Alfred Edward Bonser

“ I rigs out the niggers in the monkey skins, whereby they looks like the real article, a-walking on their behind legs. We fills the wheelbarrow with green leaves, and in I gets, dressed up like unto a lion again, and a-smoking my she-root. Then one monkey he tools me along, while the other walks in front with a bell in one hand and a-waving of the British flag with the other. ”

“ I give you my word, a man’s only got to travel a spell with his eyes wide open for to see the wonders of Nature. Now,” continued Ben, removing the pipe from his lips with an argumentative flourish, “look at monkeys; ain’t they up to snuff, I should like to know? You'll have seen them yourself, Master Charles, in the Zoo, or leastways read about their little games in some of your ma’s books. But did you ever hear of a monkey in the picture line—a regular artist, so tosay? No? Well, it comes into this here yarn, and takes the cake for cleverness. ”

“ On hearing these words the two or three pirates on deck fell on their knees and howled for mercy.
“‘You must leave that to the admiral,’ says I; ‘meanwhile, summon the rest of your miserable crew, and let them stack arms, every mother’s son.’ So they came up the hatchway, gave up their guns and cutlasses, and were put under a strong guard; but the pirate captain was delivered over to the admiral. ‘O—you villain,’ says he, ‘I can’t a-bear to look at you; hanging’s too good for the likes of you. ”

“ Ben,’ says he, as solemn as a judge, ‘it’s about all U.P. with us.’
“Down we went on deck, and all hands being piped, the captain says, ‘My lads, we're in a tight place, and so I won’t deceive you. There’s three strange craft ahead and three strange craft astern, each one choke full of cannibal pirates thirsting for our blood. They’ll kill us if we don’t kill them. To be cooked and eaten is the least we can hope for; but I mean to do my best to beat them off or die in the attempt, and “England expects that every man this day will do his duty.” ”

“ I was surrounded by the simple Arctics in their dug-outs, who sat a-staring with all their eyes, as well they might, to see a leviathan of the deep a-burning his own private oil-lamp, and yonder—blessed sight!—was a boat, full of Jack Tars, a-pulling towards me, while a homeward bound ship lay in the offing. They had seen my signal of distress, and had come to rescue me. Yes, Master Charles, I was saved, and I think you'll be ready to admit what I told you when I began this here yarn, that I ain’t likely to forget in a hurry how I went a-fishing for my first whale. ”

“ Well, in a couple of shakes the heathen they see the smoke a-curling upward, not knowing anyone was near, and then they takes a squint through the leaves at a raging lion all on fire, as they thinks, enjoying of hisself amazing. I give you my word, Master Charles, they’d never clapped eyes on such a sight afore, and they didn’t stop long a-staring neither, but skedaddled in a precious funk. This being so, me and the niggers set to a-roaring like mad, which helped the Cuffeecocoites over the ground considerable. ”

“ Ah, just let me ask you a question, Master Charles. How do the fowls of the air migrate without a chart or a compass? Nobody knows, yet they always find their way. I can only tell you that when morning dawned land was beneath us, and we were heading straight for the top of an Andy. There were fields of snow and rivers of ice, and the cold! ‘Twas enough to freeze the marrow in the bones. Says the skipper, a-pointing with his shaky finger, ‘Have we escaped the raging billows only to become frozen meat? If we could shorten sail or pay out the anchor, we’d heave to and ride easy. ”

“ There′ll be two hundred fighting men aboard each “pray-you”’ (for so he called their vessels) . ‘Six times two makes twelve,’ says he; ‘that is twelve hundred all told, while we muster twenty and a half, taking the cabin-boy as half a man. Now, Ben,’ says he, ‘you’ve got a useful figure-head, and so I put it to you, as between man and man, what’s to be done?’
“‘Sir,’ says I, after studying a couple of shakes, ‘I’ve got an idea which may or may not work, as the case may be, and so I won’t deceive you.’
“‘Out with it, then, my lad,’ says he. ”

“ At last, one fine morning, I couldn’t stand it any longer, but made up my mind to skedaddle, so, filling my boat with cocoanuts and boiled lobster, I embarked upon the unknown ocean.”
“Oh, Ben, weren’t you afraid?” asked Charlie.
“No, Master Charles, for seafaring men mostly carry their lives in their hands. ”

