Alfred Edward Bonser

“ Their web is the wide ocean when a dead calm is on, when the sun blazes down fit to roast you, and the sailors go about a-whistling for a wind. Behind each little island, maybe, there lies hidden a pirate vessel, ready to pounce out on any unfortunate ship that happens to be be calmed. When it comes up with her the crew grab their nasty long knives, and swarm aboard by hundreds, and fifty to one that ill-fated ship is never heard of again. ”

“ Then, calling some of his men about him, he pointed to the maker of ghosts, saying—
“A trespasser who cannot pay;
Seize him, and carry him away.”
And, in spite of his protests, they bore him off, raising as they did so a shout of “Nepo! Nepo! Nepo!” A door opened in the wall. The dwarf and their prisoner entered, and it closed again with a bang, the echoes of which reverberated along the narrow galleries like distant thunder. The maker of shadows and the ground-gnome hurried up, but just too late to enter. They stared at each other. ”

“ The maker of ghosts at once opened his bottle and sprinkled the door, whilst his friend sprinkled the courtyard floor.
As they did so, the earth suddenly yawned beneath them, and from it rose a dense cloud of cayenne pepper, the dust of chillies, and the most powerful snuff. Fortunate it was that they had bandaged their upper lips, otherwise they must inevitably have sneezed! ”

“ The pirate captain says to me, says he, ‘Ben, my lad, you must join our gallant band, for we are in want of such brave fellows as you,’ says he. ‘We’re free as the air, victuals and drink to your taste, and a fine fortune in prospect. ”

“ They were astonished to find the maker of shadows asleep by the fire, and in a trice they pounced upon him, and bound him hand and foot.
All this the maker of ghosts saw as he lay quaking with fear. As he could do nothing at present to help his friend, he wisely took care of himself, and so rolled over and over ever so softly, until he was at a safe distance from the cave.
He was more frightened for his poor friend than for himself, and longed to fly to his aid. What if the robbers should kill him? ”

“ VI.—BEN EXTENDS THE BRITISH EMPIRE. The old sailor was quieter than usual, apparently lost in reveries of the past, as he pulled at the familiar black pipe. Master Charlie fidgeted and wriggled, almost afraid to speak, yet longing to wheedle another story out of his companion. At length he ventured to remark, “I’m going back to school next. week, Ben.”
The sailor roused himself. “Are you indeed, Master Charles? It’s a fine thing to be a scholar. I never was put to books when I was a young nipper.” ”

“ On hearing these words the two or three pirates on deck fell on their knees and howled for mercy.
“‘You must leave that to the admiral,’ says I; ‘meanwhile, summon the rest of your miserable crew, and let them stack arms, every mother’s son.’ So they came up the hatchway, gave up their guns and cutlasses, and were put under a strong guard; but the pirate captain was delivered over to the admiral. ‘O—you villain,’ says he, ‘I can’t a-bear to look at you; hanging’s too good for the likes of you. ”

“ So far successful, the maker of shadows now asked the king about the jolliwog.
“I don't know myself,” said- he, “but I will write you a letter of introduction to a very wise philosopher, who, I think, can give you the information.”
Now this learned individual lived in a remote and desert place. Here was a clump of camphor trees, and the hollow trunk of one of the largest of them served for a residence, the smell of the wood being admirably calculated to keep away ants and prevent the philosopher from taking cold. ”

“ The walls of the shaft dripped with moisture, and the rungs of the ladders were often damp and slippery. Now and then, too, a rung was missing, so that they had to be very careful of their footsteps. When they reached the level ground at the bottom of the shaft they rested awhile to get their breath, and, as they did so, watched their fellow-miners busily at work. Then they set out in a straightforward direction as usual. They went a long way, their object being to get beyond the crowd and strike some fresh and rare experience for them- selves. ”

