Reginald Bretnor

“ Betty smiled faintly. "The Inchcapes call their planet Bide-A-Wee. I think Sugar Plum's ever so much nicer. But—but can we afford it?"
"We certainly can't!" fumed Cousin Aurelia. "We'll put it back on the market and salvage whatever we can."
"No, we won't," Charles said firmly. "And it's not just a summer resort. We're pulling up stakes to live there all year round." ”

“ Betty waited until the last hint of daylight had vanished. Then, "It's lovely," she whispered. "Poor Cousin Aurelia, it'd all be so simple if she'd only come out, but—oh, I'm afraid that it's hopeless!"
"Hopeless?" Charles snorted. "It's easy. We'll break into her room, me and Burgee, and hold her while you pour some of Sugar Plum's water down her gullet. She'll be fixed up before she finds out what hit her."
"We mustn't do that," the captain said stiffly. "We can't employ violence."
"Look who's talking!" Charles was amused. "An old pirate like you. ”

“ What the hell do you want?"
"Dude aboard wants some info," said Possett. "Wants to know what Burgee did for a living—Alexander Burgee. Also, are the coppers still trying to find him?"
The face frowned. "Possett, you know damn well Burgee was a pirate. You know he's been listed as lost. Now quit wasting my time. New Texas out."
The face vanished. The mate snickered nastily. And Charles just stood there gaping.
"A real pirate!" squeaked Cousin Aurelia. "Wh-what would he do? Would he kill us?"
"Might do anything. But—" eying her, Possett leered—"he's like me. Likes 'em well fattened up. ”

“ Betty snapped at the captain. "You had no right to insult her. Besides, she's only twenty pounds overweight."
"Don't mind me. I go for her type." Possett shook his head darkly and turned toward Charles. "Button, man to man, a back-country planet's no place for the ladies. Look, I'll take the thing off your hands. I can handle Burgee. Twelve thousand cold cash for your stuff and the deed, and I'll throw in a lift to New Texas. ”

“ He controlled himself with an effort. "But we really mustn't use force on Aurelia, even in such a good cause. It might turn her into the wrong kind of person."
"Turn her?" Betty repeated sadly. "I'm afraid that she already is. I don't think she'll ever come out. I'm afraid she'll do something desperate."
"I'm worried, too," the captain admitted, "but I'm certain she is the right kind. The wrong kind of people can't live here. Sugar Plum doesn't like them."
Betty and Charles both looked puzzled. ”

“ The captain broke in, his voice urgent. "We've got to get these characters back aboard in a hurry! They can't live on Sugar Plum; they're the wrong kind of people. I started to tell you. They're allergic to the critters, the trees, the natives—to everything here. You, Steward!" He beckoned. "Call the crew of the Beautiful Joe."
The robot ran to the ship. It whistled. Immediately, four other robots appeared.
"Bosun," said the captain to the one in the lead, "Captain Possett is ill. He is—er—delirious. The mate, too. Carry them in. And take off quickly for New Texas." ”

“ A planet nobody wants. Probably all run down, with swamps and deserts, and in some dreadful, shabby district where the neighbors have squirmy tentacles, or eyes on stalks, or big, nasty beaks!"
"It isn't at all. It's in a good neighborhood—only two systems away from the Inchcapes' new summer planet. A little remote, but that means more privacy." He took a catalogue out of his pocket. "'Parcel 71,'" he read. "'Sugar Plum, a Class IV planet'—that means it's like Earth, only bigger—'claimed 8/12/85 by Space Captain Alexander Burgee, under Planetary Homestead Act of 2147 (amended.) ”

“ The captain ate heartily, talking away between spoonfuls. He told them that Sugar Plum was surrounded by an ionized layer impervious to DoItAll waves. He said he had no use for such gadgets, or for the Age which produced them.
"And why," he demanded, "did we become fake Victorians? Why are we worse than the real ones? I'll tell you. Because space was too big. It made people feel puny. They wanted a hole to crawl into—something small, safe and stuffy." ”

“ It happens within a few hours, even if they aren't uninhibited. If they are, then it's practically instantaneous. It's a—"
He broke off and looked up at the sky with a frown. There was an angry red glow right above them, a far-distant roar. ”