“ Oh, do tell!”
“Well, we'd been a-cruising off the Greenland coast, Master Charles, in the neighbourhood of Scorsby’s Island and Smith’s Sound, when one morning the mariner at the mast-head sings out, ‘There she spouts!’”
“What did he mean?” asked Charlie.
“Why, you see, whales don’t live all their time under water, but have to come to the surface every now and then for a mouthful of fresh air. It’s then they spout or throw up the water from their noses, and that was what this one was a-doing of. ”

“ When morning dawned, and I came above hatches, not a sail was in sight, and the ship was a-doing her twenty knots in fine style. The skipper was a-pacing the quarter-deck, and seeing yours truly he at once calls me to him, and after kindly inquiring how I found myself, says he, ‘And now, Ben, oblige me by going up aloft and casting your eye around.’
“So I climbed the rigging, and sung out almost immediate, ‘Land on the weather bow!’ Whereupon the captain himself climbs up along-side of me. ‘There ain’t no land marked down on the chart,’ says he ”

“ By-and-by the heathen they come a-peering and a-squinting through the leaves, and are more astonished than ever.
“At last we reaches the capital, and the Cuffeecocoites turn out in crowds to meetus. The nigger in front waves the flag, and keeps a-ringing of his bell and bawling, ‘Make way, ladies and gents, for the British Lion!’ And by-and-by we claps our eyes on the king hisself, seated on a throne made of the skulls of his enemies, and all inlaid with yellow gold and ruby gems ”

“ When it got dark we daren’t show a light, as, of course, we didn’t want the pirate to know we were a-coming. Suddenly the look-out forrud yells, ‘Luff—luff your ’el-em. Man overboard!’ We'd a narrow shave of running down something that showed white in the water. A boat was lowered, and away she went in chase in charge of the mate, while we shortened sail and waited for her. ”

“ Says the skipper, ‘Was the pirate vessel a schooner with a milk-white hull and a red stripe?’ The Mossoo feebly nodded. ‘Shiver my timbers!’ says the captain, ‘but we’ve been nicely tricked. ‘Bout ship!’ says he. ‘Set every stitch of canvas, raise every ha’porth of steam. A fippund note to the mariner what first sights that there furrin barque!’”
“But, Ben,” said puzzled Charlie, “‘you don’t mean to say that the foreign barque was really the pirate schooner?”
“Not exactly, Master Charles; ‘twas in this way, as the skipper guessed, and as we found out for certain afterwards ”

“ There’s just room for the two of us on this here hatch, and we're light-weight for want of victuals; ’twould be holiday work for fifty great strapping birds to take us in tow.’ Says the captain, ‘It’s a dodge worth trying.’ He’d been in the poultry line himself when a nipper had the captain, so he chooses fifty of the finest birds, while I fastened a rope to each of the four corners of the hatch and tied them together. ”

“ They do tell me that nowadays the harpoon is fired from a gun; so you may lie on your sofy on the quarter-deck a-smoking your weed, and take your fishing easy. But ’twasn’t so when I was a nipper; whaling then was real dangerous work, and no mistake.
“Well, by-and-by we came up with the leviathan, which was having a snooze. The mate took careful aim; away went the harpoon, with line attached, and buried itself deep in the whale. Then the mate
“He riz out of the ocean” (p. 90) . shouted, ‘Starn all!’ and we mariners backed water for our lives. ”

“ I got my niggers to rig up a swing between two palm-trees, then I put on the lion’s skin, which covered me up completely, and began a-swinging backward and forward. There I sits with my jaws open, smoking a she-root, and my long tail a-swing- ing free behind. ”

“ That set me a-thinking. ‘Sir,’ says I, ‘they say as how apes are wonderful clever; let’s get them to Jend a hand, and the thing’s done.’
“‘Ben,’ says the skipper, ‘I admire your figure-head, so tip us your flipper; and as to this monkey business, do as you think best.’
“Well, I went below, picked out a score of intelligent apes, stove in the head of the oil cask, took a big can, and showed the monkeys what I wanted done. Don’t tell me, Master Charles, dumb animals have got no reason. Those poor brutes grasped the idea instanter,
... ”