“ I rigs out the niggers in the monkey skins, whereby they looks like the real article, a-walking on their behind legs. We fills the wheelbarrow with green leaves, and in I gets, dressed up like unto a lion again, and a-smoking my she-root. Then one monkey he tools me along, while the other walks in front with a bell in one hand and a-waving of the British flag with the other. ”

“ After walking for the best part of the day, they came to a wild and rugged country, and here they struck a narrow path which led through a gorge in the hills. By-and-by it opened out into a grassy plot where was a bubbling spring, and behind it a moss-grown cave. It was an ideal spot for an encampment, and the friends at once made up their minds to stay, there for the night. Gathering some brushwood they soon had a cheerful fire burning, and just within the sheltering cave, with dry moss for a pillow, they closed their weary eyes and fell asleep. ”

“ Well, in a couple of shakes the heathen they see the smoke a-curling upward, not knowing anyone was near, and then they takes a squint through the leaves at a raging lion all on fire, as they thinks, enjoying of hisself amazing. I give you my word, Master Charles, they’d never clapped eyes on such a sight afore, and they didn’t stop long a-staring neither, but skedaddled in a precious funk. This being so, me and the niggers set to a-roaring like mad, which helped the Cuffeecocoites over the ground considerable. ”

“ I give you my word, a man’s only got to travel a spell with his eyes wide open for to see the wonders of Nature. Now,” continued Ben, removing the pipe from his lips with an argumentative flourish, “look at monkeys; ain’t they up to snuff, I should like to know? You'll have seen them yourself, Master Charles, in the Zoo, or leastways read about their little games in some of your ma’s books. But did you ever hear of a monkey in the picture line—a regular artist, so tosay? No? Well, it comes into this here yarn, and takes the cake for cleverness. ”

“ Birds with startled cries flew hither and thither, and folk out of doors, after a glance at the angry sky, hurried to get under cover. Then it was completely dark, and Nature seemed to hold her breath in awful expectation. ”

“ I was surrounded by the simple Arctics in their dug-outs, who sat a-staring with all their eyes, as well they might, to see a leviathan of the deep a-burning his own private oil-lamp, and yonder—blessed sight!—was a boat, full of Jack Tars, a-pulling towards me, while a homeward bound ship lay in the offing. They had seen my signal of distress, and had come to rescue me. Yes, Master Charles, I was saved, and I think you'll be ready to admit what I told you when I began this here yarn, that I ain’t likely to forget in a hurry how I went a-fishing for my first whale. ”

“ Then taking the shadow of royalty he carefully clasped it around the mercury, and rebottling, calmly awaited the return of his friend.
The land to which the stork was flying with the maker of shadows
“He
jumped
down the
crevice”
(p. 20) . is so seldom visited that, should you look in the very largest atlas, the probability is you would not find it. It is hemmed in by a natural rampart of high mountains, and the country beyond is full of fissures, and clefts, and chasms dangerous and treacherous. ”

“ Ben,’ says he, as solemn as a judge, ‘it’s about all U.P. with us.’
“Down we went on deck, and all hands being piped, the captain says, ‘My lads, we're in a tight place, and so I won’t deceive you. There’s three strange craft ahead and three strange craft astern, each one choke full of cannibal pirates thirsting for our blood. They’ll kill us if we don’t kill them. To be cooked and eaten is the least we can hope for; but I mean to do my best to beat them off or die in the attempt, and “England expects that every man this day will do his duty.” ”

“ The house they sought was in a retired side-street. In front was a portico supported by four pillars, and to each pillar a dog was chained. The first dog was white, the second black, the third spotted, and the fourth striped. Over the portico was written in large letters—
“I am Sir Oracle, and When I Speak Let no Dog Bark.” ”

