigsberg, who was the Champion of all Germany for many years and quite the finest dachshund that ever lived. He won all sorts of prizes wherever he was shown and was a very fine, proud [62] dog. Every one in Germany knows about Hansel von Konigsberg. ”

“ Some balls are nice to play with and chew on. They are made of rubber. William had one and he used to throw it, and Freya and I, and sometimes Mother and Father, too, would scamper after it and see who could get it and bring it back to him. If Freya got it I always took it away from her, because I am bigger and stronger than she is. Besides, she’s only a girl dog! [21] Once Freya found the ball in the harness room, where it had dropped off a shelf, and so she took it out under a tree and chewed on it until there was a hole in it. ”

“ We can tell right off whether a person likes us. Alfred came out with his mother, and the Baby followed Alfred. She wouldn’t let him out of her sight and paid almost no attention to me. Alfred was really rather nice looking, for a boy, with golden hair, dark eyes and a sun-burned face. He was older than the Baby. When he saw me he cried:
“Oh, there’s another of them! Come here, puppy! What’s your name?”
Of course I paid no heed to him. I meant [76] to show Freya that I had more sense than to grovel to folks just because they whistled to me and paid me a little attention! ”

“ There was Mouser, who lived next cage to me. I never thought that I should like a cat, but I did. He was a big grey cat and had the longest whiskers I ever saw. He and I would put our heads through the bars and have fine long talks together. He had seen a great deal of life and had always lived in the City. At first he wouldn’t believe the things I told him about the country. He took quite an interest in Ju-Ju and said he thought she was a very lucky cat. Mouser didn’t know who his parents were or where he was born. Isn’t that strange? Fancy not knowing your own [168] father or mother! ”

“ Your father is a dachshund and dachshunds [36] were made to hunt badgers and rabbits and animals that live underground. Jack is a very fine dog, but he couldn’t dig out a badger or a fox or even a rabbit.”
“Oh,” I said, “could Father do that?”
“Of course, and so can I; and so can you when you grow up. That’s why you are made as you are. Badgers and foxes live in holes that they make far under the ground. The holes are small and they turn and twist, and that’s why your body is made so long and your legs so short; so that you can follow a fox or a badger into his hole.” ”

“ There are so many, many things a puppy has to learn. I didn’t see much of my father when I was a tiny puppy. Sometimes he came to the cage where we lived and licked our noses through the wires, but he was a very busy dog and had lots of things to attend to.
My mother was very beautiful, with the loveliest soft brown eyes and the longest, silkiest [6] ears and quite the crookedest front legs you ever saw. (You see, in my family crooked front legs are much admired.) We all loved her very dearly, but I am afraid we caused her a lot of trouble. ”

“ Sometimes Jack would see a pheasant or a grouse and get awfully excited and run and run after it and get so tired that when he came back he would have to throw himself down and rest. Usually, though, we never saw much except chipmunks and squirrels; but one day Jack found a rabbit in a clump of bushes and we all had a merry time chasing him. Of course the rest of us, with our short legs, couldn’t keep up with Jack and he and the rabbit were soon way ahead of us. And when we came up to him he was sitting by a hole in the ground where the rabbit had gone. ”

“ I don’t mind wading in the pond or even swimming a little, but baths are quite different. Besides, I am not a water-dog, like a spaniel or a retriever, and folks ought to think of that. They don’t, though. About once a month I have to go through with it, and the mere sight of a cake of soap quite takes my [60] appetite away for hours. I once heard the Mistress tell the man who comes for the laundry that she wanted something “dry-cleaned.” I wonder why dogs can’t be dry-cleaned too! ”

“ No dog likes to be stuck in horrid black mud. Pretty soon Freya came and looked over the edge of the bank at me. But she didn’t come very near where Mrs. Duck stood.
“Why,” she said, “what are you doing down there, Fritz? William will be very angry with you for getting so dirty. You’d better come right out and take a bath in the pond before you go home.” ”

“ It was awfully nice to be back home once more, I can tell you, and Mother and Father and Freya were so glad to see me that they just couldn’t do enough for me. Freya hung around so close that she got to be rather a bother! She never got tired of hearing about the wonderful things that had happened to me, and about Mouser and Prince and, especially, about Peaches, the dog who stood on his front legs. Even Ju-Ju seemed glad to have [181] me back. I may be wrong about that, though. Cats are queer animals and you can’t tell much about what they’re thinking. ”

“ Father said, though, that if I didn’t behave better than I’d [111] been behaving I wouldn’t get any ribbons. Father can be quite gruff at times. Freya was so excited about it that she could talk of nothing else.
“Won’t it be fine,” she would say, “to be in a show and have hundreds of people admiring you and patting you and saying what a lovely dog you are? I know I shall just love it, Fritz!”
Girl-dogs are always vain, you see. Vanity is not becoming in dogs any more than in Two-Legged Folks and so I growled and said: “I guess no one will look twice at you, Miss Stuck-Up! ”

“ Instead I pounced on a twig and shook it and ran around [27] with it in my mouth. I thought perhaps she would forget about the collar. But she didn’t even smile.
“Naughty Fritz!” she said. “What have you done with your collar?”
Freya came up and looked at me in a way which said: “There! Now you are in for it! And I’m glad, because you were selfish and wouldn’t give me any.” And then she trotted over to the Mistress with her tail curled up very proudly as much as to say: “See what a good dog I am! I haven’t lost my collar!” ”

“ Toads are very unhealthy for dogs and that thing there is a toad. When you took him up he put poison in your mouth. It was a good thing you were near the pond, for water is the only thing I know of that will help. I heard of a dog once who was poisoned by a frog and there was no water around and so he ran for home. The poison made froth in his mouth and Two-Legged Folks thought he was mad and a policeman tried to shoot him. Luckily for him the policeman aimed wrong and the dog got away. Now do you think you will know a toad the next time you see one? ”

“ William let us out and we all tore up to the back door, very hungry indeed. And when Cook gave us our breakfast what do you suppose it was? What’s the nicest thing you can think of? Mince pie? Why, of course not; dogs don’t care for mince pie. No, nor candy—much. What we had that morning was liver and corn-bread, with lots of gravy! How was that for a feast? And Cook and Delia and William stood around and saw us eat it [100] and laughed and seemed very gay and happy. And after that William took us into the house. ”

“ He lives underground and comes out at night to hunt. He has short legs and very long claws and a long nose. He catches smaller animals and eats them and sometimes he steals the farmer’s chickens. He has a very loose skin, [37] just like yours, that is covered with fine grey hairs. Folks make brushes out of the hairs. The brush the Master lathers his face with in the morning when he shaves is made of badger hair and the brush that William used the other day to paint the old wagon with is made of it too. ”