“ Ah, just let me ask you a question, Master Charles. How do the fowls of the air migrate without a chart or a compass? Nobody knows, yet they always find their way. I can only tell you that when morning dawned land was beneath us, and we were heading straight for the top of an Andy. There were fields of snow and rivers of ice, and the cold! ‘Twas enough to freeze the marrow in the bones. Says the skipper, a-pointing with his shaky finger, ‘Have we escaped the raging billows only to become frozen meat? If we could shorten sail or pay out the anchor, we’d heave to and ride easy. ”

“ When morning dawned, and I came above hatches, not a sail was in sight, and the ship was a-doing her twenty knots in fine style. The skipper was a-pacing the quarter-deck, and seeing yours truly he at once calls me to him, and after kindly inquiring how I found myself, says he, ‘And now, Ben, oblige me by going up aloft and casting your eye around.’
“So I climbed the rigging, and sung out almost immediate, ‘Land on the weather bow!’ Whereupon the captain himself climbs up along-side of me. ‘There ain’t no land marked down on the chart,’ says he ”

“ There was
close at hand a library fashioned in the same way, a museum, an aviary, and an observatory, whilst a small kitchen-garden supplied his daily needs. The philosopher would sometimes remark to a chance visitor in his simple unaffected way: “What more do I want?” ”

“ By-and-by the heathen they come a-peering and a-squinting through the leaves, and are more astonished than ever.
“At last we reaches the capital, and the Cuffeecocoites turn out in crowds to meetus. The nigger in front waves the flag, and keeps a-ringing of his bell and bawling, ‘Make way, ladies and gents, for the British Lion!’ And by-and-by we claps our eyes on the king hisself, seated on a throne made of the skulls of his enemies, and all inlaid with yellow gold and ruby gems ”

“ Oh, do tell!”
“Well, we'd been a-cruising off the Greenland coast, Master Charles, in the neighbourhood of Scorsby’s Island and Smith’s Sound, when one morning the mariner at the mast-head sings out, ‘There she spouts!’”
“What did he mean?” asked Charlie.
“Why, you see, whales don’t live all their time under water, but have to come to the surface every now and then for a mouthful of fresh air. It’s then they spout or throw up the water from their noses, and that was what this one was a-doing of. ”

“ At last, one fine morning, I couldn’t stand it any longer, but made up my mind to skedaddle, so, filling my boat with cocoanuts and boiled lobster, I embarked upon the unknown ocean.”
“Oh, Ben, weren’t you afraid?” asked Charlie.
“No, Master Charles, for seafaring men mostly carry their lives in their hands. ”

“ When it got dark we daren’t show a light, as, of course, we didn’t want the pirate to know we were a-coming. Suddenly the look-out forrud yells, ‘Luff—luff your ’el-em. Man overboard!’ We'd a narrow shave of running down something that showed white in the water. A boat was lowered, and away she went in chase in charge of the mate, while we shortened sail and waited for her. ”

“ There′ll be two hundred fighting men aboard each “pray-you”’ (for so he called their vessels) . ‘Six times two makes twelve,’ says he; ‘that is twelve hundred all told, while we muster twenty and a half, taking the cabin-boy as half a man. Now, Ben,’ says he, ‘you’ve got a useful figure-head, and so I put it to you, as between man and man, what’s to be done?’
“‘Sir,’ says I, after studying a couple of shakes, ‘I’ve got an idea which may or may not work, as the case may be, and so I won’t deceive you.’
“‘Out with it, then, my lad,’ says he. ”

“ Says the skipper, ‘Was the pirate vessel a schooner with a milk-white hull and a red stripe?’ The Mossoo feebly nodded. ‘Shiver my timbers!’ says the captain, ‘but we’ve been nicely tricked. ‘Bout ship!’ says he. ‘Set every stitch of canvas, raise every ha’porth of steam. A fippund note to the mariner what first sights that there furrin barque!’”
“But, Ben,” said puzzled Charlie, “‘you don’t mean to say that the foreign barque was really the pirate schooner?”
“Not exactly, Master Charles; ‘twas in this way, as the skipper guessed, and as we found out for certain afterwards ”